man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

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Your the penisbutter to my vagmite;)

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Hey girl, I May not be Fred Flinstone but I can make your bed rock! ;)

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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Hey girl, you a single mom I heard, I love that. Really? :D SURE! Hey just between us, how sexy are your kids on a scale from one to over nine thousand? Moral: Watch out ladies, I can only take care of so many of you... (you have kids? Meh, get lost,nothing personal, just you know... your kid)

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- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

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Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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Guy : Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Girl : No, why? Guy : Because I can totally see myself in your pants!

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hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

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You look... clean

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Drink this!

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

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*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!