Do you believe in angels? Cool, what about goblins?

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i would drag my balls through miles of broken glass, just to hear you fart through a walkey-talkey

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It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

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HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

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I love Mark Wahlberg!

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-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

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I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

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What happens when you run over a mexican? The country gets one less illegal immigrant.

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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

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Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

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So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

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With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

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I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

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- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

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Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!