One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

I wish my sister was as hot as you.

- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

Is it true you black men are as hung as a horse? Uh lady, no idea I like ignore their stuff. Yeah but you know, I seen a lot of them and they are huge and look salty an... Woman! Im so outta here! Moral: Now the man is goin! C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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