Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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Nice legs what time do they open

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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At Barlevania: Man: Yo lady... mind if I hang around? Woman: Uh... wait... there is a weird song outside... Man: Yeah but you will you... yeah... its getting louder! *nana nanananana nana* Man: What the hell is that? Woman: No idea, its getting louder! *NANA NANANANANANA KATAMARI DAMACY NANA NANANANANANANA KATAMERUUUUU! DAMACY DAMACY*¨¨ *Both the man and the woman gets rolled up in a spirit ball by the prince, in no time the bar gets rolled up as well* Dun dun dun dun dun dun Du du dun dun STAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAAAAAR LIGHT! King of all cosmos: Eh.. buenos dias! That means good day in Spanish the king thinks... the king likes languages... Eh? What is this insignificant thing you rolled up? Earth? The king does not like it... it feels too earthy! To humanny and stuff... *The king of all cosmos throws the earth away towards outer space* "ROLLED UP EARTH HAS BECOME PLANET EARTH!" Moral: Katamari Damacy taught us all that it does not have to make sense to be funny, but its not a good idea to for anyone to hit on anything while the planet is being rolled up...

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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Hey girl, I heard you are a lesbian! So which part of lesbia are you from? Moral: Geography is overrated, he got laid.

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You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

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Stable relationships are for horses.

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Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

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baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!