I'll eat your poop

thumb_up thumb_down +2

MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

thumb_up thumb_down -78

Low confidence edition: Woman: Hi there cutie, you new here? Guy: Lady, believe me I am out of your league. Woman: You look really nice and I was wondering if... Guy: No really, believe me, I am boring and a virgin, but my mom says I am nice, but pfft no, just stop wasting your time and giving me false allusions please... Moral: Someone kill that faggot!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

thumb_up thumb_down +5

you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

thumb_up thumb_down -44

the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

thumb_up thumb_down +71

Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

thumb_up thumb_down +9

-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

thumb_up thumb_down +59

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Sung to the melody of Ozzy`s: "Moral Man" HEES THE MORAL MAN, IIIS HEE MORAL OR IS HE DEAD? HEES THE MORAL MAN AAARE THERE MORALS INSIDE HIS HEEAD. Moral: NOOO THERE ISNT! ONLY IMMORAL INSIDE! AND ILL KEEP POSTING, ONLY TO CRUSH YOUR INSIDES! *guitar solo begins*

thumb_up thumb_down -131

Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

thumb_up thumb_down +71

- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

thumb_up thumb_down -82

- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

thumb_up thumb_down -131

Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

-Hi Honey I'm home! -I'm not talking to you! -Oh, Okay. -Don't you want to know why? -No, I trust and respect your decision dear

thumb_up thumb_down +62

I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!