guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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so... you're a girl,huh?

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Stop Footing Around

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If you were a Pokemon I'd choose you!

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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This doesn't have to be a rape.

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What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

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- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

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Guy: want to hear a joke about my penis. don't worry, it's too long Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina. don't worry, you won't get it

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Batman bravely leaps in front of the Robin: Bats: WATCH OUT FOR THAT GAY-RAY! *Bats suddenly grabs Robin and starts making out with him* Bats: I am sorry, I cannot stop it... I... Robin: I am underage so maybe it was a pedo-ray or something... Joker: What gay ray? What pedo ray? It was suppose to disintegrate you! But whatever, I win. Moral: It was a looong trip back home.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!