Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

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You're so hot I'd do you sober.

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

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Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

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I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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I wish my sister was as hot as you.

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Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

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Man: Hey lady, wanna come home with me? Woman: A man like you :D would ask a woman like me? I... I cannot believe it... sniff... excuse me this is so beautiful... ;D I want to of course of course I want to... Man: Want to? Woman: Tell you to go screw yourself moron! Man: But you said beautiful as you looked into my eyes and seemed so happy... Woman: Yes I was looking at my reflection in your eyes to avoid having to look at your disgustingly ugly face! REJECTED like a SONIC BOOM! (now that one was for the non lesb... I mean non drunk women, see? I am quite equal, even to the weaker, yet hot gender)

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!