At a ... PUB! Man: Hey... wanna... go out with a true shinob i ninja? ;) Woman: Are you not supposed to be invisible or something? Man: You can see me? SHIT! (runs away). Moral: So what if she saw you you are all covered in a pajamas anyways...

thumb_up thumb_down -113

Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

thumb_up thumb_down -32

How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

thumb_up thumb_down -26

you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

thumb_up thumb_down -42

I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

It's not Rape* If you yell surprise.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Do you believe in angels? Cool, what about goblins?

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Man: DAMN BABE YOUR SO DAMN HOT I... Woman: You know what? Im so sick of you guys hitt... Man: OOOOOOOOOOOOH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YEEEEEEEEEES THIS IS DELISHUSH! Woman: WHAT HAPPENED? :O Man: Huh? Never mind, ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

thumb_up thumb_down +91

ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

thumb_up thumb_down -30

You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

thumb_up thumb_down +29

http://scriptsbay.com http://scriptsbay.net

thumb_up thumb_down -62

-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

thumb_up thumb_down +42

I love Mark Wahlberg!

thumb_up thumb_down -64

can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Jack is riding his new yellow bicycle. His father bought it for his 12th anniversary. Jack is ecstatic to have his first ride down his street. Erick thinks its ugly.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Mario: Ey princess, wanna make the sexy time eh? Princess: With a fat Italian plumber? HELL NO! Bowser: MWAHAHAHA I AM SO GONNA RAPE YOU WITH MY SPINY DICK! Princess: HELP HELP MARIO I WILL DO ANYTHING JUST SAVE ME! NO BOWSER PLEASE DO NOT PUT IT IN THERE! ITS TOO TIGH... Shigeru Miyamoto: So this is how I wanted to make the Super Mario series... sexy eh? Girl: DISGUSTING! Shigeru Miyamoto: Well what do you think about the idea with Monkey Dong and the other girl tha...HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

thumb_up thumb_down -90

Hey babe, if you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you. Oh really? Because if you were a pokemon, I'd fight you, win and not even bother to capture you.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

thumb_up thumb_down +12

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!