Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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I hate you already.

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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"I'd like to get you out of those clothes. Really, they aren't very flattering. That color looks awful on you and those pants make you look fat."

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

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Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

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Hey girl, I heard you are a lesbian! So which part of lesbia are you from? Moral: Geography is overrated, he got laid.

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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Girl, wanna fuck rite now? Sure! Man! You are such a hoe! *walks away disgusted* Moral: Be careful for what you ask for.

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

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-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

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Boy- I'm heading back to my place. Want to come? Girl-Sorry you strike me as a person who cums all by himself.

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Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

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Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!