my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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You're so hot I'd do you sober.

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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Penis. I got it

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

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That King that said: Kill all male babies... Lets say he was a teenager? Moral: Excellent job son, but you see, sharing is caring, have a victory drink!... Thing is... I don't care... rest well...For eternity... Hughman Heffer... The seed has been sown... you got nothing on me...

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

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Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

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- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

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Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

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Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!