-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

thumb_up thumb_down +106

Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

thumb_up thumb_down -127

Vader getting it on ;): My sexual prowress overcomes even the power of the dark side. Can you even have sex? ... Uh... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

thumb_up thumb_down +89

Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

thumb_up thumb_down -84

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Man enters bar: Man: is there any... I mean ANY woman that would not instantly reject me here? If there is, I would like her... or in worst case scenario, HIM that she/he is very special to me and has the most beautiful eyes ever... THANK YOU

thumb_up thumb_down -31

There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

I'd hit that.... with a truck.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

thumb_up thumb_down +36

guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

thumb_up thumb_down +51

-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

thumb_up thumb_down +55

If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

thumb_up thumb_down -167

Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Man: Well... you seem female enough at least... wanna come home? Woman?: Uh... well... okay ;) But I am a man thought ;) Man: That is disgusting! I am so ashamed! Not Woman: Oh, well sorry :(.. Man: So... as I said you SEEM female enough so wanna come home? The other man: :D I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ASKED ME! ITS SO BEAUTIFUL... so well... NO! Man: This is not getting anywhere is it? Author. NO!

thumb_up thumb_down +67

“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

thumb_up thumb_down -65

I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

thumb_up thumb_down -64

What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!