Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

I have never dated a horse-faced woman before :)

Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

Mario: Ey princess, wanna make the sexy time eh? Princess: With a fat Italian plumber? HELL NO! Bowser: MWAHAHAHA I AM SO GONNA RAPE YOU WITH MY SPINY DICK! Princess: HELP HELP MARIO I WILL DO ANYTHING JUST SAVE ME! NO BOWSER PLEASE DO NOT PUT IT IN THERE! ITS TOO TIGH... Shigeru Miyamoto: So this is how I wanted to make the Super Mario series... sexy eh? Girl: DISGUSTING! Shigeru Miyamoto: Well what do you think about the idea with Monkey Dong and the other girl tha...HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

why was the girl stupid beacuse she had brain sergy

How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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