Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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Yo girl... My feelings keep growing, I just have to say it, but it might be too soon, it might even risk our friendship. Awww, just say it. Ok girl, I hate you more for every day, you fucking ugly bitch, if it where not for your money, id leave right away. Moral: Its not about what you want, its about what you need, therefore I decided I only need whatever I want, case closed.

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Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

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Your face is like mace, every time i see if i get blinded

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

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he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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Girl: Do you know any good movies? Boy: Snakes on a plane Girl: Whats it about? Boy: It's about Horses.. on a boat.

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Vader getting it on ;): My sexual prowress overcomes even the power of the dark side. Can you even have sex? ... Uh... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

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Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!