- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Lesbihonest

I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

I've got a black belt in lovin'.

Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

Man:Are you in college? Woman:Yeah. Berry College. Lots of cows... Man:Well my name is Murad. You know, like, Moo to the radical. Moo, like, cows...

- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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