what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

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BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

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Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

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Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

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Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

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You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

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Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

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when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

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Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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Me 17 years old: Hey, girl, you are hot how old are you? Girl: 14. Me: What but you have enormous... Never mind, uh nice evening huh?... My friend: Big boobs on er huh? I would have hit on her too had it not been for... Me: Shut up... Crap! Moral: That was a crappy day!

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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HEY BITCH! GET YOUR ASS HOME AND GIVE ME A THUMBS UPS AT HORSEHEAD NETWORK! Moral: And be rewarded ;) (unless you are fucking ugly, then you still get the gift of voting me whatever way you want)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!