Yeah... you'll have to do.

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

Man:Are you in college? Woman:Yeah. Berry College. Lots of cows... Man:Well my name is Murad. You know, like, Moo to the radical. Moo, like, cows...

I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

Man: Oh.. girl you smell so nice... Girl: TRY ANOTHER LINE AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TlTS LOSER! Man: Uh... I am blind... Girl: Um...

Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

Man: I can control all women in the world! Guys: WOOOOT YEAH! Me: I can control all men! Guys: Huh?? Man: What the fuck is that good for you like guys or something? Wait hey let go of me! Moral: And off the endless cliff you all go MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!... Ladies, it seems it is up to us to repopulate this world, not sure if we can make it, but I shall do my best, but since I am just one, you better do all the moving, so I can conserve my energy.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!