He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

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- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

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Girl: If you was a rollercoaster...I'd ride you all day long.. Guy: What? Am I not big enough for you now...why can't you just be happy with me... =_= Girl: : / I was tring to be all sexy in a cute way... Guy: Pfft. FREAK... e_e

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

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"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

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Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

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Man: Hey, you dont look that fucking ugly, wanna go home with me? mirror: *shatters* Moral: If your ugliness ever shatters your mirror let me know, ill look at it and it will assemble itself back on its own.

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Sex?

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Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

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Super man and Lois lane doing it... Supes: WOMAN I AM SO uh.. tHORNY that I want to thrust as hard as I can and... Lois: YAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Supes: Oh noes! R.I.P Lois Lane... Ripped In Pieces Indeed... Moral: Hey at least moral man can get laid... (a moral man fake... well actually original)

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Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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- What's a shabby girl like you doing in a lovely place like this?

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Glass Basketball

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!