-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

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- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

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you look like my mother

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M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

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Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

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I've got a black belt in lovin'.

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

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Honestly bitch, I hate you, but my balls are bursting so its either you or the next disgusting ugly bitch in line, my mom!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!