Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Put the lotion on the skin!

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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You're so hot I'd do you sober.

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

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-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

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Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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Boy- I'm heading back to my place. Want to come? Girl-Sorry you strike me as a person who cums all by himself.

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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Hello, it's nice to meet you.

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Male: I'm all you've got good lookin' Female: then I must not have alot

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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Man: (puts on a stern face and mans up) Hey you random hoe, wanna have sex? Woman: Sigh... sure why not... at least you dont play games. Man: WHAT? IT WORKED? IT WORKEEEEED?! OMG truCKINg goD wOooooot wooooooot hell I aM gonna get laid tonight it finally worked yaehaieHeiAHEIHAIEHIAHE Wootowtowot I AM GONNA LOSE MY VIRGI... Woman: never mind, you are too noisy... Moral: Desperation... harder to hide than you think..

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Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

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B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!