"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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Hello, it's nice to meet you.

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I've got candy.

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

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Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

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At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

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This doesn't have to be a rape.

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good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!