- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.


How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

Male: Get in the van.

Your body would look good in my trunk.

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

Sorry Nero, this is still Golgo 12, I am trying to reach you here as the other place is down, I can see why some people consider you insane, sorry to admit I left the order by the time you left as well, Eliza was the only one that could keep up with your stuff, the rest well you know... So point zero is some kind of elysum now huh? For real? And you rule there? I mean I never doubted your wisdom, but six million people living some kinda new world order at point zero? Thats hard to believe.

I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

I have a gun.

-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

Your skin would make a nice coat.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!