A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

On line post: Woman: HELLO! I love you, I am from Russia and find you particularly handsome and rich I am certain you could take care of me and I will do anything for you ;) here are some nice pictures I have never met someone as fantastic as you please contact me! (revealing pictures.gif) additional information: This message has been sent to 100.000 other recipients. FAIL! Moral: And I had not even moved out from my parents home yet... rich enough my ass...

wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

Man: Wanna see the best pick up line ever? Its an ancient secret kept for millions of years! Girl: SURE! Man: It only reveals to the fully drunk though so lets get drinking.. Girl: uh... okay... I guess.. Man: Drunk enough? Girl: Ulp... you betcha weird man! Man: Ok its hidden at my place so lets go! Girl: WOHOO!

i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: *sparkly eyes* So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... *steps to whisper in her ear* ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

Man enters bar: Man: I AM MORAL MAN! My spear shall cut down the zealots, and my shield shall block (yeah you wish) be used as a additional weapon to push people down so I can thrust my spear even deeper into their hatred filled hearts! Woman: WOW! Moral: This pickup line wont work of course... not for you you aren`t the one and only EPIC: MORAL MAN! ;) Aka Epic man to those that still fail to understand that my morals are morals for a new order! No more religious wars, no more pedophiles, no more hatecrime... stand by me, and I shall not only speak for you, but also fight for you!

Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

Him: Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely beautifull...?? Her: (smiles) and says no.. Him: there is a good reaseon for that..

- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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