At a bar (for originality`s sake :P) Man: Hello would you want to come home with me and uckucukucekcuah cough... AAAAAARRrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh (dies of heart attack) Woman: Wow that was an original line, ok ill come home with you... err... hello... uh... is everything okay? Moral: Despite this "joke" death is rarely a good pickup line.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

thumb_up thumb_down +118

Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

thumb_up thumb_down +70

-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

thumb_up thumb_down +201

TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

thumb_up thumb_down -49

You look... clean

thumb_up thumb_down +115

That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

thumb_up thumb_down +76

You're hot, I'm ugly. Lets make average babies.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Have you met Ted?

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

thumb_up thumb_down +24

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

thumb_up thumb_down +115

For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

thumb_up thumb_down -104

Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

thumb_up thumb_down -116

Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

"My mom won't be home for hours..."

thumb_up thumb_down +40

-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

thumb_up thumb_down +103

Man: Wanna come to my place? Woman: Maybe if you take of the ski-mask and black clothing... Man: But then you'll ruin the surprise! :(

thumb_up thumb_down -60

I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!