-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

are you from subway cause you givin me a footlong

thumb_up thumb_down -9

"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

thumb_up thumb_down -3

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Man: GET IN THE VAN! Woman: NO! Man: Well... How about the Limo? Its got beverages and caviar and... Woman: OOH :D Moral: Always go for the limo first,

thumb_up thumb_down -17

With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

thumb_up thumb_down -86

whats up ho

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

You like peanuts? Cause I like penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -88

Happy BirthdaySean!

thumb_up thumb_down +202

Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

thumb_up thumb_down +247

What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Male: Hey babe! Wanna come to my house for a party? Female: Sorry! Don't have my herpes shot!

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Drunk guy with high standards part 3: Man: Dunno woman... you are so big and... and... FAT and really huge and stuff but... well... uh.. you are still really damn hot so lets do it! Man: YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Astronauts: Did that guy really eject himself towards the sun? Moral: At least he was right about the really hot part... and that ladies and gentlemen, is the terrible end of the amazing drunk man with high standards, you can read the whole series just by clicking onwards trough my comments and give em a thumbs ups just as you go along.. otherwise they will show up... mean they wo..

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Girl: You look so happy, I am glad this is working out. Freud: Maaaaan I was just thinking about fucking my mom! Moral: Sickman Fraud.

thumb_up thumb_down +98

my dick is 2 inches

thumb_up thumb_down -42

A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Are you a unicorn cause u sure look horny girl:are u a turtle cause ur really slow ur the 10th guy to hit on me.....in 5 minutes

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!