Guy enters a bar: Guy: I have some really bad self-esteem and would really apreciate if someone would give me a chance and... Gorgeous woman: Hey, I would love to get to know you, and maybe take you home and... Guy: WHAT? THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME! I CANT HANDLE IT! HEEEEEEEEEEELP! (Runs out of bar screaming)

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-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

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-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

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Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

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Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

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2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

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Male: I'm all you've got good lookin' Female: then I must not have alot

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

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will you marry me

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

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- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

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Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

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Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!