(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

thumb_up thumb_down -40

*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

thumb_up thumb_down -192

girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

thumb_up thumb_down +43

How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

thumb_up thumb_down +26

You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

thumb_up thumb_down +103

The Non Moral method: "Hi I am the jack off all trades and master of none!" Moral: "Yo, I am the jack of no trades, and master of all!" So uh, Anti Pickuplines are pickup lines that do not work... Hmm, I think I get it... Hmm, no I don't...

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

thumb_up thumb_down -166

Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -9

-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

thumb_up thumb_down -99

M: Woah I am drunk baby... But I gotta say... you`re the hottest bitch in town! B: Bark bark!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -101

Guy: want to hear a joke about my penis. don't worry, it's too long Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina. don't worry, you won't get it

thumb_up thumb_down -108

Are you from Tennessee? Because I have a lot of family that lives there, maybe we're related.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Girl, you must be a parking ticket. Because you got 'Please pay within 30 days. Failure to do so you will face prosecution at the local court.' written all over you.

thumb_up thumb_down +136

Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Man: Hello there young lady, I am Elton John and I would very much like to have sex with you! Girl: OMG ITS... Wait! Wow you look a lot like him! But you cannot be real lol *leaves* Man: Man... I look and dress just like him! What could have gone wrong? Man getting the operation cost me a fortune too! Next time I am gonna try Freddie Mercury! Moral: "Dats gay Fifthy cen... I mean Gangstalicious!"

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

thumb_up thumb_down -78

He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

thumb_up thumb_down +120

You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

thumb_up thumb_down +96

Man seriously? Free Samsung? And that Fiat, I been wondering how much you want for it, not that i got it but I was considering buying it sometime. Son, I got no idea what brand this piece of shit car is, but the wheels are cool. No really, if you mean it, ill take that Fiat man, man, ill kiss your feet, ill do it, no really I mean Really? I mean really really? Man If you mean it, ill get over there right away, and man, you can have dunno, bad times, hell ANYTHING Okay? But if you are just messing with me, you can go fuck yourself and your phone man!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

thumb_up thumb_down -137

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!