How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

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I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

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-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

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if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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nice kid... want another?

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I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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Man enters bar: Man: is there any... I mean ANY woman that would not instantly reject me here? If there is, I would like her... or in worst case scenario, HIM that she/he is very special to me and has the most beautiful eyes ever... THANK YOU

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Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

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Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

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If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

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Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

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Moral man enters a bar and spots a sad girl. MMan: Why so sad? Lady: My father died... MMan: And you want him to see you sad, from wherever he may be? Lady: No but how am I supposed to be happy about it? MMan: Remember the happy days you spent, because they are many more than the days you will see his gravestone, and if nothing else, we can always keep those alive within our heart happily, as long as we are happy in OUR heart... Moral: I would have called this meaningless bull before, but this is a true story, and those words are the reason I just celebrated my two year anniversary with my girlfriend, the most amazing girl ever... which just sang out of joy btw... I may be different... but if a man can keep those he loves happy, he is indeed a true man... Ok now she wants to know what I am typing, so I say nothing and put this self brag away, because I share with you, but heck, what am I? Somekind of romantic? Answer: Meh, I am the ever lovable jerk you may not like, but cant stop loving once you know me either... The anti-part? Dunno, dont care :D

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!