M:HEY BABY! Where you from? W: Im a lesbian.. M: COOL! So which part of Lesbia are you from?

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Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

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After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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Roses are red violets are blue this isn't a poem I'm a botanist.

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Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

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M: Woah I am drunk baby... But I gotta say... you`re the hottest bitch in town! B: Bark bark!

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If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

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Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

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Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

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-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

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Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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Women love it when you kiss their neck. Just not while they are driving and while you're in the back seat and when they don't know you...

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Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

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- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!