Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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Man trying to be smart: Man: HELP THERE IS A GIANT BOMB DOWN MY PANTS! ITS BULGING AND ITS GONNA EXPLODE KILLING US ALL! Nurse: ILL REMOVE IT! GRABS "EXPLOSIVE EQUIPMENT" AND RIPS IT OFF" Nurse: Weird this organic bomb looks like a peni.. Man: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG Moral: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRHhhhhhhhhhhhhhgEsgRSGRSRfRSfSFSr

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Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

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Guy: Have you ever been to Thailand? Girl: No Guy: Well maybe I should take you to Bangkok

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

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- What's a shabby girl like you doing in a lovely place like this?

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

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Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

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You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!