Hey girl! Faggot.

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-Do you like me? -No

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NO WAIT SON ITS 999 FUCK COME ON! DONT GO "NERO SAYS WITH ME SON!" I mean that shit you pull on everyone, come on man, I posted wrong... Yeah your word is law and all that So can we like make a deal? You pay my repair wreck of a car and you can slash the damn tires yourself if you wanna later?

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Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

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Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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girl:go away! boy:okay girl:i need space boy:okay just one meter girl: no i"m not kidding boy:i know girl:my mother hate's you boy:i hate her too.! girl:we are now break boy:okay i"m hungry lets eat! girl:you don't understand me boy:no i"m understand you girl:you are philosopher i hate you boy:what? girl:nothing at the end of the story they loved each other

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

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I'll eat your poop

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!