- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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Girls hate me, they always discuss about how they regret fucking with me over and over again. Moral: Thumb me down, I know ya love me.

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

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Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

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-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

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Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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Hello children! :D

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

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A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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I AM LOVE! I AM LOVE! Moral: Seriously, I have never been QUUUUUITE this happy, shouting I am love is probably not the best move, thanks for your thumbs ups, thumbs downs, and while my work is done here, that does not mean Ill leave, I need to keep my reputation as the fourth, smoothest, aka pointless invention in the world, and unless you want to count that girl Justina Bitcherina, that means that I am the smoothest man alive, THANK YOU THANK YOU! And feel free to vote this down if you cant handle being thanked by the smoothest most awesome man alive. Hey, I get it, we cant all be me ;)

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!