HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

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Do you live around here often?

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M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

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Man: Yeah I have done it with thousands of women all around the world... THOUSANDS! Woman: Okay... then ill come home with you, I want an experienced man to be my first... At his house: Woman: I AM SCARED! Will it hurt? Its my first time and... Man: I dunno! I am scared as Its my first time too! :( Moral: A man whose is scared of sex... pfffffff!

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Order Online Nightwear and short shop online in India

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-Is there anything I can do for you? -Fill my care cup. Oh, actually, I don't think you can manage to do that.

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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Man: Hello there young lady, I am Elton John and I would very much like to have sex with you! Girl: OMG ITS... Wait! Wow you look a lot like him! But you cannot be real lol *leaves* Man: Man... I look and dress just like him! What could have gone wrong? Man getting the operation cost me a fortune too! Next time I am gonna try Freddie Mercury! Moral: "Dats gay Fifthy cen... I mean Gangstalicious!"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!