- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

Man: did you just fart cuz you blew me away! Woman: actually I did, sorry if it smells I had enchiladas for lunch.

Man: Put your face over my fist as I say shinku Woman: Huh? Ok whatever.... SHOOOOOOOOOORYUKEEEEEEN!

I have never dated a horse-faced woman before :)

GET IN THE VAN!!!

Didnt I just meet you at world of warcraft? My nickname is desperaterapist838493

-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

For you thinking what is that shit below this comment? Go fuck yourself, for those that wonder why I typed that excellence, well read whatever... So why am I here once a year and type a lot of insanity here? Because I am quitting smoking... AGAIN. So after banging two chicks (one my wife STEAKSAUCE!) I just want a smoke right? RIGHT? To chill the adrenaline... My wife does not smoke (well if you can smoke cock then she is still the best smoker in town) Seriously, Tina has Prince... That explains her breath ugh... I am gonna get one anyways for great justice.

That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

Woman: Seriously you are like the perfect man, I barely even met you and want to marry you already! What is your name by the way? Guy: My name is Le Petite Chessedeburger Withnowhitesauce! Woman: I am gay by the way, gotta go feed my uh... my wife yeah my wife.

Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

Young Man: Mom.. oh mom I want you so bad! Mom: I want you so bad too son! (starts ripping of clothes) Young Man: Uh... I want you to make me a sandwich... what is going on? Mom: Uh... never mind... Next day: Mom: Hey I bought you some cartoons... Young Man: Huh? I am too old for carto... HEY! :D what is this? What is this Hentai stuff? OOH! Moral: Hentai, the reason asians are smart and families stick together in Japan... sometimes they literally stick together...

Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!