It's not Rape* If you yell surprise.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!