If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

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As original as things get: Pickup in the future! Android: Greetings Alpha six zero zero,requesting access code for insertion of my intercourse-D.I.C.K card into your V.A.G 2.0 intercourse receiver! Another Android: Access granted Zero six nine eight, engaging card...System! Deactivate mini-android production systems and engage cooldown systems to avoid critical overheats, lubricate essentials for easy access, I have no entry code, engage at once! Moral: I honestly thought it would end up in failure, but damn androids are easy!

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Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

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Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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Man: I bet I can scream so loud I can break the walls this post is made of. Woman: Pfff bullshit.. Man: POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!! Woman: Wow, I wanna go home with you! Man: Sorry, I dont wanna go home with you Moral I dont bang women I "have something to prove to" if ever... heck just ask a woman what makes her cool enough to ask/demand you to prove yourself... and you may just hit the soft spot...

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!