A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

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the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

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Man, no im still waiting,need to get my kids, hope its fine son, okay punches, captain falcon, but you break my jaw, I wont even ask for you to pay the bill, ill expect it. Man, good times, honestly, i was not even drunk, I was high as shit, never again tho, they did not tell me it was "magic tobacco" until I started seeing numbers NUMBAS! Hey, mind if I come stay sometime? I mean we really miss you son, you always at the fuckhouse now. Just me and... Well the gang... Just like the twelve of us, tell me who you dont want to invite and ill bounce him out for you. Man dog, that chick I punched down was pretty as fuck, she would have been my wife... Anyway just fucking happy finally a real car dude! If she fucks you to death, you gonna go out young and a Legend among gods, let her keep on sucka! (just don forget bout my sis huh? She asks about you too fucking much already) Man, you got me typing almost as much as you dog, anyway is you know, in four hours allright? If not screw my kid, I need a car ill get him a cab.

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Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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4 out of 5 people enjoy being gangraped

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- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

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Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

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ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

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Your butt is so big that I would propably lose intrest during sex.

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I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

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Hey Clarkson, you know about this pointless invention Named Nero The Moral man? Clarkson: No. Nero: No. Is this because horsehead network sucks? Clarkson: Yes. Nero: WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE! Oh yeah I am fucking it away... Fuck me, every girl around me just ends up completely fucked.... ;)

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“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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