man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

A man comes home from his doctor and tells his wife that he only has 12 hours to live so he asks his wife later that night if they can do it one last time she agrees but after an hour the man wakes his wife and says honey in a few hours I will be dead can we do it again please. So they do it again a few hours later the man wakes his wife again and says dearest since I'm going to die soon can we please? to this the wife says look honey tomorrow I have to get up you don't!

Man: Hey you look good enough to do Woman: Oh really because so does my 8 foot boyfriend. Man: ... Woman: Do you want me to pick him up from the gym?

Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

Man: GET IN THE VAN! Woman: NO! Man: Well... How about the Limo? Its got beverages and caviar and... Woman: OOH :D Moral: Always go for the limo first,

guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

Hi I'm Shaniqua.

Drink this!

Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!