Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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I DROPPED MY LAPTOP IN THE RIVER IT WAS ADELE ROLLING IN THE DEEP ( A DELL ROLLING IN THE DEEP)

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That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

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Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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whats it like being the only beautiful girl in the world? Whats it like having the smallest dick in the world?

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Man: Hey there cutie... what is your name? Woman: Eve... Man: Wanna hang out or something? Woman: Hell no you ugly bastard! I mean at least put on a leaf or something! God: "Facepalm". Moral: The ultimate pickup failure, in this alternative reality, it was also the last and only one. (plays twilight zone theme in your ears)

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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haha

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Gaywatch starts

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Boy: Wanna go see a movie. Girl: Which movie. Boy: Texas Chainsaw Massicure. Girl: What is it about. Boy: Unicorns and Rainbows. Girl: Let's go!

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!