Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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Get in the van.

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M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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Stories from real life part whatever: Me as a twelve year old: Yeah I am incredibly experienced with girls, I mean I know I look very young for a eighteen year old man, but I consider it a advantage of mine... Seventeen year old girl: Really? You are eighteen? Me: Of course, besides II have had intercourse hundred of times, mostly with married women, I enjoy being their "guilty pleasure" Girl: I bet you haven't seen boobs like these though! *shows me boobs* Me: OMG! HOLY SHIT REAL BEEWBS! OMG HOLY CRAP THEY LOOK INCREDIBLE HOLY SHIT EVERYONE I JUST SAW REAL LIFE TITS! I am a winner! Last thing I remember was getting slapped several times and getting spit on, I was too damn happy to give a damn, I was victory. Moral: had you asked me if it worked by then id say "hell yes!", today I doubt it worked as well as it could have...

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jack sanders

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Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

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Jdkfk

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It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

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I think I shit myself

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!