-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

thumb_up thumb_down +221

Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

thumb_up thumb_down -126

- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down -188

- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

thumb_up thumb_down +24

- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

thumb_up thumb_down +351

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

thumb_up thumb_down +382

- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

thumb_up thumb_down +125

- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +465

- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

thumb_up thumb_down -493

- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

thumb_up thumb_down +478

GET IN THE VAN!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Man seriously? Free Samsung? And that Fiat, I been wondering how much you want for it, not that i got it but I was considering buying it sometime. Son, I got no idea what brand this piece of shit car is, but the wheels are cool. No really, if you mean it, ill take that Fiat man, man, ill kiss your feet, ill do it, no really I mean Really? I mean really really? Man If you mean it, ill get over there right away, and man, you can have dunno, bad times, hell ANYTHING Okay? But if you are just messing with me, you can go fuck yourself and your phone man!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down +57

Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

thumb_up thumb_down +119

Glass Basketball

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

thumb_up thumb_down -134

If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

thumb_up thumb_down +47

- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

thumb_up thumb_down +220

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!