Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

thumb_up thumb_down -4

With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

MAN: Did it hurt? WOMAN: Did what hurt? MAN: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? WOMAN: Did it hurt when you were dropped as a baby?

thumb_up thumb_down +112

are you on fire?

thumb_up thumb_down -70

My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

thumb_up thumb_down +97

Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Morals, greatest weakness revealed!: Doctor doctor! I cannot succeed at... pant pant *shorts shorts* *whine wheeze* at... At... AAAAAARGUUUUUU!!! FUCKING DOCTOR I CANNOT SUCCED AT... THE PAAAAAYNE! MAX PAYNE! BUHUHUHUHU!!! THE PAAAAINYE I CANNOT...SUCCEED AT... Doctor: At what? Shutting the fuck up? AND LEAVE THE HORSHEHEAD NETWORK? Moral: XD I cannot stop laughing, I am crying fucking tears of laughter :)) I was completely not gonna type that but then it spontaneously suddenly idea get! XD Moral: Green thumbs for self irony, this comment shall get one green thumbs ups, and it shall one green thumbs ups get, and the number of thumbs ups shall be one, as one be the number of thumbs ups. Moral: And I have not even said anything Moral: I deserve that green thumb this time! I earned it! SHAAAME YOU DARE SPOILMY GREEN THUMB OF VICTOLY WITH YOUR RED THUMB! SHAAAME! BUILD THE WALL OF FAILURE! FASTER STRONGER HARDER! I CURSE SHAME UPON YOUR SHAME AND BATHE IT IN THE WATER AND FLAMES OF SHAAAAAME! ALL BEFORE I SPrinkle it with small bits of sugar... AND SHAAAAME! LEAVE THE GREEN THUMB ALONE!!!! BUAHUAHAHA! LEAVE IT ALONEEEEEEEEE! Moral: HEEEY HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH THAT GREEN THUMB! I SAID ONE GREEN THUMB! ONE! AND ONLY MINE! SHAME!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +39

He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Man: "Let's play Titanic. You'll be the Titanic, and I'll be the iceberg making you go down." Woman: "That would be a massive disaster."

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -90

there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

thumb_up thumb_down -55

What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

thumb_up thumb_down +223

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Your body would look good in my trunk.

thumb_up thumb_down +145

MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

thumb_up thumb_down -86

I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Nerdy Pokemon Pickup he: i want to squirrtle on your jigglypuff she: I want to boulder smash your face

thumb_up thumb_down +146

I'm a black belt at pretty much everything, Karate, Larate, Jiu-Jitsu, Kickpunching, Beltmaking, Taekwondo.........bedroom...|:D ~Rick, the Adventure Sphere

thumb_up thumb_down +110

If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!