Man: Hello there young lady, I am Elton John and I would very much like to have sex with you! Girl: OMG ITS... Wait! Wow you look a lot like him! But you cannot be real lol *leaves* Man: Man... I look and dress just like him! What could have gone wrong? Man getting the operation cost me a fortune too! Next time I am gonna try Freddie Mercury! Moral: "Dats gay Fifthy cen... I mean Gangstalicious!"

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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-I love you.

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

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Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

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Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

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It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

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"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

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If your happy and you know it clap your hands!! What if I lost my hands in Nam while I was singing this song and a plane killed my friend causing me to ct off both of my hands?

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if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

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Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

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I'm a black belt at pretty much everything, Karate, Larate, Jiu-Jitsu, Kickpunching, Beltmaking, Taekwondo.........bedroom...|:D ~Rick, the Adventure Sphere

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!