Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

thumb_up thumb_down +125

This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

thumb_up thumb_down +16

I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

thumb_up thumb_down +184

Man: Hello there young lady, I am Elton John and I would very much like to have sex with you! Girl: OMG ITS... Wait! Wow you look a lot like him! But you cannot be real lol *leaves* Man: Man... I look and dress just like him! What could have gone wrong? Man getting the operation cost me a fortune too! Next time I am gonna try Freddie Mercury! Moral: "Dats gay Fifthy cen... I mean Gangstalicious!"

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

thumb_up thumb_down -103

Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

-Get in the Van

thumb_up thumb_down +19

This doesn't have to be a rape.

thumb_up thumb_down +147

Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

thumb_up thumb_down -78

Shy-guy: Hey uh, girl, we have been on like 40 dates, what do you um... You know say we go to my place for once and have some drinks? Shy-girl: Eh, well su-sure I mean its been over forty dates, but ill just take coffee if its oka... Shy-guy: OMG YOU DAMN EASY SKANK! HOLY SHIT YOU WHERE GONNA GIVE IT ALL WHERE YOU NOT? LOL NO TIME FOR DESPERATE BlTCHES! Moral: Not to be confused with the slightly less popular Nintendo character Shy Guy

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

thumb_up thumb_down -75

-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

thumb_up thumb_down -8

-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

thumb_up thumb_down -32

At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

thumb_up thumb_down +82

M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Real life again. I was about twenty and things where going on really well with a shy Swedish girl... Me: Hey, my name is Axel, you know, like Axel Rose? ;) She: I hate that guy! Me: Me too! She: Are you being fake? I dont want to talk to you anymore. Me: No wait I really hate him! She: So desperate... (pats me on the head and leaves me feeling pretty stupid) Moral: Last time I used that one, I hate Axel Rose and I hate my parents naming me after that bastard

thumb_up thumb_down +119

Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!