What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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Glass Basketball

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

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GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

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If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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I am typing it here for exposure which means I am no sellout because I admitt I sell out, just like I did not crash because I admitt I did. This one is real: Me meeting my childhood friend (a girl, with huge boobs... Which she had reduced because back problems... Fucking reduction pointless invention!) Tina: You where and will always be like a brother to me Nero. Me: Aww... Well... Tina: A fucking sexy brother back then... Well and now! Me: O_O. I am married, so I called my wife and asked if its okay, she said can I join? And well, why do you think I am so wired now... ROUND TWO... F*CK!

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male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

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Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

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Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

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Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!