Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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Im gonna rape you..

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Drink this!

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H3LL0 Girls, You need some THERAPEY? Call Nero The Moralman For A qualified TheRapist. The number? You wont get it, so then you will go mad with lust and need therapey Moral: Ooooh... I says ANTI Pickup line... Whats that? More Moral: Nothing is immoral! Everything is Moral MORAL MAN!

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

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Still a better love story than Twilight

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Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

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Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

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MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is *zip* FEMALE: *gurgle gurgle* *scream*

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!