Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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Excuse me, is your father a gardener? No. Why? Because he keeps leaving all his dry leaves on my sidewalk please tell him to clear it!

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

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2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

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Hey whigs just thinking, you think these will get approved as "anti-pickuplines?" XD Anyway, relax dog, the car is yours, and yes its a custom engine I trimmed myself, never drove it but its like a fucking hummingbird, just be careful dawg, it drives far faster than the damn spedometer or whatever its called says, so if it says 30 whatevers, you are driving at double (ill fix that for you, was gonna do it anyways but I am at work now) Man, I increased productivity with 33 percent with my speeches and campaigns, if that bonus isnt legal then im quitting AFTER I DECREASE productivity with 120... By quitting... basically. Get a cab dude, dont turn into some spoiled asskissing piece of shit that hangs around for the money (not more than you already do, jk bro) and ill throw in the fucking bill for the cabfare, but you know the trust system whiggs, receipts always. Oh, and yeah anyone asks, you leased it, and just for the Nero says comment, I was watching that shit How I raped your mother with my wife, and I get to give you five slaps! At random times, as hard as I can.. ...You know I got small hands, and your sister knows that small hands just means the paperwork kind, while big other stuff, means fucked since I was nice. Yeah its at the summer vista whatever, playboy mansion my ass... Its actually a bit larger (a lot less uh the area around tho, listen man, im done doing my... well girls, so im gonna get some sleep soon, so if you got more to say, make it fast... Moral: You know I have always been EVERYONES GOD MINION, DARK FALLEN GOD OF CHAOS AND... Sex, money, yeah... REMEMBER: Push the pedal on that Fiat of yours, and you will end up wrecking the car on the paper thin walls on my garage, so watch the speed limit, if you end up killng yourself, Ill never forgive myse... Wait... ILL NEVER FORGIVE YOUR MOTHER AND BANG HER... Because... Ahh... You know, girls wont get off me, now hurry the hell up and just say you are coming over or not, because I need an excuse to get... Wait for it... Wait for it... NOT YOUR SISTER OF ME! But hey, im honest to your sister, this man gots love for all the girls in his life, or he dont deserve them. Answer asap, or im wrecking the car, seriously, answer quick and its yours... On the phone is fine.

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Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

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My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

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Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

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F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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Order Online Nightwear and short shop online in India

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Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

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I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!