-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

Eat me, I'm organic!

male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

Man: Hey babe ;) I may not be the smartest guy around, but look at these muscles! (flexes like crazy). Girl: Sorry, I am blind... Man: Oh... do you hear my sexy raspy voice though? Girl: Sorry I am also deaf... Man: Oh... (leaves) 2 Weeks later: Man: HEY THAT WOMAN TRICKED ME! SHE SAID SHE WAS DEAF BUT WAS CAPABLE OF SPEAKING! DEAF PEOPLE DO NOT SPEAK!.... I think...

guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

"I'd like to get you out of those clothes. Really, they aren't very flattering. That color looks awful on you and those pants make you look fat."

Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

i am with stupid l l l \/

Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

oooo oo o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o xxxxxxxxxxxxxx o o xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx o xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx o xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx x x x xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxxxx x x x x xxxxxxx xxxxxxx x x x x xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxx xxxxxxxx xxx xxxxxxx xx xxxx x x x xx x x 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Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

Hey girl, I May not be Fred Flinstone but I can make your bed rock! ;)

I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!