Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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You like peanuts? Cause I like penis.

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

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Keep it classy! Man: Hello mylady may I be as rude as to say you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen? Girl: Oh, wow I mean such class! Man: Yes you see, I am only asking... You see, would you mind a bit of some violent rapage? Girl: How dare you! Man: Oh I mean not be rude mylady, just a bit of torture and some few stylish cuts with my fancy knife? Moral: Whatever you do, whatever you want, KEEP IT CLASSY!

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

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Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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Roses are red violets are blue this isn't a poem I'm a botanist.

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Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

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Guy : Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Girl : No, why? Guy : Because I can totally see myself in your pants!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!