Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

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Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

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Lady: Is your name REAAAAAAAAALLY Moral? Moral: Stupid big titted bimbo... seems im getting laid tonight...just like I was today, and by midday and... yeah lie.. I mean brag a lot I do not have sex THAT many times a day... okay I lied again... Anyway vote me for president at least I am honest... well actually that was a lie but...

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He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

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If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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-hey, come here a minute.

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You allergic to semen?

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

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Actor walks in street... Woman: HEY ITS YOU! THE GUY THAT PLAYED GANDALF THE GAY!... Uh I mean Gandalf the GRAY! Actor: WRONG WOMAN! I AM FAGNETO! MASTER OF FAGNETISM! Moral: Please take no insult Esteemed Mr.Ian McKellen you are a fantastic actor... as for the rest of you, feel free to feel as insulted as you want... I mean its your own trucking choice :P.

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!