"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

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Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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Do you live around here often?

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Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

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At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

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Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

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Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

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Girl: You look so happy, I am glad this is working out. Freud: Maaaaan I was just thinking about fucking my mom! Moral: Sickman Fraud.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together -The order of the alphabet is arbitrary. It's not my fault that you kept U and I apart.

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

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Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

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I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

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You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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