"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

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Mario: Ey princess, wanna make the sexy time eh? Princess: With a fat Italian plumber? HELL NO! Bowser: MWAHAHAHA I AM SO GONNA RAPE YOU WITH MY SPINY DICK! Princess: HELP HELP MARIO I WILL DO ANYTHING JUST SAVE ME! NO BOWSER PLEASE DO NOT PUT IT IN THERE! ITS TOO TIGH... Shigeru Miyamoto: So this is how I wanted to make the Super Mario series... sexy eh? Girl: DISGUSTING! Shigeru Miyamoto: Well what do you think about the idea with Monkey Dong and the other girl tha...HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

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-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

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him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

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Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!