- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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I'll punch ya!

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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yo im will smith yo, thats my name and I was juzz wonderin if you ever you know like the beach or bbq because stuff happen yanno and while I do some rap id just belieeve that things are a bit crazy these times so I was thinking maybe ill ask you out right? But then I was like WHAAAAAAZAAAAAAAAA and... Hey gurl where you goin im just getting warmed up. Moral: I met the guy, day one I had a great day, day two I didnt get any sleep and now I hate him, the end.

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free candy....

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

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Yo girl... My feelings keep growing, I just have to say it, but it might be too soon, it might even risk our friendship. Awww, just say it. Ok girl, I hate you more for every day, you fucking ugly bitch, if it where not for your money, id leave right away. Moral: Its not about what you want, its about what you need, therefore I decided I only need whatever I want, case closed.

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A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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I heard this one in real life in Spain, pretty good one: Man: Please marry me! I am nothing without you! Woman: If you are worth nothing then why should I want you? Man: Uh... Moral: Its a great honor having a dedicated group of followers making sure my comments always have red thumbs, thanks to this my sociology studies are complete. My thanks to every azzhole out there.

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(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

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Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

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WOW MY LONGEST EVER COMMENT BELOW GOT A THUMBS UPS WOOT-WO-WO-WOROWOOOT *Partyravelights that confetti crap and... Moral: I dont really give a shit and all...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!