"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

You're hot, I'm ugly. Lets make average babies.

Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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