- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

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BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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Your skin would make a nice coat.

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Hey girl, I heard you are a lesbian! So which part of lesbia are you from? Moral: Geography is overrated, he got laid.

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"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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Girl, wanna fuck rite now? Sure! Man! You are such a hoe! *walks away disgusted* Moral: Be careful for what you ask for.

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!