Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

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"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

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Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

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Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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#1 You're breath smells like Skittles, can I taste the rainbow? No, because , while mine may smell like Skittles, yours reeks. #2 Girl: Hey, I got this new Kiss Proof lip gloss, wanna try it out? (there are 2 answers to this) 1.Boy: Well, yours may be Kiss Proof, but mines not, and I don't have time to re-apply this after 2. Yeah, I do want to try it out, but not with you.

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

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Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

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man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

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Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!