-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

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Give me some sugar... honey.

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

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Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

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-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

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you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

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It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

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my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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-Get in the Van

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

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Women love it when you kiss their neck. Just not while they are driving and while you're in the back seat and when they don't know you...

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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Lol, lucky you that this piece of shit site worked so fast for you huh DAD? Fine, I need no essay on her ass, my firm (well where I work at the top of the foodchain lets be modest here) sponsors all Samsung phones, so seriously ill get you the most expensive one I can find (its free, ill just tell them I need an extra one for, calling, but just for you, if you tell anybody else, ill just slash your tires. Man, I hate HATE sounding nice because I am not, but you can have that damn Fiat something (black car) that I bought from my ex, you take that instead? You still owe me the cash, but the car is yours (I never use it, and its you know... Bad, but still ten thousand times better than your car. Moral: Me? I just cant bother using my wives phone in order to call myself and find my own damn phone, so if you read this, you are golden. Oh, and if you want that piece of shit car of yours (cant even tell the brand can you? Seriously tell me) then you can have the damn money, but no paintjob, that car is, and must look like the trash it is. AMEN? Jk, Fuck Amen. Finally, so you want one with Keyboard attachment or one with keyboard embedded into the screen? The ones with the keyboards are usually a bit more pricey, but man, some of them suck ass, still I can get you like the one I got for business (yeah we gotta use fucking Samsung phones it pays well though) And forget your damn car tires, XD Im laughing here, some could steal those dirty flat pieces of shit, and you would be driving without noticing shit my whigga XD.

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Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!