boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

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"You'll do."

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Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

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Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

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What happens when you run over a mexican? The country gets one less illegal immigrant.

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Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

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Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

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Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

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Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

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baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!