sound of zipper

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

thumb_up thumb_down +87

So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

thumb_up thumb_down +22

I stole this pickup line from Antipickupline.com.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

thumb_up thumb_down +5

I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

thumb_up thumb_down +187

Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

thumb_up thumb_down -67

MAN: Did it hurt? WOMAN: Did what hurt? MAN: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? WOMAN: Did it hurt when you were dropped as a baby?

thumb_up thumb_down +106

Hey Clarkson, you know about this pointless invention Named Nero The Moral man? Clarkson: No. Nero: No. Is this because horsehead network sucks? Clarkson: Yes. Nero: WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE! Oh yeah I am fucking it away... Fuck me, every girl around me just ends up completely fucked.... ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +50

What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

thumb_up thumb_down -98

Walking to your car alone later?

thumb_up thumb_down +172

Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

thumb_up thumb_down -35

MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Boy- Did it hurt when you fell- Girl- From heaven?!? AWWW <3 Boy- No the whore tree when you banged every guy on the way down.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!