- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

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-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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Sex?

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-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

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Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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-Hi miss are you a ketchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hot dog to you

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Honestly bitch, I hate you, but my balls are bursting so its either you or the next disgusting ugly bitch in line, my mom!

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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Me 17 years old: Hey, girl, you are hot how old are you? Girl: 14. Me: What but you have enormous... Never mind, uh nice evening huh?... My friend: Big boobs on er huh? I would have hit on her too had it not been for... Me: Shut up... Crap! Moral: That was a crappy day!

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!