Macho Man: Release the BOGUS! Woman: What? Super Macho Man: Never mind... no one will get this anyways... wanna go to McDonalds and get a Little Mac? Woman: Ok but I want a Big mac! Macho Man: What is a Big mac? Is it stronger than a little Mac? Woman: Huh? What do you mean? Macho Man: Sigh... and I actually fought Mike Tyson you know... Woman: So you are a boxer huh? Who are you gonna fight next? Macho Man: Sigh... Mr.Dream... Woman: Who the hell is that? Macho Man: a nobody...

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: *sparkly eyes* So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... *steps to whisper in her ear* ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

thumb_up thumb_down -91

i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Male: I'm all you've got good lookin' Female: then I must not have alot

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

thumb_up thumb_down -112

- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

thumb_up thumb_down +161

Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

thumb_up thumb_down +164

What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

thumb_up thumb_down -68

I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

thumb_up thumb_down +350

wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

thumb_up thumb_down +14

I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

thumb_up thumb_down -80

What did the blond do when the web page she was visiting didn't load? She checked if her wireless access had been somehow cut off and then hit the refresh button and waited for the page to load again.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

thumb_up thumb_down +122

the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

thumb_up thumb_down -59

If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

thumb_up thumb_down +225

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

thumb_up thumb_down -82

-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

thumb_up thumb_down +63

That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +116

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!