- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

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ANYWAY... I have been married for around X years right? (My wife is anon because reasons valid reasons!) And I told my wife "Babe, you know what you got married into baby, how about you and I consider having a third one in the bed... No not a guy, thats disgusting, you agree? Awwride! So anyways, she was like "Uh... Ask me again in a year I need to think things trough, and I want you for myself..." Next week we was fucking my new (back then neighbor) which is 28 or whatever (I dont remember my neighbors name BAHAHA (actual laugher)... Peeps, say what you want about me, ill be the one fucking the prom queen tomorrow... And you know, maybe someone else, sex with more than my waifu the prom queen is addictive, I mean sharing (salive, cum juices) is caring right? Okay, I better stop here, Rebecca (SHADDAP AUTOCORRECT ITS HOW HER NAME IS SPELLED... I guess) is upset... No not because I am typing this, but because I am out here freezing my ballz off smoking her ciggs... Man The great stuff about "decent equipment" is that I dont need all that much energy, just the speed to keep the girls screaming!

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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Have you met Ted?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!