man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

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Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

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Man: Yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Mirror: yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Man: SHIET!!! This never works! Moral: Take a look at yourself before you break yourself! By the time you start looking, sounding, feeling and even smelling awesome in the mirror, then the girls will feel the same way about you, no kidding.

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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You like peanuts? Cause I like penis.

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-hey, come here a minute.

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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Dont let this rape turn into a murder

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A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

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Moral man enters a bar and spots a sad girl. MMan: Why so sad? Lady: My father died... MMan: And you want him to see you sad, from wherever he may be? Lady: No but how am I supposed to be happy about it? MMan: Remember the happy days you spent, because they are many more than the days you will see his gravestone, and if nothing else, we can always keep those alive within our heart happily, as long as we are happy in OUR heart... Moral: I would have called this meaningless bull before, but this is a true story, and those words are the reason I just celebrated my two year anniversary with my girlfriend, the most amazing girl ever... which just sang out of joy btw... I may be different... but if a man can keep those he loves happy, he is indeed a true man... Ok now she wants to know what I am typing, so I say nothing and put this self brag away, because I share with you, but heck, what am I? Somekind of romantic? Answer: Meh, I am the ever lovable jerk you may not like, but cant stop loving once you know me either... The anti-part? Dunno, dont care :D

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!