Nice legs what time do they open

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

thumb_up thumb_down -183

In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: USA discovers they do not have nuclear weapons and then gives them nuclear reactors?

thumb_up thumb_down +91

Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

thumb_up thumb_down +137

Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

thumb_up thumb_down +83

Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

thumb_up thumb_down -8

did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Your skin would make a nice coat.

thumb_up thumb_down +265

Superman enters a bar: Superman: Ladies... who wants to try out my newly developed "super orgasmi-power"? Women: Did you not die? Superman: Uh no... it was just a uh... healing coma... *All the women fall into a "healing coma* Superman: *scratches head* Well... I kinda asked for this... Moral:*Healing coma*

thumb_up thumb_down -82

Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

thumb_up thumb_down -15

He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

thumb_up thumb_down +13

he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Hey chicks! I am a very experienced suicide bomber, I was even in the plane that blew up the world trade center A ;) ¨ Moral: This must be the worst pickupline ever for oh so many reasons on so many levels...

thumb_up thumb_down +80

what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Real life again. I was about twenty and things where going on really well with a shy Swedish girl... Me: Hey, my name is Axel, you know, like Axel Rose? ;) She: I hate that guy! Me: Me too! She: Are you being fake? I dont want to talk to you anymore. Me: No wait I really hate him! She: So desperate... (pats me on the head and leaves me feeling pretty stupid) Moral: Last time I used that one, I hate Axel Rose and I hate my parents naming me after that bastard

thumb_up thumb_down +74

You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

thumb_up thumb_down +124

Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

thumb_up thumb_down +121

How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

thumb_up thumb_down -52

McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

thumb_up thumb_down +149

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!