Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

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Are you from Tennessee? Because I have a lot of family that lives there, maybe we're related.

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

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-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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Male: I'm all you've got good lookin' Female: then I must not have alot

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-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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Girl, wanna fuck rite now? Sure! Man! You are such a hoe! *walks away disgusted* Moral: Be careful for what you ask for.

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Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

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imgonna r@pe you

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Man: Hey I am the hunk that writes the stories with morals, and I thumb them up myself... since they mostly get thumbed down slower that way... Ladies: REALLY! WOW WE NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD MEET A CELEBRITY! LETS HAVE AN ORGY! Man: HEY! LADIES WAIT WAIT! ONLY 8 AT THE TIME! HELP I AM GETTING GRAPED!... Anyway who am I kidding please proceed but stop fighting over the joystick I have enough joy to all thanks to my writing progress!¨ Moral: His-tory AKa My-Story, and you know that they say that the winners are the one to write history ;), and if you do not know what I mean, you are probable banging me too right now... (true story)

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Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

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Guy:I got stds! Wanna do it? Girl:what the f*** did u just say?guy:oh std ummmm save the dogs?uh ya that save the dogs I own a animal shelter! Girl:I'm not stupid guy: u sure? (Slap)

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- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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Girl: I like a romantic man. Man: oh yes? Girl: Yeah he would have to sing to me... Man: Ehem... cough... okay here goes:Madness? Madness! Madness? Madness! Girl: What? Man: THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A A-A-A-A-A! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A.... Girl: EEEK MY EARS! *runs away* Man: Wait where are you going I am not even finished singing my youtube sparta mix!! Moral: When its hot, they pinch back, *wheeze*

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On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

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Sex?

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

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girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!