M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

thumb_up thumb_down +50

- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

thumb_up thumb_down +217

If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

- What's a shabby girl like you doing in a lovely place like this?

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Nerdy Pokemon Pickup he: i want to squirrtle on your jigglypuff she: I want to boulder smash your face

thumb_up thumb_down +139

I have a really big..... Bank Account

thumb_up thumb_down +122

- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

thumb_up thumb_down +468

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

thumb_up thumb_down +156

Boy: You know, just because one is beautiful does not mean that she is intelligent. Girl: Really? Boy: Yeah. But I'd like to tell you that you're a very good exception. Girl: Do you really think so? Boy: Of course! You're already ugly, yet you're so incredibly stupid!

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

thumb_up thumb_down -9

-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

thumb_up thumb_down -248

Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

thumb_up thumb_down -77

The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

thumb_up thumb_down +80

F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +20

- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

thumb_up thumb_down +283

Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

thumb_up thumb_down -86

-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

thumb_up thumb_down +85

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!