- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

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Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

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If you were a Pokemon I'd choose you!

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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Guy enters a bar: Guy: I have some really bad self-esteem and would really apreciate if someone would give me a chance and... Gorgeous woman: Hey, I would love to get to know you, and maybe take you home and... Guy: WHAT? THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME! I CANT HANDLE IT! HEEEEEEEEEEELP! (Runs out of bar screaming)

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

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You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

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You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

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are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Batman bravely leaps in front of the Robin: Bats: WATCH OUT FOR THAT GAY-RAY! *Bats suddenly grabs Robin and starts making out with him* Bats: I am sorry, I cannot stop it... I... Robin: I am underage so maybe it was a pedo-ray or something... Joker: What gay ray? What pedo ray? It was suppose to disintegrate you! But whatever, I win. Moral: It was a looong trip back home.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!