"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

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Your skin would make a nice coat.

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

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Woman: Seriously you are like the perfect man, I barely even met you and want to marry you already! What is your name by the way? Guy: My name is Le Petite Chessedeburger Withnowhitesauce! Woman: I am gay by the way, gotta go feed my uh... my wife yeah my wife.

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

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Man: did you just fart cuz you blew me away! Woman: actually I did, sorry if it smells I had enchiladas for lunch.

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Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

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what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

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Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

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Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

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Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

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Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!