hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

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I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

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Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Man: Put your face over my fist as I say shinku Woman: Huh? Ok whatever.... SHOOOOOOOOOORYUKEEEEEEN!

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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Man: Hey... wanna join me at my big mansion and have a friendly discussion? Girl: A mansion eh? Well.. sure! At the mansion: Man: MUAHAHAHAHA! I am gonna r@pe you! Girl: NO PLEASE! I am not drun.. uh not ready yet! 5 minutes later: Woman: OUCH! ouchie! That hurts! Stop it! ITS TOO HARD! Man: HAHA AND TAKE THIS GRAPE! AND THIS GRAPE! Oh... never mind this is one has turned a raisin... AND THIS GRAPE!... so uh... anyway wanna move on to the "lovers room" later? Want some more Champagne by the way? AND THIS GRAPE, AND THIS ONE IS REALLY BIG AND HARD! GET READY! Woman: Yeah sure... sigh... just get done with this weirdness already... damn these eccentric millionaires... OUCH! OOF!

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Man: Oh.. girl you smell so nice... Girl: TRY ANOTHER LINE AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TlTS LOSER! Man: Uh... I am blind... Girl: Um...

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

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Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!