-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

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Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

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Glass Basketball

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

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You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

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If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

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Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

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adam burdass

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

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Pointless truth? Man: Hey, there is always a really slutty dressed woman at every bar with a cowboy hat, fake tits and really spread legs, why? Woman: To get ignored. Moral: SUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!

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Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

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Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

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I've got a black belt in lovin'.

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If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!