Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

thumb_up thumb_down +146

Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

thumb_up thumb_down -127

Sorry to take up space, but this is simply my reply to the vile threats to that person whose line starts with "what did you say little bitch", know that he has no idea what he is talking about, and is possibly a simple mental case. Seriously, who the hell are you? And even so, who the hell do you think you are? Yeah with your terrible lack of discipline there is no way in hell you are or would become a soldier. You know very well that the navy would never waste its resources on helping your selfish and childish acts of revenge (or whatever you seek) Death threats will get you nowhere, and you can fully threaten me, but know that I live in Norway, and you can trace me and send your whole unit (if you had one) but by then you would solely be responsible for acts of war and be properly executed for international treason. Know your place civilian, we fight to protect you, do not shame us with your childish vendetta. Drill Sergeant Axel "Strength" Godøy. Aka "Moral Man" Ps: Threaten anyone again, and I will fill a full report and assure that your IP is banned from this network, you are shaming your people, your country and all that fight to defend world peace, try me out and see, give me that luxury.

thumb_up thumb_down -93

Hey did you fall from Heaven? Cos I think you are angel. If I'd fallen from anywhere that high I'd be in hospital with serious injuries or dead. Do the logic.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Happy BirthdaySean!

thumb_up thumb_down +173

Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

thumb_up thumb_down +93

Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

thumb_up thumb_down -33

You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

thumb_up thumb_down +411

Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

HELLO I AM BORAT! MISHIMUSH! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THE MOVIE OF MAKING THE RAPE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN! WILL YOU HELP US? Woman: NO!!!!!! Oh... ok Mishimush! We make the other Movie then, BORAT THE CRUSHINGS OF AMERICA.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

thumb_up thumb_down +34

why was the girl stupid beacuse she had brain sergy

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Man: May I please sit next to you for a brief moment? Woman: Sure :), you`re such a gentleman :). Man: Would you care for a bit of violent rapage in you`re anus?

thumb_up thumb_down +43

At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

thumb_up thumb_down +80

Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

thumb_up thumb_down -99

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!