-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

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MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

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She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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Fear not moral man is back, in a moment of weakness I let myself go... let us put it this way... some like me, some hate me, that is what happens when people such as I speak their opinion. And if someday the entire world wants to destroy Moral Man... Moral Man will unleash doomsday! Moral: I am back, like me, hate me, you can still ignore me... but until I get some sleep and can start working out again (icy weather is not for bicycling is it?) Then Moral Man stands... Ps: Hey, thanks there below, my most thumbed up comments had minus 5 and such, so I got kinda down since I thought the internet too needed someone that speaks his mind. More Morals: But then I remembered I do this to entertain myself, and that you downvoters can all go screw yourselves! MORAL MAAAAAAAAAN! MORAL MAAAAAAAAN! Action figures in store now!

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

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-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

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"Hey, I have the feeling i've seen you before somewhere..." "Well, could be, I used to be a porn actress.

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"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

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http://pirater-gratuit.fr hacker un compte fb

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Drunk guy with high standards part 3: Man: Dunno woman... you are so big and... and... FAT and really huge and stuff but... well... uh.. you are still really damn hot so lets do it! Man: YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Astronauts: Did that guy really eject himself towards the sun? Moral: At least he was right about the really hot part... and that ladies and gentlemen, is the terrible end of the amazing drunk man with high standards, you can read the whole series just by clicking onwards trough my comments and give em a thumbs ups just as you go along.. otherwise they will show up... mean they wo..

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Give me some sugar... honey.

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!