you actually look alright with the lights on.

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

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After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!