Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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Woman: Ugh I wish I could remember who you are, I mean you could even have Aids or H.I.V... Man: Hey yo don worry, Dogta tol `d I am positive so thats that Moral: The H.I.V awareness group was a message: We will go literally f/ck ourselves to death have a nice day.

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It rubs the lotion onto it's skin

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The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

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Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

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Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

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You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

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Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

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Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

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Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!