- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

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-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

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Women love it when you kiss their neck. Just not while they are driving and while you're in the back seat and when they don't know you...

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Girl: Hey, why don't you and I go out to dinner? Guy: Thanks, but if I wanted to watch a whore stuff her face full of meat, I'd just load up Redtube.

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

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why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

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Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

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Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

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Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

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-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

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Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

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Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

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Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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I am typing it here for exposure which means I am no sellout because I admitt I sell out, just like I did not crash because I admitt I did. This one is real: Me meeting my childhood friend (a girl, with huge boobs... Which she had reduced because back problems... Fucking reduction pointless invention!) Tina: You where and will always be like a brother to me Nero. Me: Aww... Well... Tina: A fucking sexy brother back then... Well and now! Me: O_O. I am married, so I called my wife and asked if its okay, she said can I join? And well, why do you think I am so wired now... ROUND TWO... F*CK!

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!