He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

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Come lay your head upon my chest. (After a moment) Perhaps you'd be more comfortable onmy stomache (pushes head down)

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Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

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-wow I could just drown in the ocean of your eyes -well why don't you -well I'll steal your sisters number, get lost at sea, and shipreck in her bed Then you can come and save us when she is shouting S.O.S out of the other room

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Man: Hey there cutie... what is your name? Woman: Eve... Man: Wanna hang out or something? Woman: Hell no you ugly bastard! I mean at least put on a leaf or something! God: "Facepalm". Moral: The ultimate pickup failure, in this alternative reality, it was also the last and only one. (plays twilight zone theme in your ears)

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Girl, you must be a parking ticket. Because you got 'Please pay within 30 days. Failure to do so you will face prosecution at the local court.' written all over you.

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

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Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd probably leave it as is, seems to be working OK just fine without my internvention. And imagine the work it'd create in terms of all the re-filing alone. Librarians would have apoplexy, and if I came out I was responsible..well, there'd be hell to pay. No, thank you, but no thank you, the alphabet can stay as it is, no matter how hot your body.

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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Drink this!

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why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

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Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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