Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

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Keep it classy! Man: Hello mylady may I be as rude as to say you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen? Girl: Oh, wow I mean such class! Man: Yes you see, I am only asking... You see, would you mind a bit of some violent rapage? Girl: How dare you! Man: Oh I mean not be rude mylady, just a bit of torture and some few stylish cuts with my fancy knife? Moral: Whatever you do, whatever you want, KEEP IT CLASSY!

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A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

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Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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4 out of 5 people enjoy being gangraped

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Stable relationships are for horses.

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At a moral man bar... "the most awesome place on earth": Man: I thumb down my comments now, and somehow they end up thumbed the next day... Woman: Uh... what comments? Moral: Be specific... or at least dont brag to pick up chicks... now if you wanna be yourself and could not give shit about the rest, then go ahead! It will actually improve your chances!

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Boy: How much does a Polarbear weigh? Girl: How much? Boy: Just as much as me, hi my name is Ahron

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

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me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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I'll eat your poop

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Welcome to DIE!

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!