if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

thumb_up thumb_down +118

Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

thumb_up thumb_down -235

Hey, do you want to dance? No.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

-I love you.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

thumb_up thumb_down +98

-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Hey can I have your number? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

thumb_up thumb_down +485

- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

thumb_up thumb_down +377

-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

thumb_up thumb_down +258

*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Man:Are you in college? Woman:Yeah. Berry College. Lots of cows... Man:Well my name is Murad. You know, like, Moo to the radical. Moo, like, cows...

thumb_up thumb_down -96

Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

thumb_up thumb_down -100

If you were a Pokemon I'd choose you!

thumb_up thumb_down +159

"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

thumb_up thumb_down +43

-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

thumb_up thumb_down -87

Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

thumb_up thumb_down +102

He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

thumb_up thumb_down -70

I hate you already.

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!