- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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Nerdy Pokemon Pickup he: i want to squirrtle on your jigglypuff she: I want to boulder smash your face

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Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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why was the girl stupid beacuse she had brain sergy

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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Man:Yeah, hey yo I'm feelin' like Ray Charles I got my shades on, I don't know where they are You couldn't find me even if you had a radar And I spit rapidly AKAR! Woman: OK ok so you claim to be Ray Charles and all, not that you look like him nor have the same voice... but tell me, how the hell did Ray Charles himself manage to get himself stuck in the ladies sauna room eh? Man: To catch the sight of them boobies! I mean... uh... I do not know young lady, I must feel my way out of here, I hmm... no, this is too soft and round to be a doorknob, and this one is too big and round... hmm... maybe if I try lower I will... oh excuse the pole its my walking stick which I keep in my pants...

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Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!