Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

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Guy: want to hear a joke about my penis. don't worry, it's too long Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina. don't worry, you won't get it

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

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"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

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- OMG, OMG, OMG, Terry finally said he will go out with me! -OMG, When? -February 30th! -Stacey, There is no February 30th.

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hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

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I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

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Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

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Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

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- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!