If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

thumb_up thumb_down -20

If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

thumb_up thumb_down +100

Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

So, you're a girl, huh?

thumb_up thumb_down

As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

thumb_up thumb_down +100

Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

thumb_up thumb_down

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down -123

You allergic to semen?

thumb_up thumb_down +18

man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

thumb_up thumb_down -106

Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

I've got a black belt in lovin'.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

You look like a dog... Wana bone?

thumb_up thumb_down -82

Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

thumb_up thumb_down -58

You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

thumb_up thumb_down +93

Sex?

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

thumb_up thumb_down +143

Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

thumb_up thumb_down +146

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!