Hello children! :D

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

thumb_up thumb_down +61

good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Man: Hey, you dont look that fucking ugly, wanna go home with me? mirror: *shatters* Moral: If your ugliness ever shatters your mirror let me know, ill look at it and it will assemble itself back on its own.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +153

Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

thumb_up thumb_down -129

roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down +155

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

thumb_up thumb_down -63

- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

thumb_up thumb_down +177

-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

thumb_up thumb_down -106

Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

thumb_up thumb_down -30

"Don't scream"

thumb_up thumb_down +111

You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

thumb_up thumb_down +730

Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

thumb_up thumb_down +153

Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

thumb_up thumb_down +174

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!