Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

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Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

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- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

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If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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Macho Man: Release the BOGUS! Woman: What? Super Macho Man: Never mind... no one will get this anyways... wanna go to McDonalds and get a Little Mac? Woman: Ok but I want a Big mac! Macho Man: What is a Big mac? Is it stronger than a little Mac? Woman: Huh? What do you mean? Macho Man: Sigh... and I actually fought Mike Tyson you know... Woman: So you are a boxer huh? Who are you gonna fight next? Macho Man: Sigh... Mr.Dream... Woman: Who the hell is that? Macho Man: a nobody...

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

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At a huge bar only known as Castlevania... Woman: Get lost loser! Why would I wont pay you "tribute" you pervert! Man: It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh.... I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute! Woman: What do you mean? You are totally insane and make no sense at all! Man: Perhaps the same could be said of ALL religions.,, Woman: You are quite the nutjob man... Man: What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk... Have at you! Woman: EEEK! Man: But what is this? Did I just attack a woman wearing a cross? Is your last name Belmont? Woman: Yeah So? Is there a problem with my HOLY CROSS! *Man on fire*: WHAT? THIS CANNOT BE! ARGH!!!!!!! Moral: Die monster! You don't belong in this world!

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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Man: HELP! I am dying of disease and have only one day left to live! My only wish... "sob" is to procreate... to have a son or a daughter... Woman: Aww... well maybe I can help you... Man: :D I cant believe it (tears in eyes) Woman: What are you dying of? Man: Aids... Woman proceeds to disappear in a ball of smoke. Moral of the story: Dunno find it yourself ffs I dont even know why people read this crap... funny typing it though.. thumbs ups for that :D

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What did the blond do when the web page she was visiting didn't load? She checked if her wireless access had been somehow cut off and then hit the refresh button and waited for the page to load again.

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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