Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

thumb_up thumb_down +137

I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

thumb_up thumb_down -159

Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

thumb_up thumb_down +114

Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

thumb_up thumb_down +160

At a ... PUB! Man: Hey... wanna... go out with a true shinob i ninja? ;) Woman: Are you not supposed to be invisible or something? Man: You can see me? SHIT! (runs away). Moral: So what if she saw you you are all covered in a pajamas anyways...

thumb_up thumb_down -99

will you marry me

thumb_up thumb_down +33

I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Hi I'm Shaniqua.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

thumb_up thumb_down +98

"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

thumb_up thumb_down +77

Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

thumb_up thumb_down -33

- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

thumb_up thumb_down +125

At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

thumb_up thumb_down +210

Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Hey girl, I May not be Fred Flinstone but I can make your bed rock! ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +68

Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

thumb_up thumb_down +24

on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!