Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

thumb_up thumb_down +37

He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

thumb_up thumb_down -84

He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

thumb_up thumb_down -34

on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

thumb_up thumb_down +19

- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

thumb_up thumb_down -859

Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

thumb_up thumb_down -105

Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

thumb_up thumb_down +98

- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

thumb_up thumb_down +83

You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

thumb_up thumb_down -81

In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: USA discovers they do not have nuclear weapons and then gives them nuclear reactors?

thumb_up thumb_down +95

Batman enters a bar: Batman: Ladies... I am Batman... *everyone runs out screaming* Batman: *facepalm* Moral: Want to be feared? Well what did you expect? Who I am? Are you dense? Retarded or something? I am the goddamn Moral-Man!

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Man seriously? Free Samsung? And that Fiat, I been wondering how much you want for it, not that i got it but I was considering buying it sometime. Son, I got no idea what brand this piece of shit car is, but the wheels are cool. No really, if you mean it, ill take that Fiat man, man, ill kiss your feet, ill do it, no really I mean Really? I mean really really? Man If you mean it, ill get over there right away, and man, you can have dunno, bad times, hell ANYTHING Okay? But if you are just messing with me, you can go fuck yourself and your phone man!

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Glass Basketball

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Women love it when you kiss their neck. Just not while they are driving and while you're in the back seat and when they don't know you...

thumb_up thumb_down -23

At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +5

-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

thumb_up thumb_down +72

The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Billy Hill: Man...THAT WAS GOOD SEX! I am glad I did not just bring one of those bitches that I usually drag home, your great Currie... great pussy! Ok Currie time to go home! Currie: meow... Moral: And you think that by bitches he meant bad women ahahahahha... BIlly Hill! Ring a bell nao?

thumb_up thumb_down +87

What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!