Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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Whatever I'll just date myself.

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While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

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Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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Order Online Nightwear and short shop online in India

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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M: Woah I am drunk baby... But I gotta say... you`re the hottest bitch in town! B: Bark bark!

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Vader getting it on ;): My sexual prowress overcomes even the power of the dark side. Can you even have sex? ... Uh... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!