Whatever I'll just date myself.

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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This is what Nero calls for his "destroyer" not sure if I should consider that flattering, he thinks so anyways, he just wants to say, that why the fuck are people suddenly scared of looooooooooooooooooooooong messages on the interbewbs. "No leave it be, interbewsbs sounds prefect" Nero The Hero "FINAL FRESH" What Nero And Vagina shouts? :)) Something is off here but he has passed out again :)) "God woman, you suck at pop cultural quotes" Nero, the fucklord (omg, he is crazy, gotta love this guy) "thanks" Nero the grateful. "I Ask you if you know who I am by saying "ITS ME MARIO and you still do not know what name is? THe red plumber Nintendo HIS NAME IS MARIO!?" Nero The (fucking annoyed at me) :)) Sorry guys just having fun. "THOU SHALL NEVER APOLOGIzE FOR THE WORD OF NERO" -Nero insists, I mean the LORD OF DARKNESS INSISTS "Can we fucking stop making quotes of me now? All the girls are laughing at me, WHY AM I SO DEFEATED!" Last quote added without his consent

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My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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I've got candy.

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If your happy and you know it clap your hands!! What if I lost my hands in Nam while I was singing this song and a plane killed my friend causing me to ct off both of my hands?

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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I'll punch ya!

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man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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Pointless truth? Man: Hey, there is always a really slutty dressed woman at every bar with a cowboy hat, fake tits and really spread legs, why? Woman: To get ignored. Moral: SUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!

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Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!