Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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Girl, you must be a parking ticket. Because you got 'Please pay within 30 days. Failure to do so you will face prosecution at the local court.' written all over you.

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

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Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

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I AM LOVE! I AM LOVE! Moral: Seriously, I have never been QUUUUUITE this happy, shouting I am love is probably not the best move, thanks for your thumbs ups, thumbs downs, and while my work is done here, that does not mean Ill leave, I need to keep my reputation as the fourth, smoothest, aka pointless invention in the world, and unless you want to count that girl Justina Bitcherina, that means that I am the smoothest man alive, THANK YOU THANK YOU! And feel free to vote this down if you cant handle being thanked by the smoothest most awesome man alive. Hey, I get it, we cant all be me ;)

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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Me 17 years old: Hey, girl, you are hot how old are you? Girl: 14. Me: What but you have enormous... Never mind, uh nice evening huh?... My friend: Big boobs on er huh? I would have hit on her too had it not been for... Me: Shut up... Crap! Moral: That was a crappy day!

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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EVERYONE ELSE

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That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

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Guy: Theres this girl and Ive been meaning to ask her something... Girl: I bet I know who it is ;D Guy: Oh good. So is your mom available on Friday?

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Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

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Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!