- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Girl: Hey, why don't you and I go out to dinner? Guy: Thanks, but if I wanted to watch a whore stuff her face full of meat, I'd just load up Redtube.

I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

you look like my mother

I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

What did the blond do when the web page she was visiting didn't load? She checked if her wireless access had been somehow cut off and then hit the refresh button and waited for the page to load again.

Nerdy Pokemon Pickup he: i want to squirrtle on your jigglypuff she: I want to boulder smash your face

-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

You look like a dog... Wana bone?

- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book