You seem rapable enough... wanna see some back alleys with me?

thumb_up thumb_down -41

I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

thumb_up thumb_down +294

GET IN THE VAN!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Man: Wanna come to my place? Woman: Maybe if you take of the ski-mask and black clothing... Man: But then you'll ruin the surprise! :(

thumb_up thumb_down -41

If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

thumb_up thumb_down +96

Shy-guy: Hey uh, girl, we have been on like 40 dates, what do you um... You know say we go to my place for once and have some drinks? Shy-girl: Eh, well su-sure I mean its been over forty dates, but ill just take coffee if its oka... Shy-guy: OMG YOU DAMN EASY SKANK! HOLY SHIT YOU WHERE GONNA GIVE IT ALL WHERE YOU NOT? LOL NO TIME FOR DESPERATE BlTCHES! Moral: Not to be confused with the slightly less popular Nintendo character Shy Guy

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

thumb_up thumb_down +107

- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

thumb_up thumb_down +12

At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

thumb_up thumb_down +80

At a Bar for blacks... and whites... and everybody else... Man: I can last for hours in bed! Woman: *gets closer and whispers in his ear: Really? Man: OH YeeeeeaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Woman: Lets go to your place... Man: Meh, I am done. Moral: Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Excuse me I need to go change clothes...

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Guy: How much does a polar bear way? Girl; About 500 kilograms

thumb_up thumb_down +19

If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

thumb_up thumb_down -147

In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

For you that think your family are too overprotective when it comes to sex, this was my story as a teenager. Mom: Hi guys! Me and ladyfriend: Hi mom! This is my ladyfriend: (insert your name if you are female) Dad: Woho! Good catch son! *claps me on shoulder* Mom: Dont worry, you guys just go right up and "study" eh ;) eh ;) and we are gonna put the music REALLY LOUD down here! And there is no need to be ashamed of stains nor anything. Dad: No we understand ;) ;) ;) Girl: Uh... you invited me just to study right? Me: Believe it or not I did... Dad: Yeah you two young ones go study! Remember condom though! ;) Girl: Axel! WTF?! *leaves* Me: Mom.. Dad! WTF!? I dont know anything about algebra (not even to this day, and I am almost 30) Dad: Algebra eh? ;) Next time give her a good "algebra". Me: Mom tell that moron tha... Mom: Relax son, I understand that you boys have desires and the next time you take her with you, you dont need to be ashamed or come up with excuse.. Me: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Moral: To believe I learned most my ways by having ladyfriends... despite my parents... Mom and Dad overprotective? Good... trust me!

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

thumb_up thumb_down -2

cockface

thumb_up thumb_down -95

Man and woman in bed: Man: You know I am somewhat a deviant right? Woman: Sure but I am drunk so lets just do it.. Man: I AM SO GONNA BANG YOU! (Man throws dynamite at woman) Woman: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUU Moral: BANG INDEED... case closed.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

thumb_up thumb_down

"You'll do."

thumb_up thumb_down +127

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

thumb_up thumb_down +84

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!