Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Welcome to DIE!

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

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Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

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Do you live around here often?

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-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

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Vader getting it on ;): My sexual prowress overcomes even the power of the dark side. Can you even have sex? ... Uh... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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my dick is 2 inches

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

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Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

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-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!