-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

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Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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It's not Rape* If you yell surprise.

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Lady: Is your name REAAAAAAAAALLY Moral? Moral: Stupid big titted bimbo... seems im getting laid tonight...just like I was today, and by midday and... yeah lie.. I mean brag a lot I do not have sex THAT many times a day... okay I lied again... Anyway vote me for president at least I am honest... well actually that was a lie but...

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- Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you? There is no response because she passed out from it and he leaves in order to void suspicion.

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Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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I'll eat your poop

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Guy: Theres this girl and Ive been meaning to ask her something... Girl: I bet I know who it is ;D Guy: Oh good. So is your mom available on Friday?

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BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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Still a better love story than Twilight

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!