"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

thumb_up thumb_down +27

so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

sex me.

thumb_up thumb_down +108

Wanna have sex?

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Come lay your head upon my chest. (After a moment) Perhaps you'd be more comfortable onmy stomache (pushes head down)

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

thumb_up thumb_down +15

You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

thumb_up thumb_down +132

- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

thumb_up thumb_down -32

hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

thumb_up thumb_down -108

- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

thumb_up thumb_down +110

are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down -135

Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Waiter- For you, sir? Male: I'll have a Strawberry Daquiri, non-alcoholic, please. Waiter- And, for your company? Male: For her, a long-island-iced-tea, with a twist of Rohypnol.

thumb_up thumb_down +93

Pick up lines from the stone age: Fail. Man: Hello, you look beautiful, I speak very well, and if you allow me to make love with you, I promise I will protect you and raise the child with you :)! Woman: WHAT? A guy without wild chesthair that speaks instead of grunting and yelling? You to sex me and you do not even got a club? I am SOOO gonna go to Grogg instead! He has like the biggest club and knows how to really HIT a woman! Moral: I would say somethings do change, but Id rather be Grogg than the loser above, of course I prefer hitting ON women first, if that does not work I... Oh right, I am married :P

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!