Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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Have you met Ted?

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Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

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yo im will smith yo, thats my name and I was juzz wonderin if you ever you know like the beach or bbq because stuff happen yanno and while I do some rap id just belieeve that things are a bit crazy these times so I was thinking maybe ill ask you out right? But then I was like WHAAAAAAZAAAAAAAAA and... Hey gurl where you goin im just getting warmed up. Moral: I met the guy, day one I had a great day, day two I didnt get any sleep and now I hate him, the end.

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Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

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are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

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Man: Wanna go to my home and have sex? Woman: Well... OK! Man: Wow you are easy!... wait! Where are you going? COME BACK! Moral: They are not easy, they just like a man with balls... and you where obviously not one of them... LAME OVER.

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will you marry me

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Man: Hello there young lady, I am Elton John and I would very much like to have sex with you! Girl: OMG ITS... Wait! Wow you look a lot like him! But you cannot be real lol *leaves* Man: Man... I look and dress just like him! What could have gone wrong? Man getting the operation cost me a fortune too! Next time I am gonna try Freddie Mercury! Moral: "Dats gay Fifthy cen... I mean Gangstalicious!"

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-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

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Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

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I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

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Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

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Hey wanna smash pissers?

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!