Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because I have a lot of family that lives there, maybe we're related.

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

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"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

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Eyh! its me Black Metal, I seriously cant pay you right now son! Sorry if this comes late this page do not work for shit, (I bet thats why you pick this page you egomaniac son, If you was not full of em charisma id never do this alright?) Okay Overlord, I got your message, hell you know my sister loves you crazy crazy man, why the hell would I try to "hold her away" I mean fuck its banging, so yeah thumbs ups man High five for my sister, its you know, she was super shy before you showed up, now she cant do gym anymore (haha man you so hardcore) but she has lots of friends and you know... So am I absolved now Overlord Black Metal? Moral: Because this guy made me put this, man, you making me feel like a total bitch, good play son!

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

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I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

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Guy enters a bar: Guy: I have some really bad self-esteem and would really apreciate if someone would give me a chance and... Gorgeous woman: Hey, I would love to get to know you, and maybe take you home and... Guy: WHAT? THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME! I CANT HANDLE IT! HEEEEEEEEEEELP! (Runs out of bar screaming)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!