Sung to the melody of Ozzy`s: "Moral Man" HEES THE MORAL MAN, IIIS HEE MORAL OR IS HE DEAD? HEES THE MORAL MAN AAARE THERE MORALS INSIDE HIS HEEAD. Moral: NOOO THERE ISNT! ONLY IMMORAL INSIDE! AND ILL KEEP POSTING, ONLY TO CRUSH YOUR INSIDES! *guitar solo begins*

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Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

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You look... clean

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

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"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

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guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

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Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

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I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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haha

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Glass Basketball

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Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

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Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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