Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

"Next!"

What's the difference between a duck? An orange

My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

What did the blond do when the web page she was visiting didn't load? She checked if her wireless access had been somehow cut off and then hit the refresh button and waited for the page to load again.

Man: Wanna see the best pick up line ever? Its an ancient secret kept for millions of years! Girl: SURE! Man: It only reveals to the fully drunk though so lets get drinking.. Girl: uh... okay... I guess.. Man: Drunk enough? Girl: Ulp... you betcha weird man! Man: Ok its hidden at my place so lets go! Girl: WOHOO!

Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

-Do you like me? -No

male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

free candy....

BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

You allergic to semen?

- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!