On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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Dont let this rape turn into a murder

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

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Girl: You look so happy, I am glad this is working out. Freud: Maaaaan I was just thinking about fucking my mom! Moral: Sickman Fraud.

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Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

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I've got a black belt in lovin'.

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Are your prices by the hour

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

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Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

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Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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Man: did you just fart cuz you blew me away! Woman: actually I did, sorry if it smells I had enchiladas for lunch.

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Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!