You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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-I love you.

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Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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Have you met Ted?

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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-hey, come here a minute.

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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At a ... PUB! Man: Hey... wanna... go out with a true shinob i ninja? ;) Woman: Are you not supposed to be invisible or something? Man: You can see me? SHIT! (runs away). Moral: So what if she saw you you are all covered in a pajamas anyways...

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Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

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"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!