He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

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Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... *gets up and leaves* Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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EVERYONE ELSE

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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Man: Hey... wanna join me at my big mansion and have a friendly discussion? Girl: A mansion eh? Well.. sure! At the mansion: Man: MUAHAHAHAHA! I am gonna r@pe you! Girl: NO PLEASE! I am not drun.. uh not ready yet! 5 minutes later: Woman: OUCH! ouchie! That hurts! Stop it! ITS TOO HARD! Man: HAHA AND TAKE THIS GRAPE! AND THIS GRAPE! Oh... never mind this is one has turned a raisin... AND THIS GRAPE!... so uh... anyway wanna move on to the "lovers room" later? Want some more Champagne by the way? AND THIS GRAPE, AND THIS ONE IS REALLY BIG AND HARD! GET READY! Woman: Yeah sure... sigh... just get done with this weirdness already... damn these eccentric millionaires... OUCH! OOF!

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

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H3LL0 Girls, You need some THERAPEY? Call Nero The Moralman For A qualified TheRapist. The number? You wont get it, so then you will go mad with lust and need therapey Moral: Ooooh... I says ANTI Pickup line... Whats that? More Moral: Nothing is immoral! Everything is Moral MORAL MAN!

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Man: *Pokes Woman* Ouch! You burned me! Woman: How did I burn you? Man: Because you're just THAT hot. ;) Woman: *Pokes Man* Well it's too bad you're not.

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Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

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Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

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Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

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Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

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i would drag my balls through miles of broken glass, just to hear you fart through a walkey-talkey

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If you were a Pokemon I'd choose you!

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Okay, now one where I actually succeeded okay? I know this is not like "goodpickuplines.com nor anything but hey... She: I used to have the nicest goldfish. Me: I got one myself. She: Really? Is it at your place? Me: Duh! She: Lol can we go see it? Me: Sure!... Oh wait... Oh, it died last week :( She: Can we like you know... still go see it? ;) *That sound you get when you score a billion billions on an arcade machine*

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Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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Stable relationships are for horses.

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

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I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!