Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

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wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

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Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

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"Don't scream"

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What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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Him: Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely beautifull...?? Her: (smiles) and says no.. Him: there is a good reaseon for that..

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I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

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Girl: I AM SICK of being with you! All you do is invite me to watch sports, and all you have ever treated me to is a six pack of beer and snacks! YOU NEVER TAKE ME SOMEWHERE NICE! Man: Hey hold one man! Get a grip! What do you mean? Girl: We have been dating for over 3 weeks and you have not made a single move on me! Man: Uh... this is awkward buddy, you see I am straight and... Girl: I AM A WOMAN! Man: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? Really?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!! I mean you have short hair and the biggest mantits I have seen but... Girl: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Man; But hey, if you have a pussy that is the important par... Hey where did he... I mean she or... whatever go?

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!