-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

You're hot, I'm ugly. Lets make average babies.

Man: I bet I can scream so loud I can break the walls this post is made of. Woman: Pfff bullshit.. Man: POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!! Woman: Wow, I wanna go home with you! Man: Sorry, I dont wanna go home with you Moral I dont bang women I "have something to prove to" if ever... heck just ask a woman what makes her cool enough to ask/demand you to prove yourself... and you may just hit the soft spot...

You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

One hot summer night in 1960, Steve had his first date with Susie. He went to pick her up and her mom answered the door. She invited him in, and asked him what they planned to do on their date. Steve replied that they’d probably see a movie then get a burger. Susie’s mom said, “Well, Susie really likes to screw.” Steve said, “Huh?” Her mom said, “Yes, she loves it. She could probably screw all night.” “Okay, thanks!” replied Steve, mentally rearranging his plans for the night. A few minutes later Susie came downstairs and they left on their date. About a half hour later Susie came running back in the house, her clothes disheveled, and yelled: “Mom, it’s called the TWIST! The name of the goddamn dance is the TWIST!”

You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

Male: Hey babe! Wanna come to my house for a party? Female: Sorry! Don't have my herpes shot!

- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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