Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

thumb_up thumb_down -101

Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Business Y U No Advertise?

thumb_up thumb_down +55

- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

thumb_up thumb_down -99

You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

thumb_up thumb_down -75

-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

thumb_up thumb_down -615

-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

thumb_up thumb_down +136

roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

thumb_up thumb_down +95

Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

thumb_up thumb_down +128

If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

thumb_up thumb_down -170

Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

thumb_up thumb_down +75

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down -96

Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

thumb_up thumb_down +89

Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

I love Mark Wahlberg!

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

thumb_up thumb_down +95

Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!