If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

- You look really nice - I know

Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

Drunk guy with high standards part 3: Man: Dunno woman... you are so big and... and... FAT and really huge and stuff but... well... uh.. you are still really damn hot so lets do it! Man: YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Astronauts: Did that guy really eject himself towards the sun? Moral: At least he was right about the really hot part... and that ladies and gentlemen, is the terrible end of the amazing drunk man with high standards, you can read the whole series just by clicking onwards trough my comments and give em a thumbs ups just as you go along.. otherwise they will show up... mean they wo..

I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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