male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

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Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

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I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

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why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

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And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

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Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

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Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

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Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

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Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!