You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

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Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

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Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

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M: Woah I am drunk baby... But I gotta say... you`re the hottest bitch in town! B: Bark bark!

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

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guy: ermm...i like blondes ;) ima blonde too...we r a perfect dumb blonde match!!!! girl: yeah but im the dumb one in this situation. and have u taken a look in the mirror lately?!?! guy: yeah...well...uhh...maybe.........no not really... girl: well first of all you got pimples the size of mars, you have cross-eyes, you nose is bigger than squidwards nose, and let me see ur d!ck...now!!!! guy: oooh getting right to the point!!! i like it *unzips his pants and pulls out his nub* girl: uhh well u aint got no point, it looks like ur point just broke... guy: well midgets cant help it!!!!!!!!! dont judge my falses!!!!!! girl: okayy...besides theres wayyy too much to judge...no point...ur a complete waste of my timee!!!!!!!! now go watch porn and see if it grows a little bigger than his little nub u got.

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

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-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

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Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

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If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

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If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

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-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!