My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

thumb_up thumb_down -154

You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Your the penisbutter to my vagmite;)

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

thumb_up thumb_down +74

HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

thumb_up thumb_down +150

The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

thumb_up thumb_down -135

Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

thumb_up thumb_down -147

wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

thumb_up thumb_down +155

Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Have you met Ted?

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

yo im will smith yo, thats my name and I was juzz wonderin if you ever you know like the beach or bbq because stuff happen yanno and while I do some rap id just belieeve that things are a bit crazy these times so I was thinking maybe ill ask you out right? But then I was like WHAAAAAAZAAAAAAAAA and... Hey gurl where you goin im just getting warmed up. Moral: I met the guy, day one I had a great day, day two I didnt get any sleep and now I hate him, the end.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

thumb_up thumb_down +164

Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -4

are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

thumb_up thumb_down +23

I'll punch ya!

thumb_up thumb_down +78

Man: Wanna go to my home and have sex? Woman: Well... OK! Man: Wow you are easy!... wait! Where are you going? COME BACK! Moral: They are not easy, they just like a man with balls... and you where obviously not one of them... LAME OVER.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!