I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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Guy: Do you like me? Girl: No Guy: ..... Girl: You didn't ask me if I loved you! Guy: Do you love me? :D Girl: No

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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Man, no im still waiting,need to get my kids, hope its fine son, okay punches, captain falcon, but you break my jaw, I wont even ask for you to pay the bill, ill expect it. Man, good times, honestly, i was not even drunk, I was high as shit, never again tho, they did not tell me it was "magic tobacco" until I started seeing numbers NUMBAS! Hey, mind if I come stay sometime? I mean we really miss you son, you always at the fuckhouse now. Just me and... Well the gang... Just like the twelve of us, tell me who you dont want to invite and ill bounce him out for you. Man dog, that chick I punched down was pretty as fuck, she would have been my wife... Anyway just fucking happy finally a real car dude! If she fucks you to death, you gonna go out young and a Legend among gods, let her keep on sucka! (just don forget bout my sis huh? She asks about you too fucking much already) Man, you got me typing almost as much as you dog, anyway is you know, in four hours allright? If not screw my kid, I need a car ill get him a cab.

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He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

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-Get in the Van

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!