Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

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Man: Wanna come to my place? Woman: Maybe if you take of the ski-mask and black clothing... Man: But then you'll ruin the surprise! :(

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

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Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

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- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

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-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

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Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

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Hey babe, are your parents arseholes? Because your the shit.

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Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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Your skin would make a nice coat.

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You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

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I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

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Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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Girl: I like a romantic man. Man: oh yes? Girl: Yeah he would have to sing to me... Man: Ehem... cough... okay here goes:Madness? Madness! Madness? Madness! Girl: What? Man: THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A A-A-A-A-A! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A.... Girl: EEEK MY EARS! *runs away* Man: Wait where are you going I am not even finished singing my youtube sparta mix!! Moral: When its hot, they pinch back, *wheeze*

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Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!