How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

Don't turn this rape into a murder.

Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

I have no gag reflex.

Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

Superman enters a bar: Superman: Ladies... who wants to try out my newly developed "super orgasmi-power"? Women: Did you not die? Superman: Uh no... it was just a uh... healing coma... *All the women fall into a "healing coma* Superman: *scratches head* Well... I kinda asked for this... Moral:*Healing coma*

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

Boy-That's a nice outfit. Girl-Thanks!!! Boy- It would look even better scrunched up at the end of my bed.

Soon

Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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