"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

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Hey girl, I heard you are a lesbian! So which part of lesbia are you from? Moral: Geography is overrated, he got laid.

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hey, your cute. hey, your not.

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

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How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

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Hey ladies ;) I like to post lots of anti-pickuplines! ;) Girls: WOW! I WANNA JOIN YOU HOME! ME TOO ME TOO! The anti-part: This will never happen in real life.

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male- are you from Tenessee female- why? am I the only ten you see? male- no, i was just going to say you look a little inbred.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

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M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

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Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'I' and 'U' together. Really? Cos' I like it just the way it is... With 'N' and 'O' together.

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Put the lotion on the skin!

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Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

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Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

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Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!