You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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Man: Wanna come to my place? Woman: Maybe if you take of the ski-mask and black clothing... Man: But then you'll ruin the surprise! :(

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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male- are you from Tenessee female- why? am I the only ten you see? male- no, i was just going to say you look a little inbred.

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-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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Nice legs what time do they open

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Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

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Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

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Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!