I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

thumb_up thumb_down +149

Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: *sparkly eyes* So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... *steps to whisper in her ear* ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

thumb_up thumb_down -92

Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

thumb_up thumb_down +87

Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Boy: You know, just because one is beautiful does not mean that she is intelligent. Girl: Really? Boy: Yeah. But I'd like to tell you that you're a very good exception. Girl: Do you really think so? Boy: Of course! You're already ugly, yet you're so incredibly stupid!

thumb_up thumb_down -54

man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

thumb_up thumb_down -50

It rubs the lotion onto it's skin

thumb_up thumb_down -68

wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

thumb_up thumb_down +156

In a classy bar: KEEP IT CLASSY! Man: Hello there dear... your eyes sparkle like the sun itself... Woman: Oh... thank you random stranger, that is the most beautiful thing someone have ever said to me :D Man: Really? But you are gorgeous (the two proceed to have a long CLASSY conversation and laughing in a classy reserved matter and drinking classy champagne and whatever... and then: Man: Ahahaha yes that is indeed true... By the way... would you mind becoming the single lonely mother of my children? Moral: skipped most of school classes... class ... overrated...

thumb_up thumb_down +21

M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Male: Hey babe! Wanna come to my house for a party? Female: Sorry! Don't have my herpes shot!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

thumb_up thumb_down -71

So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

thumb_up thumb_down +36

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +92

You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

thumb_up thumb_down +2

(Based on a few real life experiences) Man: Hey girl wanna hang out an.. Girl: OMG IMMA ORGASMIN YES I COME WIT YOU AND WE HAVE WILD SAX IN MAH DERTY PUSSY AND THEN YOU LIKK MY ASS GOOD AND CLEEN! Man: Uh... I think I left my wallet im my pocket... which I think is in my fridge.. at home... gotta go before the house burns down you know... "runs off"

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Order Online Nightwear and short shop online in India

thumb_up thumb_down -146

Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

thumb_up thumb_down -95

ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

thumb_up thumb_down -21

My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!