He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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My therapist says I should meet new people.

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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Girl: If you was a rollercoaster...I'd ride you all day long.. Guy: What? Am I not big enough for you now...why can't you just be happy with me... =_= Girl: : / I was tring to be all sexy in a cute way... Guy: Pfft. FREAK... e_e

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Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

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Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

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I think I shit myself

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-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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Hey Clarkson, you know about this pointless invention Named Nero The Moral man? Clarkson: No. Nero: No. Is this because horsehead network sucks? Clarkson: Yes. Nero: WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE! Oh yeah I am fucking it away... Fuck me, every girl around me just ends up completely fucked.... ;)

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-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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How you doin? go away- I have a gun

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Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!