Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

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Do you live around here often?

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Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

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Vader getting it on ;): My sexual prowress overcomes even the power of the dark side. Can you even have sex? ... Uh... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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my dick is 2 inches

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

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Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

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-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

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You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

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"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!