Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

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You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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Fear not moral man is back, in a moment of weakness I let myself go... let us put it this way... some like me, some hate me, that is what happens when people such as I speak their opinion. And if someday the entire world wants to destroy Moral Man... Moral Man will unleash doomsday! Moral: I am back, like me, hate me, you can still ignore me... but until I get some sleep and can start working out again (icy weather is not for bicycling is it?) Then Moral Man stands... Ps: Hey, thanks there below, my most thumbed up comments had minus 5 and such, so I got kinda down since I thought the internet too needed someone that speaks his mind. More Morals: But then I remembered I do this to entertain myself, and that you downvoters can all go screw yourselves! MORAL MAAAAAAAAAN! MORAL MAAAAAAAAN! Action figures in store now!

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hey, your cute. hey, your not.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Boy- I'm heading back to my place. Want to come? Girl-Sorry you strike me as a person who cums all by himself.

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Girl: Hey, why don't you and I go out to dinner? Guy: Thanks, but if I wanted to watch a whore stuff her face full of meat, I'd just load up Redtube.

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

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Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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Hey, you look like a hooker I fondled in Las Vegas

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-I bet you put extra sugar in your cereal every morning. -Aww, because I'm so sweet? -No. Because you're fat as hell.

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I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: *sigh* Did what hurt? (Expecting him to say "When you fell from heaven") Boy: When you broke through the earths crust, ascending from hell.

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Hey babe, if you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you. Oh really? Because if you were a pokemon, I'd fight you, win and not even bother to capture you.

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"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

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B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!