- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

thumb_up thumb_down +80

Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

thumb_up thumb_down +33

You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back becausemfalling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

thumb_up thumb_down -47

I have a really big..... Bank Account

thumb_up thumb_down +116

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +184

Damn girl did you just come from the dump? Cause you smell like shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Boy-That's a nice outfit. Girl-Thanks!!! Boy- It would look even better scrunched up at the end of my bed.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

thumb_up thumb_down +82

Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

thumb_up thumb_down -122

Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Boy : Gurle: hi

thumb_up thumb_down -46

"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

thumb_up thumb_down +82

Man: I can control all women in the world! Guys: WOOOOT YEAH! Me: I can control all men! Guys: Huh?? Man: What the fuck is that good for you like guys or something? Wait hey let go of me! Moral: And off the endless cliff you all go MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!... Ladies, it seems it is up to us to repopulate this world, not sure if we can make it, but I shall do my best, but since I am just one, you better do all the moving, so I can conserve my energy.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

thumb_up thumb_down +85

Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

thumb_up thumb_down +25

I love you more than my jar of fingers.

thumb_up thumb_down +135

I think I shit myself

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

thumb_up thumb_down -166

Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down -95

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!