You look exactly like my sister.

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I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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Keep it classy! Man: Hello mylady may I be as rude as to say you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen? Girl: Oh, wow I mean such class! Man: Yes you see, I am only asking... You see, would you mind a bit of some violent rapage? Girl: How dare you! Man: Oh I mean not be rude mylady, just a bit of torture and some few stylish cuts with my fancy knife? Moral: Whatever you do, whatever you want, KEEP IT CLASSY!

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Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Hey girl! Faggot.

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As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

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Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!