"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

Batman bravely leaps in front of the Robin: Bats: WATCH OUT FOR THAT GAY-RAY! *Bats suddenly grabs Robin and starts making out with him* Bats: I am sorry, I cannot stop it... I... Robin: I am underage so maybe it was a pedo-ray or something... Joker: What gay ray? What pedo ray? It was suppose to disintegrate you! But whatever, I win. Moral: It was a looong trip back home.

Are you from Wales, because...well...

Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

Your the penisbutter to my vagmite;)

Sex?

Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

Yet another one from real life: At law school: Kid to woman: Why don't I ever get any of you?! *Woman laughs* Me: You could start by not whining so much... Kid: That wont ever work! You know that is bullshit! Its not like I am whining I just whine whenever blahblahblah... Me: Sigh... Girl: He is kinda cute... Me: Wha? Moral: Not a real anti joke, since I had not heard from any of them until today, I just got invited to their wedding...

Lol, lucky you that this piece of shit site worked so fast for you huh DAD? Fine, I need no essay on her ass, my firm (well where I work at the top of the foodchain lets be modest here) sponsors all Samsung phones, so seriously ill get you the most expensive one I can find (its free, ill just tell them I need an extra one for, calling, but just for you, if you tell anybody else, ill just slash your tires. Man, I hate HATE sounding nice because I am not, but you can have that damn Fiat something (black car) that I bought from my ex, you take that instead? You still owe me the cash, but the car is yours (I never use it, and its you know... Bad, but still ten thousand times better than your car. Moral: Me? I just cant bother using my wives phone in order to call myself and find my own damn phone, so if you read this, you are golden. Oh, and if you want that piece of shit car of yours (cant even tell the brand can you? Seriously tell me) then you can have the damn money, but no paintjob, that car is, and must look like the trash it is. AMEN? Jk, Fuck Amen. Finally, so you want one with Keyboard attachment or one with keyboard embedded into the screen? The ones with the keyboards are usually a bit more pricey, but man, some of them suck ass, still I can get you like the one I got for business (yeah we gotta use fucking Samsung phones it pays well though) And forget your damn car tires, XD Im laughing here, some could steal those dirty flat pieces of shit, and you would be driving without noticing shit my whigga XD.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


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