"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

thumb_up thumb_down +65

Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

thumb_up thumb_down +279

*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

thumb_up thumb_down +104

You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Big Black Guy: Yo, whats your name there sexy? My name is Tyrone Bigs Dicks, but my NBA teammates call me Mr.BigDingDong, I play for the HUGE Chicago BIGC0cks if I seem familiar to you ;),... Woman: Wow, awesome ;) and why do they call you that? Big Black Guy:Sigh... I was afraid you would ask... I actually got no idea... But I do not think there are any Big HUGE hard facts... Woman: :/ Big Black Guy: Where you going? Hey! Moral: Lol cannot stop laughing myself! "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WE PRESENT TO YOU THE HUGE CHICAGO BIGC0CKS!

thumb_up thumb_down +123

B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

thumb_up thumb_down +31

You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Your skin would make a nice coat.

thumb_up thumb_down +262

- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

thumb_up thumb_down +399

Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

thumb_up thumb_down +127

"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

thumb_up thumb_down +48

(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

thumb_up thumb_down -1,261

i am with stupid l l l \/

thumb_up thumb_down +208

Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

thumb_up thumb_down -337

Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

thumb_up thumb_down -53

You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

thumb_up thumb_down +144

What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

thumb_up thumb_down -113

who wants to play EPAR

thumb_up thumb_down +22

- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

thumb_up thumb_down +309

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!