How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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Black dude at bar: HERE COMES THE COLE-TRAIN BABY! WANNA RIDE! Girl: So I assume your name is Cole right? Dude: Uh... actually no but... WAIT! where are you going!

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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The return of everyone`s pimps pimp! Pimp: Amma so cool I can piss on this electric fence no problemo! Pzzzzzzzzz.. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... Moral: Its better to end a sucky character early, am I right or am I right? Thumb me down if I am right...;) Ps: His name was Tyrese Whiner XD you can read his fantastic anti-joke some pages down or whatever...

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BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

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You're hot, I'm ugly. Lets make average babies.

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Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

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Nice hair, can I pull it?

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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Lady: Is your name REAAAAAAAAALLY Moral? Moral: Stupid big titted bimbo... seems im getting laid tonight...just like I was today, and by midday and... yeah lie.. I mean brag a lot I do not have sex THAT many times a day... okay I lied again... Anyway vote me for president at least I am honest... well actually that was a lie but...

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Your butt is so big that I would propably lose intrest during sex.

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-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

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- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

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-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

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Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!