I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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-Do you like me? -No

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

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-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

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- OMG, OMG, OMG, Terry finally said he will go out with me! -OMG, When? -February 30th! -Stacey, There is no February 30th.

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so... you're a girl,huh?

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-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

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"Hmm...you'll do."

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Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

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Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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Man: DAMN BABE YOUR SO DAMN HOT I... Woman: You know what? Im so sick of you guys hitt... Man: OOOOOOOOOOOOH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YEEEEEEEEEES THIS IS DELISHUSH! Woman: WHAT HAPPENED? :O Man: Huh? Never mind, ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

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Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

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Dont let this rape turn into a murder

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So when' the baby due?

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

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Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

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What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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At a drinking place :P: Man: You dare mock the great Sh... Woman: I am sorry I did not mean to humiliate that much... ehehehehe you are just a stupid jlttle nerd and all... :) Man: You will die moral... Woman: What?! Uh... did I mention how awesome you are? What was your name again? Man: You weak pathetic fool! 8 hours later: Woman: Please! Let me stay! Just for a little longer! Barman: Sigh... fine have a drink on the house. Woman: *sips drink and dies* Barman: Mission complete sir, she died instantly! Man: Instantly without pain? THAT WAS PATHETIC! Now... SUICIDE! Barman: No I refuse! Man: Drink it... or face the true WRATH OF SHAO KAHN! Barman: The true wrath? ANYTHING BUT THAT!*Punches himself in the balls hoping he dies from the pain, passes out and tries again* Man Is That your best? That was pathetic! Its official, you suck! Bhahahahahahaha! Moral: Fear the Wrath of Shao Kahn!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!