What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Man enters bar and does a lot of magic tricks, all the prettiest women are extremely impressed: Girls: WOW! We would do anything to see more of that! Guy: Uh... damn I forgot what to do after this... Moral: Screw the game man, its a stupid book, just be your moronic self and someone will like you for the lovely disgusting moron that you are... by the way you lost the game :D

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Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

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Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

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-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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Nice hair, can I pull it?

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MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is *zip* FEMALE: *gurgle gurgle* *scream*

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Guy: Hey baby, did you come by car? Girl: No I walked. Guy: Well I can make you come in mine.

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Man:Yeah, hey yo I'm feelin' like Ray Charles I got my shades on, I don't know where they are You couldn't find me even if you had a radar And I spit rapidly AKAR! Woman: OK ok so you claim to be Ray Charles and all, not that you look like him nor have the same voice... but tell me, how the hell did Ray Charles himself manage to get himself stuck in the ladies sauna room eh? Man: To catch the sight of them boobies! I mean... uh... I do not know young lady, I must feel my way out of here, I hmm... no, this is too soft and round to be a doorknob, and this one is too big and round... hmm... maybe if I try lower I will... oh excuse the pole its my walking stick which I keep in my pants...

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Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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Guy: Do you like me? Girl: No Guy: ..... Girl: You didn't ask me if I loved you! Guy: Do you love me? :D Girl: No

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!