Hey wanna smash pissers?

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

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Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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Man: Hey sweetie, can I take you home tonight? Girl: No thanks, my dad's gonna be here any minute.

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The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

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For you that think your family are too overprotective when it comes to sex, this was my story as a teenager. Mom: Hi guys! Me and ladyfriend: Hi mom! This is my ladyfriend: (insert your name if you are female) Dad: Woho! Good catch son! *claps me on shoulder* Mom: Dont worry, you guys just go right up and "study" eh ;) eh ;) and we are gonna put the music REALLY LOUD down here! And there is no need to be ashamed of stains nor anything. Dad: No we understand ;) ;) ;) Girl: Uh... you invited me just to study right? Me: Believe it or not I did... Dad: Yeah you two young ones go study! Remember condom though! ;) Girl: Axel! WTF?! *leaves* Me: Mom.. Dad! WTF!? I dont know anything about algebra (not even to this day, and I am almost 30) Dad: Algebra eh? ;) Next time give her a good "algebra". Me: Mom tell that moron tha... Mom: Relax son, I understand that you boys have desires and the next time you take her with you, you dont need to be ashamed or come up with excuse.. Me: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Moral: To believe I learned most my ways by having ladyfriends... despite my parents... Mom and Dad overprotective? Good... trust me!

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

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If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

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-Do you like me? -No

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!