Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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Him: I'd go through anything for you. Her: The exit's over there.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

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There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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Hey wanna smash pissers?

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Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

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GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

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-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

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I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

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I love Mark Wahlberg!

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A couple wanted to try something different in the bedroom, The wife suggests they do it in a 69 position so they get into position but the wife lets one off in the husbands face she apologises and they try again when the wife farts again the husband gets up to leave and says no I don't think I can do this another 67 times!

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Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!