I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

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the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

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Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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-Is there anything I can do for you? -Fill my care cup. Oh, actually, I don't think you can manage to do that.

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whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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Man: Wanna go to my home and have sex? Woman: Well... OK! Man: Wow you are easy!... wait! Where are you going? COME BACK! Moral: They are not easy, they just like a man with balls... and you where obviously not one of them... LAME OVER.

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

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Low confidence edition: Woman: Hi there cutie, you new here? Guy: Lady, believe me I am out of your league. Woman: You look really nice and I was wondering if... Guy: No really, believe me, I am boring and a virgin, but my mom says I am nice, but pfft no, just stop wasting your time and giving me false allusions please... Moral: Someone kill that faggot!

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!