Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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Penis. I got it

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He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

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Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

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GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

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In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

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Man- According to my magic watch you're not wearing any underwear. Woman- Yes, I am! Man- Damn! I guess my watch is 15 minutes fast.

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-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

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Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

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Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

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I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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You look exactly like my sister.

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Hey, you look like a hooker I fondled in Las Vegas

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Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

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"Don't scream"

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-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

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-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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