BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

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Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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Man: GET IN THE VAN! Woman: NO! Man: Well... How about the Limo? Its got beverages and caviar and... Woman: OOH :D Moral: Always go for the limo first,

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

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Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

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-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

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Low confidence edition: Woman: Hi there cutie, you new here? Guy: Lady, believe me I am out of your league. Woman: You look really nice and I was wondering if... Guy: No really, believe me, I am boring and a virgin, but my mom says I am nice, but pfft no, just stop wasting your time and giving me false allusions please... Moral: Someone kill that faggot!

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

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Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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Hey wanna smash pissers?

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I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

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While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!