My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

thumb_up thumb_down -76

Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

thumb_up thumb_down +93

You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

thumb_up thumb_down +263

My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

thumb_up thumb_down +93

Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

thumb_up thumb_down +96

At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

You like my boobies ;) Girl: I said no you disgusting fat bastard! Moral: What fucking kind of MOTHERFUCKING MORAL are you expecting to find here?!?

thumb_up thumb_down +137

- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

thumb_up thumb_down -79

-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

thumb_up thumb_down +192

A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

thumb_up thumb_down -88

In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: USA discovers they do not have nuclear weapons and then gives them nuclear reactors?

thumb_up thumb_down +98

Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

thumb_up thumb_down +124

if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Man: Hello there my name is... Woman: I wish you where water... Man: So you can swallow me? Hey not so fast baby! I dont like em fast. Woman: You did not let me finish! Man: Whatever, gotta go... Moral: Girls... women... you may be mysterious, but unlocking your secrets is my favorite pastime... I CHARRENGE YOU!... Then again I never liked women throwing themselves at me without me saying a word (not that it happens very often)¨ Ps: I see some other people have started to add "morals" to their stories, without success sadly, keep going kids, and people will always of course know who the real "Moral man is" because of the cheap nature of my fantastically silly and "dragged out of the ass" nature of my morals...

thumb_up thumb_down

-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

thumb_up thumb_down -141

Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

thumb_up thumb_down +110

Woman enters gynecologist office: Man: YO I am the vaginator! Woman: Vaginator? Man: You know, the guy that is gonna fu.. I mean study your pussy with the long hard spear and see if your juices are okay and stuff... Woman: HuuuuuuuH? Moral: Writing this makes me understand why some women dont exactly enjoy a trip to the "Vaginator" so I forgot the moral and the point... my sympaties though...

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!