Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

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-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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Vader getting it on ;): My sexual prowress overcomes even the power of the dark side. Can you even have sex? ... Uh... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

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-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

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Didnt I just meet you at world of warcraft? My nickname is desperaterapist838493

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

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A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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You know, I had a great pickup line, but I just forgot it.

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Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

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Woman: Ugh I wish I could remember who you are, I mean you could even have Aids or H.I.V... Man: Hey yo don worry, Dogta tol `d I am positive so thats that Moral: The H.I.V awareness group was a message: We will go literally f/ck ourselves to death have a nice day.

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!