HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

He: did it hurt? She: when i fell from heaven? He: no. when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. go put some clothes on.

You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

Your the penisbutter to my vagmite;)

Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

ANYWAY... I have been married for around X years right? (My wife is anon because reasons valid reasons!) And I told my wife "Babe, you know what you got married into baby, how about you and I consider having a third one in the bed... No not a guy, thats disgusting, you agree? Awwride! So anyways, she was like "Uh... Ask me again in a year I need to think things trough, and I want you for myself..." Next week we was fucking my new (back then neighbor) which is 28 or whatever (I dont remember my neighbors name BAHAHA (actual laugher)... Peeps, say what you want about me, ill be the one fucking the prom queen tomorrow... And you know, maybe someone else, sex with more than my waifu the prom queen is addictive, I mean sharing (salive, cum juices) is caring right? Okay, I better stop here, Rebecca (SHADDAP AUTOCORRECT ITS HOW HER NAME IS SPELLED... I guess) is upset... No not because I am typing this, but because I am out here freezing my ballz off smoking her ciggs... Man The great stuff about "decent equipment" is that I dont need all that much energy, just the speed to keep the girls screaming!

guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

-Is there anything I can do for you? -Fill my care cup. Oh, actually, I don't think you can manage to do that.

http://scriptsbay.com http://scriptsbay.net

Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!