Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

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I just told Rebecca that the average man gets laid with about seven women during his life... ...She stares me in the eyes and goes "Noo! Really?" I mean should I feel cool? Is it because she has seen me with more women than... I dunno many, or because... Pssst: Harris... I mean you know I uh... Cherry pie this one right? Does this mean she goes around a lot doing a lot of other guys DAD!? (He calls me SON for like every third word, so yeah DAD... She is giving me a cold st... And she failed to take the laptop away from me, its kinda neat you know, typing while two girls cant share a... Well medium plus size dick... I mean... Wow they are making out... Imma gone forever. My fuckcount: Hell I know, when they say a guy bangs seven chicks during their lifetime, do they mean like a week? At once? Jk, I just pity the guys, for each extra gal for me, means one less for you right? Think positive folks, someone has to please them properly... Rebecca is like all "please sir?" "Thank you kind sir" (I hate being called kind) But in bed, she is all like FUCK ME HARDER YOU FUCKING MORON! Did I mention she has a sweet ass, and that my laptop is burning on her now... Multitasking: The key to threesomes, foursomes, fivesomes... I mean I wont say how many women I have done (rather been done by honestly) at once, why? Because you would never believe me. TWELVE... Eleven one wussed out actually because she just said it so she would look "cool among her friends... Poor little bitch..." Anyway, still twelve.

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Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

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men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

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Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

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Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

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Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

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guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

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Guy : Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Girl : No, why? Guy : Because I can totally see myself in your pants!

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Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

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Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

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why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!