you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

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Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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Hey girl! Faggot.

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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Man: (puts on a stern face and mans up) Hey you random hoe, wanna have sex? Woman: Sigh... sure why not... at least you dont play games. Man: WHAT? IT WORKED? IT WORKEEEEED?! OMG truCKINg goD wOooooot wooooooot hell I aM gonna get laid tonight it finally worked yaehaieHeiAHEIHAIEHIAHE Wootowtowot I AM GONNA LOSE MY VIRGI... Woman: never mind, you are too noisy... Moral: Desperation... harder to hide than you think..

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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HE ; " MY NAME'S BOND, JAMES BOND" SHE;" MY NAME'S ****, **** OFF!"

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

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Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

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*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!