(Based on a few real life experiences) Man: Hey girl wanna hang out an.. Girl: OMG IMMA ORGASMIN YES I COME WIT YOU AND WE HAVE WILD SAX IN MAH DERTY PUSSY AND THEN YOU LIKK MY ASS GOOD AND CLEEN! Man: Uh... I think I left my wallet im my pocket... which I think is in my fridge.. at home... gotta go before the house burns down you know... "runs off"

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If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

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Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

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My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

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-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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