Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

thumb_up thumb_down -97

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

hey, your cute. hey, your not.

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Every kiss begins with K ;) Yeah to bad ugly begins with U

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Man: GET IN THE VAN! Woman: NO! Man: Well... How about the Limo? Its got beverages and caviar and... Woman: OOH :D Moral: Always go for the limo first,

thumb_up thumb_down -19

-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

thumb_up thumb_down +111

Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Man: I can control all women in the world! Guys: WOOOOT YEAH! Me: I can control all men! Guys: Huh?? Man: What the fuck is that good for you like guys or something? Wait hey let go of me! Moral: And off the endless cliff you all go MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!... Ladies, it seems it is up to us to repopulate this world, not sure if we can make it, but I shall do my best, but since I am just one, you better do all the moving, so I can conserve my energy.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +397

Get your coat, I've got a knife.

thumb_up thumb_down -113

My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

http://scriptsbay.com http://scriptsbay.net

thumb_up thumb_down -73

- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

thumb_up thumb_down -11

I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

thumb_up thumb_down +77

Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

thumb_up thumb_down -161

-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

thumb_up thumb_down +121

HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

thumb_up thumb_down +222

-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Guy: Hey baby, did you come by car? Girl: No I walked. Guy: Well I can make you come in mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +145

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!