- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

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I have no gag reflex.

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Hey girl, I May not be Fred Flinstone but I can make your bed rock! ;)

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

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Stop Footing Around

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Im gonna rape you..

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I wish my sister was as hot as you.

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!