If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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Welcome to DIE!

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Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

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Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

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You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

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http://scriptsbay.com http://scriptsbay.net

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!