If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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-hey, come here a minute.

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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He says: Are you're from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. She says: Well, if we're making bad jokes: Are you from Illinois? Because you make me ill, and when I throw up from your face I'll make a lot of nois.

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So, you're a girl, huh?

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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Hey did you fall from Heaven? Cos I think you are angel. If I'd fallen from anywhere that high I'd be in hospital with serious injuries or dead. Do the logic.

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

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sound of zipper

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-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

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I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

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Him: Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely beautifull...?? Her: (smiles) and says no.. Him: there is a good reaseon for that..

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If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!