HE ; " MY NAME'S BOND, JAMES BOND" SHE;" MY NAME'S ****, **** OFF!"

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

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Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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"I'd like to get you out of those clothes. Really, they aren't very flattering. That color looks awful on you and those pants make you look fat."

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I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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Your face is like mace, every time i see if i get blinded

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Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

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Man: What did you say this horrible machine did look like? Woman: It was terrible it was like a man sized yellow and red robot that shoot lasers! After I refused its offer to come home with him he shoot lasers and destroyed my house... buah ;( ;( Man: That is terrible! Despicable! We have to do something about this! Such a beautiful supermodel should never go trough such a terrible atrocity! Woman: Buah... sigh... sniff... I know... but it was terrible! Man: so so my lady... you can come live with me in my giant mansion and we can have a couple of drinks to calm your nerves and relax... ;) Woman: Thank you Mr.Stark... Man: Oh Just call me Iron Ma... I mean Tony!

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!