- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

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men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

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- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

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Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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Him: I'd go through anything for you. Her: The exit's over there.

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Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

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Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

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girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!