Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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Man: Desperate for sex? Woman: Actually, kinda... Man: Great! Woman: :D Man: Because you see, my grandpa is dying of aids and wants to spread his disease so part of him can live in... Where you going? Moral: Desperate for sex? Too bad I have a pulmonary infection rite nao.

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Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

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-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

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Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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Still a better love story than Twilight

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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Man enters bar: Man: is there any... I mean ANY woman that would not instantly reject me here? If there is, I would like her... or in worst case scenario, HIM that she/he is very special to me and has the most beautiful eyes ever... THANK YOU

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men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

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I think I shit myself

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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Handsome rich looking man: I would like to take you somewhere nice, maybe watch a movie at the cinema, then we could go to my place and have a romantic dinner.. finally... Girl: YES YES! Man: as I was saying... Finally I can make sweet love with your dog...if its fine by you... Girl: wtf?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!