B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

thumb_up thumb_down

So I caught my sister masturbating the other day, it was like lol hahaha you filthy bitch! Then she was like DONT TELL ANYBODY PLEASE I WILL BUY YOU THOSE BOXING GLOVES YOU WANTED SO MUCH! PLEASE! And I was like, NUHUUUH! The bed is full of piss and I totally got this on my cellphone, so you gonna pull up your panti... Oh you still looking for them LOL! Yeah, that was the subject I brought up at a bar... Sober, unless Redbull counts as drunk... Anti Pickupline as FUCK! Players Dont Use RedBull -Richard Nixon or whatever.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

your almost as hot as my wife

thumb_up thumb_down -23

-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

thumb_up thumb_down -39

-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Sex?

thumb_up thumb_down -9

-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

thumb_up thumb_down -57

At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

thumb_up thumb_down +81

Guy: How much does a polar bear way? Girl; About 500 kilograms

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

thumb_up thumb_down +132

-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down +368

-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

thumb_up thumb_down +929

Girl, you must be a parking ticket. Because you got 'Please pay within 30 days. Failure to do so you will face prosecution at the local court.' written all over you.

thumb_up thumb_down +127

-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

thumb_up thumb_down +191

Nice hair, can I pull it?

thumb_up thumb_down -23

That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

thumb_up thumb_down +177

I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

thumb_up thumb_down +120

-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

thumb_up thumb_down -69

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!