What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

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M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

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Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

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are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

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Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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http://pirater-gratuit.fr hacker un compte fb

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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Shorts and pants compilation: Hey you a cheap prostitute or just out of my league? Hey mom I just watched some more hentai today and wonder if you would... Why are you screaming? Its just me naked with a boner! According to hentai its completely natural! I mean I am getting to do you when I turn eighteen right? No? You are a horrible mother! I am so telling dad you wont give it up! Bitch, you like men that beat you up while fucking you? You do? Oh, my! This is like too freaky too me! *runs out girlie screaming* Dad, I watched some other hentai today and, I wonder if you... Moral: *Pants*, there you go.

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!