Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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It rubs the lotion onto it's skin

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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-Wanna go to my place? -Actually, I was gonna ask you the same question. -Really? Where do you live? -In a sexual harassment class.

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-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

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My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

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I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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-Hi miss are you a ketchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hot dog to you

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He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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Guy: Have you ever been to Thailand? Girl: No Guy: Well maybe I should take you to Bangkok

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!