It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

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Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

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Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

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Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

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-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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At a drinking place :P: Man: You dare mock the great Sh... Woman: I am sorry I did not mean to humiliate that much... ehehehehe you are just a stupid jlttle nerd and all... :) Man: You will die moral... Woman: What?! Uh... did I mention how awesome you are? What was your name again? Man: You weak pathetic fool! 8 hours later: Woman: Please! Let me stay! Just for a little longer! Barman: Sigh... fine have a drink on the house. Woman: *sips drink and dies* Barman: Mission complete sir, she died instantly! Man: Instantly without pain? THAT WAS PATHETIC! Now... SUICIDE! Barman: No I refuse! Man: Drink it... or face the true WRATH OF SHAO KAHN! Barman: The true wrath? ANYTHING BUT THAT!*Punches himself in the balls hoping he dies from the pain, passes out and tries again* Man Is That your best? That was pathetic! Its official, you suck! Bhahahahahahaha! Moral: Fear the Wrath of Shao Kahn!

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!