Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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On line post: Woman: HELLO! I love you, I am from Russia and find you particularly handsome and rich I am certain you could take care of me and I will do anything for you ;) here are some nice pictures I have never met someone as fantastic as you please contact me! (revealing pictures.gif) additional information: This message has been sent to 100.000 other recipients. FAIL! Moral: And I had not even moved out from my parents home yet... rich enough my ass...

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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Batman enters a bar: Batman: Ladies... I am Batman... *everyone runs out screaming* Batman: *facepalm* Moral: Want to be feared? Well what did you expect? Who I am? Are you dense? Retarded or something? I am the goddamn Moral-Man!

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Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

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Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

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Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

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Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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You smell just like my mom...

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Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

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Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

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MAN: Did it hurt? WOMAN: Did what hurt? MAN: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? WOMAN: Did it hurt when you were dropped as a baby?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!