-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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"You'll do."

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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Put the lotion on the skin!

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Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

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You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

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Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

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Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

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Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

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I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

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Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

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-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

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Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!