-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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Man and woman in bed: Man: You know I am somewhat a deviant right? Woman: Sure but I am drunk so lets just do it.. Man: I AM SO GONNA BANG YOU! (Man throws dynamite at woman) Woman: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUU Moral: BANG INDEED... case closed.

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

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Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Hey girl, you a single mom I heard, I love that. Really? :D SURE! Hey just between us, how sexy are your kids on a scale from one to over nine thousand? Moral: Watch out ladies, I can only take care of so many of you... (you have kids? Meh, get lost,nothing personal, just you know... your kid)

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

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Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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Guy:I invented troll face oh yea! Girl:you gave my daughter nightmares for weeks you b****!(throws drink in face)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!