Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

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Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

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Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

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How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

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-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

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I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

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Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

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Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

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Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

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Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

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Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

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Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

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Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!