Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

thumb_up thumb_down +114

I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

thumb_up thumb_down +42

-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

thumb_up thumb_down +198

- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

thumb_up thumb_down +30

I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +295

- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

thumb_up thumb_down +220

-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

thumb_up thumb_down +53

-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

thumb_up thumb_down +176

- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

thumb_up thumb_down +149

Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

thumb_up thumb_down +55

You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +160

Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

thumb_up thumb_down +94

Hey did you fall from Heaven? Cos I think you are angel. If I'd fallen from anywhere that high I'd be in hospital with serious injuries or dead. Do the logic.

thumb_up thumb_down

damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

thumb_up thumb_down +108

is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

thumb_up thumb_down +268

-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

thumb_up thumb_down +268

- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

thumb_up thumb_down +311

man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

thumb_up thumb_down -221

Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

thumb_up thumb_down +525

if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

thumb_up thumb_down -113

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!