did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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girl- how much does a polar bear weigh? girl- enough to break the-- boy- Are you talking about an adult polar bear? boy- then it's around 400-500 kg girl- blast!

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-Hi Honey I'm home! -I'm not talking to you! -Oh, Okay. -Don't you want to know why? -No, I trust and respect your decision dear

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

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How much does a polar bear weight? Enough to break the ice... and throw you into the freezing water and drown you, because you're really ugly.

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

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Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

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"You'll do."

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I love Mark Wahlberg!

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

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Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

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Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

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Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

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Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

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You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!