Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

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Like my status for a tbh? Cause to be honest you are the prettiest girl I ever met ;) Like MY status for a tbh? cause to be honest, thats old and No one gets on Facebook. Twitter all the way :p Oh did I say prettiest? I meant b*tchiest you are horrible at comebacks. So your dumb too! -__________-

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Glass Basketball

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Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

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-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

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-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

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Hey wanna smash pissers?

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H3LL0 Girls, You need some THERAPEY? Call Nero The Moralman For A qualified TheRapist. The number? You wont get it, so then you will go mad with lust and need therapey Moral: Ooooh... I says ANTI Pickup line... Whats that? More Moral: Nothing is immoral! Everything is Moral MORAL MAN!

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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Boy : Gurle: hi

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NO WAIT SON ITS 999 FUCK COME ON! DONT GO "NERO SAYS WITH ME SON!" I mean that shit you pull on everyone, come on man, I posted wrong... Yeah your word is law and all that So can we like make a deal? You pay my repair wreck of a car and you can slash the damn tires yourself if you wanna later?

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Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

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Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

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your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!