"You'll do."

thumb_up thumb_down +127

Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

thumb_up thumb_down -57

"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

thumb_up thumb_down +69

"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

thumb_up thumb_down +44

At a moral man bar... "the most awesome place on earth": Man: I thumb down my comments now, and somehow they end up thumbed the next day... Woman: Uh... what comments? Moral: Be specific... or at least dont brag to pick up chicks... now if you wanna be yourself and could not give shit about the rest, then go ahead! It will actually improve your chances!

thumb_up thumb_down +154

Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

thumb_up thumb_down -10

The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

thumb_up thumb_down +60

-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

thumb_up thumb_down +443

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together -The order of the alphabet is arbitrary. It's not my fault that you kept U and I apart.

thumb_up thumb_down +72

-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

thumb_up thumb_down -19

the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

thumb_up thumb_down -91

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

thumb_up thumb_down +65

Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

thumb_up thumb_down -125

Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

thumb_up thumb_down -24

GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

thumb_up thumb_down +82

M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

thumb_up thumb_down +137

good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

thumb_up thumb_down -102

if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

thumb_up thumb_down +18

-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!