if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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Man: Hey baby, I hear you are lesbian, that sounds really sexy! ;) Woman: Take the damn hint asshole! I am a lesbian! Man: Hey! Woah! Relax! I already know where you come from, say, are all girls in Lesbia this hostile? Moral: They are friendlier in south Lesbia...

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You like my boobies ;) Girl: I said no you disgusting fat bastard! Moral: What fucking kind of MOTHERFUCKING MORAL are you expecting to find here?!?

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-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

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MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

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Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

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A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

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You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

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Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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EVERYONE ELSE

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!