wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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Soon

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"Hmm...you'll do."

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down?

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Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

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why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

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Drunk woman enters what she thinks is a bar... (how original). "man gets close to her" Woman: You men are all dogs! Man: Bark bark! Woman: No need to get cheeky with me asshole! Man: Bark bark... Woman proceeds to pass out and wake up at a kennel... "Mandog": Bark bark. Moral: If you think every man is a dog, then you may just be bark barking the wrong tree... or place... I mean dont expect to find nice men at a dirty bar, and dont expect to find horny jerks at your church reunion. (A moral man original... and I actually like this one!)

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I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

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Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

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" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

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I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

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- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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Hello children! :D

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Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!