Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

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-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

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roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

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- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

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Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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Guy: You look like a suitable mate and I'd thoroughly enjoy engaging in rough, sweaty sex with you and your lady parts.

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Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY! Ungrateful kids... Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Bonus because nobody loves you :( Me? People either love me around here, or you know... cough... psst...rapeandie? Lets keep that a secret between us and EEEEEVEEEERYBODY ELLLLLLLSSEEEEEE (SECRET ABOVE ALERT ALERT ALERT!) Sosiopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

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hey you look like a good practice girl.

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Girl: Hey classy older man, wanna get to know me better? Man: Sigh... sorry lady I am the man that played Gandalf in that... shitty lords of something movie... Girl: so what? Man: Sigh... you know.. Gandalf the white and Gandalf the gay...? Girl: Huh? Man: Ever seen the X-men? Girl: Yeah... Man: ONE WORD: FAGNETO! Girl: uh.. okay.. "leaves". Ian McKellen: Sigh... should have come out of the closet sooner...

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Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!