-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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Boy : Gurle: hi

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

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You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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Yet another one from real life: At law school: Kid to woman: Why don't I ever get any of you?! *Woman laughs* Me: You could start by not whining so much... Kid: That wont ever work! You know that is bullshit! Its not like I am whining I just whine whenever blahblahblah... Me: Sigh... Girl: He is kinda cute... Me: Wha? Moral: Not a real anti joke, since I had not heard from any of them until today, I just got invited to their wedding...

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Male: Get in the van.

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Are you from Tennessee? Because we are both in Tennessee and I thought asking where you grew up would be a good way to get to know you better.

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Five dollar women... WOO!

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Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

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Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

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If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!