-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

"Don't scream"

roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

The anti part of below comment, may be the fact that its going to get thumbed down to Hades. Moral: They see me rollin, they envious... women that look like supermodels that work as jurists dont come easy... unless you are Moral Man. *Plays moral man theme* (Character inspired by Salvador Dali, I mean what greater inspiration than the man that celebrated each day as he woke up in the body and mind of the greatest man ever? Me? Same, but I also wake up next to the greatest woman ever.)

-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

Sung to the melody of Ozzy`s: "Moral Man" HEES THE MORAL MAN, IIIS HEE MORAL OR IS HE DEAD? HEES THE MORAL MAN AAARE THERE MORALS INSIDE HIS HEEAD. Moral: NOOO THERE ISNT! ONLY IMMORAL INSIDE! AND ILL KEEP POSTING, ONLY TO CRUSH YOUR INSIDES! *guitar solo begins*

"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

You look... clean

-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

EVERYONE ELSE

-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

Handsome rich looking man: I would like to take you somewhere nice, maybe watch a movie at the cinema, then we could go to my place and have a romantic dinner.. finally... Girl: YES YES! Man: as I was saying... Finally I can make sweet love with your dog...if its fine by you... Girl: wtf?

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

Man: (puts on a stern face and mans up) Hey you random hoe, wanna have sex? Woman: Sigh... sure why not... at least you dont play games. Man: WHAT? IT WORKED? IT WORKEEEEED?! OMG truCKINg goD wOooooot wooooooot hell I aM gonna get laid tonight it finally worked yaehaieHeiAHEIHAIEHIAHE Wootowtowot I AM GONNA LOSE MY VIRGI... Woman: never mind, you are too noisy... Moral: Desperation... harder to hide than you think..

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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