Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

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Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

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I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

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How much does a polar bear weight? Enough to break the ice... and throw you into the freezing water and drown you, because you're really ugly.

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

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Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

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-I bet you put extra sugar in your cereal every morning. -Aww, because I'm so sweet? -No. Because you're fat as hell.

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Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

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Macho Man: Release the BOGUS! Woman: What? Super Macho Man: Never mind... no one will get this anyways... wanna go to McDonalds and get a Little Mac? Woman: Ok but I want a Big mac! Macho Man: What is a Big mac? Is it stronger than a little Mac? Woman: Huh? What do you mean? Macho Man: Sigh... and I actually fought Mike Tyson you know... Woman: So you are a boxer huh? Who are you gonna fight next? Macho Man: Sigh... Mr.Dream... Woman: Who the hell is that? Macho Man: a nobody...

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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-hey, come here a minute.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!