Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

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Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

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-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

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-how much does a polar bear way. -half as much as you (for fat girls)

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-Get in the Van

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

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Man: Wanna come to my place? Woman: Maybe if you take of the ski-mask and black clothing... Man: But then you'll ruin the surprise! :(

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- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

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Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

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Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

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Hey babe, are your parents arseholes? Because your the shit.

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Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!