Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

thumb_up thumb_down -5

-I bet you put extra sugar in your cereal every morning. -Aww, because I'm so sweet? -No. Because you're fat as hell.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Man: Hey, you dont look that fucking ugly, wanna go home with me? mirror: *shatters* Moral: If your ugliness ever shatters your mirror let me know, ill look at it and it will assemble itself back on its own.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

You look... clean

thumb_up thumb_down +135

Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

thumb_up thumb_down +140

Shy-guy: Hey uh, girl, we have been on like 40 dates, what do you um... You know say we go to my place for once and have some drinks? Shy-girl: Eh, well su-sure I mean its been over forty dates, but ill just take coffee if its oka... Shy-guy: OMG YOU DAMN EASY SKANK! HOLY SHIT YOU WHERE GONNA GIVE IT ALL WHERE YOU NOT? LOL NO TIME FOR DESPERATE BlTCHES! Moral: Not to be confused with the slightly less popular Nintendo character Shy Guy

thumb_up thumb_down -69

male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

thumb_up thumb_down +100

Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

thumb_up thumb_down +408

Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

thumb_up thumb_down -150

Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

thumb_up thumb_down -64

- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +67

Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

thumb_up thumb_down -165

Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down -122

-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Girl: You look so happy, I am glad this is working out. Freud: Maaaaan I was just thinking about fucking my mom! Moral: Sickman Fraud.

thumb_up thumb_down +102

-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

thumb_up thumb_down +121

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!