Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

thumb_up thumb_down +120

- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

thumb_up thumb_down +415

- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

thumb_up thumb_down +65

Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

I've got a black belt in lovin'.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

thumb_up thumb_down +228

- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

thumb_up thumb_down

Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

thumb_up thumb_down -35

- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

thumb_up thumb_down +314

If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

thumb_up thumb_down +166

Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

thumb_up thumb_down +19

wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

thumb_up thumb_down +156

It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

thumb_up thumb_down -44

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

thumb_up thumb_down +130

Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

thumb_up thumb_down +65

The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

thumb_up thumb_down +321

Hi I'm Shaniqua.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Morals, greatest weakness revealed!: Doctor doctor! I cannot succeed at... pant pant *shorts shorts* *whine wheeze* at... At... AAAAAARGUUUUUU!!! FUCKING DOCTOR I CANNOT SUCCED AT... THE PAAAAAYNE! MAX PAYNE! BUHUHUHUHU!!! THE PAAAAINYE I CANNOT...SUCCEED AT... Doctor: At what? Shutting the fuck up? AND LEAVE THE HORSHEHEAD NETWORK? Moral: XD I cannot stop laughing, I am crying fucking tears of laughter :)) I was completely not gonna type that but then it spontaneously suddenly idea get! XD Moral: Green thumbs for self irony, this comment shall get one green thumbs ups, and it shall one green thumbs ups get, and the number of thumbs ups shall be one, as one be the number of thumbs ups. Moral: And I have not even said anything Moral: I deserve that green thumb this time! I earned it! SHAAAME YOU DARE SPOILMY GREEN THUMB OF VICTOLY WITH YOUR RED THUMB! SHAAAME! BUILD THE WALL OF FAILURE! FASTER STRONGER HARDER! I CURSE SHAME UPON YOUR SHAME AND BATHE IT IN THE WATER AND FLAMES OF SHAAAAAME! ALL BEFORE I SPrinkle it with small bits of sugar... AND SHAAAAME! LEAVE THE GREEN THUMB ALONE!!!! BUAHUAHAHA! LEAVE IT ALONEEEEEEEEE! Moral: HEEEY HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH THAT GREEN THUMB! I SAID ONE GREEN THUMB! ONE! AND ONLY MINE! SHAME!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Hello children! :D

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Business Y U No Advertise?

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!