- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

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Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

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- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

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Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because we are both in Tennessee and I thought asking where you grew up would be a good way to get to know you better.

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Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

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Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

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Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

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Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

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Soon

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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Him: I'd go through anything for you. Her: The exit's over there.

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

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GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!