Guy : Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Girl : No, why? Guy : Because I can totally see myself in your pants!

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

thumb_up thumb_down +57

Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

thumb_up thumb_down +166

Girls hate me, they always discuss about how they regret fucking with me over and over again. Moral: Thumb me down, I know ya love me.

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Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

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If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

thumb_up thumb_down +82

-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!