- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: *sigh* Did what hurt? (Expecting him to say "When you fell from heaven") Boy: When you broke through the earths crust, ascending from hell.

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Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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girl:go away! boy:okay girl:i need space boy:okay just one meter girl: no i"m not kidding boy:i know girl:my mother hate's you boy:i hate her too.! girl:we are now break boy:okay i"m hungry lets eat! girl:you don't understand me boy:no i"m understand you girl:you are philosopher i hate you boy:what? girl:nothing at the end of the story they loved each other

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No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

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Guy: Do you like me? Girl: No Guy: ..... Girl: You didn't ask me if I loved you! Guy: Do you love me? :D Girl: No

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Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

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Drunken man: Hey sexy ;) what is such a pretty thing doing in this shitty place? wanna come home with me? Nun: I am a nun! And this is a church! Drunken man: I know dammit im not THAT drunk... so what do you say? Nun: Uh... okay...

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-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

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I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!