-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

thumb_up thumb_down +441

At a Bar for blacks... and whites... and everybody else... Man: I can last for hours in bed! Woman: *gets closer and whispers in his ear: Really? Man: OH YeeeeeaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Woman: Lets go to your place... Man: Meh, I am done. Moral: Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Excuse me I need to go change clothes...

thumb_up thumb_down -66

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

thumb_up thumb_down +49

-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

thumb_up thumb_down +157

Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

thumb_up thumb_down -39

so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

thumb_up thumb_down +58

-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

thumb_up thumb_down +131

-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

thumb_up thumb_down -70

If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

thumb_up thumb_down -176

boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

thumb_up thumb_down +247

- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

thumb_up thumb_down +137

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

thumb_up thumb_down +118

What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

thumb_up thumb_down +25

BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

thumb_up thumb_down -74

-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +249

Are you from Wales, because...well...

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

thumb_up thumb_down -76

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!