Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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- You look really nice - I know

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(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

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Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

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hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

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Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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Damn you look good in beer goggles.

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male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

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Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!