hey, your cute. hey, your not.

thumb_up thumb_down +87

Her: Guess what? Him: What? Her Yo Mama! Him: Is she that slut i did last night?

thumb_up thumb_down -135

Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

thumb_up thumb_down -62

hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

thumb_up thumb_down +13

NEROMETAL`S GUIDE ON HOW YOU! YES YOUUU CAN BANG 12 CHICKS AT ONCE (well I banged eleven one wussed out) Short version (Extra "short" version below) 1. YOU? YOU? LOL YOU ARE LUCKY IF YOUR HANDS DONT GET A HEADACHE WHEN YOU GET A BONER! 2. GO to your mom and say... "mommy, do you love me?" And if she says yes dear and you dont have pants or underwear on and your dick pops up and she stares at it like... "aww, thats like the nicest tiniest thing ever..." (Sigh yeah mother are like that, I know... Not really was raised by my big sister, banged her... (much better) Solvemedia: Go berskerk... BITCH DOES IT LOOK LIKE YOU NEEDD TO TELL ME? WHY YOU RIDING MARCEL LIKE A HOE? Ps: I bet Harris to post a comment with over 50 LETTERS here, he refused, so now he owes me about 1800 dollars yeah, because it was not a bet, just because he owes me cash and admitted that that is the reason he "aproves" of me banging his sister. JOHN "MACK" HARRIS FIRST OF ALL I PREFER HAVING YOU IN CONSTANT DEBT, SECOND THE FUCK IF I NEED YOUR APROVAL HAVE YOU SEEN HOW SHE STILL CANT SITT WITHOUT LIFTING HER TIGHTS A BIT? I AM LIKE "GIRL YOUR ASSHOLE IS TOO TIGHT" SHE IS ALL LIKE "PLEASE OH PLEASE OOOH YES YES HARDER" And then my dick gets squashed again... Ouchie... But you know... HARRIS YOUR SISTERS ASS IS NOT TOO TIGHT ANYMORE! GIVE ME A THUMBS UP... Uh... How to say it political... Nevermind, I call him niggs or bro, he is pale... Yeah, white, casper. HARRIS! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE AND POST FIFTHY FUCKING WORDS AND YOU OWE ME NOTHING (Your sister is mine "bro" she even calls me "bro", and since I fucked my sister which raised me, im really cool with that) Or else Harris (I sent him/You harris an email) Ill want my money tomorrow at exactly 12:00 am, or else some accidents, might happen to your knees... Nah... Ill just hmm... You know I am a lawyer right? Ill sue you for everything you got... ...Yeah because a guy that constantly owes his overlord money has so much to sue away from... JUST STOP BEING A CHICKENSHIT HARRIS!

thumb_up thumb_down +47

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

thumb_up thumb_down +5

"Don't scream"

thumb_up thumb_down +112

*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

thumb_up thumb_down +132

Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

thumb_up thumb_down -37

I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

The anti part of below comment, may be the fact that its going to get thumbed down to Hades. Moral: They see me rollin, they envious... women that look like supermodels that work as jurists dont come easy... unless you are Moral Man. *Plays moral man theme* (Character inspired by Salvador Dali, I mean what greater inspiration than the man that celebrated each day as he woke up in the body and mind of the greatest man ever? Me? Same, but I also wake up next to the greatest woman ever.)

thumb_up thumb_down -69

-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

thumb_up thumb_down +36

You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

thumb_up thumb_down +3

- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

thumb_up thumb_down +279

Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

thumb_up thumb_down -23

-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

thumb_up thumb_down -71

MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

thumb_up thumb_down

Guy:I got stds! Wanna do it? Girl:what the f*** did u just say?guy:oh std ummmm save the dogs?uh ya that save the dogs I own a animal shelter! Girl:I'm not stupid guy: u sure? (Slap)

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!