-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

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-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

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I've got candy.

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He says: Are you're from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. She says: Well, if we're making bad jokes: Are you from Illinois? Because you make me ill, and when I throw up from your face I'll make a lot of nois.

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

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Guy: Hey baby, did you come by car? Girl: No I walked. Guy: Well I can make you come in mine.

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!