- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

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“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

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Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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My therapist says I should meet new people.

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Every kiss begins with K ;) Yeah to bad ugly begins with U

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Man: Hey you look good enough to do Woman: Oh really because so does my 8 foot boyfriend. Man: ... Woman: Do you want me to pick him up from the gym?

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

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-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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Are your prices by the hour

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

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Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

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If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

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you look like my mother

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A modified classic, props to the original poster: Man: Ask me out! Woman: Ok, get out! Man: No no, I said ASK me out. Woman: Okay... will you please get out? Man: No but thanks for asking me out, I am so gonna tell your friends how I rejected you asking me out. Moral: When beaten... THERE IS NO BEATING! If negative people can turn everything into a loss, thinking positive call help you turn anything into victory. I mean Hitler murdered millions right? Arent you happy (Jew or not), that it was not you? VICTORY! (if somehow Pyrrhic depending on how you turn on it... But if you wanna turn a gain to a pain, go ahead...)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!