At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

thumb_up thumb_down +91

Sugar-free sugar cookies

thumb_up thumb_down +44

"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

thumb_up thumb_down +13

I have a gun.

thumb_up thumb_down +215

Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

thumb_up thumb_down +101

A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Him: Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely beautifull...?? Her: (smiles) and says no.. Him: there is a good reaseon for that..

thumb_up thumb_down +121

Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

thumb_up thumb_down -39

-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

thumb_up thumb_down +105

Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

thumb_up thumb_down -90

Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

thumb_up thumb_down -78

-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

thumb_up thumb_down -117

To my story below, I now remember why she never took me seriously... While I was staring at her erect nipples she asked me if I was gay, I replied "uhuh", to everything as I was too busy looking at what I could have grabbed that day... Moral: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Today she looks uh... less appealing in more ways than one.... but lets not go into details, I need to get something out here... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! In 40 years at my deathbed: The only thing I regret is... is... DAMN! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

thumb_up thumb_down -72

hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

oooo oo o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o xxxxxxxxxxxxxx o o xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx o xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx o xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx x x x xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxxxx x x x x xxxxxxx xxxxxxx x x x x xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxx xxxxxxxx xxx xxxxxxx xx xxxx x x x xx x x xxxx x x x x x xx x x x x x x x x x x xxxx x x x x x x x x x x x x xxxxxx xxxxxx x x x x x x x x xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx x x xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx x x xxxxxx xxxxxx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x sssssss x x x x sssssssssssssssss x x x sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x ssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x x ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x x sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssx x x sssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssx x x sssssssssssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x ssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x sssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssss sss x x sssssssssssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssssssssssss sssss x x sssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssss ssssss x ssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssss ssssssss x x sssssssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssss sssssssss x x sssssssssssssssssssssssss sss sssssssssss x x ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x xx sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x xxsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x xssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x xsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x x xssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x x xsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x xssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x xxxxx xsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss xxxxxxx xssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss xxxxx xx xsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ... ssss xx xsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. ..... ssss xxx xxxx xsssssssssssssssssssssssssss... ...... sssss x xxx xxx xsssssssssssssssssssssss .... .......... sssx x xx xsssxxssssssssssssssssss ........ ............ sssss xssssssssssssssssssssssss ........... ............. ssssssxsssssssssssssssssssssssss .............. ................ ssssssssssssssssssssssss ................... .................. ssssssssssssssssssss ..................... ................... sssssssssssssssss ....................... .................... ssssssssssssss ........................ ....................... ssssssssss .......................... ........................ ssssss ............................. ......................... ssss ............................. .......................... s ............................... ........................... ................................ ......................... ................................. ........................ .................................. ....................... .................................. ...................... .................................. ..................... .................................. .................... ................................... .................. .................................. ................. .................................... ............... ..................................... .............. ..................................... ............. ..................................... ........... ...................................... .......... ...................................... ......... ...................................... ......... .................................... ....... ..................................... ..... ..................................... .... ..................................... ... ..................................... .. .................................... ...................................... ..................................... ..................................... ..................................... .................................... .................................... ................................... ................................... ................................ ................................ ............................... . .............................. .. ............................ .... ............................. .... ............................ ..... ........................... ..... ......................... ...... ....................... ......... ..................... .......... ..................... .......... ..................... ........... ..................... ........... ..................... ........... .................... ............ .................... ............ .................... ............ .................... ............ .................... ............ .................. .............. .................. .............. .................. .............. ................. .............. ................. ............. ................. ............. ................ .............. ................ ............. ................ ............. ............... ............ ............... ............. .............. ............. ............. ............ ............. ............ ............ ............ ........... ............ ........... ............ ......... ............ ......... ............ ......... ........... ......... ...........

thumb_up thumb_down -162

*a guy and a girl meet at a bar and has a great conversation* girl - can I borrow your phone? I told my ex I'd call him when I found someone better. boy - sure, here you go *gives phone* girl - *silence* *after awkward phone call* boy - give me my phone back girl - you dont seem to get it do you... boy - give me my phone back girl - *silence* boy - GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK YOU BITCH *boy takes out a shotgun with him and repeatedly shoots girl* *girl dodges and takes a bazooka and aims for boy* *boy manages to get out of the bar* *boy installs bomb in center of bar* *boy leaves bar* *everyone attempts to get out of bar* *boy locks the door* boy - Yippie kai yay, moth- *explosion* *everyone dies* MORAL OF THE STORY - DO NOT GO INTO A BAR

thumb_up thumb_down -116

I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!