Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

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B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

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Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

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At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

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the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

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Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

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Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!