(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

thumb_up thumb_down -112

knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

thumb_up thumb_down -98

Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

thumb_up thumb_down +69

*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

thumb_up thumb_down +111

Nero: My name is Nero... Woman: Why I mean you aint black? Nero: Sure about that? Moral: In the Darkness... We are all the same...

thumb_up thumb_down +82

I am typing it here for exposure which means I am no sellout because I admitt I sell out, just like I did not crash because I admitt I did. This one is real: Me meeting my childhood friend (a girl, with huge boobs... Which she had reduced because back problems... Fucking reduction pointless invention!) Tina: You where and will always be like a brother to me Nero. Me: Aww... Well... Tina: A fucking sexy brother back then... Well and now! Me: O_O. I am married, so I called my wife and asked if its okay, she said can I join? And well, why do you think I am so wired now... ROUND TWO... F*CK!

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

thumb_up thumb_down +24

girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

thumb_up thumb_down -82

Man: I bet I can scream so loud I can break the walls this post is made of. Woman: Pfff bullshit.. Man: POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!! Woman: Wow, I wanna go home with you! Man: Sorry, I dont wanna go home with you Moral I dont bang women I "have something to prove to" if ever... heck just ask a woman what makes her cool enough to ask/demand you to prove yourself... and you may just hit the soft spot...

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down -31

-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

thumb_up thumb_down +194

-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

thumb_up thumb_down -141

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

thumb_up thumb_down -114

What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Sorry Nero, this is still Golgo 12, I am trying to reach you here as the other place is down, I can see why some people consider you insane, sorry to admit I left the order by the time you left as well, Eliza was the only one that could keep up with your stuff, the rest well you know... So point zero is some kind of elysum now huh? For real? And you rule there? I mean I never doubted your wisdom, but six million people living some kinda new world order at point zero? Thats hard to believe.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

thumb_up thumb_down -107

Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

thumb_up thumb_down -69

Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

thumb_up thumb_down -71

-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!