Man: Wanna go to my home and have sex? Woman: Well... OK! Man: Wow you are easy!... wait! Where are you going? COME BACK! Moral: They are not easy, they just like a man with balls... and you where obviously not one of them... LAME OVER.

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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Women love it when you kiss their neck. Just not while they are driving and while you're in the back seat and when they don't know you...

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Me 17 years old: Hey, girl, you are hot how old are you? Girl: 14. Me: What but you have enormous... Never mind, uh nice evening huh?... My friend: Big boobs on er huh? I would have hit on her too had it not been for... Me: Shut up... Crap! Moral: That was a crappy day!

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I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

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Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

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Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

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-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

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Hey babe, if you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you. Oh really? Because if you were a pokemon, I'd fight you, win and not even bother to capture you.

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

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I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!