I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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-Hi Honey I'm home! -I'm not talking to you! -Oh, Okay. -Don't you want to know why? -No, I trust and respect your decision dear

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Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

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-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

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Man, no im still waiting,need to get my kids, hope its fine son, okay punches, captain falcon, but you break my jaw, I wont even ask for you to pay the bill, ill expect it. Man, good times, honestly, i was not even drunk, I was high as shit, never again tho, they did not tell me it was "magic tobacco" until I started seeing numbers NUMBAS! Hey, mind if I come stay sometime? I mean we really miss you son, you always at the fuckhouse now. Just me and... Well the gang... Just like the twelve of us, tell me who you dont want to invite and ill bounce him out for you. Man dog, that chick I punched down was pretty as fuck, she would have been my wife... Anyway just fucking happy finally a real car dude! If she fucks you to death, you gonna go out young and a Legend among gods, let her keep on sucka! (just don forget bout my sis huh? She asks about you too fucking much already) Man, you got me typing almost as much as you dog, anyway is you know, in four hours allright? If not screw my kid, I need a car ill get him a cab.

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HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

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- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!