-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

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Get your coat, I've got a knife.

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guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

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girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

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- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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I AM LOVE! I AM LOVE! Moral: Seriously, I have never been QUUUUUITE this happy, shouting I am love is probably not the best move, thanks for your thumbs ups, thumbs downs, and while my work is done here, that does not mean Ill leave, I need to keep my reputation as the fourth, smoothest, aka pointless invention in the world, and unless you want to count that girl Justina Bitcherina, that means that I am the smoothest man alive, THANK YOU THANK YOU! And feel free to vote this down if you cant handle being thanked by the smoothest most awesome man alive. Hey, I get it, we cant all be me ;)

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

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roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

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Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

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Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

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Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

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You're so hot I'd do you sober.

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Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!