roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

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-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

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your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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Male-where have you been all my life ? Female-not in it thats for sure Male-i was singing a song i wouldn't want YOU in my life Female-i was singing a song 2 *lies*

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good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

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Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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Guy: How much does a polar bear way? Girl; About 500 kilograms

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. Female: no, I'm from Idaho. Because I da ho.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

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- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

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I AM LOVE! I AM LOVE! Moral: Seriously, I have never been QUUUUUITE this happy, shouting I am love is probably not the best move, thanks for your thumbs ups, thumbs downs, and while my work is done here, that does not mean Ill leave, I need to keep my reputation as the fourth, smoothest, aka pointless invention in the world, and unless you want to count that girl Justina Bitcherina, that means that I am the smoothest man alive, THANK YOU THANK YOU! And feel free to vote this down if you cant handle being thanked by the smoothest most awesome man alive. Hey, I get it, we cant all be me ;)

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

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*a guy and a girl meet at a bar and has a great conversation* girl - can I borrow your phone? I told my ex I'd call him when I found someone better. boy - sure, here you go *gives phone* girl - *silence* *after awkward phone call* boy - give me my phone back girl - you dont seem to get it do you... boy - give me my phone back girl - *silence* boy - GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK YOU BITCH *boy takes out a shotgun with him and repeatedly shoots girl* *girl dodges and takes a bazooka and aims for boy* *boy manages to get out of the bar* *boy installs bomb in center of bar* *boy leaves bar* *everyone attempts to get out of bar* *boy locks the door* boy - Yippie kai yay, moth- *explosion* *everyone dies* MORAL OF THE STORY - DO NOT GO INTO A BAR

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Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

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Guy:I invented troll face oh yea! Girl:you gave my daughter nightmares for weeks you b****!(throws drink in face)

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"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

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Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!