For you that think your family are too overprotective when it comes to sex, this was my story as a teenager. Mom: Hi guys! Me and ladyfriend: Hi mom! This is my ladyfriend: (insert your name if you are female) Dad: Woho! Good catch son! *claps me on shoulder* Mom: Dont worry, you guys just go right up and "study" eh ;) eh ;) and we are gonna put the music REALLY LOUD down here! And there is no need to be ashamed of stains nor anything. Dad: No we understand ;) ;) ;) Girl: Uh... you invited me just to study right? Me: Believe it or not I did... Dad: Yeah you two young ones go study! Remember condom though! ;) Girl: Axel! WTF?! *leaves* Me: Mom.. Dad! WTF!? I dont know anything about algebra (not even to this day, and I am almost 30) Dad: Algebra eh? ;) Next time give her a good "algebra". Me: Mom tell that moron tha... Mom: Relax son, I understand that you boys have desires and the next time you take her with you, you dont need to be ashamed or come up with excuse.. Me: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Moral: To believe I learned most my ways by having ladyfriends... despite my parents... Mom and Dad overprotective? Good... trust me!

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Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

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Nice hair, can I pull it?

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guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

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Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

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If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

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I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

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I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

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Man: GET IN THE VAN! Woman: NO! Man: Well... How about the Limo? Its got beverages and caviar and... Woman: OOH :D Moral: Always go for the limo first,

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

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Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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Hey girl, I May not be Fred Flinstone but I can make your bed rock! ;)

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!