"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

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How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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I hate you already.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

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Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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Get in the van.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

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Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

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Male: Get in the van.

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

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Every kiss begins with K ;) Yeah to bad ugly begins with U

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!