What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

thumb_up thumb_down +88

Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

sex me.

thumb_up thumb_down +114

I hate you already.

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Have you met Ted?

thumb_up thumb_down -14

boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

thumb_up thumb_down +278

Man: Wanna go to my home and have sex? Woman: Well... OK! Man: Wow you are easy!... wait! Where are you going? COME BACK! Moral: They are not easy, they just like a man with balls... and you where obviously not one of them... LAME OVER.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

thumb_up thumb_down +300

- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

thumb_up thumb_down -486

Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

thumb_up thumb_down +147

Were your parents chemists? cuz you look like TEST TUBE BABY :D

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

thumb_up thumb_down +99

How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Are you from Tennessee? Because we are both in Tennessee and I thought asking where you grew up would be a good way to get to know you better.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Man: Lets have some fun ;) Woman: Sure! Man: Starts telling jokes. Woman: Funny but I thought... Man: What? Woman: Well its a bit uh... silly of me but I thought that we where getting at your place, having a drink and... Man: What? I said fun, not date rape! Woman: Wow... this is really getting nowhere is it? Author: Hell no! Moral: This "anti-pickup" was not even finished and you want a moral too? Pssssssssssssssssshhhhh....

thumb_up thumb_down -42

- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

thumb_up thumb_down -786

-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

thumb_up thumb_down -200

-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

thumb_up thumb_down -553

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

thumb_up thumb_down +383

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

thumb_up thumb_down +157

- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

thumb_up thumb_down +31

- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

thumb_up thumb_down +128

- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down -185

-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

thumb_up thumb_down -921

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!