when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

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Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

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Hey, do you want to dance? No.

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Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

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girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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HEY BITCH! GET YOUR ASS HOME AND GIVE ME A THUMBS UPS AT HORSEHEAD NETWORK! Moral: And be rewarded ;) (unless you are fucking ugly, then you still get the gift of voting me whatever way you want)

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You're like chocolate pudding. You look like crap.

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

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Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

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Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

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Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

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Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

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Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

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You know, I had a great pickup line, but I just forgot it.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!