Girl: Do you know any good movies? Boy: Snakes on a plane Girl: Whats it about? Boy: It's about Horses.. on a boat.

Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

Man: Put your face over my fist as I say shinku Woman: Huh? Ok whatever.... SHOOOOOOOOOORYUKEEEEEEN!

Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd probably leave it as is, seems to be working OK just fine without my internvention. And imagine the work it'd create in terms of all the re-filing alone. Librarians would have apoplexy, and if I came out I was responsible..well, there'd be hell to pay. No, thank you, but no thank you, the alphabet can stay as it is, no matter how hot your body.

M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

Guy:I invented troll face oh yea! Girl:you gave my daughter nightmares for weeks you b****!(throws drink in face)

Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

I DROPPED MY LAPTOP IN THE RIVER IT WAS ADELE ROLLING IN THE DEEP ( A DELL ROLLING IN THE DEEP)

-Do you like me? -No

Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

Woman enters gynecologist office: Man: YO I am the vaginator! Woman: Vaginator? Man: You know, the guy that is gonna fu.. I mean study your pussy with the long hard spear and see if your juices are okay and stuff... Woman: HuuuuuuuH? Moral: Writing this makes me understand why some women dont exactly enjoy a trip to the "Vaginator" so I forgot the moral and the point... my sympaties though...

Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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