I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

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-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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If I could rearange the alphabet id put "I-W-A-N-T-S-E-X-Y-O-U together. SIr, not really but that was kinda impressive. Me: I know...

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In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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-I love you.

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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M: Woah I am drunk baby... But I gotta say... you`re the hottest bitch in town! B: Bark bark!

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GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

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It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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Lol, lucky you that this piece of shit site worked so fast for you huh DAD? Fine, I need no essay on her ass, my firm (well where I work at the top of the foodchain lets be modest here) sponsors all Samsung phones, so seriously ill get you the most expensive one I can find (its free, ill just tell them I need an extra one for, calling, but just for you, if you tell anybody else, ill just slash your tires. Man, I hate HATE sounding nice because I am not, but you can have that damn Fiat something (black car) that I bought from my ex, you take that instead? You still owe me the cash, but the car is yours (I never use it, and its you know... Bad, but still ten thousand times better than your car. Moral: Me? I just cant bother using my wives phone in order to call myself and find my own damn phone, so if you read this, you are golden. Oh, and if you want that piece of shit car of yours (cant even tell the brand can you? Seriously tell me) then you can have the damn money, but no paintjob, that car is, and must look like the trash it is. AMEN? Jk, Fuck Amen. Finally, so you want one with Keyboard attachment or one with keyboard embedded into the screen? The ones with the keyboards are usually a bit more pricey, but man, some of them suck ass, still I can get you like the one I got for business (yeah we gotta use fucking Samsung phones it pays well though) And forget your damn car tires, XD Im laughing here, some could steal those dirty flat pieces of shit, and you would be driving without noticing shit my whigga XD.

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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Young man: Hey I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so I wondered if you wanna come home and have hardcore sex and... Mature woman: HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING! IM YOUR MOTHER! Young man: As I said mom... I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so... Moral: Hentai keeping families together since forever...

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Superman: I bet I can bang you faster than the speed of light! Woman: OOOOH! OK DO IT! Superman... uh... I already did it 30 times already... "pant" "pant" Woman: uh... really? Uh... was I suppose to feel anythi... Moral: Since when has fast sex been good sex?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!