Guy: Can I have your number ? Girl: We are six.

thumb_up thumb_down +96

Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Girl: You look so happy, I am glad this is working out. Freud: Maaaaan I was just thinking about fucking my mom! Moral: Sickman Fraud.

thumb_up thumb_down +102

Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

thumb_up thumb_down -45

And then one day God invented man, the worlds third most useless invention. Moral: I cant stop laughing, thank you everybody I actually got top grades in sociology studies for this moral man crap XD

thumb_up thumb_down +224

Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Male: Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Guy: You look like a suitable mate and I'd thoroughly enjoy engaging in rough, sweaty sex with you and your lady parts.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

thumb_up thumb_down +163

that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

thumb_up thumb_down +55

BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

thumb_up thumb_down -40

WOW MY LONGEST EVER COMMENT BELOW GOT A THUMBS UPS WOOT-WO-WO-WOROWOOOT *Partyravelights that confetti crap and... Moral: I dont really give a shit and all...

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

thumb_up thumb_down +38

On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

thumb_up thumb_down -166

If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

Waiter- For you, sir? Male: I'll have a Strawberry Daquiri, non-alcoholic, please. Waiter- And, for your company? Male: For her, a long-island-iced-tea, with a twist of Rohypnol.

thumb_up thumb_down +92

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

thumb_up thumb_down +57

-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

thumb_up thumb_down +117

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +85

I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

thumb_up thumb_down +64

I AM LOVE! I AM LOVE! Moral: Seriously, I have never been QUUUUUITE this happy, shouting I am love is probably not the best move, thanks for your thumbs ups, thumbs downs, and while my work is done here, that does not mean Ill leave, I need to keep my reputation as the fourth, smoothest, aka pointless invention in the world, and unless you want to count that girl Justina Bitcherina, that means that I am the smoothest man alive, THANK YOU THANK YOU! And feel free to vote this down if you cant handle being thanked by the smoothest most awesome man alive. Hey, I get it, we cant all be me ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

thumb_up thumb_down +142

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!