I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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Walking to your car alone later?

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

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-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

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HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

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Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

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So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

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Dont people ever get tired of PRETENDING like they dont need others aproval? I NEED APPROVAL I NEED APPROVAL! Moral: I REALLY DO! YEEEEEEEEES BECAUSE...Uh...you matter more than me? Nah, nothing like that, only I matter more than you...

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Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

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- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

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Drink this!

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!