sound of zipper

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

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You allergic to semen?

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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HEY BITCH! GET YOUR ASS HOME AND GIVE ME A THUMBS UPS AT HORSEHEAD NETWORK! Moral: And be rewarded ;) (unless you are fucking ugly, then you still get the gift of voting me whatever way you want)

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

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Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

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Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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Jack is riding his new yellow bicycle. His father bought it for his 12th anniversary. Jack is ecstatic to have his first ride down his street. Erick thinks its ugly.

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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- Did it hurt? - Yes.

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Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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Guy: How much does a polar bear way? Girl; About 500 kilograms

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- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!