If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

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-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!