Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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Drink this!

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Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

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Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

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Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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Hey girl, I heard you are a lesbian! So which part of lesbia are you from? Moral: Geography is overrated, he got laid.

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guy: can i rape you? girl: No Guy: great that means any sex we have from now on is consensual, thanks

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

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Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

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Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Stop Footing Around

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!