your boobs are bigger than my nose

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Man: I can control all women in the world! Guys: WOOOOT YEAH! Me: I can control all men! Guys: Huh?? Man: What the fuck is that good for you like guys or something? Wait hey let go of me! Moral: And off the endless cliff you all go MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!... Ladies, it seems it is up to us to repopulate this world, not sure if we can make it, but I shall do my best, but since I am just one, you better do all the moving, so I can conserve my energy.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down +35

who wants to play EPAR

thumb_up thumb_down +12

-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

thumb_up thumb_down -565

M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

He: did it hurt? She: when i fell from heaven? He: no. when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. go put some clothes on.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

thumb_up thumb_down +35

- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

thumb_up thumb_down +52

If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

thumb_up thumb_down +163

Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

thumb_up thumb_down -66

are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

thumb_up thumb_down -78

if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

thumb_up thumb_down +151

Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

thumb_up thumb_down +308

Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!