Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

thumb_up thumb_down +147

Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

thumb_up thumb_down +60

I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

thumb_up thumb_down -20

hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Golf.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Happy BirthdaySean!

thumb_up thumb_down +194

I have a really big..... Bank Account

thumb_up thumb_down +123

greetings clarisse...

thumb_up thumb_down +100

Man: Hello! Mishimush! This is a Mister Borat eh? I would like to make the sexy time with you now woman... Eh can I make the rape on you? I will not make much crushings on you if you do not bite okay? Girl: WOW! SURE! Man: Sigh... I... (takes of wig and mustachio) I am actually Sasha Baron Cohen and this is just a hidden camera scene for my movie an.. Girl: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU YOU UGLY BASTARD! GET LOST! Man: DAMN! But its me the same guy and I think I just fell in love with you an... Girl: GET OUT YOU PERVERT! 10 minutes later: Man: Hello there oh honey, this is da berlinen wassenflass Bhruno and I would like you to help me make me the hetrosexal man for das werbungen of my movie star eh? Girl: .( Sigh... I miss that Borat guy... Man: But its me! I am Both Borat and Bruno and... Girl: YOU AGAIN?! GET LOST ASSHOLE! Man: Damn... something just went very very wrong here did it not? Borat: Hello the mister Baron eh? Mishimush! I am the making movie of Crushings of America! And this is my very Manly Man Bruno! Bruno: Hello hot stuff! Cohens! Me and Borat would like to make the very manly thing with you in a threycantzen of tree peepols! Borat: EH YES! We make bang bang in the anoos together with man man and man so no gays make us they slaves! Director: Is something wrong Mr.Cohen? Man: Uh... I think I need to see a shrink for a while after this experience...

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Man- According to my magic watch you're not wearing any underwear. Woman- Yes, I am! Man- Damn! I guess my watch is 15 minutes fast.

thumb_up thumb_down +174

knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

thumb_up thumb_down -121

Want to go out? No

thumb_up thumb_down +67

boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

thumb_up thumb_down -1,002

Didnt I just meet you at world of warcraft? My nickname is desperaterapist838493

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

thumb_up thumb_down -87

I've got candy.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

thumb_up thumb_down -10

-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!