I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

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GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

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GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

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Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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Woman: Seriously you are like the perfect man, I barely even met you and want to marry you already! What is your name by the way? Guy: My name is Le Petite Chessedeburger Withnowhitesauce! Woman: I am gay by the way, gotta go feed my uh... my wife yeah my wife.

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

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In a classy bar: KEEP IT CLASSY! Man: Hello there dear... your eyes sparkle like the sun itself... Woman: Oh... thank you random stranger, that is the most beautiful thing someone have ever said to me :D Man: Really? But you are gorgeous (the two proceed to have a long CLASSY conversation and laughing in a classy reserved matter and drinking classy champagne and whatever... and then: Man: Ahahaha yes that is indeed true... By the way... would you mind becoming the single lonely mother of my children? Moral: skipped most of school classes... class ... overrated...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!