-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

thumb_up thumb_down +10

"Rate your looks out of 10" "awkward... maybe 8 or 9 i guess?" "I said 10, not 100"

thumb_up thumb_down -28

if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

thumb_up thumb_down +128

Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

thumb_up thumb_down +142

Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

thumb_up thumb_down +118

M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

thumb_up thumb_down +334

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

thumb_up thumb_down -167

He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

thumb_up thumb_down -1,044

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

thumb_up thumb_down +129

- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down -226

- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

thumb_up thumb_down -812

- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

thumb_up thumb_down -92

- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

thumb_up thumb_down +443

- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

thumb_up thumb_down +88

- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

thumb_up thumb_down +13

-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

thumb_up thumb_down +335

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

thumb_up thumb_down +217

Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

thumb_up thumb_down -6

- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +442

- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

thumb_up thumb_down -525

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!