GET IN THE VAN!!!

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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Have you met Ted?

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You're hot, I'm ugly. Lets make average babies.

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Put the lotion on the skin!

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Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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Gaywatch starts

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The Non Moral method: "Hi I am the jack off all trades and master of none!" Moral: "Yo, I am the jack of no trades, and master of all!" So uh, Anti Pickuplines are pickup lines that do not work... Hmm, I think I get it... Hmm, no I don't...

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How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

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Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!