Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

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Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

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girl:go away! boy:okay girl:i need space boy:okay just one meter girl: no i"m not kidding boy:i know girl:my mother hate's you boy:i hate her too.! girl:we are now break boy:okay i"m hungry lets eat! girl:you don't understand me boy:no i"m understand you girl:you are philosopher i hate you boy:what? girl:nothing at the end of the story they loved each other

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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Man: HEY BITCH! LETS HAVE SEX! Damn ugly woman: OKAY! Next day... Man: Damn that was some nice sex, too bad the bitch was damn ugly though, even trough the beer googles... I wonder where she is... "damn ugly woman": woof woof! Bark bark! Moral: Do you see any moral in this immoral piece of shit? (Ps if you are stupid, the bitch was actually a dog... get it?)

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Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Put the lotion on the skin!

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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Penis. I got it

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I love Mark Wahlberg!

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

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How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

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Guy:I got stds! Wanna do it? Girl:what the f*** did u just say?guy:oh std ummmm save the dogs?uh ya that save the dogs I own a animal shelter! Girl:I'm not stupid guy: u sure? (Slap)

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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jack sanders

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!