If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

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Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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Male: Hey babe! Wanna come to my house for a party? Female: Sorry! Don't have my herpes shot!

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-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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i would drag my balls through miles of broken glass, just to hear you fart through a walkey-talkey

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Drunken man: Hey sexy ;) what is such a pretty thing doing in this shitty place? wanna come home with me? Nun: I am a nun! And this is a church! Drunken man: I know dammit im not THAT drunk... so what do you say? Nun: Uh... okay...

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

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M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

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Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

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In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: Seriously just give up, this must be the worst "pickupline" ever

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If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

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Wanna have sex?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!