You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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nice kid... want another?

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Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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Five dollar women... WOO!

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

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He says: Are you're from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. She says: Well, if we're making bad jokes: Are you from Illinois? Because you make me ill, and when I throw up from your face I'll make a lot of nois.

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Woman: Seriously you are like the perfect man, I barely even met you and want to marry you already! What is your name by the way? Guy: My name is Le Petite Chessedeburger Withnowhitesauce! Woman: I am gay by the way, gotta go feed my uh... my wife yeah my wife.

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For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

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Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

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- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!