Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

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Man... MAN! Sorry if I just skimmed that last message dude, but if you getting me that shit, you are my fucking God, you got a new custom engine or something? Whatever man, im getting over there right now, Son, I might actually try the towing trick, because that might make me arrive at your place (no worries wont tell anyone where your playboy mansion is at) but you still got it there right? MORAL MORAL MORAL MORAL... Oh and no, id never ever use that piece of shit I used to call a car in the forest, if you are serious man, ill take the damn cab! I mean man, I just cant wait to tell the beardy little faggot at the carshop to stick that yeah "car" up his gay ass! Seriously dude, my phone aint working but that can wait, you really mean I can have the car? Seriously, how much? I got some money.

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GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

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Man:Yeah, hey yo I'm feelin' like Ray Charles I got my shades on, I don't know where they are You couldn't find me even if you had a radar And I spit rapidly AKAR! Woman: OK ok so you claim to be Ray Charles and all, not that you look like him nor have the same voice... but tell me, how the hell did Ray Charles himself manage to get himself stuck in the ladies sauna room eh? Man: To catch the sight of them boobies! I mean... uh... I do not know young lady, I must feel my way out of here, I hmm... no, this is too soft and round to be a doorknob, and this one is too big and round... hmm... maybe if I try lower I will... oh excuse the pole its my walking stick which I keep in my pants...

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: *sigh* Did what hurt? (Expecting him to say "When you fell from heaven") Boy: When you broke through the earths crust, ascending from hell.

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Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

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You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

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Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

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Girl: Hey, why don't you and I go out to dinner? Guy: Thanks, but if I wanted to watch a whore stuff her face full of meat, I'd just load up Redtube.

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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