- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

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Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

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The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

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Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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Yo girl... My feelings keep growing, I just have to say it, but it might be too soon, it might even risk our friendship. Awww, just say it. Ok girl, I hate you more for every day, you fucking ugly bitch, if it where not for your money, id leave right away. Moral: Its not about what you want, its about what you need, therefore I decided I only need whatever I want, case closed.

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Still a better love story than Twilight

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-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

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Are you from Wales, because...well...

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Man: "Let's play Titanic. You'll be the Titanic, and I'll be the iceberg making you go down." Woman: "That would be a massive disaster."

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Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

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Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

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jack sanders

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HI, DO YOU KNOW WHY THEY CALL ME DOCTOR RABBIT THE HYMEN DESTROYER? Nero the clit collector: Actually this works pretty good, just wear a random rabbit costume, cut a hole where your CAWCK is, and make sure they are girls under twelve or below (because it kinda loses its meaning with little boys but fuck it anyways, yeah fuck it! FUCK IT TO THE LIMIT!) I work at a daycare center: Because I care.

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-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

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You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!