what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

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Stories from real life part whatever: Me as a twelve year old: Yeah I am incredibly experienced with girls, I mean I know I look very young for a eighteen year old man, but I consider it a advantage of mine... Seventeen year old girl: Really? You are eighteen? Me: Of course, besides II have had intercourse hundred of times, mostly with married women, I enjoy being their "guilty pleasure" Girl: I bet you haven't seen boobs like these though! *shows me boobs* Me: OMG! HOLY SHIT REAL BEEWBS! OMG HOLY CRAP THEY LOOK INCREDIBLE HOLY SHIT EVERYONE I JUST SAW REAL LIFE TITS! I am a winner! Last thing I remember was getting slapped several times and getting spit on, I was too damn happy to give a damn, I was victory. Moral: had you asked me if it worked by then id say "hell yes!", today I doubt it worked as well as it could have...

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Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

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Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together -The order of the alphabet is arbitrary. It's not my fault that you kept U and I apart.

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Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

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male- are you from Tenessee female- why? am I the only ten you see? male- no, i was just going to say you look a little inbred.

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

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"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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You're hot, I'm ugly. Lets make average babies.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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