After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

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If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

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Woman enters gynecologist office: Man: YO I am the vaginator! Woman: Vaginator? Man: You know, the guy that is gonna fu.. I mean study your pussy with the long hard spear and see if your juices are okay and stuff... Woman: HuuuuuuuH? Moral: Writing this makes me understand why some women dont exactly enjoy a trip to the "Vaginator" so I forgot the moral and the point... my sympaties though...

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

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girl:go away! boy:okay girl:i need space boy:okay just one meter girl: no i"m not kidding boy:i know girl:my mother hate's you boy:i hate her too.! girl:we are now break boy:okay i"m hungry lets eat! girl:you don't understand me boy:no i"m understand you girl:you are philosopher i hate you boy:what? girl:nothing at the end of the story they loved each other

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Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

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Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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Are you a unicorn cause u sure look horny girl:are u a turtle cause ur really slow ur the 10th guy to hit on me.....in 5 minutes

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

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Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

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" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

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Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

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My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!