Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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Didnt I just meet you at world of warcraft? My nickname is desperaterapist838493

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Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

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Low confidence edition: Woman: Hi there cutie, you new here? Guy: Lady, believe me I am out of your league. Woman: You look really nice and I was wondering if... Guy: No really, believe me, I am boring and a virgin, but my mom says I am nice, but pfft no, just stop wasting your time and giving me false allusions please... Moral: Someone kill that faggot!

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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Get in the van.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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Huge blue man: I AM THE APOCALYPSE! YOU ARE NOT FIT TO SURVIVE! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Huge blue man: "facepalm" THIS GAME, IS OVER! Moral: Dont start out too strong...

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Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

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Man: Wanna go to my home and have sex? Woman: Well... OK! Man: Wow you are easy!... wait! Where are you going? COME BACK! Moral: They are not easy, they just like a man with balls... and you where obviously not one of them... LAME OVER.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!