Guy : Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Girl : No, why? Guy : Because I can totally see myself in your pants!

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

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Have you met Ted?

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Gaywatch starts

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

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*a guy and a girl meet at a bar and has a great conversation* girl - can I borrow your phone? I told my ex I'd call him when I found someone better. boy - sure, here you go *gives phone* girl - *silence* *after awkward phone call* boy - give me my phone back girl - you dont seem to get it do you... boy - give me my phone back girl - *silence* boy - GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK YOU BITCH *boy takes out a shotgun with him and repeatedly shoots girl* *girl dodges and takes a bazooka and aims for boy* *boy manages to get out of the bar* *boy installs bomb in center of bar* *boy leaves bar* *everyone attempts to get out of bar* *boy locks the door* boy - Yippie kai yay, moth- *explosion* *everyone dies* MORAL OF THE STORY - DO NOT GO INTO A BAR

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Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

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Honestly bitch, I hate you, but my balls are bursting so its either you or the next disgusting ugly bitch in line, my mom!

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

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Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!