Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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rohypnol. rape drug

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I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

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Shy-guy: Hey uh, girl, we have been on like 40 dates, what do you um... You know say we go to my place for once and have some drinks? Shy-girl: Eh, well su-sure I mean its been over forty dates, but ill just take coffee if its oka... Shy-guy: OMG YOU DAMN EASY SKANK! HOLY SHIT YOU WHERE GONNA GIVE IT ALL WHERE YOU NOT? LOL NO TIME FOR DESPERATE BlTCHES! Moral: Not to be confused with the slightly less popular Nintendo character Shy Guy

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Man: Honestly! I am just desperate, and besides you are damn hot! Woman: Lets go to your place ;) Moral: This works, the anti-part is that no one will believe me nor try it themselves... Incredible how the easiest way is the least used...

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Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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Nice legs what time do they open

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Do you live around here often?

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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How you doin? go away- I have a gun

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

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"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!