(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

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Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

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Hey, you want a ride?

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

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Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

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Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

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Hey did you fall from Heaven? Cos I think you are angel. If I'd fallen from anywhere that high I'd be in hospital with serious injuries or dead. Do the logic.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!