Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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- What's a shabby girl like you doing in a lovely place like this?

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why was the girl stupid beacuse she had brain sergy

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Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

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You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

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hey you look like a good practice girl.

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Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

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Man: May I please sit next to you for a brief moment? Woman: Sure :), you`re such a gentleman :). Man: Would you care for a bit of violent rapage in you`re anus?

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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whats up ho

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Male: I'm all you've got good lookin' Female: then I must not have alot

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Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

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Man: "Let's play Titanic. You'll be the Titanic, and I'll be the iceberg making you go down." Woman: "That would be a massive disaster."

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Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

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Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

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- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

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I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!