- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... yawn Zzzzzzzmooth...

Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... gets up and leaves Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

Dont let this rape turn into a murder

Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

At a ... PUB! Man: Hey... wanna... go out with a true shinob i ninja? ;) Woman: Are you not supposed to be invisible or something? Man: You can see me? SHIT! (runs away). Moral: So what if she saw you you are all covered in a pajamas anyways...

Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

"My mom won't be home for hours..."

It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

Man: How much does a polar bear weight? Girl: No idea... Man: Me either... By the way! Did you hear of the great blahblahblahblah that did blahalblahblah! Moral: Breaking the ice... easier than it seems...

-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book

Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... *gets up and leaves* Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...