Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

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Eat me, I'm organic!

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What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

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so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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Man: Lets have some fun ;) Woman: Sure! Man: Starts telling jokes. Woman: Funny but I thought... Man: What? Woman: Well its a bit uh... silly of me but I thought that we where getting at your place, having a drink and... Man: What? I said fun, not date rape! Woman: Wow... this is really getting nowhere is it? Author: Hell no! Moral: This "anti-pickup" was not even finished and you want a moral too? Pssssssssssssssssshhhhh....

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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Moral: Hey, how you doing? ;) Woman: Moral? Are you that guy that signs all his posts on horsecrapz network and adds miscellaneous notes? Moral: Yep that's me ;) Woman: OMG LIKE EWWW! Id never do you! Moral: Uh, when did even make such a suggestion? Moral:Well I am married...

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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free candy....

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!