Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

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-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

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I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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Macho Man: Release the BOGUS! Woman: What? Super Macho Man: Never mind... no one will get this anyways... wanna go to McDonalds and get a Little Mac? Woman: Ok but I want a Big mac! Macho Man: What is a Big mac? Is it stronger than a little Mac? Woman: Huh? What do you mean? Macho Man: Sigh... and I actually fought Mike Tyson you know... Woman: So you are a boxer huh? Who are you gonna fight next? Macho Man: Sigh... Mr.Dream... Woman: Who the hell is that? Macho Man: a nobody...

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Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

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Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

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Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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M. Do you want to go out with me? F. Okay but first take me to your place where we can be alone to make furious love to one another M. Wow this never happens I must be.. (Wakes up) dreaming

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Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

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Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

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-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!