- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

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The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

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Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

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Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

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Penis. I got it

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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-Hi miss are you a catchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hotdog to you

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Five dollar women... WOO!

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BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

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You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!