Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

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Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

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Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

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Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

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Man: May I please sit next to you for a brief moment? Woman: Sure :), you`re such a gentleman :). Man: Would you care for a bit of violent rapage in you`re anus?

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

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your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

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The anti pickup line hard to believe: Woman: Me so hony! Me wan lose virginity to you! I make free love for hours! Man: Wow, are you that popular Asian supermodel known for her enormous tits? I heard you really are virgin! Damn I am single and all but I kinda promised my ex girlfriend I would help her get back together with the guy she cheated on me with. Woman: But me so hony! I wait for u for many many long time! But I wait for u only for a month is looong time! Man: Eh, I kinda promised I would fix her washing machine too, and then I have to cut her grandmothers toenails and... Anyways sorry I cant this month :( Moral: Yeah like that is ever going to happen! (then again I tend to expect too much)

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Guy: How much does a polar bear way? Girl; About 500 kilograms

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Me during the noob days at a bar: Me: So this is fun, want to go to my place and watch The Matrix trilogy all night or something? She: Naaah, I already watched them, but I am sure we can watch something else all night right? Me: Nah, you see I just moved in, and I don't have any other movies, so yeah nice meeting you though! *facepalm*

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!