HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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I've got a black belt in lovin'.

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Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

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What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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Boy: How much does a Polarbear weigh? Girl: How much? Boy: Just as much as me, hi my name is Ahron

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Every kiss begins with K ;) Yeah to bad ugly begins with U

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-Is there anything I can do for you? -Fill my care cup. Oh, actually, I don't think you can manage to do that.

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: *sparkly eyes* So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... *steps to whisper in her ear* ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

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-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!