hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

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(Based on a few real life experiences) Man: Hey girl wanna hang out an.. Girl: OMG IMMA ORGASMIN YES I COME WIT YOU AND WE HAVE WILD SAX IN MAH DERTY PUSSY AND THEN YOU LIKK MY ASS GOOD AND CLEEN! Man: Uh... I think I left my wallet im my pocket... which I think is in my fridge.. at home... gotta go before the house burns down you know... "runs off"

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Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

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Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

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the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

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Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

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Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

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Guy: You look like a suitable mate and I'd thoroughly enjoy engaging in rough, sweaty sex with you and your lady parts.

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- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

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The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Stop Footing Around

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!