guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

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Drunken man: Hey sexy ;) what is such a pretty thing doing in this shitty place? wanna come home with me? Nun: I am a nun! And this is a church! Drunken man: I know dammit im not THAT drunk... so what do you say? Nun: Uh... okay...

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Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

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Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!