Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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Hey ladies ;) I like to post lots of anti-pickuplines! ;) Girls: WOW! I WANNA JOIN YOU HOME! ME TOO ME TOO! The anti-part: This will never happen in real life.

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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My therapist says I should meet new people.

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Nerdy Pokemon Pickup he: i want to squirrtle on your jigglypuff she: I want to boulder smash your face

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- What's a shabby girl like you doing in a lovely place like this?

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

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-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

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Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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I'll eat your poop

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Do you want to see something swell?

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Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

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-I love you.

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guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!