man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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You seem rapable enough... wanna see some back alleys with me?

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HE: You must have some hot buns. SHE: Yeah? HE: Cause you got a real butterface to go with them.

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Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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Damn you look good in beer goggles.

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On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

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-Wanna go to my place? -Actually, I was gonna ask you the same question. -Really? Where do you live? -In a sexual harassment class.

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why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

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Are your prices by the hour

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M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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You're hot, I'm ugly. Lets make average babies.

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Shorts and pants compilation: Hey you a cheap prostitute or just out of my league? Hey mom I just watched some more hentai today and wonder if you would... Why are you screaming? Its just me naked with a boner! According to hentai its completely natural! I mean I am getting to do you when I turn eighteen right? No? You are a horrible mother! I am so telling dad you wont give it up! Bitch, you like men that beat you up while fucking you? You do? Oh, my! This is like too freaky too me! *runs out girlie screaming* Dad, I watched some other hentai today and, I wonder if you... Moral: *Pants*, there you go.

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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-how much does a polar bear way. -half as much as you (for fat girls)

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!