If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

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At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Man: Wow you are my cousin? Damn girl you are hot! I mean nothing wrong you know, I was just wondering if you wanna get a innocent cup of coffee Woman: Uh, thanks, but I have never met you... Man: Not my cousin? Bah, what a turnoff im outta here... Moral: Yeah moral... Pffft! You will have an easier time finding Waldo here.

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

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Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

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A modified classic, props to the original poster: Man: Ask me out! Woman: Ok, get out! Man: No no, I said ASK me out. Woman: Okay... will you please get out? Man: No but thanks for asking me out, I am so gonna tell your friends how I rejected you asking me out. Moral: When beaten... THERE IS NO BEATING! If negative people can turn everything into a loss, thinking positive call help you turn anything into victory. I mean Hitler murdered millions right? Arent you happy (Jew or not), that it was not you? VICTORY! (if somehow Pyrrhic depending on how you turn on it... But if you wanna turn a gain to a pain, go ahead...)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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