Business Y U No Advertise?

thumb_up thumb_down +66

- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

are you from subway cause you givin me a footlong

thumb_up thumb_down -7

If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

thumb_up thumb_down +69

-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

oooo oo o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o xxxxxxxxxxxxxx o o xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx o xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx o xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx x x x xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxxxx x x x x xxxxxxx xxxxxxx x x x x xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxx xxxxxxxx xxx xxxxxxx xx xxxx x x x xx x x xxxx x x x x x xx x x x x x x x x x x xxxx x x x x x x x x x x x x xxxxxx xxxxxx x x x x x x x x xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx x x xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx x x xxxxxx xxxxxx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x sssssss x x x x sssssssssssssssss x x x sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x ssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x x ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x x sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssx x x sssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssx x x sssssssssssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x ssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x sssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssss sss x x sssssssssssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssssssssssss sssss x x sssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssss ssssss x ssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssss ssssssss x x sssssssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssss sssssssss x x sssssssssssssssssssssssss sss sssssssssss x x ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x xx sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x xxsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x xssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x xsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x x xssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x x xsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x xssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x xxxxx xsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss xxxxxxx xssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss xxxxx xx xsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ... ssss xx xsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. ..... ssss xxx xxxx xsssssssssssssssssssssssssss... ...... sssss x xxx xxx xsssssssssssssssssssssss .... .......... sssx x xx xsssxxssssssssssssssssss ........ ............ sssss xssssssssssssssssssssssss ........... ............. ssssssxsssssssssssssssssssssssss .............. ................ ssssssssssssssssssssssss ................... .................. ssssssssssssssssssss ..................... ................... sssssssssssssssss ....................... .................... ssssssssssssss ........................ ....................... ssssssssss .......................... ........................ ssssss ............................. ......................... ssss ............................. .......................... s ............................... ........................... ................................ ......................... ................................. ........................ .................................. ....................... .................................. ...................... .................................. ..................... .................................. .................... ................................... .................. .................................. ................. .................................... ............... ..................................... .............. ..................................... ............. ..................................... ........... ...................................... .......... ...................................... ......... ...................................... ......... .................................... ....... ..................................... ..... ..................................... .... ..................................... ... ..................................... .. .................................... ...................................... ..................................... ..................................... ..................................... .................................... .................................... ................................... ................................... ................................ ................................ ............................... . .............................. .. ............................ .... ............................. .... ............................ ..... ........................... ..... ......................... ...... ....................... ......... ..................... .......... ..................... .......... ..................... ........... ..................... ........... ..................... ........... .................... ............ .................... ............ .................... ............ .................... ............ .................... ............ .................. .............. .................. .............. .................. .............. ................. .............. ................. ............. ................. ............. ................ .............. ................ ............. ................ ............. ............... ............ ............... ............. .............. ............. ............. ............ ............. ............ ............ ............ ........... ............ ........... ............ ......... ............ ......... ............ ......... ........... ......... ...........

thumb_up thumb_down -149

I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

thumb_up thumb_down +9

- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Hey wanna smash pissers?

thumb_up thumb_down -127

Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

thumb_up thumb_down +61

Hi I am THE MORAL MAN! Moral: I am not famous enough yet it seems... except around my block where woman screams have been so loud people have called the cops... RAWRS... yeah I am bragging, but at least its the truth... (I cant wait for the day I am so famous that I walk into a bar and tell women that I am Moral man and run before they beat me to death)

thumb_up thumb_down -130

Man: Honestly! I am just desperate, and besides you are damn hot! Woman: Lets go to your place ;) Moral: This works, the anti-part is that no one will believe me nor try it themselves... Incredible how the easiest way is the least used...

thumb_up thumb_down +81

At a moral man bar... "the most awesome place on earth": Man: I thumb down my comments now, and somehow they end up thumbed the next day... Woman: Uh... what comments? Moral: Be specific... or at least dont brag to pick up chicks... now if you wanna be yourself and could not give shit about the rest, then go ahead! It will actually improve your chances!

thumb_up thumb_down +140

Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

thumb_up thumb_down -64

- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

thumb_up thumb_down +59

MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

thumb_up thumb_down +33

G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

thumb_up thumb_down +34

I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!