-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

thumb_up thumb_down +122

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

thumb_up thumb_down -141

-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

thumb_up thumb_down -19

- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

thumb_up thumb_down -113

You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

thumb_up thumb_down +80

What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Man, no im still waiting,need to get my kids, hope its fine son, okay punches, captain falcon, but you break my jaw, I wont even ask for you to pay the bill, ill expect it. Man, good times, honestly, i was not even drunk, I was high as shit, never again tho, they did not tell me it was "magic tobacco" until I started seeing numbers NUMBAS! Hey, mind if I come stay sometime? I mean we really miss you son, you always at the fuckhouse now. Just me and... Well the gang... Just like the twelve of us, tell me who you dont want to invite and ill bounce him out for you. Man dog, that chick I punched down was pretty as fuck, she would have been my wife... Anyway just fucking happy finally a real car dude! If she fucks you to death, you gonna go out young and a Legend among gods, let her keep on sucka! (just don forget bout my sis huh? She asks about you too fucking much already) Man, you got me typing almost as much as you dog, anyway is you know, in four hours allright? If not screw my kid, I need a car ill get him a cab.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

-Is there anything I can do for you? -Fill my care cup. Oh, actually, I don't think you can manage to do that.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +100

"Hmm...you'll do."

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

thumb_up thumb_down -69

- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

thumb_up thumb_down +125

- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

thumb_up thumb_down +101

Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Jdkfk

thumb_up thumb_down +122

M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

thumb_up thumb_down +195

I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

thumb_up thumb_down -54

You like peanuts? Cause I like penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -127

So I caught my sister masturbating the other day, it was like lol hahaha you filthy bitch! Then she was like DONT TELL ANYBODY PLEASE I WILL BUY YOU THOSE BOXING GLOVES YOU WANTED SO MUCH! PLEASE! And I was like, NUHUUUH! The bed is full of piss and I totally got this on my cellphone, so you gonna pull up your panti... Oh you still looking for them LOL! Yeah, that was the subject I brought up at a bar... Sober, unless Redbull counts as drunk... Anti Pickupline as FUCK! Players Dont Use RedBull -Richard Nixon or whatever.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Dont let this rape turn into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down +10

If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!