Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +74

-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

thumb_up thumb_down +132

You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

"Hmm...you'll do."

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

thumb_up thumb_down +48

I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

thumb_up thumb_down -129

why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

thumb_up thumb_down +81

I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Your the penisbutter to my vagmite;)

thumb_up thumb_down -9

man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

thumb_up thumb_down +167

If I could rearange the alphabet id put "I-W-A-N-T-S-E-X-Y-O-U together. SIr, not really but that was kinda impressive. Me: I know...

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

thumb_up thumb_down +15

hey bitch

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Guy: Theres this girl and Ive been meaning to ask her something... Girl: I bet I know who it is ;D Guy: Oh good. So is your mom available on Friday?

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Male: Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

thumb_up thumb_down +60

You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

thumb_up thumb_down -54

What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

thumb_up thumb_down +142

Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

thumb_up thumb_down -42

(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

thumb_up thumb_down +105

-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

thumb_up thumb_down +203

I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!