He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

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Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

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Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

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Eat me, I'm organic!

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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whats it like being the only beautiful girl in the world? Whats it like having the smallest dick in the world?

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I'll eat your poop

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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Guy: want to hear a joke about my penis. don't worry, it's too long Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina. don't worry, you won't get it

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I heard this one in real life in Spain, pretty good one: Man: Please marry me! I am nothing without you! Woman: If you are worth nothing then why should I want you? Man: Uh... Moral: Its a great honor having a dedicated group of followers making sure my comments always have red thumbs, thanks to this my sociology studies are complete. My thanks to every azzhole out there.

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- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

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Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

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Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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Me 17 years old: Hey, girl, you are hot how old are you? Girl: 14. Me: What but you have enormous... Never mind, uh nice evening huh?... My friend: Big boobs on er huh? I would have hit on her too had it not been for... Me: Shut up... Crap! Moral: That was a crappy day!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!