M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

thumb_up thumb_down +191

"You'll do."

thumb_up thumb_down +124

Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

thumb_up thumb_down +42

How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

thumb_up thumb_down -39

whats up ho

thumb_up thumb_down +21

I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

thumb_up thumb_down +65

GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

thumb_up thumb_down -149

Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +116

While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

thumb_up thumb_down +124

Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

thumb_up thumb_down -3

-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

thumb_up thumb_down +320

-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

thumb_up thumb_down +175

I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

thumb_up thumb_down +44

-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

thumb_up thumb_down -90

- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

I am terribly sorry for talking to you, but I was wondering if...

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

thumb_up thumb_down +142

M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

who wants to play EPAR

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!