Hey did you fall from Heaven? Cos I think you are angel. If I'd fallen from anywhere that high I'd be in hospital with serious injuries or dead. Do the logic.

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"Rate your looks out of 10" "awkward... maybe 8 or 9 i guess?" "I said 10, not 100"

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hey baby i just came in my pants

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Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

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Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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Man: Hey sweetie, can I take you home tonight? Girl: No thanks, my dad's gonna be here any minute.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

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Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

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I heard this one in real life in Spain, pretty good one: Man: Please marry me! I am nothing without you! Woman: If you are worth nothing then why should I want you? Man: Uh... Moral: Its a great honor having a dedicated group of followers making sure my comments always have red thumbs, thanks to this my sociology studies are complete. My thanks to every azzhole out there.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

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Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

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male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

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Actor walks in street... Woman: HEY ITS YOU! THE GUY THAT PLAYED GANDALF THE GAY!... Uh I mean Gandalf the GRAY! Actor: WRONG WOMAN! I AM FAGNETO! MASTER OF FAGNETISM! Moral: Please take no insult Esteemed Mr.Ian McKellen you are a fantastic actor... as for the rest of you, feel free to feel as insulted as you want... I mean its your own trucking choice :P.

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!