Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

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"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

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Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

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I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

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If you were a Pokemon I'd choose you!

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Drunken man: Hey sexy ;) what is such a pretty thing doing in this shitty place? wanna come home with me? Nun: I am a nun! And this is a church! Drunken man: I know dammit im not THAT drunk... so what do you say? Nun: Uh... okay...

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

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I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

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What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

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Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

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Boy : Gurle: hi

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!