so... you're a girl,huh?

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The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

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Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

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Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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Man: *Pokes Woman* Ouch! You burned me! Woman: How did I burn you? Man: Because you're just THAT hot. ;) Woman: *Pokes Man* Well it's too bad you're not.

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-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

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I'll punch ya!

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

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Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

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SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda. WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die? SYLVIA: I froze to death. WANDA: How horrible! SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. SYLVIA: So, what happened? WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer ---we'd both still be alive....?

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He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!