-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

thumb_up thumb_down +92

Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Hello children! :D

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

thumb_up thumb_down +70

Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

thumb_up thumb_down +52

why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

thumb_up thumb_down -10

I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +134

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

thumb_up thumb_down -111

boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

thumb_up thumb_down +271

Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

thumb_up thumb_down -99

did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Are your prices by the hour

thumb_up thumb_down -1

hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

thumb_up thumb_down -40

What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

thumb_up thumb_down +123

So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

thumb_up thumb_down +63

No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!