Did it hurt? When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down?

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

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Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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Nerdy Pokemon Pickup he: i want to squirrtle on your jigglypuff she: I want to boulder smash your face

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- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

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Man enters bar: Man: is there any... I mean ANY woman that would not instantly reject me here? If there is, I would like her... or in worst case scenario, HIM that she/he is very special to me and has the most beautiful eyes ever... THANK YOU

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What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

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Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

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Man: Hey lady, wanna come home with me? Woman: A man like you :D would ask a woman like me? I... I cannot believe it... sniff... excuse me this is so beautiful... ;D I want to of course of course I want to... Man: Want to? Woman: Tell you to go screw yourself moron! Man: But you said beautiful as you looked into my eyes and seemed so happy... Woman: Yes I was looking at my reflection in your eyes to avoid having to look at your disgustingly ugly face! REJECTED like a SONIC BOOM! (now that one was for the non lesb... I mean non drunk women, see? I am quite equal, even to the weaker, yet hot gender)

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Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

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Vader getting it on ;): My sexual prowress overcomes even the power of the dark side. Can you even have sex? ... Uh... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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I'll punch ya!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!