- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

Man: Wow girl, you are so hot you remind me of my wife when she was young.. wanna come to my place for a quick one before she comes back? Girl: Sigh... this AGAIN? I told you! If you are gonna get that drunk, get out of our home and go to a bar daddy!

whats it like being the only beautiful girl in the world? Whats it like having the smallest dick in the world?

Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

Man and woman in bed: Man: You know I am somewhat a deviant right? Woman: Sure but I am drunk so lets just do it.. Man: I AM SO GONNA BANG YOU! (Man throws dynamite at woman) Woman: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUU Moral: BANG INDEED... case closed.

Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book