A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

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-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

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Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

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Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

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If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!