- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Don't turn this rape into a murder.

Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

Yeah... you'll have to do.

Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

imgonna r@pe you

girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book