Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

thumb_up thumb_down +122

- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

thumb_up thumb_down +91

Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

thumb_up thumb_down +140

Actor walks in street... Woman: HEY ITS YOU! THE GUY THAT PLAYED GANDALF THE GAY!... Uh I mean Gandalf the GRAY! Actor: WRONG WOMAN! I AM FAGNETO! MASTER OF FAGNETISM! Moral: Please take no insult Esteemed Mr.Ian McKellen you are a fantastic actor... as for the rest of you, feel free to feel as insulted as you want... I mean its your own trucking choice :P.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

thumb_up thumb_down +259

The below is no anti-pickupline unless you are a Jehova`s witness and want to uh... save my sole or something? Or just read a fun story... Moral: Like pick up lines is something one of them would use... actually they do after I reject their many offers... how? Keep on reading below to find out... its fun, promise. (unless you are a Jehova`s witness...)

thumb_up thumb_down +46

- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

thumb_up thumb_down +280

wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

thumb_up thumb_down +164

Hey girl! Faggot.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Heard at a bra: Hi I am Moral man, the third most infamous guy at a list where Beiber is first. Girl: OMG I MUST HAVE YOU! Moral: ooooh... ANTI Joke duh... I thought this was great pickup lines!

thumb_up thumb_down +188

Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

thumb_up thumb_down +6

-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

thumb_up thumb_down -55

My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +75

Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

thumb_up thumb_down +86

You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

thumb_up thumb_down +133

Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

thumb_up thumb_down +94

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!