Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

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Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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Guy: Do you like me? Girl: No Guy: ..... Girl: You didn't ask me if I loved you! Guy: Do you love me? :D Girl: No

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Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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Babe your dad is an terorist because your a real bomb !!!

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Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

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guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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Man: GET IN THE VAN! Woman: NO! Man: Well... How about the Limo? Its got beverages and caviar and... Woman: OOH :D Moral: Always go for the limo first,

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Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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who wants to play EPAR

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I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

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Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!