-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

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Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

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Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

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Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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Give me some sugar... honey.

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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Male: Get in the van.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!