- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

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Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

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Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

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Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

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Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

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Nielsen: Nice beaver! Woman: Thanks! Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice p*ssy Woman: Ah! Thank you! (cat meows) Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice wet vagina. Woman: Is this in the script? Director: CUT! Nielsen: What? Cant a man improvise? I mean OJ does it, and he is quite the nice fella... Moral: "Quite the nice fella" Yeah reminds me of good old dad, nice to everyone, and could take a lot of shit, but as much as I asked him how he was doing, I got an uppercut to the face and a nice trip in a ambulance... Started when I was 4, I crushed his upper Jaw in self defense when I was 16... ah... hmm... Why am I sharing this? Then again why not... When have I not spoken my mind.

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Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

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I am terribly sorry for talking to you, but I was wondering if...

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

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why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

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Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

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You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!