- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

male- are you from Tenessee female- why? am I the only ten you see? male- no, i was just going to say you look a little inbred.

You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

Man: Lady... Seriously, I got a PhD! Woman: Seriously, you look more like an athlete, in what? Man: Lady... I got a pretty huge Richard. Moral: RICHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!

Man: Wanna go to my home and have sex? Woman: Well... OK! Man: Wow you are easy!... wait! Where are you going? COME BACK! Moral: They are not easy, they just like a man with balls... and you where obviously not one of them... LAME OVER.

-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

I have a really big..... Bank Account

Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

Drunken man: Hey sexy ;) what is such a pretty thing doing in this shitty place? wanna come home with me? Nun: I am a nun! And this is a church! Drunken man: I know dammit im not THAT drunk... so what do you say? Nun: Uh... okay...

Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

Eat me, I'm organic!

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book