- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

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so... you're a girl,huh?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

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Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

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Macho Man: Release the BOGUS! Woman: What? Super Macho Man: Never mind... no one will get this anyways... wanna go to McDonalds and get a Little Mac? Woman: Ok but I want a Big mac! Macho Man: What is a Big mac? Is it stronger than a little Mac? Woman: Huh? What do you mean? Macho Man: Sigh... and I actually fought Mike Tyson you know... Woman: So you are a boxer huh? Who are you gonna fight next? Macho Man: Sigh... Mr.Dream... Woman: Who the hell is that? Macho Man: a nobody...

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Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

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hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

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As a man I am afforded greater opportunity then my equally qualified female counterparts. I have made it a life goal use this opportunities for greater good.

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Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

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Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

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Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

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Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

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I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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Hey, you look like a hooker I fondled in Las Vegas

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!