Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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whats up ho

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ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

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In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: USA discovers they do not have nuclear weapons and then gives them nuclear reactors?

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

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Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

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Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

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"I'd like to get you out of those clothes. Really, they aren't very flattering. That color looks awful on you and those pants make you look fat."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!