Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

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Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

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he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

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I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

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Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

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B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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have met you before? i like eating my dogs shit.

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him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!