Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Roses are red violets are blue this isn't a poem I'm a botanist.

thumb_up thumb_down +129

Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

thumb_up thumb_down +109

Man at bar: Hey girls... want my banana in your pajamas? ;) ;) ;) Girls: YEAH! Man: "thinks for himself..."... man I never get this reaction from girls.. you are a bunch of skanks and sluts... (leaves the bar) In the end, we are never happy with what we get are we? yeah... this is kinda the moral of this story... (Ps: My banana in your pajamas... I got a girlfriend, but someday Im gonna try that pick up line... hahahaha

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

thumb_up thumb_down +73

he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

You smell just like my mom...

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

thumb_up thumb_down +81

Macho Man: Release the BOGUS! Woman: What? Super Macho Man: Never mind... no one will get this anyways... wanna go to McDonalds and get a Little Mac? Woman: Ok but I want a Big mac! Macho Man: What is a Big mac? Is it stronger than a little Mac? Woman: Huh? What do you mean? Macho Man: Sigh... and I actually fought Mike Tyson you know... Woman: So you are a boxer huh? Who are you gonna fight next? Macho Man: Sigh... Mr.Dream... Woman: Who the hell is that? Macho Man: a nobody...

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

thumb_up thumb_down +120

The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

thumb_up thumb_down +113

-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

thumb_up thumb_down +121

Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

thumb_up thumb_down -115

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!