Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

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Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

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Dont let this rape turn into a murder

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

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BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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Actor walks in street... Woman: HEY ITS YOU! THE GUY THAT PLAYED GANDALF THE GAY!... Uh I mean Gandalf the GRAY! Actor: WRONG WOMAN! I AM FAGNETO! MASTER OF FAGNETISM! Moral: Please take no insult Esteemed Mr.Ian McKellen you are a fantastic actor... as for the rest of you, feel free to feel as insulted as you want... I mean its your own trucking choice :P.

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!