Guy: Hey baby, did you come by car? Girl: No I walked. Guy: Well I can make you come in mine.

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hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

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why was the girl stupid beacuse she had brain sergy

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

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Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

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-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

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MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is *zip* FEMALE: *gurgle gurgle* *scream*

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

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I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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If your happy and you know it clap your hands!! What if I lost my hands in Nam while I was singing this song and a plane killed my friend causing me to ct off both of my hands?

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- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

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Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

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Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!