I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

I heard this one in real life in Spain, pretty good one: Man: Please marry me! I am nothing without you! Woman: If you are worth nothing then why should I want you? Man: Uh... Moral: Its a great honor having a dedicated group of followers making sure my comments always have red thumbs, thanks to this my sociology studies are complete. My thanks to every azzhole out there.

Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

adam burdass

Shorts and pants compilation: Hey you a cheap prostitute or just out of my league? Hey mom I just watched some more hentai today and wonder if you would... Why are you screaming? Its just me naked with a boner! According to hentai its completely natural! I mean I am getting to do you when I turn eighteen right? No? You are a horrible mother! I am so telling dad you wont give it up! Bitch, you like men that beat you up while fucking you? You do? Oh, my! This is like too freaky too me! *runs out girlie screaming* Dad, I watched some other hentai today and, I wonder if you... Moral: *Pants*, there you go.

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

Her: Guess what? Him: What? Her Yo Mama! Him: Is she that slut i did last night?

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

Guy:I got stds! Wanna do it? Girl:what the f*** did u just say?guy:oh std ummmm save the dogs?uh ya that save the dogs I own a animal shelter! Girl:I'm not stupid guy: u sure? (Slap)

Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

hey baby i just came in my pants

Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

Hey can I have your number? No.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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