Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

Big Black Guy: Yo, whats your name there sexy? My name is Tyrone Bigs Dicks, but my NBA teammates call me Mr.BigDingDong, I play for the HUGE Chicago BIGC0cks if I seem familiar to you ;),... Woman: Wow, awesome ;) and why do they call you that? Big Black Guy:Sigh... I was afraid you would ask... I actually got no idea... But I do not think there are any Big HUGE hard facts... Woman: :/ Big Black Guy: Where you going? Hey! Moral: Lol cannot stop laughing myself! "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WE PRESENT TO YOU THE HUGE CHICAGO BIGC0CKS!

-Do you like me? -No

Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

If i could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'I' and 'U' together. Really? Cos' I like it just the way it is... With 'N' and 'O' together.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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