here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

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Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

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Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

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Nice hair, can I pull it?

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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"Don't scream"

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Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

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Waiter- For you, sir? Male: I'll have a Strawberry Daquiri, non-alcoholic, please. Waiter- And, for your company? Male: For her, a long-island-iced-tea, with a twist of Rohypnol.

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I heard this one in real life in Spain, pretty good one: Man: Please marry me! I am nothing without you! Woman: If you are worth nothing then why should I want you? Man: Uh... Moral: Its a great honor having a dedicated group of followers making sure my comments always have red thumbs, thanks to this my sociology studies are complete. My thanks to every azzhole out there.

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-Hi miss are you a ketchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hot dog to you

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!