-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

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i would drag my balls through miles of broken glass, just to hear you fart through a walkey-talkey

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Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

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-Is there anything I can do for you? -Fill my care cup. Oh, actually, I don't think you can manage to do that.

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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HE ; " MY NAME'S BOND, JAMES BOND" SHE;" MY NAME'S ****, **** OFF!"

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girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!