-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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GUY: are you trash? cuz i'd like to take you out friday night GIRL: are you trash? cuz you smell like it

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Gaywatch starts

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Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is *zip* FEMALE: *gurgle gurgle* *scream*

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BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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Wanna have sex?

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Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!