Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

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Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

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Moral man enters a bar and spots a sad girl. MMan: Why so sad? Lady: My father died... MMan: And you want him to see you sad, from wherever he may be? Lady: No but how am I supposed to be happy about it? MMan: Remember the happy days you spent, because they are many more than the days you will see his gravestone, and if nothing else, we can always keep those alive within our heart happily, as long as we are happy in OUR heart... Moral: I would have called this meaningless bull before, but this is a true story, and those words are the reason I just celebrated my two year anniversary with my girlfriend, the most amazing girl ever... which just sang out of joy btw... I may be different... but if a man can keep those he loves happy, he is indeed a true man... Ok now she wants to know what I am typing, so I say nothing and put this self brag away, because I share with you, but heck, what am I? Somekind of romantic? Answer: Meh, I am the ever lovable jerk you may not like, but cant stop loving once you know me either... The anti-part? Dunno, dont care :D

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girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

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WOW MY LONGEST EVER COMMENT BELOW GOT A THUMBS UPS WOOT-WO-WO-WOROWOOOT *Partyravelights that confetti crap and... Moral: I dont really give a shit and all...

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BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

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are you on fire?

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I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

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whats up ho

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is *zip* FEMALE: *gurgle gurgle* *scream*

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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I'll punch ya!

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Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

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Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!