Man: Wow you are my cousin? Damn girl you are hot! I mean nothing wrong you know, I was just wondering if you wanna get a innocent cup of coffee Woman: Uh, thanks, but I have never met you... Man: Not my cousin? Bah, what a turnoff im outta here... Moral: Yeah moral... Pffft! You will have an easier time finding Waldo here.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

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so... you're a girl,huh?

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Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

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- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

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Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

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And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

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-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

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You like my boobies ;) Girl: I said no you disgusting fat bastard! Moral: What fucking kind of MOTHERFUCKING MORAL are you expecting to find here?!?

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You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

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Stop Footing Around

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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Heard at a bra: Hi I am Moral man, the third most infamous guy at a list where Beiber is first. Girl: OMG I MUST HAVE YOU! Moral: ooooh... ANTI Joke duh... I thought this was great pickup lines!

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!