wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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-how much does a polar bear way. -half as much as you (for fat girls)

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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"You'll do."

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Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

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Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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I'm a black belt at pretty much everything, Karate, Larate, Jiu-Jitsu, Kickpunching, Beltmaking, Taekwondo.........bedroom...|:D ~Rick, the Adventure Sphere

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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Me during the noob days at a bar: Me: So this is fun, want to go to my place and watch The Matrix trilogy all night or something? She: Naaah, I already watched them, but I am sure we can watch something else all night right? Me: Nah, you see I just moved in, and I don't have any other movies, so yeah nice meeting you though! *facepalm*

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Young Man: Mom.. oh mom I want you so bad! Mom: I want you so bad too son! (starts ripping of clothes) Young Man: Uh... I want you to make me a sandwich... what is going on? Mom: Uh... never mind... Next day: Mom: Hey I bought you some cartoons... Young Man: Huh? I am too old for carto... HEY! :D what is this? What is this Hentai stuff? OOH! Moral: Hentai, the reason asians are smart and families stick together in Japan... sometimes they literally stick together...

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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You allergic to semen?

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Hello, it's nice to meet you.

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!