If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

thumb_up thumb_down +40

- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

thumb_up thumb_down -37

I have never dated a horse-faced woman before :)

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

thumb_up thumb_down -60

2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

thumb_up thumb_down -15

When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Man: May I please sit next to you for a brief moment? Woman: Sure :), you`re such a gentleman :). Man: Would you care for a bit of violent rapage in you`re anus?

thumb_up thumb_down +45

If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

thumb_up thumb_down +211

-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

thumb_up thumb_down +118

Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

thumb_up thumb_down +79

on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

thumb_up thumb_down +23

I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Male: Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

thumb_up thumb_down

Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

thumb_up thumb_down -146

Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

thumb_up thumb_down +86

do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

thumb_up thumb_down +163

I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

At a drinking place :P: Man: You dare mock the great Sh... Woman: I am sorry I did not mean to humiliate that much... ehehehehe you are just a stupid jlttle nerd and all... :) Man: You will die moral... Woman: What?! Uh... did I mention how awesome you are? What was your name again? Man: You weak pathetic fool! 8 hours later: Woman: Please! Let me stay! Just for a little longer! Barman: Sigh... fine have a drink on the house. Woman: *sips drink and dies* Barman: Mission complete sir, she died instantly! Man: Instantly without pain? THAT WAS PATHETIC! Now... SUICIDE! Barman: No I refuse! Man: Drink it... or face the true WRATH OF SHAO KAHN! Barman: The true wrath? ANYTHING BUT THAT!*Punches himself in the balls hoping he dies from the pain, passes out and tries again* Man Is That your best? That was pathetic! Its official, you suck! Bhahahahahahaha! Moral: Fear the Wrath of Shao Kahn!

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!