"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

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-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

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I wish my sister was as hot as you.

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Male-where have you been all my life ? Female-not in it thats for sure Male-i was singing a song i wouldn't want YOU in my life Female-i was singing a song 2 *lies*

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Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

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"Don't scream"

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As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

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Wanna have sex?

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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I have no gag reflex.

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!