What's the difference between a duck? An orange

Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

Yet another one from real life: At law school: Kid to woman: Why don't I ever get any of you?! *Woman laughs* Me: You could start by not whining so much... Kid: That wont ever work! You know that is bullshit! Its not like I am whining I just whine whenever blahblahblah... Me: Sigh... Girl: He is kinda cute... Me: Wha? Moral: Not a real anti joke, since I had not heard from any of them until today, I just got invited to their wedding...

i am with stupid l l l \/

Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" *crying* "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

A modified classic, props to the original poster: Man: Ask me out! Woman: Ok, get out! Man: No no, I said ASK me out. Woman: Okay... will you please get out? Man: No but thanks for asking me out, I am so gonna tell your friends how I rejected you asking me out. Moral: When beaten... THERE IS NO BEATING! If negative people can turn everything into a loss, thinking positive call help you turn anything into victory. I mean Hitler murdered millions right? Arent you happy (Jew or not), that it was not you? VICTORY! (if somehow Pyrrhic depending on how you turn on it... But if you wanna turn a gain to a pain, go ahead...)

Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

rohypnol. rape drug

Guy: want to hear a joke about my penis. don't worry, it's too long Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina. don't worry, you won't get it

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!