HE: You must have some hot buns. SHE: Yeah? HE: Cause you got a real butterface to go with them.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Huge blue man: I AM THE APOCALYPSE! YOU ARE NOT FIT TO SURVIVE! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Huge blue man: "facepalm" THIS GAME, IS OVER! Moral: Dont start out too strong...

thumb_up thumb_down -152

Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

thumb_up thumb_down +23

You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

thumb_up thumb_down -7

I think I shit myself

thumb_up thumb_down -29

-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

thumb_up thumb_down +389

Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Yet another one from real life: At law school: Kid to woman: Why don't I ever get any of you?! *Woman laughs* Me: You could start by not whining so much... Kid: That wont ever work! You know that is bullshit! Its not like I am whining I just whine whenever blahblahblah... Me: Sigh... Girl: He is kinda cute... Me: Wha? Moral: Not a real anti joke, since I had not heard from any of them until today, I just got invited to their wedding...

thumb_up thumb_down +134

I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +60

-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

thumb_up thumb_down -929

Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

thumb_up thumb_down -147

Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Five dollar women... WOO!

thumb_up thumb_down -107

Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

thumb_up thumb_down +122

You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

How much does a polar bear weight? Enough to break the ice... and throw you into the freezing water and drown you, because you're really ugly.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Male: Hey babe! Wanna come to my house for a party? Female: Sorry! Don't have my herpes shot!

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

thumb_up thumb_down +243

"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

thumb_up thumb_down +67

-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

thumb_up thumb_down +80

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!