- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

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jack sanders

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

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Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

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-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

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him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

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You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

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Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

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" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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greetings clarisse...

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Welcome to DIE!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!