guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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rohypnol. rape drug

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Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

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Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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Penis. I got it

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what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

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Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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Boy- I'm heading back to my place. Want to come? Girl-Sorry you strike me as a person who cums all by himself.

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Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

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Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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Not a pickup line, but sincerity: Look for somebody you like, it does not matter what in particular you love about this person, so lets put me as the guy in two examples. Me: Lovely scarf you got there. Woman: Here take it. Me: Wow. Its no typical me to be into women's clothing in fact I do not give a damn about clothing at all, so I ask my female friends to buy clothes for me to pick up what they think I look my best in, I mean what is wrong by looking good in the eyes of your girls eh? but I must really have loved that scarf, because it was no pick up failure, because in this example I sincerely loved that scarf... Now this one. Me: I love that scarf you got there. Woman: Sigh, take it and leave me alone. Me: Here, have it back, I do not like the scarf, I like how beautiful you make the scarf look, are you willing to give me a chance, to get to know the girl that can make this scarf so beautiful? You are female and resist me? That is okay, you do however give me the motivation to become a better person, so that you might give me another chance, sometime if we meet again, and if we do not, thank you for giving me so much already. Honesty Pros: No lies Cons: I am experienced with being myself P Lies: Pros: Hey a free scarf I pretend to like yay? Cons: If you have what it takes, why do you then have to lie? Then you are not only lying to her, but also to yourself. And if your lie works, how many lies will you have to keep creating, until the fear of failure rather than the peace and love, breaks your heart and hers? Moral: Sure you know now you lie about the scarf, about her shirt, about her wig, and you lose a lot... But if you had to lie about it, admit it or live in self denial: You lost nothing sir! You never had it in the first place

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. Female: no, I'm from Idaho. Because I da ho.

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

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Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

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Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

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I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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