- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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Man:Yeah, hey yo I'm feelin' like Ray Charles I got my shades on, I don't know where they are You couldn't find me even if you had a radar And I spit rapidly AKAR! Woman: OK ok so you claim to be Ray Charles and all, not that you look like him nor have the same voice... but tell me, how the hell did Ray Charles himself manage to get himself stuck in the ladies sauna room eh? Man: To catch the sight of them boobies! I mean... uh... I do not know young lady, I must feel my way out of here, I hmm... no, this is too soft and round to be a doorknob, and this one is too big and round... hmm... maybe if I try lower I will... oh excuse the pole its my walking stick which I keep in my pants...

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You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

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Dont let this rape turn into a murder

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Man: Wow girl, you are so hot you remind me of my wife when she was young.. wanna come to my place for a quick one before she comes back? Girl: Sigh... this AGAIN? I told you! If you are gonna get that drunk, get out of our home and go to a bar daddy!

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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i would drag my balls through miles of broken glass, just to hear you fart through a walkey-talkey

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

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Boy: How much does a Polarbear weigh? Girl: How much? Boy: Just as much as me, hi my name is Ahron

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Man- How much do 2 polar bears weigh? Woman- I don't know? Man- Enough to break the ice, heyy.(;

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Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

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Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

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Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!