-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

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-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

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- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

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are you from subway cause you givin me a footlong

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M. Do you want to go out with me? F. Okay but first take me to your place where we can be alone to make furious love to one another M. Wow this never happens I must be.. (Wakes up) dreaming

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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Guy: Can I have your number ? Girl: We are six.

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-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

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I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

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Give me some sugar... honey.

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

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Penis. I got it

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!