Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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"You'll do."

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

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The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

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sex me.

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together -The order of the alphabet is arbitrary. It's not my fault that you kept U and I apart.

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damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!