I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

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Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

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Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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Lesbihonest

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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Roses are red violets are blue this isn't a poem I'm a botanist.

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

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If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!