can i take a dump in your mouth?

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

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Male: I'm all you've got good lookin' Female: then I must not have alot

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

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So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

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I am typing it here for exposure which means I am no sellout because I admitt I sell out, just like I did not crash because I admitt I did. This one is real: Me meeting my childhood friend (a girl, with huge boobs... Which she had reduced because back problems... Fucking reduction pointless invention!) Tina: You where and will always be like a brother to me Nero. Me: Aww... Well... Tina: A fucking sexy brother back then... Well and now! Me: O_O. I am married, so I called my wife and asked if its okay, she said can I join? And well, why do you think I am so wired now... ROUND TWO... F*CK!

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

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You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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I just told Rebecca that the average man gets laid with about seven women during his life... ...She stares me in the eyes and goes "Noo! Really?" I mean should I feel cool? Is it because she has seen me with more women than... I dunno many, or because... Pssst: Harris... I mean you know I uh... Cherry pie this one right? Does this mean she goes around a lot doing a lot of other guys DAD!? (He calls me SON for like every third word, so yeah DAD... She is giving me a cold st... And she failed to take the laptop away from me, its kinda neat you know, typing while two girls cant share a... Well medium plus size dick... I mean... Wow they are making out... Imma gone forever. My fuckcount: Hell I know, when they say a guy bangs seven chicks during their lifetime, do they mean like a week? At once? Jk, I just pity the guys, for each extra gal for me, means one less for you right? Think positive folks, someone has to please them properly... Rebecca is like all "please sir?" "Thank you kind sir" (I hate being called kind) But in bed, she is all like FUCK ME HARDER YOU FUCKING MORON! Did I mention she has a sweet ass, and that my laptop is burning on her now... Multitasking: The key to threesomes, foursomes, fivesomes... I mean I wont say how many women I have done (rather been done by honestly) at once, why? Because you would never believe me. TWELVE... Eleven one wussed out actually because she just said it so she would look "cool among her friends... Poor little bitch..." Anyway, still twelve.

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I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

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-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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You like my boobies ;) Girl: I said no you disgusting fat bastard! Moral: What fucking kind of MOTHERFUCKING MORAL are you expecting to find here?!?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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