Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Order Online Nightwear and short shop online in India

thumb_up thumb_down -166

my dick is 2 inches

thumb_up thumb_down -64

I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

thumb_up thumb_down -33

HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

thumb_up thumb_down +157

Man: Your red thumbs cannot hurt me! Im the MoralmanBitch! *Throws couch at woman* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH!* Woman: *dead* Man:Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up or ill have my way with you!... Moral got jugs! Moral: Works every time

thumb_up thumb_down -83

You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

thumb_up thumb_down +93

hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

thumb_up thumb_down +123

Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

thumb_up thumb_down -125

(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

thumb_up thumb_down +79

BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

thumb_up thumb_down +143

He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

thumb_up thumb_down +14

-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

thumb_up thumb_down -29

As original as things get: Pickup in the future! Android: Greetings Alpha six zero zero,requesting access code for insertion of my intercourse-D.I.C.K card into your V.A.G 2.0 intercourse receiver! Another Android: Access granted Zero six nine eight, engaging card...System! Deactivate mini-android production systems and engage cooldown systems to avoid critical overheats, lubricate essentials for easy access, I have no entry code, engage at once! Moral: I honestly thought it would end up in failure, but damn androids are easy!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

thumb_up thumb_down -34

A man comes home from his doctor and tells his wife that he only has 12 hours to live so he asks his wife later that night if they can do it one last time she agrees but after an hour the man wakes his wife and says honey in a few hours I will be dead can we do it again please. So they do it again a few hours later the man wakes his wife again and says dearest since I'm going to die soon can we please? to this the wife says look honey tomorrow I have to get up you don't!

thumb_up thumb_down +82

guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Hello children! :D

thumb_up thumb_down -11

-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

thumb_up thumb_down +104

Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

thumb_up thumb_down +126

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!