Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

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WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

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-I love you.

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Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

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Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

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Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

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my dick is 2 inches

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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So I caught my sister masturbating the other day, it was like lol hahaha you filthy bitch! Then she was like DONT TELL ANYBODY PLEASE I WILL BUY YOU THOSE BOXING GLOVES YOU WANTED SO MUCH! PLEASE! And I was like, NUHUUUH! The bed is full of piss and I totally got this on my cellphone, so you gonna pull up your panti... Oh you still looking for them LOL! Yeah, that was the subject I brought up at a bar... Sober, unless Redbull counts as drunk... Anti Pickupline as FUCK! Players Dont Use RedBull -Richard Nixon or whatever.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!