- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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Dont people ever get tired of PRETENDING like they dont need others aproval? I NEED APPROVAL I NEED APPROVAL! Moral: I REALLY DO! YEEEEEEEEES BECAUSE...Uh...you matter more than me? Nah, nothing like that, only I matter more than you...

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

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SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

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If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Girl: You look so happy, I am glad this is working out. Freud: Maaaaan I was just thinking about fucking my mom! Moral: Sickman Fraud.

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You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

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Girl, wanna fuck rite now? Sure! Man! You are such a hoe! *walks away disgusted* Moral: Be careful for what you ask for.

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Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

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Damn girl did you just come from the dump? Cause you smell like shit.

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!