Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

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girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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I have no gag reflex.

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Every kiss begins with K ;) Yeah to bad ugly begins with U

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If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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Me during the noob days at a bar: Me: So this is fun, want to go to my place and watch The Matrix trilogy all night or something? She: Naaah, I already watched them, but I am sure we can watch something else all night right? Me: Nah, you see I just moved in, and I don't have any other movies, so yeah nice meeting you though! *facepalm*

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

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Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

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baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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Male: Hey babe! Wanna come to my house for a party? Female: Sorry! Don't have my herpes shot!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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can i take a dump in your mouth?

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!