Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Man: I can control all women in the world! Guys: WOOOOT YEAH! Me: I can control all men! Guys: Huh?? Man: What the fuck is that good for you like guys or something? Wait hey let go of me! Moral: And off the endless cliff you all go MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!... Ladies, it seems it is up to us to repopulate this world, not sure if we can make it, but I shall do my best, but since I am just one, you better do all the moving, so I can conserve my energy.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

thumb_up thumb_down +33

- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

thumb_up thumb_down -76

Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Hey, you want a ride?

thumb_up thumb_down +78

Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

thumb_up thumb_down +117

man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

thumb_up thumb_down -29

You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

thumb_up thumb_down -67

Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

thumb_up thumb_down -106

hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

thumb_up thumb_down -22

"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

thumb_up thumb_down +155

Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

thumb_up thumb_down -95

male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

thumb_up thumb_down +87

Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

thumb_up thumb_down -37

- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

thumb_up thumb_down +94

Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

thumb_up thumb_down +106

I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

thumb_up thumb_down +95

At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Man: Hey you look good enough to do Woman: Oh really because so does my 8 foot boyfriend. Man: ... Woman: Do you want me to pick him up from the gym?

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!