- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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A couple wanted to try something different in the bedroom, The wife suggests they do it in a 69 position so they get into position but the wife lets one off in the husbands face she apologises and they try again when the wife farts again the husband gets up to leave and says no I don't think I can do this another 67 times!

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Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

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I think I shit myself

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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Are you from Tennessee? Because we are both in Tennessee and I thought asking where you grew up would be a good way to get to know you better.

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so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

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Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

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hey you look like a good practice girl.

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I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!