You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

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Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

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MAN: Did it hurt? WOMAN: Did what hurt? MAN: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? WOMAN: Did it hurt when you were dropped as a baby?

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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Woman: Hey is it true you black men have big penises? Black Man: Hell yeah woman! Mine is so big, its at least three times longer than my fist and at least 4 times as wide! Lets go get some hoe! Woman: Uh... well uh... its just that... uh... Moral: Be careful for what you wish for, when fantasy becomes reality... it may hurt....

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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Hey girl, I May not be Fred Flinstone but I can make your bed rock! ;)

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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Man... MAN! Sorry if I just skimmed that last message dude, but if you getting me that shit, you are my fucking God, you got a new custom engine or something? Whatever man, im getting over there right now, Son, I might actually try the towing trick, because that might make me arrive at your place (no worries wont tell anyone where your playboy mansion is at) but you still got it there right? MORAL MORAL MORAL MORAL... Oh and no, id never ever use that piece of shit I used to call a car in the forest, if you are serious man, ill take the damn cab! I mean man, I just cant wait to tell the beardy little faggot at the carshop to stick that yeah "car" up his gay ass! Seriously dude, my phone aint working but that can wait, you really mean I can have the car? Seriously, how much? I got some money.

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

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Honestly bitch, I hate you, but my balls are bursting so its either you or the next disgusting ugly bitch in line, my mom!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!