knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

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Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

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I have a gun.

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- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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Sorry to take up space, but this is simply my reply to the vile threats to that person whose line starts with "what did you say little bitch", know that he has no idea what he is talking about, and is possibly a simple mental case. Seriously, who the hell are you? And even so, who the hell do you think you are? Yeah with your terrible lack of discipline there is no way in hell you are or would become a soldier. You know very well that the navy would never waste its resources on helping your selfish and childish acts of revenge (or whatever you seek) Death threats will get you nowhere, and you can fully threaten me, but know that I live in Norway, and you can trace me and send your whole unit (if you had one) but by then you would solely be responsible for acts of war and be properly executed for international treason. Know your place civilian, we fight to protect you, do not shame us with your childish vendetta. Drill Sergeant Axel "Strength" Godøy. Aka "Moral Man" Ps: Threaten anyone again, and I will fill a full report and assure that your IP is banned from this network, you are shaming your people, your country and all that fight to defend world peace, try me out and see, give me that luxury.

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

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What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

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Man: Hey sweetie, can I take you home tonight? Girl: No thanks, my dad's gonna be here any minute.

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Hey, do you want to dance? No.

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hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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Wanna have sex?

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Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!