Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

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-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

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If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

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Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

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Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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Big Black Guy: Yo, whats your name there sexy? My name is Tyrone Bigs Dicks, but my NBA teammates call me Mr.BigDingDong, I play for the HUGE Chicago BIGC0cks if I seem familiar to you ;),... Woman: Wow, awesome ;) and why do they call you that? Big Black Guy:Sigh... I was afraid you would ask... I actually got no idea... But I do not think there are any Big HUGE hard facts... Woman: :/ Big Black Guy: Where you going? Hey! Moral: Lol cannot stop laughing myself! "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WE PRESENT TO YOU THE HUGE CHICAGO BIGC0CKS!

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Stable relationships are for horses.

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Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

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Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!