In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: USA discovers they do not have nuclear weapons and then gives them nuclear reactors?

He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

hey you look like a good practice girl.

Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

"My mom won't be home for hours..."

Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

are you from subway cause you givin me a footlong

I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

Hello children! :D

-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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