-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

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-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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Man enters bar: Man: is there any... I mean ANY woman that would not instantly reject me here? If there is, I would like her... or in worst case scenario, HIM that she/he is very special to me and has the most beautiful eyes ever... THANK YOU

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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How much does a polar bear weight? Enough to break the ice... and throw you into the freezing water and drown you, because you're really ugly.

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

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Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

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Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!