- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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I love Mark Wahlberg!

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

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MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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You're like chocolate pudding. You look like crap.

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*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

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-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

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Wanna have sex?

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

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Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

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Girl: I like a romantic man. Man: oh yes? Girl: Yeah he would have to sing to me... Man: Ehem... cough... okay here goes:Madness? Madness! Madness? Madness! Girl: What? Man: THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A A-A-A-A-A! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A.... Girl: EEEK MY EARS! *runs away* Man: Wait where are you going I am not even finished singing my youtube sparta mix!! Moral: When its hot, they pinch back, *wheeze*

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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Pointless truth? Man: Hey, there is always a really slutty dressed woman at every bar with a cowboy hat, fake tits and really spread legs, why? Woman: To get ignored. Moral: SUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!

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haha

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!