Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

thumb_up thumb_down +61

You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

thumb_up thumb_down +115

Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

thumb_up thumb_down +85

Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Soon

thumb_up thumb_down -81

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

thumb_up thumb_down -236

Him: I'd go through anything for you. Her: The exit's over there.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

thumb_up thumb_down +14

hey Herpes Go Away!

thumb_up thumb_down -69

male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

thumb_up thumb_down -86

Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

thumb_up thumb_down +163

GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

I wish my sister was as hot as you.

thumb_up thumb_down +99

-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

thumb_up thumb_down +81

GET IN THE VAN!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Your body would look good in my trunk.

thumb_up thumb_down +171

You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

thumb_up thumb_down +93

- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

thumb_up thumb_down -31

-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

thumb_up thumb_down +194

A modified classic, props to the original poster: Man: Ask me out! Woman: Ok, get out! Man: No no, I said ASK me out. Woman: Okay... will you please get out? Man: No but thanks for asking me out, I am so gonna tell your friends how I rejected you asking me out. Moral: When beaten... THERE IS NO BEATING! If negative people can turn everything into a loss, thinking positive call help you turn anything into victory. I mean Hitler murdered millions right? Arent you happy (Jew or not), that it was not you? VICTORY! (if somehow Pyrrhic depending on how you turn on it... But if you wanna turn a gain to a pain, go ahead...)

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +60

M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

thumb_up thumb_down +118

"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

thumb_up thumb_down +107

Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!