Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

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Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

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man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

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“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

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Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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That King that said: Kill all male babies... Lets say he was a teenager? Moral: Excellent job son, but you see, sharing is caring, have a victory drink!... Thing is... I don't care... rest well...For eternity... Hughman Heffer... The seed has been sown... you got nothing on me...

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Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

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-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

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Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

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If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

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Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

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Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

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Want to go out? No

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- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

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Guy: You look like a suitable mate and I'd thoroughly enjoy engaging in rough, sweaty sex with you and your lady parts.

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Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

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Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!