B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

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I know what you guys are all thinking when you read my crazy stuff below: "That guy is crazy as fuck" My reply? Yeah I admit it, I get crazy as fuck when I and two or more ladies fuck for more than eight hours, my life is so sad. Anyway... I am chillaxing again, getting old here, not sure if I can go another round, soon I am gonna have to lie down and let the ladies do some work too... Wish me luck girls! Guys go fuck yourself its all you got. Anyway, I saw this famous book today: ALPHA MAN: LEADER OF MEN. I Lolled, someday I am gonna write ALPHA MAN: LEADER OF WOMEN TO YOUR BED... YOu might learn something girls... Where I live and stuff ;) You see I dont even lead them here anymore, they come to me! AND IN RETURN I COME IN THEM! AND THEY COME FOR ME! AND WITH EACH OTHE... ...Bitch opened the window (not my wife, our bitch) I am sweaty, the bedsheets are wet and... Rebecca is nice and all, cutest girl ever loved anal, but damn she is stupid. Sorry Harris, but you know your sistah has more curves than a racetrack... Harris if you ever read this, stop calling me SON all the time my bro from another ho. My point Harris, is that regardless of your sistah being smart maybe just pretending to be stupid, a girl with the face of an angel and the body of the goddess of sex dont need to use her brains DAD! YOU KNOW DAD! I JUST FUCKED YOUR SISTER DAD! CAN YOU HEAR HOW WRONG IT IS! YOU CANT CALL ME SON LIKE DAT!

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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Want to go out? No

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Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

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If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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I'll punch ya!

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Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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guy: can i rape you? girl: No Guy: great that means any sex we have from now on is consensual, thanks

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Golf.

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"I'd like to get you out of those clothes. Really, they aren't very flattering. That color looks awful on you and those pants make you look fat."

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-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!