i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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You allergic to semen?

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

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Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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Hey chicks! I am a very experienced suicide bomber, I was even in the plane that blew up the world trade center A ;) ¨ Moral: This must be the worst pickupline ever for oh so many reasons on so many levels...

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

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Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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