Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

thumb_up thumb_down +63

At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

thumb_up thumb_down +73

A man comes home from his doctor and tells his wife that he only has 12 hours to live so he asks his wife later that night if they can do it one last time she agrees but after an hour the man wakes his wife and says honey in a few hours I will be dead can we do it again please. So they do it again a few hours later the man wakes his wife again and says dearest since I'm going to die soon can we please? to this the wife says look honey tomorrow I have to get up you don't!

thumb_up thumb_down +87

Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

thumb_up thumb_down -53

You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Woman: Hey is it true you black men have big penises? Black Man: Hell yeah woman! Mine is so big, its at least three times longer than my fist and at least 4 times as wide! Lets go get some hoe! Woman: Uh... well uh... its just that... uh... Moral: Be careful for what you wish for, when fantasy becomes reality... it may hurt....

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Your the penisbutter to my vagmite;)

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Boy-That's a nice outfit. Girl-Thanks!!! Boy- It would look even better scrunched up at the end of my bed.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Heard at a bra: Hi I am Moral man, the third most infamous guy at a list where Beiber is first. Girl: OMG I MUST HAVE YOU! Moral: ooooh... ANTI Joke duh... I thought this was great pickup lines!

thumb_up thumb_down +189

-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down +58

At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

thumb_up thumb_down +104

Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

thumb_up thumb_down +92

You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

thumb_up thumb_down +85

Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!