- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Roses are red violets are blue this isn't a poem I'm a botanist.

Hey girl, you a single mom I heard, I love that. Really? :D SURE! Hey just between us, how sexy are your kids on a scale from one to over nine thousand? Moral: Watch out ladies, I can only take care of so many of you... (you have kids? Meh, get lost,nothing personal, just you know... your kid)

M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

-wow I could just drown in the ocean of your eyes -well why don't you -well I'll steal your sisters number, get lost at sea, and shipreck in her bed Then you can come and save us when she is shouting S.O.S out of the other room

G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book