Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

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Man: Wanna see the best pick up line ever? Its an ancient secret kept for millions of years! Girl: SURE! Man: It only reveals to the fully drunk though so lets get drinking.. Girl: uh... okay... I guess.. Man: Drunk enough? Girl: Ulp... you betcha weird man! Man: Ok its hidden at my place so lets go! Girl: WOHOO!

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That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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Man: Hey sweetie, can I take you home tonight? Girl: No thanks, my dad's gonna be here any minute.

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Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

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Man: Honestly! I am just desperate, and besides you are damn hot! Woman: Lets go to your place ;) Moral: This works, the anti-part is that no one will believe me nor try it themselves... Incredible how the easiest way is the least used...

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

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My therapist says I should meet new people.

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Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

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Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

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Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

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Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

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There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

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Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

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does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Man: Wanna go to my home and have sex? Woman: Well... OK! Man: Wow you are easy!... wait! Where are you going? COME BACK! Moral: They are not easy, they just like a man with balls... and you where obviously not one of them... LAME OVER.

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!