guy: ermm...i like blondes ;) ima blonde too...we r a perfect dumb blonde match!!!! girl: yeah but im the dumb one in this situation. and have u taken a look in the mirror lately?!?! guy: yeah...well...uhh...maybe.........no not really... girl: well first of all you got pimples the size of mars, you have cross-eyes, you nose is bigger than squidwards nose, and let me see ur d!ck...now!!!! guy: oooh getting right to the point!!! i like it *unzips his pants and pulls out his nub* girl: uhh well u aint got no point, it looks like ur point just broke... guy: well midgets cant help it!!!!!!!!! dont judge my falses!!!!!! girl: okayy...besides theres wayyy too much to judge...no point...ur a complete waste of my timee!!!!!!!! now go watch porn and see if it grows a little bigger than his little nub u got.

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

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Sex?

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- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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Man: I bet you havent seen a really big dick before ;) ;) Woman: No... but I have seen yours... The man proceeds to stare at the floor and leaves in shame...

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Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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Man: Lady... Seriously, I got a PhD! Woman: Seriously, you look more like an athlete, in what? Man: Lady... I got a pretty huge Richard. Moral: RICHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

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Real life again. I was about twenty and things where going on really well with a shy Swedish girl... Me: Hey, my name is Axel, you know, like Axel Rose? ;) She: I hate that guy! Me: Me too! She: Are you being fake? I dont want to talk to you anymore. Me: No wait I really hate him! She: So desperate... (pats me on the head and leaves me feeling pretty stupid) Moral: Last time I used that one, I hate Axel Rose and I hate my parents naming me after that bastard

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why are you you touching me ????

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your almost as hot as my wife

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HE: You must have some hot buns. SHE: Yeah? HE: Cause you got a real butterface to go with them.

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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Hey, you want a ride?

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-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

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At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

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Man: So you will come home with me later? Girl: Sure! Man: Great then ill just go find more women I can bang later in the meantime... Moral: Depending of the kind of woman, this is of no consequence...

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If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!