are you from subway cause you givin me a footlong

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Whatever I'll just date myself.

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Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

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Man: Hey sweetie, can I take you home tonight? Girl: No thanks, my dad's gonna be here any minute.

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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Drink this!

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

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Woman enters gynecologist office: Man: YO I am the vaginator! Woman: Vaginator? Man: You know, the guy that is gonna fu.. I mean study your pussy with the long hard spear and see if your juices are okay and stuff... Woman: HuuuuuuuH? Moral: Writing this makes me understand why some women dont exactly enjoy a trip to the "Vaginator" so I forgot the moral and the point... my sympaties though...

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-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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A couple wanted to try something different in the bedroom, The wife suggests they do it in a 69 position so they get into position but the wife lets one off in the husbands face she apologises and they try again when the wife farts again the husband gets up to leave and says no I don't think I can do this another 67 times!

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I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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cockface

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-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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