Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

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Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

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Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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My therapist says I should meet new people.

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-Hi Honey I'm home! -I'm not talking to you! -Oh, Okay. -Don't you want to know why? -No, I trust and respect your decision dear

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

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roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

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You smell just like my mom...

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

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Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

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-Is there anything I can do for you? -Fill my care cup. Oh, actually, I don't think you can manage to do that.

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Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!