Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

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-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

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Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

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Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

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-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

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One hot summer night in 1960, Steve had his first date with Susie. He went to pick her up and her mom answered the door. She invited him in, and asked him what they planned to do on their date. Steve replied that they’d probably see a movie then get a burger. Susie’s mom said, “Well, Susie really likes to screw.” Steve said, “Huh?” Her mom said, “Yes, she loves it. She could probably screw all night.” “Okay, thanks!” replied Steve, mentally rearranging his plans for the night. A few minutes later Susie came downstairs and they left on their date. About a half hour later Susie came running back in the house, her clothes disheveled, and yelled: “Mom, it’s called the TWIST! The name of the goddamn dance is the TWIST!”

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The invention that gets me around 20 red thumbs averge. Moral: <<<<< Thiz. Its better tto be infamous, than forgotten.

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!