You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

Is it true you black men are as hung as a horse? Uh lady, no idea I like ignore their stuff. Yeah but you know, I seen a lot of them and they are huge and look salty an... Woman! Im so outta here! Moral: Now the man is goin! C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

The anti part of below comment, may be the fact that its going to get thumbed down to Hades. Moral: They see me rollin, they envious... women that look like supermodels that work as jurists dont come easy... unless you are Moral Man. *Plays moral man theme* (Character inspired by Salvador Dali, I mean what greater inspiration than the man that celebrated each day as he woke up in the body and mind of the greatest man ever? Me? Same, but I also wake up next to the greatest woman ever.)

you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: USA discovers they do not have nuclear weapons and then gives them nuclear reactors?

Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

It's not Rape* If you yell surprise.

A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

MAN: Did it hurt? WOMAN: Did what hurt? MAN: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? WOMAN: Did it hurt when you were dropped as a baby?

Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

Man: Hey babe ;) I may not be the smartest guy around, but look at these muscles! (flexes like crazy). Girl: Sorry, I am blind... Man: Oh... do you hear my sexy raspy voice though? Girl: Sorry I am also deaf... Man: Oh... (leaves) 2 Weeks later: Man: HEY THAT WOMAN TRICKED ME! SHE SAID SHE WAS DEAF BUT WAS CAPABLE OF SPEAKING! DEAF PEOPLE DO NOT SPEAK!.... I think...

Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

Drunk guy with high standards part 3: Man: Dunno woman... you are so big and... and... FAT and really huge and stuff but... well... uh.. you are still really damn hot so lets do it! Man: YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Astronauts: Did that guy really eject himself towards the sun? Moral: At least he was right about the really hot part... and that ladies and gentlemen, is the terrible end of the amazing drunk man with high standards, you can read the whole series just by clicking onwards trough my comments and give em a thumbs ups just as you go along.. otherwise they will show up... mean they wo..

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!