"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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Male: Hey babe! Wanna come to my house for a party? Female: Sorry! Don't have my herpes shot!

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

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- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!