I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

thumb_up thumb_down +39

-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

thumb_up thumb_down +90

Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I have a really big..... Bank Account

thumb_up thumb_down +126

Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Young Man: Mom.. oh mom I want you so bad! Mom: I want you so bad too son! (starts ripping of clothes) Young Man: Uh... I want you to make me a sandwich... what is going on? Mom: Uh... never mind... Next day: Mom: Hey I bought you some cartoons... Young Man: Huh? I am too old for carto... HEY! :D what is this? What is this Hentai stuff? OOH! Moral: Hentai, the reason asians are smart and families stick together in Japan... sometimes they literally stick together...

thumb_up thumb_down -21

on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

thumb_up thumb_down -41

He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

thumb_up thumb_down -1,021

Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

thumb_up thumb_down +180

Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

thumb_up thumb_down +217

hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

thumb_up thumb_down

I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

thumb_up thumb_down -89

Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

thumb_up thumb_down +15

You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Want to go out? No

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!