Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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Soon

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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Man: Wow you are my cousin? Damn girl you are hot! I mean nothing wrong you know, I was just wondering if you wanna get a innocent cup of coffee Woman: Uh, thanks, but I have never met you... Man: Not my cousin? Bah, what a turnoff im outta here... Moral: Yeah moral... Pffft! You will have an easier time finding Waldo here.

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-Do you like me? -No

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GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

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M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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Guy:I invented troll face oh yea! Girl:you gave my daughter nightmares for weeks you b****!(throws drink in face)

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What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

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Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

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Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

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Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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Boy-That's a nice outfit. Girl-Thanks!!! Boy- It would look even better scrunched up at the end of my bed.

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i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

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She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!