(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

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good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

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I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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Guy: Theres this girl and Ive been meaning to ask her something... Girl: I bet I know who it is ;D Guy: Oh good. So is your mom available on Friday?

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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imgonna r@pe you

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Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

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Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

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-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

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You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

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Boy: You know, just because one is beautiful does not mean that she is intelligent. Girl: Really? Boy: Yeah. But I'd like to tell you that you're a very good exception. Girl: Do you really think so? Boy: Of course! You're already ugly, yet you're so incredibly stupid!

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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On line post: Woman: HELLO! I love you, I am from Russia and find you particularly handsome and rich I am certain you could take care of me and I will do anything for you ;) here are some nice pictures I have never met someone as fantastic as you please contact me! (revealing pictures.gif) additional information: This message has been sent to 100.000 other recipients. FAIL! Moral: And I had not even moved out from my parents home yet... rich enough my ass...

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!