is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

thumb_up thumb_down +249

Wanna have sex?

thumb_up thumb_down -21

-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

thumb_up thumb_down +6

(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

thumb_up thumb_down +96

Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

thumb_up thumb_down +65

Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down +103

Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

thumb_up thumb_down -141

I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

thumb_up thumb_down +91

Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

thumb_up thumb_down +86

Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

GET IN THE VAN!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -53

What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

thumb_up thumb_down -88

Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

thumb_up thumb_down +149

Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

thumb_up thumb_down -9

If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

thumb_up thumb_down +142

Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

thumb_up thumb_down +244

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!