- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

thumb_up thumb_down +345

- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

thumb_up thumb_down -522

GET IN THE VAN!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -49

- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

thumb_up thumb_down +8

- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

thumb_up thumb_down +447

-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

thumb_up thumb_down -574

-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

thumb_up thumb_down +346

(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

thumb_up thumb_down -1,176

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

thumb_up thumb_down +141

-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

thumb_up thumb_down -247

-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

thumb_up thumb_down +199

- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

thumb_up thumb_down -806

- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +454

He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

thumb_up thumb_down -1,031

Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

thumb_up thumb_down -83

- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down -217

-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

thumb_up thumb_down -937

Hey girl, you must have fallen from heaven, because you're so old you should have died already and so ugly that they must have kicked you out as soon as you got there.

thumb_up thumb_down +84

- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

thumb_up thumb_down +447

Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

thumb_up thumb_down -167

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

thumb_up thumb_down +246

You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

thumb_up thumb_down -86

M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

thumb_up thumb_down +84

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!