Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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Still a better love story than Twilight

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

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- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

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Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Nero: My name is Nero... Woman: Why I mean you aint black? Nero: Sure about that? Moral: In the Darkness... We are all the same...

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!