You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

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hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

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Lol, waifu and Rebecca are like "do you have to type so much? Come back prince charming... ...I Am all NO! AND CALL ME MASTER BISON. SO ANYWAY SHORT coMMENT SEE? I DONT HAVE TO TYPE AS MUCH! AND NOW THAT THEY ARE ALL LAUGHING BECAUSE OF MY SHEET HERE I JUST KEEP TYPING YOU KNOW BECAUSE THEY ARE HANGING OVER ME AND I CANT MOVE.:: GIrls read this: (not you ladies not yet, I am talking about my gals here) IF YOU WANT ME TO JOIN YOU, MOVE THE FUCK OVER TO EACH OF YOUR SIDES, SO I CAN GET UP, YOU CAN SQUEEZE ON TOP OF EACH OTHER SO I CAN DO YOU BOTH. Lol Rebecca is all like "He is not really posting that stuff right? "Hey Nero you are not going to post that stuff are you? Lol Harris, does your sister know me again? Ps: Dont worry folks, I mean Harris is like my bro from another ho, seriously, I bang his sister, he goes like "THERE IS A GOOD CATCH SON!" And kept giving me the thumbs ups when she liked Anal too much and could not sit. ANYWAYSSSSSSS SHORT COMMENT GET! (Sorry id type more, but I think my dick is alive again... IT MUST DROWN IN THE JUICES OF WITCHES OF ENCHANT! "I wont post this Rebecca? Lol, you know why I do not care about their opinion Rebecca lady" BECAUSE I AM AWESOME, AND THEY ARE NOOOOOOOOOOT! Oh you do not want your bro to know... Rebbeca chan... Your bro just sent me a thumbs ups and "take good care of her bro" Yeah let me put this incredibly good laptop away and show you. Ps: SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOORT!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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"Hmm...you'll do."

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are you from subway cause you givin me a footlong

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"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

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Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!