hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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If your happy and you know it clap your hands!! What if I lost my hands in Nam while I was singing this song and a plane killed my friend causing me to ct off both of my hands?

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You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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are you on fire?

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-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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Penis. I got it

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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Nielsen: Nice beaver! Woman: Thanks! Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice p*ssy Woman: Ah! Thank you! (cat meows) Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice wet vagina. Woman: Is this in the script? Director: CUT! Nielsen: What? Cant a man improvise? I mean OJ does it, and he is quite the nice fella... Moral: "Quite the nice fella" Yeah reminds me of good old dad, nice to everyone, and could take a lot of shit, but as much as I asked him how he was doing, I got an uppercut to the face and a nice trip in a ambulance... Started when I was 4, I crushed his upper Jaw in self defense when I was 16... ah... hmm... Why am I sharing this? Then again why not... When have I not spoken my mind.

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Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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