- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

Batman enters a bar: Batman: Ladies... I am Batman... everyone runs out screaming Batman: facepalm Moral: Want to be feared? Well what did you expect? Who I am? Are you dense? Retarded or something? I am the goddamn Moral-Man!

Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

Hey girl, you a single mom I heard, I love that. Really? :D SURE! Hey just between us, how sexy are your kids on a scale from one to over nine thousand? Moral: Watch out ladies, I can only take care of so many of you... (you have kids? Meh, get lost,nothing personal, just you know... your kid)

-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

Boy: You know, just because one is beautiful does not mean that she is intelligent. Girl: Really? Boy: Yeah. But I'd like to tell you that you're a very good exception. Girl: Do you really think so? Boy: Of course! You're already ugly, yet you're so incredibly stupid!

Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book