Hey girl! Faggot.

-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Boy: How much does a Polarbear weigh? Girl: How much? Boy: Just as much as me, hi my name is Ahron

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!