Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

Man: What did you say this horrible machine did look like? Woman: It was terrible it was like a man sized yellow and red robot that shoot lasers! After I refused its offer to come home with him he shoot lasers and destroyed my house... buah ;( ;( Man: That is terrible! Despicable! We have to do something about this! Such a beautiful supermodel should never go trough such a terrible atrocity! Woman: Buah... sigh... sniff... I know... but it was terrible! Man: so so my lady... you can come live with me in my giant mansion and we can have a couple of drinks to calm your nerves and relax... ;) Woman: Thank you Mr.Stark... Man: Oh Just call me Iron Ma... I mean Tony!

At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

The anti part of below comment, may be the fact that its going to get thumbed down to Hades. Moral: They see me rollin, they envious... women that look like supermodels that work as jurists dont come easy... unless you are Moral Man. *Plays moral man theme* (Character inspired by Salvador Dali, I mean what greater inspiration than the man that celebrated each day as he woke up in the body and mind of the greatest man ever? Me? Same, but I also wake up next to the greatest woman ever.)

Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

You like peanuts? Cause I like penis.

- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

I wish my sister was as hot as you.

Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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