so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

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I DROPPED MY LAPTOP IN THE RIVER IT WAS ADELE ROLLING IN THE DEEP ( A DELL ROLLING IN THE DEEP)

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Are you from Tennessee? Because we are both in Tennessee and I thought asking where you grew up would be a good way to get to know you better.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!