Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

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- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

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You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

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I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

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Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!