M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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I am typing it here for exposure which means I am no sellout because I admitt I sell out, just like I did not crash because I admitt I did. This one is real: Me meeting my childhood friend (a girl, with huge boobs... Which she had reduced because back problems... Fucking reduction pointless invention!) Tina: You where and will always be like a brother to me Nero. Me: Aww... Well... Tina: A fucking sexy brother back then... Well and now! Me: O_O. I am married, so I called my wife and asked if its okay, she said can I join? And well, why do you think I am so wired now... ROUND TWO... F*CK!

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I have a gun.

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Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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Man: Hey baby, I hear you are lesbian, that sounds really sexy! ;) Woman: Take the damn hint asshole! I am a lesbian! Man: Hey! Woah! Relax! I already know where you come from, say, are all girls in Lesbia this hostile? Moral: They are friendlier in south Lesbia...

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B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

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He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

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What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

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Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

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Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

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-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!