Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

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-I love you.

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I wish my sister was as hot as you.

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Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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(Based on a few real life experiences) Man: Hey girl wanna hang out an.. Girl: OMG IMMA ORGASMIN YES I COME WIT YOU AND WE HAVE WILD SAX IN MAH DERTY PUSSY AND THEN YOU LIKK MY ASS GOOD AND CLEEN! Man: Uh... I think I left my wallet im my pocket... which I think is in my fridge.. at home... gotta go before the house burns down you know... "runs off"

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

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Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

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You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

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BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

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M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

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Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

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why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!