"Next!"

thumb_up thumb_down +127

-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

thumb_up thumb_down +226

You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

thumb_up thumb_down +123

You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down -124

One hot summer night in 1960, Steve had his first date with Susie. He went to pick her up and her mom answered the door. She invited him in, and asked him what they planned to do on their date. Steve replied that they’d probably see a movie then get a burger. Susie’s mom said, “Well, Susie really likes to screw.” Steve said, “Huh?” Her mom said, “Yes, she loves it. She could probably screw all night.” “Okay, thanks!” replied Steve, mentally rearranging his plans for the night. A few minutes later Susie came downstairs and they left on their date. About a half hour later Susie came running back in the house, her clothes disheveled, and yelled: “Mom, it’s called the TWIST! The name of the goddamn dance is the TWIST!”

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Man: Hey babe ;) I may not be the smartest guy around, but look at these muscles! (flexes like crazy). Girl: Sorry, I am blind... Man: Oh... do you hear my sexy raspy voice though? Girl: Sorry I am also deaf... Man: Oh... (leaves) 2 Weeks later: Man: HEY THAT WOMAN TRICKED ME! SHE SAID SHE WAS DEAF BUT WAS CAPABLE OF SPEAKING! DEAF PEOPLE DO NOT SPEAK!.... I think...

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Lady: Is your name REAAAAAAAAALLY Moral? Moral: Stupid big titted bimbo... seems im getting laid tonight...just like I was today, and by midday and... yeah lie.. I mean brag a lot I do not have sex THAT many times a day... okay I lied again... Anyway vote me for president at least I am honest... well actually that was a lie but...

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

thumb_up thumb_down +133

have met you before? i like eating my dogs shit.

thumb_up thumb_down -118

- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down -184

How much does a polar bear weight? Enough to break the ice... and throw you into the freezing water and drown you, because you're really ugly.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Excuse me, is your father a gardener? No. Why? Because he keeps leaving all his dry leaves on my sidewalk please tell him to clear it!

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down

Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

thumb_up thumb_down -1

-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

thumb_up thumb_down -20

The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

thumb_up thumb_down +135

Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!