Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

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I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

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I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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so... you're a girl,huh?

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- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

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Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

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-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

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I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Do you believe in angels? Cool, what about goblins?

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Sung to the melody of Ozzy`s: "Moral Man" HEES THE MORAL MAN, IIIS HEE MORAL OR IS HE DEAD? HEES THE MORAL MAN AAARE THERE MORALS INSIDE HIS HEEAD. Moral: NOOO THERE ISNT! ONLY IMMORAL INSIDE! AND ILL KEEP POSTING, ONLY TO CRUSH YOUR INSIDES! *guitar solo begins*

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You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

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Guy enters a bar: Guy: I have some really bad self-esteem and would really apreciate if someone would give me a chance and... Gorgeous woman: Hey, I would love to get to know you, and maybe take you home and... Guy: WHAT? THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME! I CANT HANDLE IT! HEEEEEEEEEEELP! (Runs out of bar screaming)

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are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

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Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!