Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Girl: Hey, why don't you and I go out to dinner? Guy: Thanks, but if I wanted to watch a whore stuff her face full of meat, I'd just load up Redtube.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Black dude at bar: HERE COMES THE COLE-TRAIN BABY! WANNA RIDE! Girl: So I assume your name is Cole right? Dude: Uh... actually no but... WAIT! where are you going!

thumb_up thumb_down -93

Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

thumb_up thumb_down +133

so... you're a girl,huh?

thumb_up thumb_down +6

your boobs are bigger than my nose

thumb_up thumb_down +28

- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Man: Honestly! I am just desperate, and besides you are damn hot! Woman: Lets go to your place ;) Moral: This works, the anti-part is that no one will believe me nor try it themselves... Incredible how the easiest way is the least used...

thumb_up thumb_down +86

Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

thumb_up thumb_down -54

I take the the out of psychotherapist

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

thumb_up thumb_down -152

knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

thumb_up thumb_down -115

The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

thumb_up thumb_down +109

-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

thumb_up thumb_down -59

- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

thumb_up thumb_down +95

TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

thumb_up thumb_down -43

- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

thumb_up thumb_down -86

Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down -122

Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

thumb_up thumb_down +92

Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!