when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

-Hi miss are you a ketchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hot dog to you

-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

Girl: Do you know any good movies? Boy: Snakes on a plane Girl: Whats it about? Boy: It's about Horses.. on a boat.

whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

Man: Put your face over my fist as I say shinku Woman: Huh? Ok whatever.... SHOOOOOOOOOORYUKEEEEEEN!

Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd probably leave it as is, seems to be working OK just fine without my internvention. And imagine the work it'd create in terms of all the re-filing alone. Librarians would have apoplexy, and if I came out I was responsible..well, there'd be hell to pay. No, thank you, but no thank you, the alphabet can stay as it is, no matter how hot your body.

M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

Guy:I invented troll face oh yea! Girl:you gave my daughter nightmares for weeks you b****!(throws drink in face)

Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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