-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

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Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

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If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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Yo girl... My feelings keep growing, I just have to say it, but it might be too soon, it might even risk our friendship. Awww, just say it. Ok girl, I hate you more for every day, you fucking ugly bitch, if it where not for your money, id leave right away. Moral: Its not about what you want, its about what you need, therefore I decided I only need whatever I want, case closed.

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Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

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M: Woah I am drunk baby... But I gotta say... you`re the hottest bitch in town! B: Bark bark!

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

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I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

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Man- How much do 2 polar bears weigh? Woman- I don't know? Man- Enough to break the ice, heyy.(;

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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Boy : Gurle: hi

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!