Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

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2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

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Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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Drunk woman enters what she thinks is a bar... (how original). "man gets close to her" Woman: You men are all dogs! Man: Bark bark! Woman: No need to get cheeky with me asshole! Man: Bark bark... Woman proceeds to pass out and wake up at a kennel... "Mandog": Bark bark. Moral: If you think every man is a dog, then you may just be bark barking the wrong tree... or place... I mean dont expect to find nice men at a dirty bar, and dont expect to find horny jerks at your church reunion. (A moral man original... and I actually like this one!)

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Man: Your red thumbs cannot hurt me! Im the MoralmanBitch! *Throws couch at woman* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH!* Woman: *dead* Man:Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up or ill have my way with you!... Moral got jugs! Moral: Works every time

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MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!