Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" *crying* "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

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Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

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Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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I have a gun.

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- What's a shabby girl like you doing in a lovely place like this?

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

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You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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Have you met Ted?

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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This is what Nero calls for his "destroyer" not sure if I should consider that flattering, he thinks so anyways, he just wants to say, that why the fuck are people suddenly scared of looooooooooooooooooooooong messages on the interbewbs. "No leave it be, interbewsbs sounds prefect" Nero The Hero "FINAL FRESH" What Nero And Vagina shouts? :)) Something is off here but he has passed out again :)) "God woman, you suck at pop cultural quotes" Nero, the fucklord (omg, he is crazy, gotta love this guy) "thanks" Nero the grateful. "I Ask you if you know who I am by saying "ITS ME MARIO and you still do not know what name is? THe red plumber Nintendo HIS NAME IS MARIO!?" Nero The (fucking annoyed at me) :)) Sorry guys just having fun. "THOU SHALL NEVER APOLOGIzE FOR THE WORD OF NERO" -Nero insists, I mean the LORD OF DARKNESS INSISTS "Can we fucking stop making quotes of me now? All the girls are laughing at me, WHY AM I SO DEFEATED!" Last quote added without his consent

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my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!