-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

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At a drinking place :P: Man: You dare mock the great Sh... Woman: I am sorry I did not mean to humiliate that much... ehehehehe you are just a stupid jlttle nerd and all... :) Man: You will die moral... Woman: What?! Uh... did I mention how awesome you are? What was your name again? Man: You weak pathetic fool! 8 hours later: Woman: Please! Let me stay! Just for a little longer! Barman: Sigh... fine have a drink on the house. Woman: *sips drink and dies* Barman: Mission complete sir, she died instantly! Man: Instantly without pain? THAT WAS PATHETIC! Now... SUICIDE! Barman: No I refuse! Man: Drink it... or face the true WRATH OF SHAO KAHN! Barman: The true wrath? ANYTHING BUT THAT!*Punches himself in the balls hoping he dies from the pain, passes out and tries again* Man Is That your best? That was pathetic! Its official, you suck! Bhahahahahahaha! Moral: Fear the Wrath of Shao Kahn!

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

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Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

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Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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I have no gag reflex.

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If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

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So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!