There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

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M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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Put the lotion on the skin!

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If your happy and you know it clap your hands!! What if I lost my hands in Nam while I was singing this song and a plane killed my friend causing me to ct off both of my hands?

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- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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Man: Lets have some fun ;) Woman: Sure! Man: Starts telling jokes. Woman: Funny but I thought... Man: What? Woman: Well its a bit uh... silly of me but I thought that we where getting at your place, having a drink and... Man: What? I said fun, not date rape! Woman: Wow... this is really getting nowhere is it? Author: Hell no! Moral: This "anti-pickup" was not even finished and you want a moral too? Pssssssssssssssssshhhhh....

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hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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At a moral man bar... "the most awesome place on earth": Man: I thumb down my comments now, and somehow they end up thumbed the next day... Woman: Uh... what comments? Moral: Be specific... or at least dont brag to pick up chicks... now if you wanna be yourself and could not give shit about the rest, then go ahead! It will actually improve your chances!

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He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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Man enters bar and does a lot of magic tricks, all the prettiest women are extremely impressed: Girls: WOW! We would do anything to see more of that! Guy: Uh... damn I forgot what to do after this... Moral: Screw the game man, its a stupid book, just be your moronic self and someone will like you for the lovely disgusting moron that you are... by the way you lost the game :D

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good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

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I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

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does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!