If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

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-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

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I've got candy.

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

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Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

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Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

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He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

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Drink this!

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

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I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!