- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

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Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

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Glass Basketball

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If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

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-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

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Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

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Drink this!

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Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

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hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

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Golf.

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Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

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Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

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boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!