Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

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He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

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Boy: How much does a Polarbear weigh? Girl: How much? Boy: Just as much as me, hi my name is Ahron

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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I hate you already.

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!