"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

thumb_up thumb_down +107

Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

thumb_up thumb_down +155

Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Hey, do you want to dance? No.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

thumb_up thumb_down -32

men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

thumb_up thumb_down +146

Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

thumb_up thumb_down +58

You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

thumb_up thumb_down +68

Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

thumb_up thumb_down -62

nice kid... want another?

thumb_up thumb_down +97

Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!