if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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Drink this!

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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Her: Guess what? Him: What? Her Yo Mama! Him: Is she that slut i did last night?

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Do you believe in angels? Cool, what about goblins?

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

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Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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guy: ermm...i like blondes ;) ima blonde too...we r a perfect dumb blonde match!!!! girl: yeah but im the dumb one in this situation. and have u taken a look in the mirror lately?!?! guy: yeah...well...uhh...maybe.........no not really... girl: well first of all you got pimples the size of mars, you have cross-eyes, you nose is bigger than squidwards nose, and let me see ur d!ck...now!!!! guy: oooh getting right to the point!!! i like it *unzips his pants and pulls out his nub* girl: uhh well u aint got no point, it looks like ur point just broke... guy: well midgets cant help it!!!!!!!!! dont judge my falses!!!!!! girl: okayy...besides theres wayyy too much to judge...no point...ur a complete waste of my timee!!!!!!!! now go watch porn and see if it grows a little bigger than his little nub u got.

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

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The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

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-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

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My therapist says I should meet new people.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!