Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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Woman enters gynecologist office: Man: YO I am the vaginator! Woman: Vaginator? Man: You know, the guy that is gonna fu.. I mean study your pussy with the long hard spear and see if your juices are okay and stuff... Woman: HuuuuuuuH? Moral: Writing this makes me understand why some women dont exactly enjoy a trip to the "Vaginator" so I forgot the moral and the point... my sympaties though...

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If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

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Drunk woman enters what she thinks is a bar... (how original). "man gets close to her" Woman: You men are all dogs! Man: Bark bark! Woman: No need to get cheeky with me asshole! Man: Bark bark... Woman proceeds to pass out and wake up at a kennel... "Mandog": Bark bark. Moral: If you think every man is a dog, then you may just be bark barking the wrong tree... or place... I mean dont expect to find nice men at a dirty bar, and dont expect to find horny jerks at your church reunion. (A moral man original... and I actually like this one!)

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Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

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if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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Boy: Wanna go see a movie. Girl: Which movie. Boy: Texas Chainsaw Massicure. Girl: What is it about. Boy: Unicorns and Rainbows. Girl: Let's go!

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Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

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Nerdy Pokemon Pickup he: i want to squirrtle on your jigglypuff she: I want to boulder smash your face

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!