It rubs the lotion onto it's skin

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Girl: Do you know any good movies? Boy: Snakes on a plane Girl: Whats it about? Boy: It's about Horses.. on a boat.

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-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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Guy enters a bar: Guy: I have some really bad self-esteem and would really apreciate if someone would give me a chance and... Gorgeous woman: Hey, I would love to get to know you, and maybe take you home and... Guy: WHAT? THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME! I CANT HANDLE IT! HEEEEEEEEEEELP! (Runs out of bar screaming)

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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This doesn't have to be a rape.

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

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sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

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Big Black Guy: Yo, whats your name there sexy? My name is Tyrone Bigs Dicks, but my NBA teammates call me Mr.BigDingDong, I play for the HUGE Chicago BIGC0cks if I seem familiar to you ;),... Woman: Wow, awesome ;) and why do they call you that? Big Black Guy:Sigh... I was afraid you would ask... I actually got no idea... But I do not think there are any Big HUGE hard facts... Woman: :/ Big Black Guy: Where you going? Hey! Moral: Lol cannot stop laughing myself! "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WE PRESENT TO YOU THE HUGE CHICAGO BIGC0CKS!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!