roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

Man... MAN! Sorry if I just skimmed that last message dude, but if you getting me that shit, you are my fucking God, you got a new custom engine or something? Whatever man, im getting over there right now, Son, I might actually try the towing trick, because that might make me arrive at your place (no worries wont tell anyone where your playboy mansion is at) but you still got it there right? MORAL MORAL MORAL MORAL... Oh and no, id never ever use that piece of shit I used to call a car in the forest, if you are serious man, ill take the damn cab! I mean man, I just cant wait to tell the beardy little faggot at the carshop to stick that yeah "car" up his gay ass! Seriously dude, my phone aint working but that can wait, you really mean I can have the car? Seriously, how much? I got some money.

Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

-Is there anything I can do for you? -Fill my care cup. Oh, actually, I don't think you can manage to do that.

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

your almost as hot as my wife

You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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