- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Man: HEY BITCH! LETS HAVE SEX! Damn ugly woman: OKAY! Next day... Man: Damn that was some nice sex, too bad the bitch was damn ugly though, even trough the beer googles... I wonder where she is... "damn ugly woman": woof woof! Bark bark! Moral: Do you see any moral in this immoral piece of shit? (Ps if you are stupid, the bitch was actually a dog... get it?)

thumb_up thumb_down -12

You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

thumb_up thumb_down +145

Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

thumb_up thumb_down -108

If i could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'I' and 'U' together. Really? Cos' I like it just the way it is... With 'N' and 'O' together.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

thumb_up thumb_down +24

good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

thumb_up thumb_down -214

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Happy BirthdaySean!

thumb_up thumb_down +168

- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Dont let this rape turn into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down

Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

thumb_up thumb_down +93

Dont people ever get tired of PRETENDING like they dont need others aproval? I NEED APPROVAL I NEED APPROVAL! Moral: I REALLY DO! YEEEEEEEEES BECAUSE...Uh...you matter more than me? Nah, nothing like that, only I matter more than you...

thumb_up thumb_down -66

baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -129

I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!