- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

Hey girl, you must have fallen from heaven, because you're so old you should have died already and so ugly that they must have kicked you out as soon as you got there.

- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book