You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Give me some sugar... honey.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

thumb_up thumb_down +79

You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

thumb_up thumb_down -139

I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

thumb_up thumb_down -147

Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

thumb_up thumb_down -161

By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

girl- how much does a polar bear weigh? girl- enough to break the-- boy- Are you talking about an adult polar bear? boy- then it's around 400-500 kg girl- blast!

thumb_up thumb_down +22

GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

thumb_up thumb_down +87

G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

thumb_up thumb_down +31

You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Babe your dad is an terorist because your a real bomb !!!

thumb_up thumb_down -87

Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

thumb_up thumb_down +111

Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

thumb_up thumb_down +40

4 out of 5 people enjoy being gangraped

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!