If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

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Twinkle winkle little star, cuz my star is what you are... Moral: Heh, that one might actually work if you do it spontaneously and mean it, damn I keep failing at making bad pickuplines, I am so good I cannot fail! I WANT TO FAIL! (Legal disclaimer: Not really I just go hi-wire after... "flirting" yeaaaaaaah lets be subtle now "Moral" Man)

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- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

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Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

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Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

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hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

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He: did it hurt? She: when i fell from heaven? He: no. when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. go put some clothes on.

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Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

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Hey babe, are your parents arseholes? Because your the shit.

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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M. Do you want to go out with me? F. Okay but first take me to your place where we can be alone to make furious love to one another M. Wow this never happens I must be.. (Wakes up) dreaming

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you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: *sigh* Did what hurt? (Expecting him to say "When you fell from heaven") Boy: When you broke through the earths crust, ascending from hell.

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

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Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!