Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

Man at a restaurant (that is out of everything but bar stools and alcoholic drinks): Man: Die monster! You don't belong in this world! Woman: Uh? Oh! Nice tribute to the cheesy Castlevania lines! Man:Tribute!?! You steal men's souls and make them your slaves! Woman: Uh... well with most of you men lacking a spine nowadays... I cant truly disagree with you... Man: Your words are as empty as your soul! Mankind ill needs a savior such as you! Woman: Savior? Who do you think I am? But now I am annoyed *throws glass that breaks* have at you! *slaps man* Man: HYDRO STORM! Throws a flask of water upwards as it breaks on the floor splashing the woman... Woman: NOW I AM ALL WET! YOU MORON! Dont you know me? Man: Man: M-Maria? Uh... What happened? Shaft: Damn you broke free from your spell! But it is too late! Muahahaha! Castlevania has already become a bar! Richter: Well... that's fine to me, as long as Dracula does not STEAL MEN`S SOULS! Shaft: Relax, he is into business now... Richter: Your words are as empty as your soul! Mankind ill needs a businessman such as him! Shaft: Seriously! I invite you both at its VIP lounge and free beer to make up for the past mistakes... Richter: Excellent! But now feel my unbridled wrath!!!!! *punches Shaft* Shaft: Ouch! So... are we even now? Richter: Considering the free beer... okay... As they arrived Castle Barlevania they both got drunk and played "vampire killer" at the stage all night... Moral: Not much a Anti-Pick up line you say? Not only did Richter make a fool out of himself, but he also got her wet ;)

You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

Male: Baby, I am God's gift to this earth! Female: Well, if I take a receipt up to Heaven, can I exchange you for someone better?

Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

Lesbihonest

-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

Her: Guess what? Him: What? Her Yo Mama! Him: Is she that slut i did last night?

I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY! Ungrateful kids... Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Bonus because nobody loves you :( Me? People either love me around here, or you know... cough... psst...rapeandie? Lets keep that a secret between us and EEEEEVEEEERYBODY ELLLLLLLSSEEEEEE (SECRET ABOVE ALERT ALERT ALERT!) Sosiopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.

Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

Damn girl did you just come from the dump? Cause you smell like shit.

Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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