- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

Excuse me, is your father a gardener? No. Why? Because he keeps leaving all his dry leaves on my sidewalk please tell him to clear it!

Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

Are you from Wales, because...well...

You look exactly like my sister.

-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

Get your coat, I've got a knife.

Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

Sugar-free sugar cookies

-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book