Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

M. Do you want to go out with me? F. Okay but first take me to your place where we can be alone to make furious love to one another M. Wow this never happens I must be.. (Wakes up) dreaming

thumb_up thumb_down -127

Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

thumb_up thumb_down +26

showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

thumb_up thumb_down +113

hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

thumb_up thumb_down +158

Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

thumb_up thumb_down -30

"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

thumb_up thumb_down -13

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

thumb_up thumb_down +104

-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

thumb_up thumb_down +116

Nice legs what time do they open

thumb_up thumb_down -93

Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Man- How much do 2 polar bears weigh? Woman- I don't know? Man- Enough to break the ice, heyy.(;

thumb_up thumb_down +64

HI, DO YOU KNOW WHY THEY CALL ME DOCTOR RABBIT THE HYMEN DESTROYER? Nero the clit collector: Actually this works pretty good, just wear a random rabbit costume, cut a hole where your CAWCK is, and make sure they are girls under twelve or below (because it kinda loses its meaning with little boys but fuck it anyways, yeah fuck it! FUCK IT TO THE LIMIT!) I work at a daycare center: Because I care.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Guy:I got stds! Wanna do it? Girl:what the f*** did u just say?guy:oh std ummmm save the dogs?uh ya that save the dogs I own a animal shelter! Girl:I'm not stupid guy: u sure? (Slap)

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

thumb_up thumb_down -39

my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

thumb_up thumb_down +100

Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!