McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

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Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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Me: Have you ever dreamed, of owning a thousand sparkly gems? Woman: No why? You got some? Me: No, but now but now we can dream together t under the sparkling stars under the sky... Moral: Hey, she said aww... And touched my hand before chatting with her friend... and as I turned my hand... was a piece of paper, with a written number...

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

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Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!