He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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Drink this!

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If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!