- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

Excuse me, is your father a gardener? No. Why? Because he keeps leaving all his dry leaves on my sidewalk please tell him to clear it!

Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book