Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

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-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

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Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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Man trying to be smart: Man: HELP THERE IS A GIANT BOMB DOWN MY PANTS! ITS BULGING AND ITS GONNA EXPLODE KILLING US ALL! Nurse: ILL REMOVE IT! GRABS "EXPLOSIVE EQUIPMENT" AND RIPS IT OFF" Nurse: Weird this organic bomb looks like a peni.. Man: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG Moral: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRHhhhhhhhhhhhhhgEsgRSGRSRfRSfSFSr

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girl- how much does a polar bear weigh? girl- enough to break the-- boy- Are you talking about an adult polar bear? boy- then it's around 400-500 kg girl- blast!

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Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

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Him: I'd go through anything for you. Her: The exit's over there.

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You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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