- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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Welcome to DIE!

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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Man: Your red thumbs cannot hurt me! Im the MoralmanBitch! *Throws couch at woman* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH!* Woman: *dead* Man:Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up or ill have my way with you!... Moral got jugs! Moral: Works every time

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

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the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

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Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

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Man trying to be smart: Man: HELP THERE IS A GIANT BOMB DOWN MY PANTS! ITS BULGING AND ITS GONNA EXPLODE KILLING US ALL! Nurse: ILL REMOVE IT! GRABS "EXPLOSIVE EQUIPMENT" AND RIPS IT OFF" Nurse: Weird this organic bomb looks like a peni.. Man: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG Moral: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRHhhhhhhhhhhhhhgEsgRSGRSRfRSfSFSr

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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fancy going halves on a bastard?

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me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

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damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

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Man: Hey I am the hunk that writes the stories with morals, and I thumb them up myself... since they mostly get thumbed down slower that way... Ladies: REALLY! WOW WE NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD MEET A CELEBRITY! LETS HAVE AN ORGY! Man: HEY! LADIES WAIT WAIT! ONLY 8 AT THE TIME! HELP I AM GETTING GRAPED!... Anyway who am I kidding please proceed but stop fighting over the joystick I have enough joy to all thanks to my writing progress!¨ Moral: His-tory AKa My-Story, and you know that they say that the winners are the one to write history ;), and if you do not know what I mean, you are probable banging me too right now... (true story)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!