Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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Lesbihonest

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

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I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

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I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

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How you doin? go away- I have a gun

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!