-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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sex me.

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Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

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One hot summer night in 1960, Steve had his first date with Susie. He went to pick her up and her mom answered the door. She invited him in, and asked him what they planned to do on their date. Steve replied that they’d probably see a movie then get a burger. Susie’s mom said, “Well, Susie really likes to screw.” Steve said, “Huh?” Her mom said, “Yes, she loves it. She could probably screw all night.” “Okay, thanks!” replied Steve, mentally rearranging his plans for the night. A few minutes later Susie came downstairs and they left on their date. About a half hour later Susie came running back in the house, her clothes disheveled, and yelled: “Mom, it’s called the TWIST! The name of the goddamn dance is the TWIST!”

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Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

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Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

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Hey, you want a ride?

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

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Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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Twinkle winkle little star, cuz my star is what you are... Moral: Heh, that one might actually work if you do it spontaneously and mean it, damn I keep failing at making bad pickuplines, I am so good I cannot fail! I WANT TO FAIL! (Legal disclaimer: Not really I just go hi-wire after... "flirting" yeaaaaaaah lets be subtle now "Moral" Man)

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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Penis. I got it

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At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

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How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

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It's not Rape* If you yell surprise.

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-Get in the Van

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!