Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

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Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

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"Don't scream"

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Guy: Hey baby, did you come by car? Girl: No I walked. Guy: Well I can make you come in mine.

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why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

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Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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sound of zipper

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At Barlevania: Man: Yo lady... mind if I hang around? Woman: Uh... wait... there is a weird song outside... Man: Yeah but you will you... yeah... its getting louder! *nana nanananana nana* Man: What the hell is that? Woman: No idea, its getting louder! *NANA NANANANANANA KATAMARI DAMACY NANA NANANANANANANA KATAMERUUUUU! DAMACY DAMACY*¨¨ *Both the man and the woman gets rolled up in a spirit ball by the prince, in no time the bar gets rolled up as well* Dun dun dun dun dun dun Du du dun dun STAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAAAAAR LIGHT! King of all cosmos: Eh.. buenos dias! That means good day in Spanish the king thinks... the king likes languages... Eh? What is this insignificant thing you rolled up? Earth? The king does not like it... it feels too earthy! To humanny and stuff... *The king of all cosmos throws the earth away towards outer space* "ROLLED UP EARTH HAS BECOME PLANET EARTH!" Moral: Katamari Damacy taught us all that it does not have to make sense to be funny, but its not a good idea to for anyone to hit on anything while the planet is being rolled up...

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does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

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Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

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-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

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Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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Hey, you want a ride?

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-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!