I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down?

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!