Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

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Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

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If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd probably leave it as is, seems to be working OK just fine without my internvention. And imagine the work it'd create in terms of all the re-filing alone. Librarians would have apoplexy, and if I came out I was responsible..well, there'd be hell to pay. No, thank you, but no thank you, the alphabet can stay as it is, no matter how hot your body.

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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Man at bar: Hey girls... want my banana in your pajamas? ;) ;) ;) Girls: YEAH! Man: "thinks for himself..."... man I never get this reaction from girls.. you are a bunch of skanks and sluts... (leaves the bar) In the end, we are never happy with what we get are we? yeah... this is kinda the moral of this story... (Ps: My banana in your pajamas... I got a girlfriend, but someday Im gonna try that pick up line... hahahaha

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

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Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

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Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

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Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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If your happy and you know it clap your hands!! What if I lost my hands in Nam while I was singing this song and a plane killed my friend causing me to ct off both of my hands?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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