Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

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What did the blond do when the web page she was visiting didn't load? She checked if her wireless access had been somehow cut off and then hit the refresh button and waited for the page to load again.

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Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

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wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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He: did it hurt? She: when i fell from heaven? He: no. when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. go put some clothes on.

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Guy: Can I have your number ? Girl: We are six.

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*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

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Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

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I wish my sister was as hot as you.

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Girl: You look so happy, I am glad this is working out. Freud: Maaaaan I was just thinking about fucking my mom! Moral: Sickman Fraud.

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A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

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Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

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Girl: I AM SICK of being with you! All you do is invite me to watch sports, and all you have ever treated me to is a six pack of beer and snacks! YOU NEVER TAKE ME SOMEWHERE NICE! Man: Hey hold one man! Get a grip! What do you mean? Girl: We have been dating for over 3 weeks and you have not made a single move on me! Man: Uh... this is awkward buddy, you see I am straight and... Girl: I AM A WOMAN! Man: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? Really?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!! I mean you have short hair and the biggest mantits I have seen but... Girl: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Man; But hey, if you have a pussy that is the important par... Hey where did he... I mean she or... whatever go?

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!