Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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Guy: Can I have your number ? Girl: We are six.

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girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

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your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

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hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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Drunk guy with high standards part 3: Man: Dunno woman... you are so big and... and... FAT and really huge and stuff but... well... uh.. you are still really damn hot so lets do it! Man: YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Astronauts: Did that guy really eject himself towards the sun? Moral: At least he was right about the really hot part... and that ladies and gentlemen, is the terrible end of the amazing drunk man with high standards, you can read the whole series just by clicking onwards trough my comments and give em a thumbs ups just as you go along.. otherwise they will show up... mean they wo..

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Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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Come lay your head upon my chest. (After a moment) Perhaps you'd be more comfortable onmy stomache (pushes head down)

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Hey wanna smash pissers?

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HELLO I AM BORAT! MISHIMUSH! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THE MOVIE OF MAKING THE RAPE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN! WILL YOU HELP US? Woman: NO!!!!!! Oh... ok Mishimush! We make the other Movie then, BORAT THE CRUSHINGS OF AMERICA.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!