are you from subway cause you givin me a footlong

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Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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Nice legs what time do they open

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

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MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

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Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

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Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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Macho Man: Release the BOGUS! Woman: What? Super Macho Man: Never mind... no one will get this anyways... wanna go to McDonalds and get a Little Mac? Woman: Ok but I want a Big mac! Macho Man: What is a Big mac? Is it stronger than a little Mac? Woman: Huh? What do you mean? Macho Man: Sigh... and I actually fought Mike Tyson you know... Woman: So you are a boxer huh? Who are you gonna fight next? Macho Man: Sigh... Mr.Dream... Woman: Who the hell is that? Macho Man: a nobody...

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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Man: Wow girl, you are so hot you remind me of my wife when she was young.. wanna come to my place for a quick one before she comes back? Girl: Sigh... this AGAIN? I told you! If you are gonna get that drunk, get out of our home and go to a bar daddy!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

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Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!