Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

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A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

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He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

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Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

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What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

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M. Do you want to go out with me? F. Okay but first take me to your place where we can be alone to make furious love to one another M. Wow this never happens I must be.. (Wakes up) dreaming

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Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

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I just told Rebecca that the average man gets laid with about seven women during his life... ...She stares me in the eyes and goes "Noo! Really?" I mean should I feel cool? Is it because she has seen me with more women than... I dunno many, or because... Pssst: Harris... I mean you know I uh... Cherry pie this one right? Does this mean she goes around a lot doing a lot of other guys DAD!? (He calls me SON for like every third word, so yeah DAD... She is giving me a cold st... And she failed to take the laptop away from me, its kinda neat you know, typing while two girls cant share a... Well medium plus size dick... I mean... Wow they are making out... Imma gone forever. My fuckcount: Hell I know, when they say a guy bangs seven chicks during their lifetime, do they mean like a week? At once? Jk, I just pity the guys, for each extra gal for me, means one less for you right? Think positive folks, someone has to please them properly... Rebecca is like all "please sir?" "Thank you kind sir" (I hate being called kind) But in bed, she is all like FUCK ME HARDER YOU FUCKING MORON! Did I mention she has a sweet ass, and that my laptop is burning on her now... Multitasking: The key to threesomes, foursomes, fivesomes... I mean I wont say how many women I have done (rather been done by honestly) at once, why? Because you would never believe me. TWELVE... Eleven one wussed out actually because she just said it so she would look "cool among her friends... Poor little bitch..." Anyway, still twelve.

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If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

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"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

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Man: Hey, you dont look that fucking ugly, wanna go home with me? mirror: *shatters* Moral: If your ugliness ever shatters your mirror let me know, ill look at it and it will assemble itself back on its own.

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!