A man comes home from his doctor and tells his wife that he only has 12 hours to live so he asks his wife later that night if they can do it one last time she agrees but after an hour the man wakes his wife and says honey in a few hours I will be dead can we do it again please. So they do it again a few hours later the man wakes his wife again and says dearest since I'm going to die soon can we please? to this the wife says look honey tomorrow I have to get up you don't!

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For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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Honestly bitch, I hate you, but my balls are bursting so its either you or the next disgusting ugly bitch in line, my mom!

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

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Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

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Now this one is for the ladies: Girl: Hey there Alexa! Long time no see! Woman: Indeed dear, so... do you still do YOGA!? Girl: Nah I stopped after the YOGA FIRE! lessons and the YOGA TELEPORT! Lessons where too expensive... Woman: too bad! Can you still bend your legs behind your back though? ;) It looked so sexy... Girl: Oh well, as long as you can still do you YOGA STRETCH tongue you can come home with me and teach me a thing or two since I am just 19 and you are a 35 year old couger... if you know what I mean ;) Woman: Sure! I can teach you a lot of lusty immoral things ;). Conclusion: Girl: Not there... its hurts. Woman: Just relax girl, and it will work... Girl: YES OH YES!!! Moral: To show that my stories also support the ladies ;) Hey... its called the ANTIPICKUPLINE after all right?

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

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I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

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i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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