"Next!"

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

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-Hi miss are you a ketchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hot dog to you

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

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-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

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Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

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-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

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hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

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Your skin would make a nice coat.

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if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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hey, your cute. hey, your not.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!