I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

thumb_up thumb_down +4

As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Eat me, I'm organic!

thumb_up thumb_down -49

-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

thumb_up thumb_down +348

-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

thumb_up thumb_down -79

wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

thumb_up thumb_down +162

You seem rapable enough... wanna see some back alleys with me?

thumb_up thumb_down -36

- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

thumb_up thumb_down +380

Hey can I have your number? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

thumb_up thumb_down +99

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

thumb_up thumb_down -45

- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

thumb_up thumb_down +83

How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

thumb_up thumb_down +116

Sorry to take up space, but this is simply my reply to the vile threats to that person whose line starts with "what did you say little bitch", know that he has no idea what he is talking about, and is possibly a simple mental case. Seriously, who the hell are you? And even so, who the hell do you think you are? Yeah with your terrible lack of discipline there is no way in hell you are or would become a soldier. You know very well that the navy would never waste its resources on helping your selfish and childish acts of revenge (or whatever you seek) Death threats will get you nowhere, and you can fully threaten me, but know that I live in Norway, and you can trace me and send your whole unit (if you had one) but by then you would solely be responsible for acts of war and be properly executed for international treason. Know your place civilian, we fight to protect you, do not shame us with your childish vendetta. Drill Sergeant Axel "Strength" Godøy. Aka "Moral Man" Ps: Threaten anyone again, and I will fill a full report and assure that your IP is banned from this network, you are shaming your people, your country and all that fight to defend world peace, try me out and see, give me that luxury.

thumb_up thumb_down -83

"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

thumb_up thumb_down +73

Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

I have a really big..... Bank Account

thumb_up thumb_down +133

hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Boy: You know, just because one is beautiful does not mean that she is intelligent. Girl: Really? Boy: Yeah. But I'd like to tell you that you're a very good exception. Girl: Do you really think so? Boy: Of course! You're already ugly, yet you're so incredibly stupid!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!