-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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Penis. I got it

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

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Are your prices by the hour

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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Honestly bitch, I hate you, but my balls are bursting so its either you or the next disgusting ugly bitch in line, my mom!

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guy: ermm...i like blondes ;) ima blonde too...we r a perfect dumb blonde match!!!! girl: yeah but im the dumb one in this situation. and have u taken a look in the mirror lately?!?! guy: yeah...well...uhh...maybe.........no not really... girl: well first of all you got pimples the size of mars, you have cross-eyes, you nose is bigger than squidwards nose, and let me see ur d!ck...now!!!! guy: oooh getting right to the point!!! i like it *unzips his pants and pulls out his nub* girl: uhh well u aint got no point, it looks like ur point just broke... guy: well midgets cant help it!!!!!!!!! dont judge my falses!!!!!! girl: okayy...besides theres wayyy too much to judge...no point...ur a complete waste of my timee!!!!!!!! now go watch porn and see if it grows a little bigger than his little nub u got.

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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Hey babe, are your parents arseholes? Because your the shit.

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!