Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

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Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

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Guy : Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Girl : No, why? Guy : Because I can totally see myself in your pants!

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-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

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"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

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Man: So you will come home with me later? Girl: Sure! Man: Great then ill just go find more women I can bang later in the meantime... Moral: Depending of the kind of woman, this is of no consequence...

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Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

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Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

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Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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Sung to the melody of Ozzy`s: "Moral Man" HEES THE MORAL MAN, IIIS HEE MORAL OR IS HE DEAD? HEES THE MORAL MAN AAARE THERE MORALS INSIDE HIS HEEAD. Moral: NOOO THERE ISNT! ONLY IMMORAL INSIDE! AND ILL KEEP POSTING, ONLY TO CRUSH YOUR INSIDES! *guitar solo begins*

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I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

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Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

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-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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