Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

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Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

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Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

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hey you look like a good practice girl.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

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GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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Guy: Theres this girl and Ive been meaning to ask her something... Girl: I bet I know who it is ;D Guy: Oh good. So is your mom available on Friday?

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Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

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-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

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I wish my sister was as hot as you.

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Like my status for a tbh? Cause to be honest you are the prettiest girl I ever met ;) Like MY status for a tbh? cause to be honest, thats old and No one gets on Facebook. Twitter all the way :p Oh did I say prettiest? I meant b*tchiest you are horrible at comebacks. So your dumb too! -__________-

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- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

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M:HEY BABY! Where you from? W: Im a lesbian.. M: COOL! So which part of Lesbia are you from?

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Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

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Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!