Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is *zip* FEMALE: *gurgle gurgle* *scream*

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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Hey, do you want to dance? No.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

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Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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The invention that gets me around 20 red thumbs averge. Moral: <<<<< Thiz. Its better tto be infamous, than forgotten.

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-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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Get in the van.

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At a moral man bar... "the most awesome place on earth": Man: I thumb down my comments now, and somehow they end up thumbed the next day... Woman: Uh... what comments? Moral: Be specific... or at least dont brag to pick up chicks... now if you wanna be yourself and could not give shit about the rest, then go ahead! It will actually improve your chances!

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-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!