Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

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Batman enters a bar: Batman: Ladies... I am Batman... *everyone runs out screaming* Batman: *facepalm* Moral: Want to be feared? Well what did you expect? Who I am? Are you dense? Retarded or something? I am the goddamn Moral-Man!

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

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M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

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(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

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Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

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Guy: How much does a polar bear way? Girl; About 500 kilograms

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

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Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!