Young man: Hey I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so I wondered if you wanna come home and have hardcore sex and... Mature woman: HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING! IM YOUR MOTHER! Young man: As I said mom... I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so... Moral: Hentai keeping families together since forever...

My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

Get your coat, I've got a knife.

I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

Man: GET IN THE VAN! Woman: NO! Man: Well... How about the Limo? Its got beverages and caviar and... Woman: OOH :D Moral: Always go for the limo first,

you look like my mother

Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

Male: Hey babe! Wanna come to my house for a party? Female: Sorry! Don't have my herpes shot!

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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