Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

thumb_up thumb_down -69

Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Low confidence edition: Woman: Hi there cutie, you new here? Guy: Lady, believe me I am out of your league. Woman: You look really nice and I was wondering if... Guy: No really, believe me, I am boring and a virgin, but my mom says I am nice, but pfft no, just stop wasting your time and giving me false allusions please... Moral: Someone kill that faggot!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Hey, you want a ride?

thumb_up thumb_down +65

I hate you already.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

thumb_up thumb_down -26

At a drinking place :P: Man: You dare mock the great Sh... Woman: I am sorry I did not mean to humiliate that much... ehehehehe you are just a stupid jlttle nerd and all... :) Man: You will die moral... Woman: What?! Uh... did I mention how awesome you are? What was your name again? Man: You weak pathetic fool! 8 hours later: Woman: Please! Let me stay! Just for a little longer! Barman: Sigh... fine have a drink on the house. Woman: *sips drink and dies* Barman: Mission complete sir, she died instantly! Man: Instantly without pain? THAT WAS PATHETIC! Now... SUICIDE! Barman: No I refuse! Man: Drink it... or face the true WRATH OF SHAO KAHN! Barman: The true wrath? ANYTHING BUT THAT!*Punches himself in the balls hoping he dies from the pain, passes out and tries again* Man Is That your best? That was pathetic! Its official, you suck! Bhahahahahahaha! Moral: Fear the Wrath of Shao Kahn!

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

thumb_up thumb_down +95

Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

thumb_up thumb_down -42

What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

i am with stupid l l l \/

thumb_up thumb_down +202

M. Do you want to go out with me? F. Okay but first take me to your place where we can be alone to make furious love to one another M. Wow this never happens I must be.. (Wakes up) dreaming

thumb_up thumb_down -133

Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Man: HEY BITCH! LETS HAVE SEX! Damn ugly woman: OKAY! Next day... Man: Damn that was some nice sex, too bad the bitch was damn ugly though, even trough the beer googles... I wonder where she is... "damn ugly woman": woof woof! Bark bark! Moral: Do you see any moral in this immoral piece of shit? (Ps if you are stupid, the bitch was actually a dog... get it?)

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!