Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

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"Rate your looks out of 10" "awkward... maybe 8 or 9 i guess?" "I said 10, not 100"

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!