Dont blame me for using moral all the time its just part of my sig...nature XD Moral: Not a pick up line, so its pretty anti.

thumb_up thumb_down +128

Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

If you were a Pokemon I'd choose you!

thumb_up thumb_down +144

do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

thumb_up thumb_down -81

My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Man: How much does a polar bear weight? Girl: No idea... Man: Me either... By the way! Did you hear of the great blahblahblahblah that did blahalblahblah! Moral: Breaking the ice... easier than it seems...

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

thumb_up thumb_down +167

"I'd like to get you out of those clothes. Really, they aren't very flattering. That color looks awful on you and those pants make you look fat."

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Do you want to see something swell?

thumb_up thumb_down -71

-hey, come here a minute.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Man: Well... you seem female enough at least... wanna come home? Woman?: Uh... well... okay ;) But I am a man thought ;) Man: That is disgusting! I am so ashamed! Not Woman: Oh, well sorry :(.. Man: So... as I said you SEEM female enough so wanna come home? The other man: :D I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ASKED ME! ITS SO BEAUTIFUL... so well... NO! Man: This is not getting anywhere is it? Author. NO!

thumb_up thumb_down +72

if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Man... MAN! Sorry if I just skimmed that last message dude, but if you getting me that shit, you are my fucking God, you got a new custom engine or something? Whatever man, im getting over there right now, Son, I might actually try the towing trick, because that might make me arrive at your place (no worries wont tell anyone where your playboy mansion is at) but you still got it there right? MORAL MORAL MORAL MORAL... Oh and no, id never ever use that piece of shit I used to call a car in the forest, if you are serious man, ill take the damn cab! I mean man, I just cant wait to tell the beardy little faggot at the carshop to stick that yeah "car" up his gay ass! Seriously dude, my phone aint working but that can wait, you really mean I can have the car? Seriously, how much? I got some money.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Guy enters a bar: Guy: I have some really bad self-esteem and would really apreciate if someone would give me a chance and... Gorgeous woman: Hey, I would love to get to know you, and maybe take you home and... Guy: WHAT? THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME! I CANT HANDLE IT! HEEEEEEEEEEELP! (Runs out of bar screaming)

thumb_up thumb_down +14

I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Get your coat, I've got a knife.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

thumb_up thumb_down +28

whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

thumb_up thumb_down +189

You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!