- Anti-Pickup Line

For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

Actor walks in street... Woman: HEY ITS YOU! THE GUY THAT PLAYED GANDALF THE GAY!... Uh I mean Gandalf the GRAY! Actor: WRONG WOMAN! I AM FAGNETO! MASTER OF FAGNETISM! Moral: Please take no insult Esteemed Mr.Ian McKellen you are a fantastic actor... as for the rest of you, feel free to feel as insulted as you want... I mean its your own trucking choice :P.

-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

One hot summer night in 1960, Steve had his first date with Susie. He went to pick her up and her mom answered the door. She invited him in, and asked him what they planned to do on their date. Steve replied that they’d probably see a movie then get a burger. Susie’s mom said, “Well, Susie really likes to screw.” Steve said, “Huh?” Her mom said, “Yes, she loves it. She could probably screw all night.” “Okay, thanks!” replied Steve, mentally rearranging his plans for the night. A few minutes later Susie came downstairs and they left on their date. About a half hour later Susie came running back in the house, her clothes disheveled, and yelled: “Mom, it’s called the TWIST! The name of the goddamn dance is the TWIST!”

Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

male- are you from Tenessee female- why? am I the only ten you see? male- no, i was just going to say you look a little inbred.

What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

I know what you guys are all thinking when you read my crazy stuff below: "That guy is crazy as fuck" My reply? Yeah I admit it, I get crazy as fuck when I and two or more ladies fuck for more than eight hours, my life is so sad. Anyway... I am chillaxing again, getting old here, not sure if I can go another round, soon I am gonna have to lie down and let the ladies do some work too... Wish me luck girls! Guys go fuck yourself its all you got. Anyway, I saw this famous book today: ALPHA MAN: LEADER OF MEN. I Lolled, someday I am gonna write ALPHA MAN: LEADER OF WOMEN TO YOUR BED... YOu might learn something girls... Where I live and stuff ;) You see I dont even lead them here anymore, they come to me! AND IN RETURN I COME IN THEM! AND THEY COME FOR ME! AND WITH EACH OTHE... ...Bitch opened the window (not my wife, our bitch) I am sweaty, the bedsheets are wet and... Rebecca is nice and all, cutest girl ever loved anal, but damn she is stupid. Sorry Harris, but you know your sistah has more curves than a racetrack... Harris if you ever read this, stop calling me SON all the time my bro from another ho. My point Harris, is that regardless of your sistah being smart maybe just pretending to be stupid, a girl with the face of an angel and the body of the goddess of sex dont need to use her brains DAD! YOU KNOW DAD! I JUST FUCKED YOUR SISTER DAD! CAN YOU HEAR HOW WRONG IT IS! YOU CANT CALL ME SON LIKE DAT!

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh blushing or something Because it looks like you landed on your face.

-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... silence

Hey girl, I just fuck my diapers, wanna change them ;) Moral: This has to be the one of the worst pickup lines in history.

Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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