Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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Woman: Hey is it true you black men have big penises? Black Man: Hell yeah woman! Mine is so big, its at least three times longer than my fist and at least 4 times as wide! Lets go get some hoe! Woman: Uh... well uh... its just that... uh... Moral: Be careful for what you wish for, when fantasy becomes reality... it may hurt....

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-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

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-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

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I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

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ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

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Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

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Im gonna rape you..

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http://scriptsbay.com http://scriptsbay.net

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

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Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

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What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

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Dont people ever get tired of PRETENDING like they dont need others aproval? I NEED APPROVAL I NEED APPROVAL! Moral: I REALLY DO! YEEEEEEEEES BECAUSE...Uh...you matter more than me? Nah, nothing like that, only I matter more than you...

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

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Male: I'm all you've got good lookin' Female: then I must not have alot

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!