You're like chocolate pudding. You look like crap.

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You look... clean

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

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Man- How much do 2 polar bears weigh? Woman- I don't know? Man- Enough to break the ice, heyy.(;

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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- Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you? There is no response because she passed out from it and he leaves in order to void suspicion.

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Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down?

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Man: Wow you are my cousin? Damn girl you are hot! I mean nothing wrong you know, I was just wondering if you wanna get a innocent cup of coffee Woman: Uh, thanks, but I have never met you... Man: Not my cousin? Bah, what a turnoff im outta here... Moral: Yeah moral... Pffft! You will have an easier time finding Waldo here.

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You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

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Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

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So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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How you doin? go away- I have a gun

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him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!