Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

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Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

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If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

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If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

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Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

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Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

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Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

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free candy....

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Penis. I got it

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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haha

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You seem rapable enough... wanna see some back alleys with me?

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Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

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Boy: You know, just because one is beautiful does not mean that she is intelligent. Girl: Really? Boy: Yeah. But I'd like to tell you that you're a very good exception. Girl: Do you really think so? Boy: Of course! You're already ugly, yet you're so incredibly stupid!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!