If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

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Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

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-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

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boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

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Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

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free candy....

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

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Stable relationships are for horses.

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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Batman enters a bar: Batman: Ladies... I am Batman... *everyone runs out screaming* Batman: *facepalm* Moral: Want to be feared? Well what did you expect? Who I am? Are you dense? Retarded or something? I am the goddamn Moral-Man!

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Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

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girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!