-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Man: hey... you seem pretty paralytic and unable to move in that wheelchair ;) Woman: uh oh...well actually I can move a bit... Man: Good because I do not wanna do ALL the thrusting back and forth... Woman: Bu.. but... I... I do not want to... Man: Well if you do not want sex, then just run away... ;) FATALITY... FLAWLESS VICTORY... RAPEALITY!

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!