-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

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Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

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man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

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whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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Drink this!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!