- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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The anti pickup line hard to believe: Woman: Me so hony! Me wan lose virginity to you! I make free love for hours! Man: Wow, are you that popular Asian supermodel known for her enormous tits? I heard you really are virgin! Damn I am single and all but I kinda promised my ex girlfriend I would help her get back together with the guy she cheated on me with. Woman: But me so hony! I wait for u for many many long time! But I wait for u only for a month is looong time! Man: Eh, I kinda promised I would fix her washing machine too, and then I have to cut her grandmothers toenails and... Anyways sorry I cant this month :( Moral: Yeah like that is ever going to happen! (then again I tend to expect too much)

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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Nice legs what time do they open

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Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

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Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

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Super man and Lois lane doing it... Supes: WOMAN I AM SO uh.. tHORNY that I want to thrust as hard as I can and... Lois: YAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Supes: Oh noes! R.I.P Lois Lane... Ripped In Pieces Indeed... Moral: Hey at least moral man can get laid... (a moral man fake... well actually original)

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hey, your cute. hey, your not.

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

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I hate you already.

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I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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Man: So you will come home with me later? Girl: Sure! Man: Great then ill just go find more women I can bang later in the meantime... Moral: Depending of the kind of woman, this is of no consequence...

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!