Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

thumb_up thumb_down -101

- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

thumb_up thumb_down +109

on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down -128

Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

thumb_up thumb_down +38

-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

jack sanders

thumb_up thumb_down -67

Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Pick up lines from the stone age: Fail. Man: Hello, you look beautiful, I speak very well, and if you allow me to make love with you, I promise I will protect you and raise the child with you :)! Woman: WHAT? A guy without wild chesthair that speaks instead of grunting and yelling? You to sex me and you do not even got a club? I am SOOO gonna go to Grogg instead! He has like the biggest club and knows how to really HIT a woman! Moral: I would say somethings do change, but Id rather be Grogg than the loser above, of course I prefer hitting ON women first, if that does not work I... Oh right, I am married :P

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

thumb_up thumb_down +147

The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

thumb_up thumb_down +116

Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

thumb_up thumb_down -45

- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

thumb_up thumb_down +115

Yo girl... My feelings keep growing, I just have to say it, but it might be too soon, it might even risk our friendship. Awww, just say it. Ok girl, I hate you more for every day, you fucking ugly bitch, if it where not for your money, id leave right away. Moral: Its not about what you want, its about what you need, therefore I decided I only need whatever I want, case closed.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

HI, DO YOU KNOW WHY THEY CALL ME DOCTOR RABBIT THE HYMEN DESTROYER? Nero the clit collector: Actually this works pretty good, just wear a random rabbit costume, cut a hole where your CAWCK is, and make sure they are girls under twelve or below (because it kinda loses its meaning with little boys but fuck it anyways, yeah fuck it! FUCK IT TO THE LIMIT!) I work at a daycare center: Because I care.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Are you from Wales, because...well...

thumb_up thumb_down -43

How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!