How you doin? go away- I have a gun

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Guy:I got stds! Wanna do it? Girl:what the f*** did u just say?guy:oh std ummmm save the dogs?uh ya that save the dogs I own a animal shelter! Girl:I'm not stupid guy: u sure? (Slap)

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: *sparkly eyes* So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... *steps to whisper in her ear* ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

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Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

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Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

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Girl: Hey classy older man, wanna get to know me better? Man: Sigh... sorry lady I am the man that played Gandalf in that... shitty lords of something movie... Girl: so what? Man: Sigh... you know.. Gandalf the white and Gandalf the gay...? Girl: Huh? Man: Ever seen the X-men? Girl: Yeah... Man: ONE WORD: FAGNETO! Girl: uh.. okay.. "leaves". Ian McKellen: Sigh... should have come out of the closet sooner...

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

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B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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nice kid... want another?

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!