Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

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-Wanna go to my place? -Actually, I was gonna ask you the same question. -Really? Where do you live? -In a sexual harassment class.

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"Next!"

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Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

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My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

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So I caught my sister masturbating the other day, it was like lol hahaha you filthy bitch! Then she was like DONT TELL ANYBODY PLEASE I WILL BUY YOU THOSE BOXING GLOVES YOU WANTED SO MUCH! PLEASE! And I was like, NUHUUUH! The bed is full of piss and I totally got this on my cellphone, so you gonna pull up your panti... Oh you still looking for them LOL! Yeah, that was the subject I brought up at a bar... Sober, unless Redbull counts as drunk... Anti Pickupline as FUCK! Players Dont Use RedBull -Richard Nixon or whatever.

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

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As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

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girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

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You smell just like my mom...

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

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Man: Well... you seem female enough at least... wanna come home? Woman?: Uh... well... okay ;) But I am a man thought ;) Man: That is disgusting! I am so ashamed! Not Woman: Oh, well sorry :(.. Man: So... as I said you SEEM female enough so wanna come home? The other man: :D I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ASKED ME! ITS SO BEAUTIFUL... so well... NO! Man: This is not getting anywhere is it? Author. NO!

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i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!