You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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Roses are red violets are blue this isn't a poem I'm a botanist.

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Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

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I'll eat your poop

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Man: Hey baby, I hear you are lesbian, that sounds really sexy! ;) Woman: Take the damn hint asshole! I am a lesbian! Man: Hey! Woah! Relax! I already know where you come from, say, are all girls in Lesbia this hostile? Moral: They are friendlier in south Lesbia...

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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Nielsen: Nice beaver! Woman: Thanks! Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice p*ssy Woman: Ah! Thank you! (cat meows) Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice wet vagina. Woman: Is this in the script? Director: CUT! Nielsen: What? Cant a man improvise? I mean OJ does it, and he is quite the nice fella... Moral: "Quite the nice fella" Yeah reminds me of good old dad, nice to everyone, and could take a lot of shit, but as much as I asked him how he was doing, I got an uppercut to the face and a nice trip in a ambulance... Started when I was 4, I crushed his upper Jaw in self defense when I was 16... ah... hmm... Why am I sharing this? Then again why not... When have I not spoken my mind.

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Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!