Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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so... you're a girl,huh?

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You like my boobies ;) Girl: I said no you disgusting fat bastard! Moral: What fucking kind of MOTHERFUCKING MORAL are you expecting to find here?!?

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Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

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At a moral man bar... "the most awesome place on earth": Man: I thumb down my comments now, and somehow they end up thumbed the next day... Woman: Uh... what comments? Moral: Be specific... or at least dont brag to pick up chicks... now if you wanna be yourself and could not give shit about the rest, then go ahead! It will actually improve your chances!

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

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I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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Man: Oh.. girl you smell so nice... Girl: TRY ANOTHER LINE AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TlTS LOSER! Man: Uh... I am blind... Girl: Um...

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!