Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

thumb_up thumb_down +116

hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -12

You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

thumb_up thumb_down +118

Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

I have no gag reflex.

thumb_up thumb_down +139

My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

thumb_up thumb_down +132

if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

"Next!"

thumb_up thumb_down +117

-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

thumb_up thumb_down -87

-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

thumb_up thumb_down -16

He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

thumb_up thumb_down +164

You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

thumb_up thumb_down -26

men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

thumb_up thumb_down +25

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

thumb_up thumb_down -44

- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!