-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

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One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

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- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

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Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

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on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

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hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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