Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

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Hey, you want a ride?

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

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EVERYONE ELSE

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Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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guy: hey baby come join the PEN15 club with mee ;) girl: whats that?? guy: come and i will show you...*goes into the guys restroom with her*....lets go to the restroom and never rest...except you can rest on my PEN15

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sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

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hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

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Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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Macho Man: Release the BOGUS! Woman: What? Super Macho Man: Never mind... no one will get this anyways... wanna go to McDonalds and get a Little Mac? Woman: Ok but I want a Big mac! Macho Man: What is a Big mac? Is it stronger than a little Mac? Woman: Huh? What do you mean? Macho Man: Sigh... and I actually fought Mike Tyson you know... Woman: So you are a boxer huh? Who are you gonna fight next? Macho Man: Sigh... Mr.Dream... Woman: Who the hell is that? Macho Man: a nobody...

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

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A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

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Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!