Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

thumb_up thumb_down +61

-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

thumb_up thumb_down +349

Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

thumb_up thumb_down -35

male- are you from Tenessee female- why? am I the only ten you see? male- no, i was just going to say you look a little inbred.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

thumb_up thumb_down -86

Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

thumb_up thumb_down -41

the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

thumb_up thumb_down -84

A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

thumb_up thumb_down -99

-Get in the Van

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +82

Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

thumb_up thumb_down -189

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

thumb_up thumb_down +75

Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Hi I'm Shaniqua.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

thumb_up thumb_down -38

will you marry me

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Girls hate me, they always discuss about how they regret fucking with me over and over again. Moral: Thumb me down, I know ya love me.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down +109

excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

thumb_up thumb_down -205

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!