My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

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You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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Shy-guy: Hey uh, girl, we have been on like 40 dates, what do you um... You know say we go to my place for once and have some drinks? Shy-girl: Eh, well su-sure I mean its been over forty dates, but ill just take coffee if its oka... Shy-guy: OMG YOU DAMN EASY SKANK! HOLY SHIT YOU WHERE GONNA GIVE IT ALL WHERE YOU NOT? LOL NO TIME FOR DESPERATE BlTCHES! Moral: Not to be confused with the slightly less popular Nintendo character Shy Guy

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Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

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Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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Man: I bet I can scream so loud I can break the walls this post is made of. Woman: Pfff bullshit.. Man: POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!! Woman: Wow, I wanna go home with you! Man: Sorry, I dont wanna go home with you Moral I dont bang women I "have something to prove to" if ever... heck just ask a woman what makes her cool enough to ask/demand you to prove yourself... and you may just hit the soft spot...

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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Walking to your car alone later?

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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I'll eat your poop

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Man: did you just fart cuz you blew me away! Woman: actually I did, sorry if it smells I had enchiladas for lunch.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!