Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

thumb_up thumb_down +1

-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Boy- Did it hurt when you fell- Girl- From heaven?!? AWWW <3 Boy- No the whore tree when you banged every guy on the way down.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Drink this!

thumb_up thumb_down +81

Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

thumb_up thumb_down +109

Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

thumb_up thumb_down +150

Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

thumb_up thumb_down -30

I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

thumb_up thumb_down +326

What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

thumb_up thumb_down -16

- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

thumb_up thumb_down +405

Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +71

After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

thumb_up thumb_down +551

MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is *zip* FEMALE: *gurgle gurgle* *scream*

thumb_up thumb_down -14

roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

I am terribly sorry for talking to you, but I was wondering if...

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Give me some sugar... honey.

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

thumb_up thumb_down +109

Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Pointless truth? Man: Hey, there is always a really slutty dressed woman at every bar with a cowboy hat, fake tits and really spread legs, why? Woman: To get ignored. Moral: SUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

my dick is 2 inches

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Woman enters gynecologist office: Man: YO I am the vaginator! Woman: Vaginator? Man: You know, the guy that is gonna fu.. I mean study your pussy with the long hard spear and see if your juices are okay and stuff... Woman: HuuuuuuuH? Moral: Writing this makes me understand why some women dont exactly enjoy a trip to the "Vaginator" so I forgot the moral and the point... my sympaties though...

thumb_up thumb_down -78

Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!