Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

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Drunken man: Hey sexy ;) what is such a pretty thing doing in this shitty place? wanna come home with me? Nun: I am a nun! And this is a church! Drunken man: I know dammit im not THAT drunk... so what do you say? Nun: Uh... okay...

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http://pirater-gratuit.fr hacker un compte fb

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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Hey girl, I heard you are a lesbian! So which part of lesbia are you from? Moral: Geography is overrated, he got laid.

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

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Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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Every kiss begins with K ;) Yeah to bad ugly begins with U

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

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Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY! Ungrateful kids... Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Bonus because nobody loves you :( Me? People either love me around here, or you know... cough... psst...rapeandie? Lets keep that a secret between us and EEEEEVEEEERYBODY ELLLLLLLSSEEEEEE (SECRET ABOVE ALERT ALERT ALERT!) Sosiopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.

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Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

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Women love it when you kiss their neck. Just not while they are driving and while you're in the back seat and when they don't know you...

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Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!