Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

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I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

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What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

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Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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Man and woman in bed: Man: You know I am somewhat a deviant right? Woman: Sure but I am drunk so lets just do it.. Man: I AM SO GONNA BANG YOU! (Man throws dynamite at woman) Woman: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUU Moral: BANG INDEED... case closed.

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Man: Hey I am the hunk that writes the stories with morals, and I thumb them up myself... since they mostly get thumbed down slower that way... Ladies: REALLY! WOW WE NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD MEET A CELEBRITY! LETS HAVE AN ORGY! Man: HEY! LADIES WAIT WAIT! ONLY 8 AT THE TIME! HELP I AM GETTING GRAPED!... Anyway who am I kidding please proceed but stop fighting over the joystick I have enough joy to all thanks to my writing progress!¨ Moral: His-tory AKa My-Story, and you know that they say that the winners are the one to write history ;), and if you do not know what I mean, you are probable banging me too right now... (true story)

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Girl, you must be a parking ticket. Because you got 'Please pay within 30 days. Failure to do so you will face prosecution at the local court.' written all over you.

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This doesn't have to be a rape.

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

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You look... clean

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- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

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Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!