- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

GET IN THE VAN!!!

I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book