roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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-Hi Honey I'm home! -I'm not talking to you! -Oh, Okay. -Don't you want to know why? -No, I trust and respect your decision dear

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Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

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-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

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Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

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man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

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*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!