I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

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He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

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Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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How you doin? go away- I have a gun

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

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Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

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Waiter- For you, sir? Male: I'll have a Strawberry Daquiri, non-alcoholic, please. Waiter- And, for your company? Male: For her, a long-island-iced-tea, with a twist of Rohypnol.

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!