Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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Give me some sugar... honey.

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-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

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The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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Get your coat, I've got a knife.

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

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That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

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Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

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So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

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are you from subway cause you givin me a footlong

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guy: ermm...i like blondes ;) ima blonde too...we r a perfect dumb blonde match!!!! girl: yeah but im the dumb one in this situation. and have u taken a look in the mirror lately?!?! guy: yeah...well...uhh...maybe.........no not really... girl: well first of all you got pimples the size of mars, you have cross-eyes, you nose is bigger than squidwards nose, and let me see ur d!ck...now!!!! guy: oooh getting right to the point!!! i like it *unzips his pants and pulls out his nub* girl: uhh well u aint got no point, it looks like ur point just broke... guy: well midgets cant help it!!!!!!!!! dont judge my falses!!!!!! girl: okayy...besides theres wayyy too much to judge...no point...ur a complete waste of my timee!!!!!!!! now go watch porn and see if it grows a little bigger than his little nub u got.

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A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

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Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

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Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

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guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!