roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +125

-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

thumb_up thumb_down +957

Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

thumb_up thumb_down +97

Macho Man: Release the BOGUS! Woman: What? Super Macho Man: Never mind... no one will get this anyways... wanna go to McDonalds and get a Little Mac? Woman: Ok but I want a Big mac! Macho Man: What is a Big mac? Is it stronger than a little Mac? Woman: Huh? What do you mean? Macho Man: Sigh... and I actually fought Mike Tyson you know... Woman: So you are a boxer huh? Who are you gonna fight next? Macho Man: Sigh... Mr.Dream... Woman: Who the hell is that? Macho Man: a nobody...

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

thumb_up thumb_down +131

Girls hate me, they always discuss about how they regret fucking with me over and over again. Moral: Thumb me down, I know ya love me.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

thumb_up thumb_down -36

-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

thumb_up thumb_down +145

you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

thumb_up thumb_down +53

-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

thumb_up thumb_down -13

How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -124

You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

thumb_up thumb_down +67

http://pirater-gratuit.fr hacker un compte fb

thumb_up thumb_down -64

M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

thumb_up thumb_down +112

A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

thumb_up thumb_down +113

Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!