Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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hey bitch

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Man- According to my magic watch you're not wearing any underwear. Woman- Yes, I am! Man- Damn! I guess my watch is 15 minutes fast.

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

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Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

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Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

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Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Every kiss begins with K ;) Yeah to bad ugly begins with U

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

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Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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why are you you touching me ????

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!