hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

thumb_up thumb_down +330

Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

thumb_up thumb_down -117

Sorry Nero, this is still Golgo 12, I am trying to reach you here as the other place is down, I can see why some people consider you insane, sorry to admit I left the order by the time you left as well, Eliza was the only one that could keep up with your stuff, the rest well you know... So point zero is some kind of elysum now huh? For real? And you rule there? I mean I never doubted your wisdom, but six million people living some kinda new world order at point zero? Thats hard to believe.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

thumb_up thumb_down +63

-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

nice kid... want another?

thumb_up thumb_down +105

Black dude at bar: HERE COMES THE COLE-TRAIN BABY! WANNA RIDE! Girl: So I assume your name is Cole right? Dude: Uh... actually no but... WAIT! where are you going!

thumb_up thumb_down -90

Shy-guy: Hey uh, girl, we have been on like 40 dates, what do you um... You know say we go to my place for once and have some drinks? Shy-girl: Eh, well su-sure I mean its been over forty dates, but ill just take coffee if its oka... Shy-guy: OMG YOU DAMN EASY SKANK! HOLY SHIT YOU WHERE GONNA GIVE IT ALL WHERE YOU NOT? LOL NO TIME FOR DESPERATE BlTCHES! Moral: Not to be confused with the slightly less popular Nintendo character Shy Guy

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

thumb_up thumb_down -16

whats it like being the only beautiful girl in the world? Whats it like having the smallest dick in the world?

thumb_up thumb_down +33

-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

thumb_up thumb_down +59

A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

thumb_up thumb_down +72

A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

thumb_up thumb_down -100

Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

thumb_up thumb_down -42

If I could rearange the alphabet id put "I-W-A-N-T-S-E-X-Y-O-U together. SIr, not really but that was kinda impressive. Me: I know...

thumb_up thumb_down +60

M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

thumb_up thumb_down +85

Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Still a better love story than Twilight

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!