A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

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-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

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He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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Give me some sugar... honey.

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-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

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The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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Get your coat, I've got a knife.

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

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Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

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That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

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Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

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So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

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are you from subway cause you givin me a footlong

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!