Boy: How much does a Polarbear weigh? Girl: How much? Boy: Just as much as me, hi my name is Ahron

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You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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Gaywatch starts

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That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

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have met you before? i like eating my dogs shit.

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so... you're a girl,huh?

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-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

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What did the blond do when the web page she was visiting didn't load? She checked if her wireless access had been somehow cut off and then hit the refresh button and waited for the page to load again.

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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Man enters bar: Man: I AM MORAL MAN! My spear shall cut down the zealots, and my shield shall block (yeah you wish) be used as a additional weapon to push people down so I can thrust my spear even deeper into their hatred filled hearts! Woman: WOW! Moral: This pickup line wont work of course... not for you you aren`t the one and only EPIC: MORAL MAN! ;) Aka Epic man to those that still fail to understand that my morals are morals for a new order! No more religious wars, no more pedophiles, no more hatecrime... stand by me, and I shall not only speak for you, but also fight for you!

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

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Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

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Hitler: Hey Mädchen, du bist Jude? Girl: What? Hitler: Ärmel hochkrempeln, ich brauche deine Nummer.

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!