Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

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MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

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Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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Glass Basketball

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

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Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

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Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

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- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

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At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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-hey, come here a minute.

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Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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Q: Why are Italian girls so hairy? A: Because it turns out its a genetic predisposition in which almost all males and females have when of the Italian ethnicity, these genetics are also parts of other race types.

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Woman: Seriously you are like the perfect man, I barely even met you and want to marry you already! What is your name by the way? Guy: My name is Le Petite Chessedeburger Withnowhitesauce! Woman: I am gay by the way, gotta go feed my uh... my wife yeah my wife.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!