Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

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MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

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- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

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Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is *zip* FEMALE: *gurgle gurgle* *scream*

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

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Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

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I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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Man... MAN! Sorry if I just skimmed that last message dude, but if you getting me that shit, you are my fucking God, you got a new custom engine or something? Whatever man, im getting over there right now, Son, I might actually try the towing trick, because that might make me arrive at your place (no worries wont tell anyone where your playboy mansion is at) but you still got it there right? MORAL MORAL MORAL MORAL... Oh and no, id never ever use that piece of shit I used to call a car in the forest, if you are serious man, ill take the damn cab! I mean man, I just cant wait to tell the beardy little faggot at the carshop to stick that yeah "car" up his gay ass! Seriously dude, my phone aint working but that can wait, you really mean I can have the car? Seriously, how much? I got some money.

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Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

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I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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