If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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I hate you already.

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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Man: DAMN BABE YOUR SO DAMN HOT I... Woman: You know what? Im so sick of you guys hitt... Man: OOOOOOOOOOOOH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YEEEEEEEEEES THIS IS DELISHUSH! Woman: WHAT HAPPENED? :O Man: Huh? Never mind, ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

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Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

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Do you want to see something swell?

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I'll eat your poop

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

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Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

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B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

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You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

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Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!