do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

thumb_up thumb_down +93

Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

thumb_up thumb_down -55

What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

thumb_up thumb_down +4

-wow I could just drown in the ocean of your eyes -well why don't you -well I'll steal your sisters number, get lost at sea, and shipreck in her bed Then you can come and save us when she is shouting S.O.S out of the other room

thumb_up thumb_down -75

hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

thumb_up thumb_down -148

M:HEY BABY! Where you from? W: Im a lesbian.. M: COOL! So which part of Lesbia are you from?

thumb_up thumb_down +33

- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

thumb_up thumb_down +144

Whatever I'll just date myself.

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

thumb_up thumb_down +24

-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

thumb_up thumb_down +28

- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

thumb_up thumb_down -103

Sex?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Are your prices by the hour

thumb_up thumb_down -9

You're like chocolate pudding. You look like crap.

thumb_up thumb_down +152

You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

greetings clarisse...

thumb_up thumb_down +101

Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!