you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

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Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

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guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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Q: Why are Italian girls so hairy? A: Because it turns out its a genetic predisposition in which almost all males and females have when of the Italian ethnicity, these genetics are also parts of other race types.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

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Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

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Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

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Woman enters gynecologist office: Man: YO I am the vaginator! Woman: Vaginator? Man: You know, the guy that is gonna fu.. I mean study your pussy with the long hard spear and see if your juices are okay and stuff... Woman: HuuuuuuuH? Moral: Writing this makes me understand why some women dont exactly enjoy a trip to the "Vaginator" so I forgot the moral and the point... my sympaties though...

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-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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Man: Hey I am the hunk that writes the stories with morals, and I thumb them up myself... since they mostly get thumbed down slower that way... Ladies: REALLY! WOW WE NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD MEET A CELEBRITY! LETS HAVE AN ORGY! Man: HEY! LADIES WAIT WAIT! ONLY 8 AT THE TIME! HELP I AM GETTING GRAPED!... Anyway who am I kidding please proceed but stop fighting over the joystick I have enough joy to all thanks to my writing progress!¨ Moral: His-tory AKa My-Story, and you know that they say that the winners are the one to write history ;), and if you do not know what I mean, you are probable banging me too right now... (true story)

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Im gonna rape you..

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!