Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

Male-where have you been all my life ? Female-not in it thats for sure Male-i was singing a song i wouldn't want YOU in my life Female-i was singing a song 2 *lies*

How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

I think I shit myself

If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

Man seriously? Free Samsung? And that Fiat, I been wondering how much you want for it, not that i got it but I was considering buying it sometime. Son, I got no idea what brand this piece of shit car is, but the wheels are cool. No really, if you mean it, ill take that Fiat man, man, ill kiss your feet, ill do it, no really I mean Really? I mean really really? Man If you mean it, ill get over there right away, and man, you can have dunno, bad times, hell ANYTHING Okay? But if you are just messing with me, you can go fuck yourself and your phone man!

Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

Every kiss begins with K ;) Yeah to bad ugly begins with U

Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

i would drag my balls through miles of broken glass, just to hear you fart through a walkey-talkey

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My therapist says I should meet new people.

- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!