-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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Moral man enters a bar and spots a sad girl. MMan: Why so sad? Lady: My father died... MMan: And you want him to see you sad, from wherever he may be? Lady: No but how am I supposed to be happy about it? MMan: Remember the happy days you spent, because they are many more than the days you will see his gravestone, and if nothing else, we can always keep those alive within our heart happily, as long as we are happy in OUR heart... Moral: I would have called this meaningless bull before, but this is a true story, and those words are the reason I just celebrated my two year anniversary with my girlfriend, the most amazing girl ever... which just sang out of joy btw... I may be different... but if a man can keep those he loves happy, he is indeed a true man... Ok now she wants to know what I am typing, so I say nothing and put this self brag away, because I share with you, but heck, what am I? Somekind of romantic? Answer: Meh, I am the ever lovable jerk you may not like, but cant stop loving once you know me either... The anti-part? Dunno, dont care :D

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girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

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So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

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That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

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Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

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roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

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"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

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Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

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your almost as hot as my wife

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Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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