That King that said: Kill all male babies... Lets say he was a teenager? Moral: Excellent job son, but you see, sharing is caring, have a victory drink!... Thing is... I don't care... rest well...For eternity... Hughman Heffer... The seed has been sown... you got nothing on me...

Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

Stop Footing Around

Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

are you on fire?

How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

Super man and Lois lane doing it... Supes: WOMAN I AM SO uh.. tHORNY that I want to thrust as hard as I can and... Lois: YAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Supes: Oh noes! R.I.P Lois Lane... Ripped In Pieces Indeed... Moral: Hey at least moral man can get laid... (a moral man fake... well actually original)

Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

-Is there anything I can do for you? -Fill my care cup. Oh, actually, I don't think you can manage to do that.

Wanna have sex?

I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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