-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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you look like my mother

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hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

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-Do you like me? -No

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

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Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

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Girl: Hey, why don't you and I go out to dinner? Guy: Thanks, but if I wanted to watch a whore stuff her face full of meat, I'd just load up Redtube.

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-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!