I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

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Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

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Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

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Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

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I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

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I have a gun.

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Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

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-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

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What did the blond do when the web page she was visiting didn't load? She checked if her wireless access had been somehow cut off and then hit the refresh button and waited for the page to load again.

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

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- You look really nice - I know

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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Get your coat, I've got a knife.

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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sex me.

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Welcome to DIE!

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!