- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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Sex?

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Order Online Nightwear and short shop online in India

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" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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guy: hey baby come join the PEN15 club with mee ;) girl: whats that?? guy: come and i will show you...*goes into the guys restroom with her*....lets go to the restroom and never rest...except you can rest on my PEN15

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Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

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"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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Guy:I got stds! Wanna do it? Girl:what the f*** did u just say?guy:oh std ummmm save the dogs?uh ya that save the dogs I own a animal shelter! Girl:I'm not stupid guy: u sure? (Slap)

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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hey you look like a good practice girl.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!