- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

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Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

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You look... clean

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Stop Footing Around

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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Every kiss begins with K ;) Yeah to bad ugly begins with U

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Man: *Pokes Woman* Ouch! You burned me! Woman: How did I burn you? Man: Because you're just THAT hot. ;) Woman: *Pokes Man* Well it's too bad you're not.

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

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M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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yo im will smith yo, thats my name and I was juzz wonderin if you ever you know like the beach or bbq because stuff happen yanno and while I do some rap id just belieeve that things are a bit crazy these times so I was thinking maybe ill ask you out right? But then I was like WHAAAAAAZAAAAAAAAA and... Hey gurl where you goin im just getting warmed up. Moral: I met the guy, day one I had a great day, day two I didnt get any sleep and now I hate him, the end.

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Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

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Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!