-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

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Can I go to your house and play with your Jigglypuff?

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Man: Wanna come to my place? Woman: Maybe if you take of the ski-mask and black clothing... Man: But then you'll ruin the surprise! :(

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Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

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Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

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Pick up lines from the stoneage: Man: RARGH GROG BEAT YOU WITH CLUB! AND MAKE THE LITTLE GROGS WITH YOU! Woman: But I just had one! Aww not this again whatever... Moral: And over time women adjusted to clubs and often end up knocked up when passing out in them, While men that own their own clubs usually end up knocking up a lot more of them... Some things never change...

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Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

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Boy: You know, just because one is beautiful does not mean that she is intelligent. Girl: Really? Boy: Yeah. But I'd like to tell you that you're a very good exception. Girl: Do you really think so? Boy: Of course! You're already ugly, yet you're so incredibly stupid!

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Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

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MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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I wish my sister was as hot as you.

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!