Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

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Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

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- Did it hurt? - Yes.

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I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

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Man: GET IN THE VAN! Woman: NO! Man: Well... How about the Limo? Its got beverages and caviar and... Woman: OOH :D Moral: Always go for the limo first,

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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male- are you from Tenessee female- why? am I the only ten you see? male- no, i was just going to say you look a little inbred.

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

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Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

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Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

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Huge blue man: I AM THE APOCALYPSE! YOU ARE NOT FIT TO SURVIVE! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Huge blue man: "facepalm" THIS GAME, IS OVER! Moral: Dont start out too strong...

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He: I know all 21 letters of the Alphabet She: Isn't there 26?? He: Oh yeah...i keep forgetting URAQT

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Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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You like my boobies ;) Girl: I said no you disgusting fat bastard! Moral: What fucking kind of MOTHERFUCKING MORAL are you expecting to find here?!?

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!