Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

thumb_up thumb_down -95

-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

thumb_up thumb_down +20

The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

thumb_up thumb_down +96

-Get in the Van

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... *gets up and leaves* Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

thumb_up thumb_down -60

- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

thumb_up thumb_down +35

So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Real life again. I was about twenty and things where going on really well with a shy Swedish girl... Me: Hey, my name is Axel, you know, like Axel Rose? ;) She: I hate that guy! Me: Me too! She: Are you being fake? I dont want to talk to you anymore. Me: No wait I really hate him! She: So desperate... (pats me on the head and leaves me feeling pretty stupid) Moral: Last time I used that one, I hate Axel Rose and I hate my parents naming me after that bastard

thumb_up thumb_down +84

Macho Man: Release the BOGUS! Woman: What? Super Macho Man: Never mind... no one will get this anyways... wanna go to McDonalds and get a Little Mac? Woman: Ok but I want a Big mac! Macho Man: What is a Big mac? Is it stronger than a little Mac? Woman: Huh? What do you mean? Macho Man: Sigh... and I actually fought Mike Tyson you know... Woman: So you are a boxer huh? Who are you gonna fight next? Macho Man: Sigh... Mr.Dream... Woman: Who the hell is that? Macho Man: a nobody...

thumb_up thumb_down +16

are you on fire?

thumb_up thumb_down -69

Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

thumb_up thumb_down -158

Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

thumb_up thumb_down +30

You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

I wish my sister was as hot as you.

thumb_up thumb_down +96

- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

thumb_up thumb_down +64

EVERYONE ELSE

thumb_up thumb_down +31

I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

thumb_up thumb_down +77

Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

thumb_up thumb_down -193

- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!