Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

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Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

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"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

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Huge blue man: I AM THE APOCALYPSE! YOU ARE NOT FIT TO SURVIVE! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Huge blue man: "facepalm" THIS GAME, IS OVER! Moral: Dont start out too strong...

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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Man: May I please sit next to you for a brief moment? Woman: Sure :), you`re such a gentleman :). Man: Would you care for a bit of violent rapage in you`re anus?

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Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

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This doesn't have to be a rape.

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!