I'm your Edward and your my Bella

thumb_up thumb_down -38

You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

thumb_up thumb_down +99

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Like my status for a tbh? Cause to be honest you are the prettiest girl I ever met ;) Like MY status for a tbh? cause to be honest, thats old and No one gets on Facebook. Twitter all the way :p Oh did I say prettiest? I meant b*tchiest you are horrible at comebacks. So your dumb too! -__________-

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

thumb_up thumb_down -22

I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

thumb_up thumb_down +27

girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

thumb_up thumb_down +52

He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

thumb_up thumb_down +31

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

thumb_up thumb_down +247

I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Now this one is for the ladies: Girl: Hey there Alexa! Long time no see! Woman: Indeed dear, so... do you still do YOGA!? Girl: Nah I stopped after the YOGA FIRE! lessons and the YOGA TELEPORT! Lessons where too expensive... Woman: too bad! Can you still bend your legs behind your back though? ;) It looked so sexy... Girl: Oh well, as long as you can still do you YOGA STRETCH tongue you can come home with me and teach me a thing or two since I am just 19 and you are a 35 year old couger... if you know what I mean ;) Woman: Sure! I can teach you a lot of lusty immoral things ;). Conclusion: Girl: Not there... its hurts. Woman: Just relax girl, and it will work... Girl: YES OH YES!!! Moral: To show that my stories also support the ladies ;) Hey... its called the ANTIPICKUPLINE after all right?

thumb_up thumb_down +57

Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +215

Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

thumb_up thumb_down -78

- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

thumb_up thumb_down +208

-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

thumb_up thumb_down +83

Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

thumb_up thumb_down -50

- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

thumb_up thumb_down +59

A modified classic, props to the original poster: Man: Ask me out! Woman: Ok, get out! Man: No no, I said ASK me out. Woman: Okay... will you please get out? Man: No but thanks for asking me out, I am so gonna tell your friends how I rejected you asking me out. Moral: When beaten... THERE IS NO BEATING! If negative people can turn everything into a loss, thinking positive call help you turn anything into victory. I mean Hitler murdered millions right? Arent you happy (Jew or not), that it was not you? VICTORY! (if somehow Pyrrhic depending on how you turn on it... But if you wanna turn a gain to a pain, go ahead...)

thumb_up thumb_down +23

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!