He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

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Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

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Hey did you fall from Heaven? Cos I think you are angel. If I'd fallen from anywhere that high I'd be in hospital with serious injuries or dead. Do the logic.

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A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

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Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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The return of everyone`s pimps pimp! Pimp: Amma so cool I can piss on this electric fence no problemo! Pzzzzzzzzz.. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... Moral: Its better to end a sucky character early, am I right or am I right? Thumb me down if I am right...;) Ps: His name was Tyrese Whiner XD you can read his fantastic anti-joke some pages down or whatever...

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good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!