Hitler: Hey Mädchen, du bist Jude? Girl: What? Hitler: Ärmel hochkrempeln, ich brauche deine Nummer.

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

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Guy: Hey baby, did you come by car? Girl: No I walked. Guy: Well I can make you come in mine.

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-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

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Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

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Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

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M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

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It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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"Hmm...you'll do."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!