- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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Man: Hello there young lady, I am Elton John and I would very much like to have sex with you! Girl: OMG ITS... Wait! Wow you look a lot like him! But you cannot be real lol *leaves* Man: Man... I look and dress just like him! What could have gone wrong? Man getting the operation cost me a fortune too! Next time I am gonna try Freddie Mercury! Moral: "Dats gay Fifthy cen... I mean Gangstalicious!"

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

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Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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It rubs the lotion onto it's skin

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!