- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

You seem rapable enough... wanna see some back alleys with me?

The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

Welcome to DIE!

is your name angel cuz that's all i see? is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

Heard at a bra: Hi I am Moral man, the third most infamous guy at a list where Beiber is first. Girl: OMG I MUST HAVE YOU! Moral: ooooh... ANTI Joke duh... I thought this was great pickup lines!

Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

Hey girl, you must have fallen from heaven, because you're so old you should have died already and so ugly that they must have kicked you out as soon as you got there.

-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

-Hi Honey I'm home! -I'm not talking to you! -Oh, Okay. -Don't you want to know why? -No, I trust and respect your decision dear

M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book