Man: Hello there my name is... Woman: I wish you where water... Man: So you can swallow me? Hey not so fast baby! I dont like em fast. Woman: You did not let me finish! Man: Whatever, gotta go... Moral: Girls... women... you may be mysterious, but unlocking your secrets is my favorite pastime... I CHARRENGE YOU!... Then again I never liked women throwing themselves at me without me saying a word (not that it happens very often)¨ Ps: I see some other people have started to add "morals" to their stories, without success sadly, keep going kids, and people will always of course know who the real "Moral man is" because of the cheap nature of my fantastically silly and "dragged out of the ass" nature of my morals...

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

thumb_up thumb_down -41

-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

thumb_up thumb_down +72

The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

thumb_up thumb_down +95

Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

thumb_up thumb_down +87

BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

thumb_up thumb_down -75

The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

thumb_up thumb_down +335

Your skin would make a nice coat.

thumb_up thumb_down +265

- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

thumb_up thumb_down +386

- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

thumb_up thumb_down +275

Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

thumb_up thumb_down +321

Keep it classy! Man: Hello mylady may I be as rude as to say you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen? Girl: Oh, wow I mean such class! Man: Yes you see, I am only asking... You see, would you mind a bit of some violent rapage? Girl: How dare you! Man: Oh I mean not be rude mylady, just a bit of torture and some few stylish cuts with my fancy knife? Moral: Whatever you do, whatever you want, KEEP IT CLASSY!

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

thumb_up thumb_down -229

Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +78

Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Babe your dad is an terorist because your a real bomb !!!

thumb_up thumb_down -48

I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Don't turn this rape into a murder.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!