M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

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Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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H3LL0 Girls, You need some THERAPEY? Call Nero The Moralman For A qualified TheRapist. The number? You wont get it, so then you will go mad with lust and need therapey Moral: Ooooh... I says ANTI Pickup line... Whats that? More Moral: Nothing is immoral! Everything is Moral MORAL MAN!

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Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

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Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

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Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

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*a guy and a girl meet at a bar and has a great conversation* girl - can I borrow your phone? I told my ex I'd call him when I found someone better. boy - sure, here you go *gives phone* girl - *silence* *after awkward phone call* boy - give me my phone back girl - you dont seem to get it do you... boy - give me my phone back girl - *silence* boy - GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK YOU BITCH *boy takes out a shotgun with him and repeatedly shoots girl* *girl dodges and takes a bazooka and aims for boy* *boy manages to get out of the bar* *boy installs bomb in center of bar* *boy leaves bar* *everyone attempts to get out of bar* *boy locks the door* boy - Yippie kai yay, moth- *explosion* *everyone dies* MORAL OF THE STORY - DO NOT GO INTO A BAR

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

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Are you from Tennessee? Because I have a lot of family that lives there, maybe we're related.

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

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whats it like being the only beautiful girl in the world? Whats it like having the smallest dick in the world?

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You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

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hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

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Man: Put your face over my fist as I say shinku Woman: Huh? Ok whatever.... SHOOOOOOOOOORYUKEEEEEEN!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!