Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

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damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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Lesbihonest

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

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If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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How you doin? go away- I have a gun

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Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

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- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!