Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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-hey, come here a minute.

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BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

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Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

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Hey, do you want to dance? No.

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hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

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Q: Why are Italian girls so hairy? A: Because it turns out its a genetic predisposition in which almost all males and females have when of the Italian ethnicity, these genetics are also parts of other race types.

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Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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adam burdass

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Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

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At a huge bar only known as Castlevania... Woman: Get lost loser! Why would I wont pay you "tribute" you pervert! Man: It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh.... I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute! Woman: What do you mean? You are totally insane and make no sense at all! Man: Perhaps the same could be said of ALL religions.,, Woman: You are quite the nutjob man... Man: What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk... Have at you! Woman: EEEK! Man: But what is this? Did I just attack a woman wearing a cross? Is your last name Belmont? Woman: Yeah So? Is there a problem with my HOLY CROSS! *Man on fire*: WHAT? THIS CANNOT BE! ARGH!!!!!!! Moral: Die monster! You don't belong in this world!

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

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Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

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Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

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-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

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Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

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Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!