Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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Male: Baby, I am God's gift to this earth! Female: Well, if I take a receipt up to Heaven, can I exchange you for someone better?

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

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As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

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-Wanna go to my place? -Actually, I was gonna ask you the same question. -Really? Where do you live? -In a sexual harassment class.

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

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will you marry me

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Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

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- What's a shabby girl like you doing in a lovely place like this?

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Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

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hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

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Losers pick-up sex guide. 1. Create a beautiful environment at home, with candles, romantic music, etc. 2. Buy lube, some sexy female underwear, a couple of sex toys, some erotic magazines to excite you`re partner. 3. Pick-up you`re stuff and masturbate.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!