I'm a black belt at pretty much everything, Karate, Larate, Jiu-Jitsu, Kickpunching, Beltmaking, Taekwondo.........bedroom...|:D ~Rick, the Adventure Sphere

Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

Get in the van.

Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

At a moral man bar... "the most awesome place on earth": Man: I thumb down my comments now, and somehow they end up thumbed the next day... Woman: Uh... what comments? Moral: Be specific... or at least dont brag to pick up chicks... now if you wanna be yourself and could not give shit about the rest, then go ahead! It will actually improve your chances!

if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

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Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

Don't turn this rape into a murder.

Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

Do you believe in angels? Cool, what about goblins?

Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

Like my status for a tbh? Cause to be honest you are the prettiest girl I ever met ;) Like MY status for a tbh? cause to be honest, thats old and No one gets on Facebook. Twitter all the way :p Oh did I say prettiest? I meant b*tchiest you are horrible at comebacks. So your dumb too! -__________-

him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

Guy: want to hear a joke about my penis. don't worry, it's too long Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina. don't worry, you won't get it

You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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