when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

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Jdkfk

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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I have no gag reflex.

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!