- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

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- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back becausemfalling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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Eat me, I'm organic!

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Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

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Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

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- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!