This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

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Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

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- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

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Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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Damn you look good in beer goggles.

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- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

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At a bar (for originality`s sake :P) Man: Hello would you want to come home with me and uckucukucekcuah cough... AAAAAARRrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh (dies of heart attack) Woman: Wow that was an original line, ok ill come home with you... err... hello... uh... is everything okay? Moral: Despite this "joke" death is rarely a good pickup line.

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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Nerdy Pokemon Pickup he: i want to squirrtle on your jigglypuff she: I want to boulder smash your face

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!