bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

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Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

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What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

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did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

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I'll punch ya!

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NO WAIT SON ITS 999 FUCK COME ON! DONT GO "NERO SAYS WITH ME SON!" I mean that shit you pull on everyone, come on man, I posted wrong... Yeah your word is law and all that So can we like make a deal? You pay my repair wreck of a car and you can slash the damn tires yourself if you wanna later?

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

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I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!