Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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Me 17 years old: Hey, girl, you are hot how old are you? Girl: 14. Me: What but you have enormous... Never mind, uh nice evening huh?... My friend: Big boobs on er huh? I would have hit on her too had it not been for... Me: Shut up... Crap! Moral: That was a crappy day!

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Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

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Damn you look good in beer goggles.

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Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

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A man is pulled over by a police officer and a conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem officer? Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh Steven. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! Wife: Oh Steven, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh Steven, you never wear your seat belt. Man: Shut your mouth, woman! Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way? Wife: No, only when he's drunk.

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imgonna r@pe you

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Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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At a moral man bar... "the most awesome place on earth": Man: I thumb down my comments now, and somehow they end up thumbed the next day... Woman: Uh... what comments? Moral: Be specific... or at least dont brag to pick up chicks... now if you wanna be yourself and could not give shit about the rest, then go ahead! It will actually improve your chances!

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-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

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A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

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-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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