-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

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Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

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If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

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Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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I hate you already.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

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hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

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Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

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Do you want to see something swell?

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-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!