- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Guy: Theres this girl and Ive been meaning to ask her something... Girl: I bet I know who it is ;D Guy: Oh good. So is your mom available on Friday?

I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: sigh Did what hurt? (Expecting him to say "When you fell from heaven") Boy: When you broke through the earths crust, ascending from hell.

- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

"Next!"

-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

Hey can I have your number? No.

Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

hey baby i just came in my pants

Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book