Business Y U No Advertise?

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

thumb_up thumb_down +120

-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

thumb_up thumb_down +140

Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

thumb_up thumb_down -86

-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

thumb_up thumb_down -13

-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

thumb_up thumb_down -19

If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

thumb_up thumb_down -89

Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down -94

- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

thumb_up thumb_down +81

Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +15

At a drinking place :P: Man: You dare mock the great Sh... Woman: I am sorry I did not mean to humiliate that much... ehehehehe you are just a stupid jlttle nerd and all... :) Man: You will die moral... Woman: What?! Uh... did I mention how awesome you are? What was your name again? Man: You weak pathetic fool! 8 hours later: Woman: Please! Let me stay! Just for a little longer! Barman: Sigh... fine have a drink on the house. Woman: *sips drink and dies* Barman: Mission complete sir, she died instantly! Man: Instantly without pain? THAT WAS PATHETIC! Now... SUICIDE! Barman: No I refuse! Man: Drink it... or face the true WRATH OF SHAO KAHN! Barman: The true wrath? ANYTHING BUT THAT!*Punches himself in the balls hoping he dies from the pain, passes out and tries again* Man Is That your best? That was pathetic! Its official, you suck! Bhahahahahahaha! Moral: Fear the Wrath of Shao Kahn!

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Hey girl, I heard you are a lesbian! So which part of lesbia are you from? Moral: Geography is overrated, he got laid.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

thumb_up thumb_down -117

M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

thumb_up thumb_down +118

Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

thumb_up thumb_down +201

-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!