Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

thumb_up thumb_down +27

-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

thumb_up thumb_down +691

-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

thumb_up thumb_down +137

Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

thumb_up thumb_down +47

"Next!"

thumb_up thumb_down +91

-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

thumb_up thumb_down +137

I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -38

What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

thumb_up thumb_down +88

Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

At a bar (for originality`s sake :P) Man: Hello would you want to come home with me and uckucukucekcuah cough... AAAAAARRrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh (dies of heart attack) Woman: Wow that was an original line, ok ill come home with you... err... hello... uh... is everything okay? Moral: Despite this "joke" death is rarely a good pickup line.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

thumb_up thumb_down +101

M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

thumb_up thumb_down -172

if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

thumb_up thumb_down -139

hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!