Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Sex?

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Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together -The order of the alphabet is arbitrary. It's not my fault that you kept U and I apart.

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

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- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

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"You'll do."

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-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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Put the lotion on the skin!

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Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

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Him: Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely beautifull...?? Her: (smiles) and says no.. Him: there is a good reaseon for that..

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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Your butt is so big that I would propably lose intrest during sex.

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Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

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*a guy and a girl meet at a bar and has a great conversation* girl - can I borrow your phone? I told my ex I'd call him when I found someone better. boy - sure, here you go *gives phone* girl - *silence* *after awkward phone call* boy - give me my phone back girl - you dont seem to get it do you... boy - give me my phone back girl - *silence* boy - GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK YOU BITCH *boy takes out a shotgun with him and repeatedly shoots girl* *girl dodges and takes a bazooka and aims for boy* *boy manages to get out of the bar* *boy installs bomb in center of bar* *boy leaves bar* *everyone attempts to get out of bar* *boy locks the door* boy - Yippie kai yay, moth- *explosion* *everyone dies* MORAL OF THE STORY - DO NOT GO INTO A BAR

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Business Y U No Advertise?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!