hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

thumb_up thumb_down -33

male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

thumb_up thumb_down +63

adam burdass

thumb_up thumb_down +27

the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

thumb_up thumb_down -45

You look exactly like my sister.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Man: Hey, I write the most perverted mini stories on ANTIPICKUPLINE ;) Any woman: ME SO HONNY ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME! Moral: Hentai keeping peop... never mind... not into animated cartoons DO YOU THINK I AM A PERVERT OR SOMETHING?.. cant help it that my mother looks like a damn hot pornstar though...

thumb_up thumb_down -14

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Walking to your car alone later?

thumb_up thumb_down +158

Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

thumb_up thumb_down +141

Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

thumb_up thumb_down +230

Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

thumb_up thumb_down +84

And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

thumb_up thumb_down -58

my dick is 2 inches

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A man is pulled over by a police officer and a conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem officer? Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh Steven. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! Wife: Oh Steven, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh Steven, you never wear your seat belt. Man: Shut your mouth, woman! Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way? Wife: No, only when he's drunk.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

thumb_up thumb_down +254

Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

thumb_up thumb_down +67

baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down +36

- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

thumb_up thumb_down +265

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!