are you on fire?

thumb_up thumb_down -71

If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Young Man: Mom.. oh mom I want you so bad! Mom: I want you so bad too son! (starts ripping of clothes) Young Man: Uh... I want you to make me a sandwich... what is going on? Mom: Uh... never mind... Next day: Mom: Hey I bought you some cartoons... Young Man: Huh? I am too old for carto... HEY! :D what is this? What is this Hentai stuff? OOH! Moral: Hentai, the reason asians are smart and families stick together in Japan... sometimes they literally stick together...

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

thumb_up thumb_down -36

(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

thumb_up thumb_down -1,213

Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Guy: How much does a polar bear way? Girl; About 500 kilograms

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

thumb_up thumb_down +28

can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

thumb_up thumb_down +61

Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Wanna have sex?

thumb_up thumb_down -23

"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Man: I bet I can scream so loud I can break the walls this post is made of. Woman: Pfff bullshit.. Man: POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!! Woman: Wow, I wanna go home with you! Man: Sorry, I dont wanna go home with you Moral I dont bang women I "have something to prove to" if ever... heck just ask a woman what makes her cool enough to ask/demand you to prove yourself... and you may just hit the soft spot...

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Boy: Wanna go see a movie. Girl: Which movie. Boy: Texas Chainsaw Massicure. Girl: What is it about. Boy: Unicorns and Rainbows. Girl: Let's go!

thumb_up thumb_down +59

You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

thumb_up thumb_down +1

hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

thumb_up thumb_down -59

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

thumb_up thumb_down +167

roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down +152

As original as things get: Pickup in the future! Android: Greetings Alpha six zero zero,requesting access code for insertion of my intercourse-D.I.C.K card into your V.A.G 2.0 intercourse receiver! Another Android: Access granted Zero six nine eight, engaging card...System! Deactivate mini-android production systems and engage cooldown systems to avoid critical overheats, lubricate essentials for easy access, I have no entry code, engage at once! Moral: I honestly thought it would end up in failure, but damn androids are easy!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!