hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

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Hey girl, I just fuck my diapers, wanna change them ;) Moral: This has to be the one of the worst pickup lines in history.

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Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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Man- According to my magic watch you're not wearing any underwear. Woman- Yes, I am! Man- Damn! I guess my watch is 15 minutes fast.

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Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

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-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

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Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

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Five dollar women... WOO!

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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Man and woman in bed: Man: You know I am somewhat a deviant right? Woman: Sure but I am drunk so lets just do it.. Man: I AM SO GONNA BANG YOU! (Man throws dynamite at woman) Woman: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUU Moral: BANG INDEED... case closed.

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"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

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At a bar (for originality`s sake :P) Man: Hello would you want to come home with me and uckucukucekcuah cough... AAAAAARRrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh (dies of heart attack) Woman: Wow that was an original line, ok ill come home with you... err... hello... uh... is everything okay? Moral: Despite this "joke" death is rarely a good pickup line.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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Man: What did you say this horrible machine did look like? Woman: It was terrible it was like a man sized yellow and red robot that shoot lasers! After I refused its offer to come home with him he shoot lasers and destroyed my house... buah ;( ;( Man: That is terrible! Despicable! We have to do something about this! Such a beautiful supermodel should never go trough such a terrible atrocity! Woman: Buah... sigh... sniff... I know... but it was terrible! Man: so so my lady... you can come live with me in my giant mansion and we can have a couple of drinks to calm your nerves and relax... ;) Woman: Thank you Mr.Stark... Man: Oh Just call me Iron Ma... I mean Tony!

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Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

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Guy: want to hear a joke about my penis. don't worry, it's too long Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina. don't worry, you won't get it

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!