Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

thumb_up thumb_down -47

-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

thumb_up thumb_down +80

I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

thumb_up thumb_down +135

hey baby i just came in my pants

thumb_up thumb_down

Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

thumb_up thumb_down +78

I DROPPED MY LAPTOP IN THE RIVER IT WAS ADELE ROLLING IN THE DEEP ( A DELL ROLLING IN THE DEEP)

thumb_up thumb_down -76

Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

thumb_up thumb_down +40

This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

thumb_up thumb_down +25

BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

thumb_up thumb_down +109

M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

thumb_up thumb_down +73

Is it true you black men are as hung as a horse? Uh lady, no idea I like ignore their stuff. Yeah but you know, I seen a lot of them and they are huge and look salty an... Woman! Im so outta here! Moral: Now the man is goin! C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

thumb_up thumb_down -105

I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -1

-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

thumb_up thumb_down +66

Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Guy:I invented troll face oh yea! Girl:you gave my daughter nightmares for weeks you b****!(throws drink in face)

thumb_up thumb_down

-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

thumb_up thumb_down +57

Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!