-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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Roses are red violets are blue this isn't a poem I'm a botanist.

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

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If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

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Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

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the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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Moral: Hey, how you doing? ;) Woman: Moral? Are you that guy that signs all his posts on horsecrapz network and adds miscellaneous notes? Moral: Yep that's me ;) Woman: OMG LIKE EWWW! Id never do you! Moral: Uh, when did even make such a suggestion? Moral:Well I am married...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!