-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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are you from subway cause you givin me a footlong

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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Girl: If you was a rollercoaster...I'd ride you all day long.. Guy: What? Am I not big enough for you now...why can't you just be happy with me... =_= Girl: : / I was tring to be all sexy in a cute way... Guy: Pfft. FREAK... e_e

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Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

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Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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Macho Man: Release the BOGUS! Woman: What? Super Macho Man: Never mind... no one will get this anyways... wanna go to McDonalds and get a Little Mac? Woman: Ok but I want a Big mac! Macho Man: What is a Big mac? Is it stronger than a little Mac? Woman: Huh? What do you mean? Macho Man: Sigh... and I actually fought Mike Tyson you know... Woman: So you are a boxer huh? Who are you gonna fight next? Macho Man: Sigh... Mr.Dream... Woman: Who the hell is that? Macho Man: a nobody...

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-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

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Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

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i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

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-Is there anything I can do for you? -Fill my care cup. Oh, actually, I don't think you can manage to do that.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!