Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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Get in the van.

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- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

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Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Five dollar women... WOO!

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

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Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

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Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

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the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

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Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!