Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

thumb_up thumb_down +140

Woman enters a...uh Cafe that only sells alcohol and stuff... now that is variation from the usual bar eh? Woman: Yo bitchy hot stuff, you look cheap get over here! lets bang! Man: How dare you! Woman: Why? You dont wanna try my wiener? Man: "throws drink at woman", Im gonna tell my girlfriend! Woman: I start getting the feeling something is very wrong here man... Man: Humpf! Just wait to my girlfriend gets here and beats you u... wait I to think there is something very very wrong here. Moral: The world may never know...

thumb_up thumb_down +18

In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Man: Yeah I have done it with thousands of women all around the world... THOUSANDS! Woman: Okay... then ill come home with you, I want an experienced man to be my first... At his house: Woman: I AM SCARED! Will it hurt? Its my first time and... Man: I dunno! I am scared as Its my first time too! :( Moral: A man whose is scared of sex... pfffffff!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

thumb_up thumb_down -120

-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

thumb_up thumb_down -921

(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

thumb_up thumb_down -1,135

He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

thumb_up thumb_down -9

-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

thumb_up thumb_down -554

roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

thumb_up thumb_down -5

-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

thumb_up thumb_down -194

hey baby i just came in my pants

thumb_up thumb_down +5

-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

thumb_up thumb_down -241

Man seriously? Free Samsung? And that Fiat, I been wondering how much you want for it, not that i got it but I was considering buying it sometime. Son, I got no idea what brand this piece of shit car is, but the wheels are cool. No really, if you mean it, ill take that Fiat man, man, ill kiss your feet, ill do it, no really I mean Really? I mean really really? Man If you mean it, ill get over there right away, and man, you can have dunno, bad times, hell ANYTHING Okay? But if you are just messing with me, you can go fuck yourself and your phone man!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

thumb_up thumb_down -86

-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

thumb_up thumb_down +932

-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

thumb_up thumb_down +221

Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

thumb_up thumb_down +394

"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

thumb_up thumb_down +103

Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

thumb_up thumb_down -113

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!