After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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So I caught my sister masturbating the other day, it was like lol hahaha you filthy bitch! Then she was like DONT TELL ANYBODY PLEASE I WILL BUY YOU THOSE BOXING GLOVES YOU WANTED SO MUCH! PLEASE! And I was like, NUHUUUH! The bed is full of piss and I totally got this on my cellphone, so you gonna pull up your panti... Oh you still looking for them LOL! Yeah, that was the subject I brought up at a bar... Sober, unless Redbull counts as drunk... Anti Pickupline as FUCK! Players Dont Use RedBull -Richard Nixon or whatever.

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You smell just like my mom...

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

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Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

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A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Man- According to my magic watch you're not wearing any underwear. Woman- Yes, I am! Man- Damn! I guess my watch is 15 minutes fast.

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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Man: DAMN BABE YOUR SO DAMN HOT I... Woman: You know what? Im so sick of you guys hitt... Man: OOOOOOOOOOOOH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YEEEEEEEEEES THIS IS DELISHUSH! Woman: WHAT HAPPENED? :O Man: Huh? Never mind, ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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Get your coat, I've got a knife.

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Boy- I'm heading back to my place. Want to come? Girl-Sorry you strike me as a person who cums all by himself.

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Hello children! :D

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!