my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

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You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

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Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

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Dont blame me for using moral all the time its just part of my sig...nature XD Moral: Not a pick up line, so its pretty anti.

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Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

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Moral man: Hey ladies... wanna read my "moral man original jokes?" then you are at the right place! Just scroll down the newest section and you will feel, insulted, charmed, happy, sad, and all that stuff you always wanted! Except beaten up... Moral man do other things to women... BTW I used to write comics (not draw them) for STUPIDO once... well I cant say more... Girl: "Reads": OMG I SO WANT YOU! Moral: If you are gonna like me less (or more) because of the "infomercial" nature of this anti-joke, then you must be the kind that yells to the TV a lot, and throw bricks at the television when it says "this show is presented by" So just do it, prove you are a nutcase, give me that luxury.

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Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!