Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Come lay your head upon my chest. (After a moment) Perhaps you'd be more comfortable onmy stomache (pushes head down)

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Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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Hey did you fall from Heaven? Cos I think you are angel. If I'd fallen from anywhere that high I'd be in hospital with serious injuries or dead. Do the logic.

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Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

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Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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You smell just like my mom...

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!