Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

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-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

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I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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Drink this!

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If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

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hey you look like a good practice girl.

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!