How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

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Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

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You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

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Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

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Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

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Drink this!

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

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Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Fear not moral man is back, in a moment of weakness I let myself go... let us put it this way... some like me, some hate me, that is what happens when people such as I speak their opinion. And if someday the entire world wants to destroy Moral Man... Moral Man will unleash doomsday! Moral: I am back, like me, hate me, you can still ignore me... but until I get some sleep and can start working out again (icy weather is not for bicycling is it?) Then Moral Man stands... Ps: Hey, thanks there below, my most thumbed up comments had minus 5 and such, so I got kinda down since I thought the internet too needed someone that speaks his mind. More Morals: But then I remembered I do this to entertain myself, and that you downvoters can all go screw yourselves! MORAL MAAAAAAAAAN! MORAL MAAAAAAAAN! Action figures in store now!

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He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!