How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

are you from subway cause you givin me a footlong

Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

Man: Hey you look good enough to do Woman: Oh really because so does my 8 foot boyfriend. Man: ... Woman: Do you want me to pick him up from the gym?

Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

You're like chocolate pudding. You look like crap.

Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

I'm desperate, you'll do.

Hey wanna smash pissers?

you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

-Hi Honey I'm home! -I'm not talking to you! -Oh, Okay. -Don't you want to know why? -No, I trust and respect your decision dear

Boy- Did it hurt when you fell- Girl- From heaven?!? AWWW <3 Boy- No the whore tree when you banged every guy on the way down.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!