- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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whats it like being the only beautiful girl in the world? Whats it like having the smallest dick in the world?

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

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why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

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You're like chocolate pudding. You look like crap.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

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Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

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At a Bar for blacks... and whites... and everybody else... Man: I can last for hours in bed! Woman: *gets closer and whispers in his ear: Really? Man: OH YeeeeeaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Woman: Lets go to your place... Man: Meh, I am done. Moral: Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Excuse me I need to go change clothes...

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Man: Hello there my name is... Woman: I wish you where water... Man: So you can swallow me? Hey not so fast baby! I dont like em fast. Woman: You did not let me finish! Man: Whatever, gotta go... Moral: Girls... women... you may be mysterious, but unlocking your secrets is my favorite pastime... I CHARRENGE YOU!... Then again I never liked women throwing themselves at me without me saying a word (not that it happens very often)¨ Ps: I see some other people have started to add "morals" to their stories, without success sadly, keep going kids, and people will always of course know who the real "Moral man is" because of the cheap nature of my fantastically silly and "dragged out of the ass" nature of my morals...

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

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Mario: Ey princess, wanna make the sexy time eh? Princess: With a fat Italian plumber? HELL NO! Bowser: MWAHAHAHA I AM SO GONNA RAPE YOU WITH MY SPINY DICK! Princess: HELP HELP MARIO I WILL DO ANYTHING JUST SAVE ME! NO BOWSER PLEASE DO NOT PUT IT IN THERE! ITS TOO TIGH... Shigeru Miyamoto: So this is how I wanted to make the Super Mario series... sexy eh? Girl: DISGUSTING! Shigeru Miyamoto: Well what do you think about the idea with Monkey Dong and the other girl tha...HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

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Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

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Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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Man- According to my magic watch you're not wearing any underwear. Woman- Yes, I am! Man- Damn! I guess my watch is 15 minutes fast.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!