It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

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Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

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I have a gun.

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EVERYONE ELSE

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Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

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violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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The return of everyone`s pimps pimp! Pimp: Amma so cool I can piss on this electric fence no problemo! Pzzzzzzzzz.. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... Moral: Its better to end a sucky character early, am I right or am I right? Thumb me down if I am right...;) Ps: His name was Tyrese Whiner XD you can read his fantastic anti-joke some pages down or whatever...

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Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

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Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!