Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

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Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

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baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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Boy- Did it hurt when you fell- Girl- From heaven?!? AWWW <3 Boy- No the whore tree when you banged every guy on the way down.

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Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

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what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

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you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

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Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

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Now this one is for the ladies: Girl: Hey there Alexa! Long time no see! Woman: Indeed dear, so... do you still do YOGA!? Girl: Nah I stopped after the YOGA FIRE! lessons and the YOGA TELEPORT! Lessons where too expensive... Woman: too bad! Can you still bend your legs behind your back though? ;) It looked so sexy... Girl: Oh well, as long as you can still do you YOGA STRETCH tongue you can come home with me and teach me a thing or two since I am just 19 and you are a 35 year old couger... if you know what I mean ;) Woman: Sure! I can teach you a lot of lusty immoral things ;). Conclusion: Girl: Not there... its hurts. Woman: Just relax girl, and it will work... Girl: YES OH YES!!! Moral: To show that my stories also support the ladies ;) Hey... its called the ANTIPICKUPLINE after all right?

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

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Boy : Gurle: hi

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Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!