My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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Man: Hey... wanna join me at my big mansion and have a friendly discussion? Girl: A mansion eh? Well.. sure! At the mansion: Man: MUAHAHAHAHA! I am gonna r@pe you! Girl: NO PLEASE! I am not drun.. uh not ready yet! 5 minutes later: Woman: OUCH! ouchie! That hurts! Stop it! ITS TOO HARD! Man: HAHA AND TAKE THIS GRAPE! AND THIS GRAPE! Oh... never mind this is one has turned a raisin... AND THIS GRAPE!... so uh... anyway wanna move on to the "lovers room" later? Want some more Champagne by the way? AND THIS GRAPE, AND THIS ONE IS REALLY BIG AND HARD! GET READY! Woman: Yeah sure... sigh... just get done with this weirdness already... damn these eccentric millionaires... OUCH! OOF!

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You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

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You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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HI, DO YOU KNOW WHY THEY CALL ME DOCTOR RABBIT THE HYMEN DESTROYER? Nero the clit collector: Actually this works pretty good, just wear a random rabbit costume, cut a hole where your CAWCK is, and make sure they are girls under twelve or below (because it kinda loses its meaning with little boys but fuck it anyways, yeah fuck it! FUCK IT TO THE LIMIT!) I work at a daycare center: Because I care.

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-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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Man: I will make the rape on you now woman! Woman: Wow great Borat imitation bravo! Man: Borat who? *draws gun* Moral: Pretty immoral

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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your almost as hot as my wife

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-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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Batman enters a bar: Batman: Ladies... I am Batman... *everyone runs out screaming* Batman: *facepalm* Moral: Want to be feared? Well what did you expect? Who I am? Are you dense? Retarded or something? I am the goddamn Moral-Man!

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You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!