How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

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I have no gag reflex.

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Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Get your coat, I've got a knife.

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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Like my status for a tbh? Cause to be honest you are the prettiest girl I ever met ;) Like MY status for a tbh? cause to be honest, thats old and No one gets on Facebook. Twitter all the way :p Oh did I say prettiest? I meant b*tchiest you are horrible at comebacks. So your dumb too! -__________-

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Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

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Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

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Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!