-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

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He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

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She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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Were your parents chemists? cuz you look like TEST TUBE BABY :D

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Man trying to be smart: Man: HELP THERE IS A GIANT BOMB DOWN MY PANTS! ITS BULGING AND ITS GONNA EXPLODE KILLING US ALL! Nurse: ILL REMOVE IT! GRABS "EXPLOSIVE EQUIPMENT" AND RIPS IT OFF" Nurse: Weird this organic bomb looks like a peni.. Man: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG Moral: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRHhhhhhhhhhhhhhgEsgRSGRSRfRSfSFSr

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Put the lotion on the skin!

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Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

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You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

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The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!