Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

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-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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Nice hair, can I pull it?

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MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is *zip* FEMALE: *gurgle gurgle* *scream*

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Guy: Hey baby, did you come by car? Girl: No I walked. Guy: Well I can make you come in mine.

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Man:Yeah, hey yo I'm feelin' like Ray Charles I got my shades on, I don't know where they are You couldn't find me even if you had a radar And I spit rapidly AKAR! Woman: OK ok so you claim to be Ray Charles and all, not that you look like him nor have the same voice... but tell me, how the hell did Ray Charles himself manage to get himself stuck in the ladies sauna room eh? Man: To catch the sight of them boobies! I mean... uh... I do not know young lady, I must feel my way out of here, I hmm... no, this is too soft and round to be a doorknob, and this one is too big and round... hmm... maybe if I try lower I will... oh excuse the pole its my walking stick which I keep in my pants...

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Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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Guy: Do you like me? Girl: No Guy: ..... Girl: You didn't ask me if I loved you! Guy: Do you love me? :D Girl: No

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

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Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

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Put the lotion on the skin!

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roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

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Man: did you just fart cuz you blew me away! Woman: actually I did, sorry if it smells I had enchiladas for lunch.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!