Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

thumb_up thumb_down

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Man:Are you in college? Woman:Yeah. Berry College. Lots of cows... Man:Well my name is Murad. You know, like, Moo to the radical. Moo, like, cows...

thumb_up thumb_down -97

Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

thumb_up thumb_down +94

Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

thumb_up thumb_down +104

Woman: Ugh I wish I could remember who you are, I mean you could even have Aids or H.I.V... Man: Hey yo don worry, Dogta tol `d I am positive so thats that Moral: The H.I.V awareness group was a message: We will go literally f/ck ourselves to death have a nice day.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

thumb_up thumb_down +115

Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

thumb_up thumb_down +61

hey, your cute. hey, your not.

thumb_up thumb_down +78

-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

thumb_up thumb_down +149

Hitler: Hey Mädchen, du bist Jude? Girl: What? Hitler: Ärmel hochkrempeln, ich brauche deine Nummer.

thumb_up thumb_down -132

Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

thumb_up thumb_down +67

Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

thumb_up thumb_down -170

Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +125

Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +81

why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!