I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

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- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

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Eyh! its me Black Metal, I seriously cant pay you right now son! Sorry if this comes late this page do not work for shit, (I bet thats why you pick this page you egomaniac son, If you was not full of em charisma id never do this alright?) Okay Overlord, I got your message, hell you know my sister loves you crazy crazy man, why the hell would I try to "hold her away" I mean fuck its banging, so yeah thumbs ups man High five for my sister, its you know, she was super shy before you showed up, now she cant do gym anymore (haha man you so hardcore) but she has lots of friends and you know... So am I absolved now Overlord Black Metal? Moral: Because this guy made me put this, man, you making me feel like a total bitch, good play son!

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Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

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"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

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"Next!"

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guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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Actor walks in street... Woman: HEY ITS YOU! THE GUY THAT PLAYED GANDALF THE GAY!... Uh I mean Gandalf the GRAY! Actor: WRONG WOMAN! I AM FAGNETO! MASTER OF FAGNETISM! Moral: Please take no insult Esteemed Mr.Ian McKellen you are a fantastic actor... as for the rest of you, feel free to feel as insulted as you want... I mean its your own trucking choice :P.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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Guy: How much does a polar bear way? Girl; About 500 kilograms

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Me during the noob days at a bar: Me: So this is fun, want to go to my place and watch The Matrix trilogy all night or something? She: Naaah, I already watched them, but I am sure we can watch something else all night right? Me: Nah, you see I just moved in, and I don't have any other movies, so yeah nice meeting you though! *facepalm*

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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WOW MY LONGEST EVER COMMENT BELOW GOT A THUMBS UPS WOOT-WO-WO-WOROWOOOT *Partyravelights that confetti crap and... Moral: I dont really give a shit and all...

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M. Do you want to go out with me? F. Okay but first take me to your place where we can be alone to make furious love to one another M. Wow this never happens I must be.. (Wakes up) dreaming

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!