Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

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Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

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does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

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Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

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Jack is riding his new yellow bicycle. His father bought it for his 12th anniversary. Jack is ecstatic to have his first ride down his street. Erick thinks its ugly.

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-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

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Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!