Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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Want to go out? No

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

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- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

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BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

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EVERYONE ELSE

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Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

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What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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guy: can i rape you? girl: No Guy: great that means any sex we have from now on is consensual, thanks

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girl- how much does a polar bear weigh? girl- enough to break the-- boy- Are you talking about an adult polar bear? boy- then it's around 400-500 kg girl- blast!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!