-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

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Man enters bar: Man: I AM MORAL MAN! My spear shall cut down the zealots, and my shield shall block (yeah you wish) be used as a additional weapon to push people down so I can thrust my spear even deeper into their hatred filled hearts! Woman: WOW! Moral: This pickup line wont work of course... not for you you aren`t the one and only EPIC: MORAL MAN! ;) Aka Epic man to those that still fail to understand that my morals are morals for a new order! No more religious wars, no more pedophiles, no more hatecrime... stand by me, and I shall not only speak for you, but also fight for you!

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Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

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"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

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Man: Wow you are my cousin? Damn girl you are hot! I mean nothing wrong you know, I was just wondering if you wanna get a innocent cup of coffee Woman: Uh, thanks, but I have never met you... Man: Not my cousin? Bah, what a turnoff im outta here... Moral: Yeah moral... Pffft! You will have an easier time finding Waldo here.

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"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

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Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!