Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

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- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

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Young man: Hey I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so I wondered if you wanna come home and have hardcore sex and... Mature woman: HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING! IM YOUR MOTHER! Young man: As I said mom... I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so... Moral: Hentai keeping families together since forever...

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

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-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!