-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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Man: HEY BITCH! LETS HAVE SEX! Damn ugly woman: OKAY! Next day... Man: Damn that was some nice sex, too bad the bitch was damn ugly though, even trough the beer googles... I wonder where she is... "damn ugly woman": woof woof! Bark bark! Moral: Do you see any moral in this immoral piece of shit? (Ps if you are stupid, the bitch was actually a dog... get it?)

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Sorry Nero, this is still Golgo 12, I am trying to reach you here as the other place is down, I can see why some people consider you insane, sorry to admit I left the order by the time you left as well, Eliza was the only one that could keep up with your stuff, the rest well you know... So point zero is some kind of elysum now huh? For real? And you rule there? I mean I never doubted your wisdom, but six million people living some kinda new world order at point zero? Thats hard to believe.

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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So when' the baby due?

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I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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so... you're a girl,huh?

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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Drunk guy with high standards part 3: Man: Dunno woman... you are so big and... and... FAT and really huge and stuff but... well... uh.. you are still really damn hot so lets do it! Man: YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Astronauts: Did that guy really eject himself towards the sun? Moral: At least he was right about the really hot part... and that ladies and gentlemen, is the terrible end of the amazing drunk man with high standards, you can read the whole series just by clicking onwards trough my comments and give em a thumbs ups just as you go along.. otherwise they will show up... mean they wo..

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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It's not Rape* If you yell surprise.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!