Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

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hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

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At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

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I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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Put the lotion on the skin!

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Do you live around here often?

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Guy: Have you ever been to Thailand? Girl: No Guy: Well maybe I should take you to Bangkok

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- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

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You're like chocolate pudding. You look like crap.

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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Man, no im still waiting,need to get my kids, hope its fine son, okay punches, captain falcon, but you break my jaw, I wont even ask for you to pay the bill, ill expect it. Man, good times, honestly, i was not even drunk, I was high as shit, never again tho, they did not tell me it was "magic tobacco" until I started seeing numbers NUMBAS! Hey, mind if I come stay sometime? I mean we really miss you son, you always at the fuckhouse now. Just me and... Well the gang... Just like the twelve of us, tell me who you dont want to invite and ill bounce him out for you. Man dog, that chick I punched down was pretty as fuck, she would have been my wife... Anyway just fucking happy finally a real car dude! If she fucks you to death, you gonna go out young and a Legend among gods, let her keep on sucka! (just don forget bout my sis huh? She asks about you too fucking much already) Man, you got me typing almost as much as you dog, anyway is you know, in four hours allright? If not screw my kid, I need a car ill get him a cab.

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

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I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

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Man: Desperate for sex? Woman: Actually, kinda... Man: Great! Woman: :D Man: Because you see, my grandpa is dying of aids and wants to spread his disease so part of him can live in... Where you going? Moral: Desperate for sex? Too bad I have a pulmonary infection rite nao.

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!