-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

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sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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cockface

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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why are you you touching me ????

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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Him: Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely beautifull...?? Her: (smiles) and says no.. Him: there is a good reaseon for that..

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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Man: Yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Mirror: yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Man: SHIET!!! This never works! Moral: Take a look at yourself before you break yourself! By the time you start looking, sounding, feeling and even smelling awesome in the mirror, then the girls will feel the same way about you, no kidding.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!