- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Stable relationships are for horses.

I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

HE: You must have some hot buns. SHE: Yeah? HE: Cause you got a real butterface to go with them.

Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

I've got candy.

Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

-Wanna go to my place? -Actually, I was gonna ask you the same question. -Really? Where do you live? -In a sexual harassment class.

Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

Woman: Ugh I wish I could remember who you are, I mean you could even have Aids or H.I.V... Man: Hey yo don worry, Dogta tol `d I am positive so thats that Moral: The H.I.V awareness group was a message: We will go literally f/ck ourselves to death have a nice day.

You're like chocolate pudding. You look like crap.

your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

Excuse me, is your father a gardener? No. Why? Because he keeps leaving all his dry leaves on my sidewalk please tell him to clear it!

Man: I bet you havent seen a really big dick before ;) ;) Woman: No... but I have seen yours... The man proceeds to stare at the floor and leaves in shame...

Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

Guy: Do you like me? Girl: No Guy: ..... Girl: You didn't ask me if I loved you! Guy: Do you love me? :D Girl: No

GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book