Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

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Woman enters gynecologist office: Man: YO I am the vaginator! Woman: Vaginator? Man: You know, the guy that is gonna fu.. I mean study your pussy with the long hard spear and see if your juices are okay and stuff... Woman: HuuuuuuuH? Moral: Writing this makes me understand why some women dont exactly enjoy a trip to the "Vaginator" so I forgot the moral and the point... my sympaties though...

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

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Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

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He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

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- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!