If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

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How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

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Guy:I got stds! Wanna do it? Girl:what the f*** did u just say?guy:oh std ummmm save the dogs?uh ya that save the dogs I own a animal shelter! Girl:I'm not stupid guy: u sure? (Slap)

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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Want to go out? No

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Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!