Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

thumb_up thumb_down +69

i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

thumb_up thumb_down +292

Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Man: Hey, I write the most perverted mini stories on ANTIPICKUPLINE ;) Any woman: ME SO HONNY ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME! Moral: Hentai keeping peop... never mind... not into animated cartoons DO YOU THINK I AM A PERVERT OR SOMETHING?.. cant help it that my mother looks like a damn hot pornstar though...

thumb_up thumb_down -14

- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Man: *Pokes Woman* Ouch! You burned me! Woman: How did I burn you? Man: Because you're just THAT hot. ;) Woman: *Pokes Man* Well it's too bad you're not.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

thumb_up thumb_down -67

Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

thumb_up thumb_down +164

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

thumb_up thumb_down +104

Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Male-where have you been all my life ? Female-not in it thats for sure Male-i was singing a song i wouldn't want YOU in my life Female-i was singing a song 2 *lies*

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

thumb_up thumb_down +163

My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

thumb_up thumb_down +92

Your body would look good in my trunk.

thumb_up thumb_down +168

Lol man, you know this man would never sue your ass, but... Man it takes a message here to see that you are like a super whigger. Anyway DAD! Thanks for the kind words, and seriously, you dont kiss ass on regular basis just one thing, you can reply wherever, text is cool You got the hots for your sister dude? I mean the deal was 50 uh words? Letters? Anyway its good, but DAD!... You know I never asked you to write anything about your sisters ass, its kinda weird DAD! Anyway, what do I judge, I banged my 7 years old sister back at the days where I still called her mom... Well she trained me, then I returned with the force, and now her husband kinda knows my deal and... I STILL BANG HER! <<<<< Anyway, man, keep the cash, I just wanted to show the world... Moral: Ladies and gentlemen, and this is how you make someone and anyone your bitch! Nothing personal DAD! You know that as far as I care, all my friends kneel before while my enemies are crushed under my mighty heel. Charisma... Kiddo, I know you are struggling with cash and stuff, but seriously, just for that one online, (your sisters story which id never ask you to go for helps) BUT If you have read this far (BECAUSE THE WORDS OF YOUR DARK OVERLORD ARE LAW) Then just send me a reply saying 666 and I will pay to fix whatever the hell is wrong with your car man, I cant stand the sound, and I know you can pay up, its just that times are down... ...For you. Actual code 999 (not satanist here, I hate all religion) post 666 and ill get someone to slice your tires instead.

thumb_up thumb_down -103

damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

thumb_up thumb_down +110

Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

thumb_up thumb_down +77

Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +125

Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!