-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

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It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

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-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!