Does it smell in here or it just you?

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

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"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

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My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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Your skin would make a nice coat.

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

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- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

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I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

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Woman: Seriously you are like the perfect man, I barely even met you and want to marry you already! What is your name by the way? Guy: My name is Le Petite Chessedeburger Withnowhitesauce! Woman: I am gay by the way, gotta go feed my uh... my wife yeah my wife.

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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-I love you.

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Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

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Man: did you just fart cuz you blew me away! Woman: actually I did, sorry if it smells I had enchiladas for lunch.

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Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

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what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!