- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

Whatever I'll just date myself.

-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

That King that said: Kill all male babies... Lets say he was a teenager? Moral: Excellent job son, but you see, sharing is caring, have a victory drink!... Thing is... I don't care... rest well...For eternity... Hughman Heffer... The seed has been sown... you got nothing on me...

Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

whats it like being the only beautiful girl in the world? Whats it like having the smallest dick in the world?

Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

Did it hurt? When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down?

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book