At a ... PUB! Man: Hey... wanna... go out with a true shinob i ninja? ;) Woman: Are you not supposed to be invisible or something? Man: You can see me? SHIT! (runs away). Moral: So what if she saw you you are all covered in a pajamas anyways...

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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He says: Are you're from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. She says: Well, if we're making bad jokes: Are you from Illinois? Because you make me ill, and when I throw up from your face I'll make a lot of nois.

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

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Do you want to see something swell?

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*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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who wants to play EPAR

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Man: (puts on a stern face and mans up) Hey you random hoe, wanna have sex? Woman: Sigh... sure why not... at least you dont play games. Man: WHAT? IT WORKED? IT WORKEEEEED?! OMG truCKINg goD wOooooot wooooooot hell I aM gonna get laid tonight it finally worked yaehaieHeiAHEIHAIEHIAHE Wootowtowot I AM GONNA LOSE MY VIRGI... Woman: never mind, you are too noisy... Moral: Desperation... harder to hide than you think..

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Want to go out? No

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-wow I could just drown in the ocean of your eyes -well why don't you -well I'll steal your sisters number, get lost at sea, and shipreck in her bed Then you can come and save us when she is shouting S.O.S out of the other room

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

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The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

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Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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Hey, you want a ride?

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- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!