-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

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Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

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Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

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Jack is riding his new yellow bicycle. His father bought it for his 12th anniversary. Jack is ecstatic to have his first ride down his street. Erick thinks its ugly.

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

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You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

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TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

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Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

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Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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He: I know all 21 letters of the Alphabet She: Isn't there 26?? He: Oh yeah...i keep forgetting URAQT

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Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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Man seriously? Free Samsung? And that Fiat, I been wondering how much you want for it, not that i got it but I was considering buying it sometime. Son, I got no idea what brand this piece of shit car is, but the wheels are cool. No really, if you mean it, ill take that Fiat man, man, ill kiss your feet, ill do it, no really I mean Really? I mean really really? Man If you mean it, ill get over there right away, and man, you can have dunno, bad times, hell ANYTHING Okay? But if you are just messing with me, you can go fuck yourself and your phone man!

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I just told Rebecca that the average man gets laid with about seven women during his life... ...She stares me in the eyes and goes "Noo! Really?" I mean should I feel cool? Is it because she has seen me with more women than... I dunno many, or because... Pssst: Harris... I mean you know I uh... Cherry pie this one right? Does this mean she goes around a lot doing a lot of other guys DAD!? (He calls me SON for like every third word, so yeah DAD... She is giving me a cold st... And she failed to take the laptop away from me, its kinda neat you know, typing while two girls cant share a... Well medium plus size dick... I mean... Wow they are making out... Imma gone forever. My fuckcount: Hell I know, when they say a guy bangs seven chicks during their lifetime, do they mean like a week? At once? Jk, I just pity the guys, for each extra gal for me, means one less for you right? Think positive folks, someone has to please them properly... Rebecca is like all "please sir?" "Thank you kind sir" (I hate being called kind) But in bed, she is all like FUCK ME HARDER YOU FUCKING MORON! Did I mention she has a sweet ass, and that my laptop is burning on her now... Multitasking: The key to threesomes, foursomes, fivesomes... I mean I wont say how many women I have done (rather been done by honestly) at once, why? Because you would never believe me. TWELVE... Eleven one wussed out actually because she just said it so she would look "cool among her friends... Poor little bitch..." Anyway, still twelve.

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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whats it like being the only beautiful girl in the world? Whats it like having the smallest dick in the world?

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Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

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I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

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Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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