-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

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Guy:I invented troll face oh yea! Girl:you gave my daughter nightmares for weeks you b****!(throws drink in face)

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Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

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Man at bar: Hey girls... want my banana in your pajamas? ;) ;) ;) Girls: YEAH! Man: "thinks for himself..."... man I never get this reaction from girls.. you are a bunch of skanks and sluts... (leaves the bar) In the end, we are never happy with what we get are we? yeah... this is kinda the moral of this story... (Ps: My banana in your pajamas... I got a girlfriend, but someday Im gonna try that pick up line... hahahaha

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SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda. WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die? SYLVIA: I froze to death. WANDA: How horrible! SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. SYLVIA: So, what happened? WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer ---we'd both still be alive....?

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- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

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You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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Lesbihonest

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

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damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!