Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

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Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

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Man: May I please sit next to you for a brief moment? Woman: Sure :), you`re such a gentleman :). Man: Would you care for a bit of violent rapage in you`re anus?

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At a huge bar only known as Castlevania... Woman: Get lost loser! Why would I wont pay you "tribute" you pervert! Man: It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh.... I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute! Woman: What do you mean? You are totally insane and make no sense at all! Man: Perhaps the same could be said of ALL religions.,, Woman: You are quite the nutjob man... Man: What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk... Have at you! Woman: EEEK! Man: But what is this? Did I just attack a woman wearing a cross? Is your last name Belmont? Woman: Yeah So? Is there a problem with my HOLY CROSS! *Man on fire*: WHAT? THIS CANNOT BE! ARGH!!!!!!! Moral: Die monster! You don't belong in this world!

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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Man: Hey, you dont look that fucking ugly, wanna go home with me? mirror: *shatters* Moral: If your ugliness ever shatters your mirror let me know, ill look at it and it will assemble itself back on its own.

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- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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So I caught my sister masturbating the other day, it was like lol hahaha you filthy bitch! Then she was like DONT TELL ANYBODY PLEASE I WILL BUY YOU THOSE BOXING GLOVES YOU WANTED SO MUCH! PLEASE! And I was like, NUHUUUH! The bed is full of piss and I totally got this on my cellphone, so you gonna pull up your panti... Oh you still looking for them LOL! Yeah, that was the subject I brought up at a bar... Sober, unless Redbull counts as drunk... Anti Pickupline as FUCK! Players Dont Use RedBull -Richard Nixon or whatever.

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-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!