I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

Man, no im still waiting,need to get my kids, hope its fine son, okay punches, captain falcon, but you break my jaw, I wont even ask for you to pay the bill, ill expect it. Man, good times, honestly, i was not even drunk, I was high as shit, never again tho, they did not tell me it was "magic tobacco" until I started seeing numbers NUMBAS! Hey, mind if I come stay sometime? I mean we really miss you son, you always at the fuckhouse now. Just me and... Well the gang... Just like the twelve of us, tell me who you dont want to invite and ill bounce him out for you. Man dog, that chick I punched down was pretty as fuck, she would have been my wife... Anyway just fucking happy finally a real car dude! If she fucks you to death, you gonna go out young and a Legend among gods, let her keep on sucka! (just don forget bout my sis huh? She asks about you too fucking much already) Man, you got me typing almost as much as you dog, anyway is you know, in four hours allright? If not screw my kid, I need a car ill get him a cab.

Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

Hello children! :D

He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

For you thinking what is that shit below this comment? Go fuck yourself, for those that wonder why I typed that excellence, well read whatever... So why am I here once a year and type a lot of insanity here? Because I am quitting smoking... AGAIN. So after banging two chicks (one my wife STEAKSAUCE!) I just want a smoke right? RIGHT? To chill the adrenaline... My wife does not smoke (well if you can smoke cock then she is still the best smoker in town) Seriously, Tina has Prince... That explains her breath ugh... I am gonna get one anyways for great justice.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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