if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

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so... you're a girl,huh?

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If you were a Pokemon I'd choose you!

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Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

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Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!