Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

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I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

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Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

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hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

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M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

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violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

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At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

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Boy- Did it hurt when you fell- Girl- From heaven?!? AWWW <3 Boy- No the whore tree when you banged every guy on the way down.

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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Man: So you will come home with me later? Girl: Sure! Man: Great then ill just go find more women I can bang later in the meantime... Moral: Depending of the kind of woman, this is of no consequence...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!