Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

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How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

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SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda. WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die? SYLVIA: I froze to death. WANDA: How horrible! SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. SYLVIA: So, what happened? WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer ---we'd both still be alive....?

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- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

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- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

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You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

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Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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At a huge bar only known as Castlevania... Woman: Get lost loser! Why would I wont pay you "tribute" you pervert! Man: It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh.... I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute! Woman: What do you mean? You are totally insane and make no sense at all! Man: Perhaps the same could be said of ALL religions.,, Woman: You are quite the nutjob man... Man: What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk... Have at you! Woman: EEEK! Man: But what is this? Did I just attack a woman wearing a cross? Is your last name Belmont? Woman: Yeah So? Is there a problem with my HOLY CROSS! *Man on fire*: WHAT? THIS CANNOT BE! ARGH!!!!!!! Moral: Die monster! You don't belong in this world!

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I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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