hey, your cute. hey, your not.

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Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

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Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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-I love you.

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Hi I am THE MORAL MAN! Moral: I am not famous enough yet it seems... except around my block where woman screams have been so loud people have called the cops... RAWRS... yeah I am bragging, but at least its the truth... (I cant wait for the day I am so famous that I walk into a bar and tell women that I am Moral man and run before they beat me to death)

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Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

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Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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nice kid... want another?

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Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

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Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

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(Based on a few real life experiences) Man: Hey girl wanna hang out an.. Girl: OMG IMMA ORGASMIN YES I COME WIT YOU AND WE HAVE WILD SAX IN MAH DERTY PUSSY AND THEN YOU LIKK MY ASS GOOD AND CLEEN! Man: Uh... I think I left my wallet im my pocket... which I think is in my fridge.. at home... gotta go before the house burns down you know... "runs off"

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Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

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So when' the baby due?

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GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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Sex?

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did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!