-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

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fancy going halves on a bastard?

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

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-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

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roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

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hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

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Your face is like mace, every time i see if i get blinded

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Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

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violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

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B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

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Guy:I invented troll face oh yea! Girl:you gave my daughter nightmares for weeks you b****!(throws drink in face)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!