Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

thumb_up thumb_down +95

Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

thumb_up thumb_down +98

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down +107

my dick is 2 inches

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

greetings clarisse...

thumb_up thumb_down +112

Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

thumb_up thumb_down -85

do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

thumb_up thumb_down -75

ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

thumb_up thumb_down -27

I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

thumb_up thumb_down -129

Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

thumb_up thumb_down -121

Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

thumb_up thumb_down

Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Lol, again I am on a adrenaline... well let me be subtle... GANGBANGING WITH ANAL, PUSSY, TWO GIRLS FIGHTING OVER ONE COCK (Ladies there is enough down there to share)... ...Anyway, it reminds me of when I was 21, and I was like "You know what? Threesomes and that kinda stuff is nice and all, but I am a grown up now and... ...TSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSs Today I am 32, Married, (Hey my wife is into stuff, so its not cheating if she is the one enjoying while I videotape sometimes okay? (Never on cam, you crazy? You cant sell that shit! Okay I am kidding, the collection is personal) Ps: Seriously girls, one thing is that you smear yourself with my cumshots okay? But Hugging me afterwards? DATS SICK! (Name is Nero, I am not black, I am Hispanic, Latino Sexy... Well, actually when I take a look in the mirror I go, "meh well some guys got the looks"... ...I wont lie though, either my looks dont matter shite, or girls really like it...

thumb_up thumb_down -86

A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Man: How much does a polar bear weight? Girl: No idea... Man: Me either... By the way! Did you hear of the great blahblahblahblah that did blahalblahblah! Moral: Breaking the ice... easier than it seems...

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

thumb_up thumb_down -37

On line post: Woman: HELLO! I love you, I am from Russia and find you particularly handsome and rich I am certain you could take care of me and I will do anything for you ;) here are some nice pictures I have never met someone as fantastic as you please contact me! (revealing pictures.gif) additional information: This message has been sent to 100.000 other recipients. FAIL! Moral: And I had not even moved out from my parents home yet... rich enough my ass...

thumb_up thumb_down -49

He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

thumb_up thumb_down -24

-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

thumb_up thumb_down +104

Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!