He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

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can i take a dump in your mouth?

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Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

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Man: GET IN THE VAN! Woman: NO! Man: Well... How about the Limo? Its got beverages and caviar and... Woman: OOH :D Moral: Always go for the limo first,

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jack sanders

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

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Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

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Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

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good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

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I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!