-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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Woman: Hey hot stuff! Are you new around he... Man: Eh, I am not comfortable with women hitting on me, even hot ones like you, its just uh... awkward and... Woman: uh sorry, its not like I was hitting on you nor anything ;), Why dont you hit on me? Man: Uh... I err.. how you... uh... *the guy proceeds to stare at the floor for the next five minutes then runs out crying* Moral: NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD!

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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Male-where have you been all my life ? Female-not in it thats for sure Male-i was singing a song i wouldn't want YOU in my life Female-i was singing a song 2 *lies*

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

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Macho Man: Release the BOGUS! Woman: What? Super Macho Man: Never mind... no one will get this anyways... wanna go to McDonalds and get a Little Mac? Woman: Ok but I want a Big mac! Macho Man: What is a Big mac? Is it stronger than a little Mac? Woman: Huh? What do you mean? Macho Man: Sigh... and I actually fought Mike Tyson you know... Woman: So you are a boxer huh? Who are you gonna fight next? Macho Man: Sigh... Mr.Dream... Woman: Who the hell is that? Macho Man: a nobody...

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

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You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

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You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

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B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

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I think I shit myself

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!