Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

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hey you look like a good practice girl.

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Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

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I DROPPED MY LAPTOP IN THE RIVER IT WAS ADELE ROLLING IN THE DEEP ( A DELL ROLLING IN THE DEEP)

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

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- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!