-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'I' and 'U' together. Really? Cos' I like it just the way it is... With 'N' and 'O' together.

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Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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Man: HELP! I am dying of disease and have only one day left to live! My only wish... "sob" is to procreate... to have a son or a daughter... Woman: Aww... well maybe I can help you... Man: :D I cant believe it (tears in eyes) Woman: What are you dying of? Man: Aids... Woman proceeds to disappear in a ball of smoke. Moral of the story: Dunno find it yourself ffs I dont even know why people read this crap... funny typing it though.. thumbs ups for that :D

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Man... MAN! Sorry if I just skimmed that last message dude, but if you getting me that shit, you are my fucking God, you got a new custom engine or something? Whatever man, im getting over there right now, Son, I might actually try the towing trick, because that might make me arrive at your place (no worries wont tell anyone where your playboy mansion is at) but you still got it there right? MORAL MORAL MORAL MORAL... Oh and no, id never ever use that piece of shit I used to call a car in the forest, if you are serious man, ill take the damn cab! I mean man, I just cant wait to tell the beardy little faggot at the carshop to stick that yeah "car" up his gay ass! Seriously dude, my phone aint working but that can wait, you really mean I can have the car? Seriously, how much? I got some money.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!