If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

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-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

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Man: I will make the rape on you now woman! Woman: Wow great Borat imitation bravo! Man: Borat who? *draws gun* Moral: Pretty immoral

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

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Shy-guy: Hey uh, girl, we have been on like 40 dates, what do you um... You know say we go to my place for once and have some drinks? Shy-girl: Eh, well su-sure I mean its been over forty dates, but ill just take coffee if its oka... Shy-guy: OMG YOU DAMN EASY SKANK! HOLY SHIT YOU WHERE GONNA GIVE IT ALL WHERE YOU NOT? LOL NO TIME FOR DESPERATE BlTCHES! Moral: Not to be confused with the slightly less popular Nintendo character Shy Guy

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You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

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- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

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I DROPPED MY LAPTOP IN THE RIVER IT WAS ADELE ROLLING IN THE DEEP ( A DELL ROLLING IN THE DEEP)

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As original as things get: Pickup in the future! Android: Greetings Alpha six zero zero,requesting access code for insertion of my intercourse-D.I.C.K card into your V.A.G 2.0 intercourse receiver! Another Android: Access granted Zero six nine eight, engaging card...System! Deactivate mini-android production systems and engage cooldown systems to avoid critical overheats, lubricate essentials for easy access, I have no entry code, engage at once! Moral: I honestly thought it would end up in failure, but damn androids are easy!

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my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

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-Hi Honey I'm home! -I'm not talking to you! -Oh, Okay. -Don't you want to know why? -No, I trust and respect your decision dear

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Man: "Let's play Titanic. You'll be the Titanic, and I'll be the iceberg making you go down." Woman: "That would be a massive disaster."

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your almost as hot as my wife

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Want to go out? No

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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