Hey girl, I heard you are a lesbian! So which part of lesbia are you from? Moral: Geography is overrated, he got laid.

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I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

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Guy : Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Girl : No, why? Guy : Because I can totally see myself in your pants!

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

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Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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A modified classic, props to the original poster: Man: Ask me out! Woman: Ok, get out! Man: No no, I said ASK me out. Woman: Okay... will you please get out? Man: No but thanks for asking me out, I am so gonna tell your friends how I rejected you asking me out. Moral: When beaten... THERE IS NO BEATING! If negative people can turn everything into a loss, thinking positive call help you turn anything into victory. I mean Hitler murdered millions right? Arent you happy (Jew or not), that it was not you? VICTORY! (if somehow Pyrrhic depending on how you turn on it... But if you wanna turn a gain to a pain, go ahead...)

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Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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your almost as hot as my wife

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I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

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Male: Get in the van.

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

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If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!