- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

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M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

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I'll eat your poop

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B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

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Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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I wish my sister was as hot as you.

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-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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You look exactly like my sister.

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So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

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-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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That King that said: Kill all male babies... Lets say he was a teenager? Moral: Excellent job son, but you see, sharing is caring, have a victory drink!... Thing is... I don't care... rest well...For eternity... Hughman Heffer... The seed has been sown... you got nothing on me...

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

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(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!