Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

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Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

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the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

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Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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Super man and Lois lane doing it... Supes: WOMAN I AM SO uh.. tHORNY that I want to thrust as hard as I can and... Lois: YAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Supes: Oh noes! R.I.P Lois Lane... Ripped In Pieces Indeed... Moral: Hey at least moral man can get laid... (a moral man fake... well actually original)

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

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rohypnol. rape drug

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- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

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Male: Baby, I am God's gift to this earth! Female: Well, if I take a receipt up to Heaven, can I exchange you for someone better?

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

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Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

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Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!