Hello children! :D

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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Glass Basketball

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I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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Woman: Hey hot stuff! Are you new around he... Man: Eh, I am not comfortable with women hitting on me, even hot ones like you, its just uh... awkward and... Woman: uh sorry, its not like I was hitting on you nor anything ;), Why dont you hit on me? Man: Uh... I err.. how you... uh... *the guy proceeds to stare at the floor for the next five minutes then runs out crying* Moral: NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD!

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Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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At a moral man bar... "the most awesome place on earth": Man: I thumb down my comments now, and somehow they end up thumbed the next day... Woman: Uh... what comments? Moral: Be specific... or at least dont brag to pick up chicks... now if you wanna be yourself and could not give shit about the rest, then go ahead! It will actually improve your chances!

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Man: Hey, I write the most perverted mini stories on ANTIPICKUPLINE ;) Any woman: ME SO HONNY ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME! Moral: Hentai keeping peop... never mind... not into animated cartoons DO YOU THINK I AM A PERVERT OR SOMETHING?.. cant help it that my mother looks like a damn hot pornstar though...

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Man: Wanna see the best pick up line ever? Its an ancient secret kept for millions of years! Girl: SURE! Man: It only reveals to the fully drunk though so lets get drinking.. Girl: uh... okay... I guess.. Man: Drunk enough? Girl: Ulp... you betcha weird man! Man: Ok its hidden at my place so lets go! Girl: WOHOO!

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I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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Drink this!

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Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!