-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

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Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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Man: I wanna know what love iiiiiiis... And I want you to show meeeeeeeeee! *Woman slams man with baseball bat* Man: Urgh... ARGH MY FACE BLEEDING EVERYWHERE! WHYYYY! Woman: I love baseball! Moral: Stupid singing idiot, if that is not the worst pick up line ever, then some other is!

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*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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Nice legs what time do they open

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I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

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Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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Damn girl did you just come from the dump? Cause you smell like shit.

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why are you you touching me ????

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!