You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

thumb_up thumb_down +78

Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Don't turn this rape into a murder.

thumb_up thumb_down +127

Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

thumb_up thumb_down -91

Moral man enters a bar and spots a sad girl. MMan: Why so sad? Lady: My father died... MMan: And you want him to see you sad, from wherever he may be? Lady: No but how am I supposed to be happy about it? MMan: Remember the happy days you spent, because they are many more than the days you will see his gravestone, and if nothing else, we can always keep those alive within our heart happily, as long as we are happy in OUR heart... Moral: I would have called this meaningless bull before, but this is a true story, and those words are the reason I just celebrated my two year anniversary with my girlfriend, the most amazing girl ever... which just sang out of joy btw... I may be different... but if a man can keep those he loves happy, he is indeed a true man... Ok now she wants to know what I am typing, so I say nothing and put this self brag away, because I share with you, but heck, what am I? Somekind of romantic? Answer: Meh, I am the ever lovable jerk you may not like, but cant stop loving once you know me either... The anti-part? Dunno, dont care :D

thumb_up thumb_down -84

nice kid... want another?

thumb_up thumb_down +102

MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

thumb_up thumb_down +66

Hey girl, I May not be Fred Flinstone but I can make your bed rock! ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

thumb_up thumb_down +130

- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

thumb_up thumb_down +78

Your butt is so big that I would propably lose intrest during sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

thumb_up thumb_down +106

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

thumb_up thumb_down +92

Were your parents chemists? cuz you look like TEST TUBE BABY :D

thumb_up thumb_down -10

- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

thumb_up thumb_down -868

Didnt I just meet you at world of warcraft? My nickname is desperaterapist838493

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!