If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

thumb_up thumb_down -61

You're so hot I'd do you sober.

thumb_up thumb_down +194

Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Man: I wanna know what love iiiiiiis... And I want you to show meeeeeeeeee! *Woman slams man with baseball bat* Man: Urgh... ARGH MY FACE BLEEDING EVERYWHERE! WHYYYY! Woman: I love baseball! Moral: Stupid singing idiot, if that is not the worst pick up line ever, then some other is!

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

thumb_up thumb_down +26

-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

thumb_up thumb_down +158

"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

thumb_up thumb_down +117

Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

thumb_up thumb_down +232

Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

thumb_up thumb_down +59

How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

thumb_up thumb_down +116

if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

thumb_up thumb_down +18

-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Man: Hello there young lady, I am Elton John and I would very much like to have sex with you! Girl: OMG ITS... Wait! Wow you look a lot like him! But you cannot be real lol *leaves* Man: Man... I look and dress just like him! What could have gone wrong? Man getting the operation cost me a fortune too! Next time I am gonna try Freddie Mercury! Moral: "Dats gay Fifthy cen... I mean Gangstalicious!"

thumb_up thumb_down -1

If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

thumb_up thumb_down -154

- Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you? There is no response because she passed out from it and he leaves in order to void suspicion.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Give me some sugar... honey.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Have you met Ted?

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

thumb_up thumb_down +1

guy: hey baby come join the PEN15 club with mee ;) girl: whats that?? guy: come and i will show you...*goes into the guys restroom with her*....lets go to the restroom and never rest...except you can rest on my PEN15

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!