With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

thumb_up thumb_down -86

Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

thumb_up thumb_down +18

How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

thumb_up thumb_down +55

I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

thumb_up thumb_down +114

-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Is it true you black men are as hung as a horse? Uh lady, no idea I like ignore their stuff. Yeah but you know, I seen a lot of them and they are huge and look salty an... Woman! Im so outta here! Moral: Now the man is goin! C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

thumb_up thumb_down -104

Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

thumb_up thumb_down -8

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -24

I'm a black belt at pretty much everything, Karate, Larate, Jiu-Jitsu, Kickpunching, Beltmaking, Taekwondo.........bedroom...|:D ~Rick, the Adventure Sphere

thumb_up thumb_down +88

I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +83

Man: hey... you seem pretty paralytic and unable to move in that wheelchair ;) Woman: uh oh...well actually I can move a bit... Man: Good because I do not wanna do ALL the thrusting back and forth... Woman: Bu.. but... I... I do not want to... Man: Well if you do not want sex, then just run away... ;) FATALITY... FLAWLESS VICTORY... RAPEALITY!

thumb_up thumb_down +24

hey you look like a good practice girl.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down +100

Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

thumb_up thumb_down -163

-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

thumb_up thumb_down -10

You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

thumb_up thumb_down +38

WOW MY LONGEST EVER COMMENT BELOW GOT A THUMBS UPS WOOT-WO-WO-WOROWOOOT *Partyravelights that confetti crap and... Moral: I dont really give a shit and all...

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!