You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

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hey, your cute. hey, your not.

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Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

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Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

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While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

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hey you look like a good practice girl.

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Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

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Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

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I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

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Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

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Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Are you from Tennessee? Because we are both in Tennessee and I thought asking where you grew up would be a good way to get to know you better.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!