GET IN THE VAN!!!

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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Every kiss begins with K ;) Yeah to bad ugly begins with U

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Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!