If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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Man: I bet you havent seen a really big dick before ;) ;) Woman: No... but I have seen yours... The man proceeds to stare at the floor and leaves in shame...

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

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Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

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GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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Man: Hey, I write the most perverted mini stories on ANTIPICKUPLINE ;) Any woman: ME SO HONNY ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME! Moral: Hentai keeping peop... never mind... not into animated cartoons DO YOU THINK I AM A PERVERT OR SOMETHING?.. cant help it that my mother looks like a damn hot pornstar though...

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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Whatever I'll just date myself.

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-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

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Drunken man: Hey sexy ;) what is such a pretty thing doing in this shitty place? wanna come home with me? Nun: I am a nun! And this is a church! Drunken man: I know dammit im not THAT drunk... so what do you say? Nun: Uh... okay...

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Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

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Girl, you must be a parking ticket. Because you got 'Please pay within 30 days. Failure to do so you will face prosecution at the local court.' written all over you.

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-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

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Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!