You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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Man: Oh.. girl you smell so nice... Girl: TRY ANOTHER LINE AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TlTS LOSER! Man: Uh... I am blind... Girl: Um...

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

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-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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-I love you.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

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man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

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What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!