-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

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hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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Damn girl did you just come from the dump? Cause you smell like shit.

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you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

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Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

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Man: Lets have some fun ;) Woman: Sure! Man: Starts telling jokes. Woman: Funny but I thought... Man: What? Woman: Well its a bit uh... silly of me but I thought that we where getting at your place, having a drink and... Man: What? I said fun, not date rape! Woman: Wow... this is really getting nowhere is it? Author: Hell no! Moral: This "anti-pickup" was not even finished and you want a moral too? Pssssssssssssssssshhhhh....

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-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

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A man comes home from his doctor and tells his wife that he only has 12 hours to live so he asks his wife later that night if they can do it one last time she agrees but after an hour the man wakes his wife and says honey in a few hours I will be dead can we do it again please. So they do it again a few hours later the man wakes his wife again and says dearest since I'm going to die soon can we please? to this the wife says look honey tomorrow I have to get up you don't!

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Guy enters a bar: Guy: I have some really bad self-esteem and would really apreciate if someone would give me a chance and... Gorgeous woman: Hey, I would love to get to know you, and maybe take you home and... Guy: WHAT? THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME! I CANT HANDLE IT! HEEEEEEEEEEELP! (Runs out of bar screaming)

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

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Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!