Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

thumb_up thumb_down -178

Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +450

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down -146

Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Man: Your red thumbs cannot hurt me! Im the MoralmanBitch! *Throws couch at woman* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH!* Woman: *dead* Man:Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up or ill have my way with you!... Moral got jugs! Moral: Works every time

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

thumb_up thumb_down -38

- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

thumb_up thumb_down +161

(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

thumb_up thumb_down +111

Nice legs what time do they open

thumb_up thumb_down -97

What's the difference between a duck? An orange

thumb_up thumb_down -83

He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

thumb_up thumb_down -94

Hey girl, I May not be Fred Flinstone but I can make your bed rock! ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +65

You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

thumb_up thumb_down +132

At a ... PUB! Man: Hey... wanna... go out with a true shinob i ninja? ;) Woman: Are you not supposed to be invisible or something? Man: You can see me? SHIT! (runs away). Moral: So what if she saw you you are all covered in a pajamas anyways...

thumb_up thumb_down -98

Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

thumb_up thumb_down -111

Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

thumb_up thumb_down -113

-wow I could just drown in the ocean of your eyes -well why don't you -well I'll steal your sisters number, get lost at sea, and shipreck in her bed Then you can come and save us when she is shouting S.O.S out of the other room

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +86

Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

thumb_up thumb_down -170

Pick up lines from the stone age: Fail. Man: Hello, you look beautiful, I speak very well, and if you allow me to make love with you, I promise I will protect you and raise the child with you :)! Woman: WHAT? A guy without wild chesthair that speaks instead of grunting and yelling? You to sex me and you do not even got a club? I am SOOO gonna go to Grogg instead! He has like the biggest club and knows how to really HIT a woman! Moral: I would say somethings do change, but Id rather be Grogg than the loser above, of course I prefer hitting ON women first, if that does not work I... Oh right, I am married :P

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Man: (puts on a stern face and mans up) Hey you random hoe, wanna have sex? Woman: Sigh... sure why not... at least you dont play games. Man: WHAT? IT WORKED? IT WORKEEEEED?! OMG truCKINg goD wOooooot wooooooot hell I aM gonna get laid tonight it finally worked yaehaieHeiAHEIHAIEHIAHE Wootowtowot I AM GONNA LOSE MY VIRGI... Woman: never mind, you are too noisy... Moral: Desperation... harder to hide than you think..

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!