Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

thumb_up thumb_down +139

-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

thumb_up thumb_down +14

hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

thumb_up thumb_down +95

At a huge bar only known as Castlevania... Woman: Get lost loser! Why would I wont pay you "tribute" you pervert! Man: It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh.... I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute! Woman: What do you mean? You are totally insane and make no sense at all! Man: Perhaps the same could be said of ALL religions.,, Woman: You are quite the nutjob man... Man: What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk... Have at you! Woman: EEEK! Man: But what is this? Did I just attack a woman wearing a cross? Is your last name Belmont? Woman: Yeah So? Is there a problem with my HOLY CROSS! *Man on fire*: WHAT? THIS CANNOT BE! ARGH!!!!!!! Moral: Die monster! You don't belong in this world!

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

thumb_up thumb_down +140

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

thumb_up thumb_down +21

- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

thumb_up thumb_down +167

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

thumb_up thumb_down +139

Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

thumb_up thumb_down

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

thumb_up thumb_down +117

-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

thumb_up thumb_down -183

I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Nice hair, can I pull it?

thumb_up thumb_down -16

-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

thumb_up thumb_down +193

Guy: Theres this girl and Ive been meaning to ask her something... Girl: I bet I know who it is ;D Guy: Oh good. So is your mom available on Friday?

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

thumb_up thumb_down -8

"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

thumb_up thumb_down +78

I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

thumb_up thumb_down +349

Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

thumb_up thumb_down +98

Hey did you fall from Heaven? Cos I think you are angel. If I'd fallen from anywhere that high I'd be in hospital with serious injuries or dead. Do the logic.

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!