man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

thumb_up thumb_down -105

You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

thumb_up thumb_down -152

Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

thumb_up thumb_down -36

My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

thumb_up thumb_down +91

Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

thumb_up thumb_down -52

girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

thumb_up thumb_down +69

This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

thumb_up thumb_down -26

I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

thumb_up thumb_down -11

He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

thumb_up thumb_down -9

-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

thumb_up thumb_down -62

I've got candy.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

thumb_up thumb_down -28

-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!