- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

thumb_up thumb_down +98

If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

thumb_up thumb_down -30

And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

thumb_up thumb_down -58

can i take a dump in your mouth?

thumb_up thumb_down -123

are you on fire?

thumb_up thumb_down -67

What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Babe your dad is an terorist because your a real bomb !!!

thumb_up thumb_down -40

(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

thumb_up thumb_down +100

Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

thumb_up thumb_down +88

Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

thumb_up thumb_down +78

the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Man: *Pokes Woman* Ouch! You burned me! Woman: How did I burn you? Man: Because you're just THAT hot. ;) Woman: *Pokes Man* Well it's too bad you're not.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

You look... clean

thumb_up thumb_down +102

Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +133

Man: Desperate for sex? Woman: Actually, kinda... Man: Great! Woman: :D Man: Because you see, my grandpa is dying of aids and wants to spread his disease so part of him can live in... Where you going? Moral: Desperate for sex? Too bad I have a pulmonary infection rite nao.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

thumb_up thumb_down -76

Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

Nero: My name is Nero... Woman: Why I mean you aint black? Nero: Sure about that? Moral: In the Darkness... We are all the same...

thumb_up thumb_down +94

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!