Still a better love story than Twilight

thumb_up thumb_down -24

If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

thumb_up thumb_down +45

-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

thumb_up thumb_down -127

How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

thumb_up thumb_down +94

Man: *Pokes Woman* Ouch! You burned me! Woman: How did I burn you? Man: Because you're just THAT hot. ;) Woman: *Pokes Man* Well it's too bad you're not.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Guy: How much does a polar bear way? Girl; About 500 kilograms

thumb_up thumb_down +8

You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

thumb_up thumb_down +41

At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

thumb_up thumb_down +110

Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

thumb_up thumb_down -119

Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +326

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down +105

He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

thumb_up thumb_down +283

Girl: If you was a rollercoaster...I'd ride you all day long.. Guy: What? Am I not big enough for you now...why can't you just be happy with me... =_= Girl: : / I was tring to be all sexy in a cute way... Guy: Pfft. FREAK... e_e

thumb_up thumb_down -36

—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

thumb_up thumb_down -15

My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

thumb_up thumb_down +100

Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

thumb_up thumb_down +273

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

thumb_up thumb_down +93

Are you a unicorn cause u sure look horny girl:are u a turtle cause ur really slow ur the 10th guy to hit on me.....in 5 minutes

thumb_up thumb_down -91

Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

thumb_up thumb_down -86

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!