Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

thumb_up thumb_down +92

"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

thumb_up thumb_down +115

did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

thumb_up thumb_down -22

I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Jdkfk

thumb_up thumb_down +146

Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

thumb_up thumb_down -109

hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

thumb_up thumb_down +48

If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

thumb_up thumb_down +60

You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

thumb_up thumb_down -17

"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

thumb_up thumb_down -34

ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

thumb_up thumb_down -7

I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

thumb_up thumb_down +68

You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

thumb_up thumb_down +92

Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

thumb_up thumb_down +113

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -51

-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

thumb_up thumb_down +104

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!