Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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Get your coat, I've got a knife.

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

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Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

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Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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Guy: want to hear a joke about my penis. don't worry, it's too long Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina. don't worry, you won't get it

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!