Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

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Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

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so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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You know, I had a great pickup line, but I just forgot it.

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

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Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

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He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

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And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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will you marry me

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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Black dude at bar: HERE COMES THE COLE-TRAIN BABY! WANNA RIDE! Girl: So I assume your name is Cole right? Dude: Uh... actually no but... WAIT! where are you going!

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is *zip* FEMALE: *gurgle gurgle* *scream*

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

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Can I go to your house and play with your Jigglypuff?

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

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M:HEY BABY! Where you from? W: Im a lesbian.. M: COOL! So which part of Lesbia are you from?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!