Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

thumb_up thumb_down +95

I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

jack sanders

thumb_up thumb_down -64

-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

thumb_up thumb_down +82

Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

thumb_up thumb_down -81

Sugar-free sugar cookies

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

thumb_up thumb_down +1

I take the the out of psychotherapist

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Girl: If you was a rollercoaster...I'd ride you all day long.. Guy: What? Am I not big enough for you now...why can't you just be happy with me... =_= Girl: : / I was tring to be all sexy in a cute way... Guy: Pfft. FREAK... e_e

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

Man: May I please sit next to you for a brief moment? Woman: Sure :), you`re such a gentleman :). Man: Would you care for a bit of violent rapage in you`re anus?

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

thumb_up thumb_down +114

good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

thumb_up thumb_down -7

- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!