Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

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sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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I have never dated a horse-faced woman before :)

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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Girl, you must be a parking ticket. Because you got 'Please pay within 30 days. Failure to do so you will face prosecution at the local court.' written all over you.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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I heard this one in real life in Spain, pretty good one: Man: Please marry me! I am nothing without you! Woman: If you are worth nothing then why should I want you? Man: Uh... Moral: Its a great honor having a dedicated group of followers making sure my comments always have red thumbs, thanks to this my sociology studies are complete. My thanks to every azzhole out there.

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Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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Man: Hey there cutie... what is your name? Woman: Eve... Man: Wanna hang out or something? Woman: Hell no you ugly bastard! I mean at least put on a leaf or something! God: "Facepalm". Moral: The ultimate pickup failure, in this alternative reality, it was also the last and only one. (plays twilight zone theme in your ears)

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Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

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Man: *Pokes Woman* Ouch! You burned me! Woman: How did I burn you? Man: Because you're just THAT hot. ;) Woman: *Pokes Man* Well it's too bad you're not.

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Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

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The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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Man: Lets have some fun ;) Woman: Sure! Man: Starts telling jokes. Woman: Funny but I thought... Man: What? Woman: Well its a bit uh... silly of me but I thought that we where getting at your place, having a drink and... Man: What? I said fun, not date rape! Woman: Wow... this is really getting nowhere is it? Author: Hell no! Moral: This "anti-pickup" was not even finished and you want a moral too? Pssssssssssssssssshhhhh....

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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