are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Eat me, I'm organic!

thumb_up thumb_down -59

you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

thumb_up thumb_down +5

"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

thumb_up thumb_down +107

Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

thumb_up thumb_down +74

Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

thumb_up thumb_down -10

This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

thumb_up thumb_down -35

i am with stupid l l l \/

thumb_up thumb_down +205

M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

thumb_up thumb_down +109

You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

thumb_up thumb_down -82

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!