-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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At a Bar for blacks... and whites... and everybody else... Man: I can last for hours in bed! Woman: *gets closer and whispers in his ear: Really? Man: OH YeeeeeaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Woman: Lets go to your place... Man: Meh, I am done. Moral: Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Excuse me I need to go change clothes...

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(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

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Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Sex?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

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Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

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Nero: My name is Nero... Woman: Why I mean you aint black? Nero: Sure about that? Moral: In the Darkness... We are all the same...

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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Hey girl, you must have fallen from heaven, because you're so old you should have died already and so ugly that they must have kicked you out as soon as you got there.

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I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!