Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

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Business Y U No Advertise?

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Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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You're hot, I'm ugly. Lets make average babies.

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cockface

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I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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Man: Hey... wanna join me at my big mansion and have a friendly discussion? Girl: A mansion eh? Well.. sure! At the mansion: Man: MUAHAHAHAHA! I am gonna r@pe you! Girl: NO PLEASE! I am not drun.. uh not ready yet! 5 minutes later: Woman: OUCH! ouchie! That hurts! Stop it! ITS TOO HARD! Man: HAHA AND TAKE THIS GRAPE! AND THIS GRAPE! Oh... never mind this is one has turned a raisin... AND THIS GRAPE!... so uh... anyway wanna move on to the "lovers room" later? Want some more Champagne by the way? AND THIS GRAPE, AND THIS ONE IS REALLY BIG AND HARD! GET READY! Woman: Yeah sure... sigh... just get done with this weirdness already... damn these eccentric millionaires... OUCH! OOF!

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... *gets up and leaves* Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

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Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

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In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!