M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

thumb_up thumb_down -88

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

thumb_up thumb_down +59

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

thumb_up thumb_down +61

Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

thumb_up thumb_down +83

Glass Basketball

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

thumb_up thumb_down +118

Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

thumb_up thumb_down -56

He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Yet another one from real life: At law school: Kid to woman: Why don't I ever get any of you?! *Woman laughs* Me: You could start by not whining so much... Kid: That wont ever work! You know that is bullshit! Its not like I am whining I just whine whenever blahblahblah... Me: Sigh... Girl: He is kinda cute... Me: Wha? Moral: Not a real anti joke, since I had not heard from any of them until today, I just got invited to their wedding...

thumb_up thumb_down +140

Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

thumb_up thumb_down +106

Penis. I got it

thumb_up thumb_down +11

-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

thumb_up thumb_down +104

you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

thumb_up thumb_down -19

So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

thumb_up thumb_down +85

Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

thumb_up thumb_down -92

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!