- Anti-Pickup Line

If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

Sex?

- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

I heard this one in real life in Spain, pretty good one: Man: Please marry me! I am nothing without you! Woman: If you are worth nothing then why should I want you? Man: Uh... Moral: Its a great honor having a dedicated group of followers making sure my comments always have red thumbs, thanks to this my sociology studies are complete. My thanks to every azzhole out there.

i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

Man: Wow you are my cousin? Damn girl you are hot! I mean nothing wrong you know, I was just wondering if you wanna get a innocent cup of coffee Woman: Uh, thanks, but I have never met you... Man: Not my cousin? Bah, what a turnoff im outta here... Moral: Yeah moral... Pffft! You will have an easier time finding Waldo here.

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

Boy- I'm heading back to my place. Want to come? Girl-Sorry you strike me as a person who cums all by himself.

I just told Rebecca that the average man gets laid with about seven women during his life... ...She stares me in the eyes and goes "Noo! Really?" I mean should I feel cool? Is it because she has seen me with more women than... I dunno many, or because... Pssst: Harris... I mean you know I uh... Cherry pie this one right? Does this mean she goes around a lot doing a lot of other guys DAD!? (He calls me SON for like every third word, so yeah DAD... She is giving me a cold st... And she failed to take the laptop away from me, its kinda neat you know, typing while two girls cant share a... Well medium plus size dick... I mean... Wow they are making out... Imma gone forever. My fuckcount: Hell I know, when they say a guy bangs seven chicks during their lifetime, do they mean like a week? At once? Jk, I just pity the guys, for each extra gal for me, means one less for you right? Think positive folks, someone has to please them properly... Rebecca is like all "please sir?" "Thank you kind sir" (I hate being called kind) But in bed, she is all like FUCK ME HARDER YOU FUCKING MORON! Did I mention she has a sweet ass, and that my laptop is burning on her now... Multitasking: The key to threesomes, foursomes, fivesomes... I mean I wont say how many women I have done (rather been done by honestly) at once, why? Because you would never believe me. TWELVE... Eleven one wussed out actually because she just said it so she would look "cool among her friends... Poor little bitch..." Anyway, still twelve.

Hey babe, are your parents arseholes? Because your the shit.

For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

free candy....

Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl pulls up sleeve

Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!