- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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Male-where have you been all my life ? Female-not in it thats for sure Male-i was singing a song i wouldn't want YOU in my life Female-i was singing a song 2 *lies*

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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Girl: You look so happy, I am glad this is working out. Freud: Maaaaan I was just thinking about fucking my mom! Moral: Sickman Fraud.

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Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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guy: hey baby come join the PEN15 club with mee ;) girl: whats that?? guy: come and i will show you...*goes into the guys restroom with her*....lets go to the restroom and never rest...except you can rest on my PEN15

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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whats it like being the only beautiful girl in the world? Whats it like having the smallest dick in the world?

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!