-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

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-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

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Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

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Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

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you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together -The order of the alphabet is arbitrary. It's not my fault that you kept U and I apart.

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

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It rubs the lotion onto it's skin

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

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roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

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You allergic to semen?

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Man: Wanna go to my home and have sex? Woman: Well... OK! Man: Wow you are easy!... wait! Where are you going? COME BACK! Moral: They are not easy, they just like a man with balls... and you where obviously not one of them... LAME OVER.

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-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

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Gaywatch starts

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!