Hello, it's nice to meet you.

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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Boy: Wanna go see a movie. Girl: Which movie. Boy: Texas Chainsaw Massicure. Girl: What is it about. Boy: Unicorns and Rainbows. Girl: Let's go!

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You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

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Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

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At a Bar for blacks... and whites... and everybody else... Man: I can last for hours in bed! Woman: *gets closer and whispers in his ear: Really? Man: OH YeeeeeaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Woman: Lets go to your place... Man: Meh, I am done. Moral: Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Excuse me I need to go change clothes...

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"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

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Business Y U No Advertise?

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!