- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

Sugar-free sugar cookies

A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book