imgonna r@pe you

thumb_up thumb_down -132

adam burdass

thumb_up thumb_down +30

I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

thumb_up thumb_down -136

Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

thumb_up thumb_down +98

- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

thumb_up thumb_down -77

If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

Guy:I got stds! Wanna do it? Girl:what the f*** did u just say?guy:oh std ummmm save the dogs?uh ya that save the dogs I own a animal shelter! Girl:I'm not stupid guy: u sure? (Slap)

thumb_up thumb_down +4

my dick is 2 inches

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Real life again. I was about twenty and things where going on really well with a shy Swedish girl... Me: Hey, my name is Axel, you know, like Axel Rose? ;) She: I hate that guy! Me: Me too! She: Are you being fake? I dont want to talk to you anymore. Me: No wait I really hate him! She: So desperate... (pats me on the head and leaves me feeling pretty stupid) Moral: Last time I used that one, I hate Axel Rose and I hate my parents naming me after that bastard

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Girl: I like a romantic man. Man: oh yes? Girl: Yeah he would have to sing to me... Man: Ehem... cough... okay here goes:Madness? Madness! Madness? Madness! Girl: What? Man: THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A A-A-A-A-A! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A.... Girl: EEEK MY EARS! *runs away* Man: Wait where are you going I am not even finished singing my youtube sparta mix!! Moral: When its hot, they pinch back, *wheeze*

thumb_up thumb_down +149

roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down +148

Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

girl:go away! boy:okay girl:i need space boy:okay just one meter girl: no i"m not kidding boy:i know girl:my mother hate's you boy:i hate her too.! girl:we are now break boy:okay i"m hungry lets eat! girl:you don't understand me boy:no i"m understand you girl:you are philosopher i hate you boy:what? girl:nothing at the end of the story they loved each other

thumb_up thumb_down -26

why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

thumb_up thumb_down +78

Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

thumb_up thumb_down -20

He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

thumb_up thumb_down -25

- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

thumb_up thumb_down +412

- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

thumb_up thumb_down +261

Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down -118

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

thumb_up thumb_down -138

does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!