Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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You're like chocolate pudding. You look like crap.

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Hey girl, you must have fallen from heaven, because you're so old you should have died already and so ugly that they must have kicked you out as soon as you got there.

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Want to go out? No

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

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you look like my mother

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

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I'll punch ya!

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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Are you from Tennessee? Because I have a lot of family that lives there, maybe we're related.

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Wanna have sex?

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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-how much does a polar bear way. -half as much as you (for fat girls)

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man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

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Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

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In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: USA discovers they do not have nuclear weapons and then gives them nuclear reactors?

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!