You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

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Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

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male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

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Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

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Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

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Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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I AM LOVE! I AM LOVE! Moral: Seriously, I have never been QUUUUUITE this happy, shouting I am love is probably not the best move, thanks for your thumbs ups, thumbs downs, and while my work is done here, that does not mean Ill leave, I need to keep my reputation as the fourth, smoothest, aka pointless invention in the world, and unless you want to count that girl Justina Bitcherina, that means that I am the smoothest man alive, THANK YOU THANK YOU! And feel free to vote this down if you cant handle being thanked by the smoothest most awesome man alive. Hey, I get it, we cant all be me ;)

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Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

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Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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I have no gag reflex.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

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Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

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Hey girl! Faggot.

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"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!