- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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Lesbihonest

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So when' the baby due?

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

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Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

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Man: HELP! I am dying of disease and have only one day left to live! My only wish... "sob" is to procreate... to have a son or a daughter... Woman: Aww... well maybe I can help you... Man: :D I cant believe it (tears in eyes) Woman: What are you dying of? Man: Aids... Woman proceeds to disappear in a ball of smoke. Moral of the story: Dunno find it yourself ffs I dont even know why people read this crap... funny typing it though.. thumbs ups for that :D

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The anti pickup line hard to believe: Woman: Me so hony! Me wan lose virginity to you! I make free love for hours! Man: Wow, are you that popular Asian supermodel known for her enormous tits? I heard you really are virgin! Damn I am single and all but I kinda promised my ex girlfriend I would help her get back together with the guy she cheated on me with. Woman: But me so hony! I wait for u for many many long time! But I wait for u only for a month is looong time! Man: Eh, I kinda promised I would fix her washing machine too, and then I have to cut her grandmothers toenails and... Anyways sorry I cant this month :( Moral: Yeah like that is ever going to happen! (then again I tend to expect too much)

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You're hot, I'm ugly. Lets make average babies.

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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so... you're a girl,huh?

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!