Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

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are you on fire?

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

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Guy: How much does a polar bear way? Girl; About 500 kilograms

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-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

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Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

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I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

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Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

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Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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Are you from Tennessee? Because we are both in Tennessee and I thought asking where you grew up would be a good way to get to know you better.

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B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!