You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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Hey Clarkson, you know about this pointless invention Named Nero The Moral man? Clarkson: No. Nero: No. Is this because horsehead network sucks? Clarkson: Yes. Nero: WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE! Oh yeah I am fucking it away... Fuck me, every girl around me just ends up completely fucked.... ;)

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Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

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"You'll do."

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Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

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i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

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WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

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Didnt I just meet you at world of warcraft? My nickname is desperaterapist838493

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

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Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

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M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

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As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!