Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

Put the lotion on the skin!

You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

girl- how much does a polar bear weigh? girl- enough to break the-- boy- Are you talking about an adult polar bear? boy- then it's around 400-500 kg girl- blast!

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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