If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

At a drinking place :P: Man: You dare mock the great Sh... Woman: I am sorry I did not mean to humiliate that much... ehehehehe you are just a stupid jlttle nerd and all... :) Man: You will die moral... Woman: What?! Uh... did I mention how awesome you are? What was your name again? Man: You weak pathetic fool! 8 hours later: Woman: Please! Let me stay! Just for a little longer! Barman: Sigh... fine have a drink on the house. Woman: *sips drink and dies* Barman: Mission complete sir, she died instantly! Man: Instantly without pain? THAT WAS PATHETIC! Now... SUICIDE! Barman: No I refuse! Man: Drink it... or face the true WRATH OF SHAO KAHN! Barman: The true wrath? ANYTHING BUT THAT!*Punches himself in the balls hoping he dies from the pain, passes out and tries again* Man Is That your best? That was pathetic! Its official, you suck! Bhahahahahahaha! Moral: Fear the Wrath of Shao Kahn!

At a moral man bar... "the most awesome place on earth": Man: I thumb down my comments now, and somehow they end up thumbed the next day... Woman: Uh... what comments? Moral: Be specific... or at least dont brag to pick up chicks... now if you wanna be yourself and could not give shit about the rest, then go ahead! It will actually improve your chances!

I'll eat your poop

The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

On line post: Woman: HELLO! I love you, I am from Russia and find you particularly handsome and rich I am certain you could take care of me and I will do anything for you ;) here are some nice pictures I have never met someone as fantastic as you please contact me! (revealing pictures.gif) additional information: This message has been sent to 100.000 other recipients. FAIL! Moral: And I had not even moved out from my parents home yet... rich enough my ass...

- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

Five dollar women... WOO!

He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

Jack is riding his new yellow bicycle. His father bought it for his 12th anniversary. Jack is ecstatic to have his first ride down his street. Erick thinks its ugly.

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!