Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

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The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

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Yo girl... My feelings keep growing, I just have to say it, but it might be too soon, it might even risk our friendship. Awww, just say it. Ok girl, I hate you more for every day, you fucking ugly bitch, if it where not for your money, id leave right away. Moral: Its not about what you want, its about what you need, therefore I decided I only need whatever I want, case closed.

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How you doin? go away- I have a gun

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Are you from Wales, because...well...

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Man: "Let's play Titanic. You'll be the Titanic, and I'll be the iceberg making you go down." Woman: "That would be a massive disaster."

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Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

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Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!