Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

thumb_up thumb_down +22

-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

thumb_up thumb_down +127

What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

thumb_up thumb_down +66

At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

thumb_up thumb_down +134

- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

thumb_up thumb_down +1

- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

thumb_up thumb_down +102

Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

thumb_up thumb_down +38

A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

thumb_up thumb_down -93

- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Man: So you will come home with me later? Girl: Sure! Man: Great then ill just go find more women I can bang later in the meantime... Moral: Depending of the kind of woman, this is of no consequence...

thumb_up thumb_down -87

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

thumb_up thumb_down -28

If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

thumb_up thumb_down +77

guy: can i rape you? girl: No Guy: great that means any sex we have from now on is consensual, thanks

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

thumb_up thumb_down +95

Big Black Guy: Yo, whats your name there sexy? My name is Tyrone Bigs Dicks, but my NBA teammates call me Mr.BigDingDong, I play for the HUGE Chicago BIGC0cks if I seem familiar to you ;),... Woman: Wow, awesome ;) and why do they call you that? Big Black Guy:Sigh... I was afraid you would ask... I actually got no idea... But I do not think there are any Big HUGE hard facts... Woman: :/ Big Black Guy: Where you going? Hey! Moral: Lol cannot stop laughing myself! "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WE PRESENT TO YOU THE HUGE CHICAGO BIGC0CKS!

thumb_up thumb_down +137

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!