He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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Girl, wanna fuck rite now? Sure! Man! You are such a hoe! *walks away disgusted* Moral: Be careful for what you ask for.

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

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Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

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Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

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-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

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Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

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A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

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Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!