What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

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Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

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My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

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male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

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hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

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Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

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NO WAIT SON ITS 999 FUCK COME ON! DONT GO "NERO SAYS WITH ME SON!" I mean that shit you pull on everyone, come on man, I posted wrong... Yeah your word is law and all that So can we like make a deal? You pay my repair wreck of a car and you can slash the damn tires yourself if you wanna later?

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

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Me during the noob days at a bar: Me: So this is fun, want to go to my place and watch The Matrix trilogy all night or something? She: Naaah, I already watched them, but I am sure we can watch something else all night right? Me: Nah, you see I just moved in, and I don't have any other movies, so yeah nice meeting you though! *facepalm*

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

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-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

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MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!