How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

thumb_up thumb_down +93

whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

thumb_up thumb_down +193

Business Y U No Advertise?

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

thumb_up thumb_down +117

Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down +109

Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Yo girl... My feelings keep growing, I just have to say it, but it might be too soon, it might even risk our friendship. Awww, just say it. Ok girl, I hate you more for every day, you fucking ugly bitch, if it where not for your money, id leave right away. Moral: Its not about what you want, its about what you need, therefore I decided I only need whatever I want, case closed.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Male: I'm all you've got good lookin' Female: then I must not have alot

thumb_up thumb_down +129

And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Man:Yeah, hey yo I'm feelin' like Ray Charles I got my shades on, I don't know where they are You couldn't find me even if you had a radar And I spit rapidly AKAR! Woman: OK ok so you claim to be Ray Charles and all, not that you look like him nor have the same voice... but tell me, how the hell did Ray Charles himself manage to get himself stuck in the ladies sauna room eh? Man: To catch the sight of them boobies! I mean... uh... I do not know young lady, I must feel my way out of here, I hmm... no, this is too soft and round to be a doorknob, and this one is too big and round... hmm... maybe if I try lower I will... oh excuse the pole its my walking stick which I keep in my pants...

thumb_up thumb_down +84

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +119

- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: *sparkly eyes* So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... *steps to whisper in her ear* ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

thumb_up thumb_down -95

Have you met Ted?

thumb_up thumb_down -15

"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!