Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Man: Hey lady, wanna come home with me? Woman: A man like you :D would ask a woman like me? I... I cannot believe it... sniff... excuse me this is so beautiful... ;D I want to of course of course I want to... Man: Want to? Woman: Tell you to go screw yourself moron! Man: But you said beautiful as you looked into my eyes and seemed so happy... Woman: Yes I was looking at my reflection in your eyes to avoid having to look at your disgustingly ugly face! REJECTED like a SONIC BOOM! (now that one was for the non lesb... I mean non drunk women, see? I am quite equal, even to the weaker, yet hot gender)

thumb_up thumb_down -160

-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

thumb_up thumb_down +104

Dont let this rape turn into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

thumb_up thumb_down -46

*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

thumb_up thumb_down -100

Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

thumb_up thumb_down -12

-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

thumb_up thumb_down +975

Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

thumb_up thumb_down +103

Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -29

I think I shit myself

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Man enters bar: Man: is there any... I mean ANY woman that would not instantly reject me here? If there is, I would like her... or in worst case scenario, HIM that she/he is very special to me and has the most beautiful eyes ever... THANK YOU

thumb_up thumb_down -39

-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

thumb_up thumb_down +380

Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

thumb_up thumb_down +167

I'd hit that.... with a truck.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!