M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

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Man- How much do 2 polar bears weigh? Woman- I don't know? Man- Enough to break the ice, heyy.(;

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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Do you live around here often?

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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Man trying to be smart: Man: HELP THERE IS A GIANT BOMB DOWN MY PANTS! ITS BULGING AND ITS GONNA EXPLODE KILLING US ALL! Nurse: ILL REMOVE IT! GRABS "EXPLOSIVE EQUIPMENT" AND RIPS IT OFF" Nurse: Weird this organic bomb looks like a peni.. Man: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG Moral: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRHhhhhhhhhhhhhhgEsgRSGRSRfRSfSFSr

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

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I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

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I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

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You look... clean

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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Guy: Have you ever been to Thailand? Girl: No Guy: Well maybe I should take you to Bangkok

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What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!