Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

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I just told Rebecca that the average man gets laid with about seven women during his life... ...She stares me in the eyes and goes "Noo! Really?" I mean should I feel cool? Is it because she has seen me with more women than... I dunno many, or because... Pssst: Harris... I mean you know I uh... Cherry pie this one right? Does this mean she goes around a lot doing a lot of other guys DAD!? (He calls me SON for like every third word, so yeah DAD... She is giving me a cold st... And she failed to take the laptop away from me, its kinda neat you know, typing while two girls cant share a... Well medium plus size dick... I mean... Wow they are making out... Imma gone forever. My fuckcount: Hell I know, when they say a guy bangs seven chicks during their lifetime, do they mean like a week? At once? Jk, I just pity the guys, for each extra gal for me, means one less for you right? Think positive folks, someone has to please them properly... Rebecca is like all "please sir?" "Thank you kind sir" (I hate being called kind) But in bed, she is all like FUCK ME HARDER YOU FUCKING MORON! Did I mention she has a sweet ass, and that my laptop is burning on her now... Multitasking: The key to threesomes, foursomes, fivesomes... I mean I wont say how many women I have done (rather been done by honestly) at once, why? Because you would never believe me. TWELVE... Eleven one wussed out actually because she just said it so she would look "cool among her friends... Poor little bitch..." Anyway, still twelve.

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Roses are red violets are blue this isn't a poem I'm a botanist.

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

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if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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Girl: You look so happy, I am glad this is working out. Freud: Maaaaan I was just thinking about fucking my mom! Moral: Sickman Fraud.

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You know, I had a great pickup line, but I just forgot it.

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

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Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!