- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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-Wanna go to my place? -Actually, I was gonna ask you the same question. -Really? Where do you live? -In a sexual harassment class.

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Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

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Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

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Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Excuse me, is your father a gardener? No. Why? Because he keeps leaving all his dry leaves on my sidewalk please tell him to clear it!

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!