-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

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Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

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Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

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are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

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your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

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"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!