Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

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Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

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who wants to play EPAR

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-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

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Young man: Hey I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so I wondered if you wanna come home and have hardcore sex and... Mature woman: HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING! IM YOUR MOTHER! Young man: As I said mom... I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so... Moral: Hentai keeping families together since forever...

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roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

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You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!