Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

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-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

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-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

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You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!