wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

thumb_up thumb_down +156

"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

thumb_up thumb_down +96

Man: I will make the rape on you now woman! Woman: Wow great Borat imitation bravo! Man: Borat who? *draws gun* Moral: Pretty immoral

thumb_up thumb_down +71

Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

thumb_up thumb_down +146

Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

thumb_up thumb_down -7

-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

thumb_up thumb_down -25

You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

thumb_up thumb_down -33

M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

thumb_up thumb_down -172

I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

thumb_up thumb_down -60

roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down -35

nice kid... want another?

thumb_up thumb_down +97

Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Girls hate me, they always discuss about how they regret fucking with me over and over again. Moral: Thumb me down, I know ya love me.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

thumb_up thumb_down +103

BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

thumb_up thumb_down +52

- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

thumb_up thumb_down +506

You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

thumb_up thumb_down +100

Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

thumb_up thumb_down +84

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!