- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

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Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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Low confidence edition: Woman: Hi there cutie, you new here? Guy: Lady, believe me I am out of your league. Woman: You look really nice and I was wondering if... Guy: No really, believe me, I am boring and a virgin, but my mom says I am nice, but pfft no, just stop wasting your time and giving me false allusions please... Moral: Someone kill that faggot!

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

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-I love you.

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

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guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!