wanna go halves on a b*stard?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

thumb_up thumb_down +42

With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

thumb_up thumb_down -83

You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

thumb_up thumb_down -77

-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

thumb_up thumb_down -44

That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Super man and Lois lane doing it... Supes: WOMAN I AM SO uh.. tHORNY that I want to thrust as hard as I can and... Lois: YAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Supes: Oh noes! R.I.P Lois Lane... Ripped In Pieces Indeed... Moral: Hey at least moral man can get laid... (a moral man fake... well actually original)

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -92

good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

thumb_up thumb_down -111

-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

thumb_up thumb_down +135

On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

thumb_up thumb_down +405

Moral man: Hey ladies... wanna read my "moral man original jokes?" then you are at the right place! Just scroll down the newest section and you will feel, insulted, charmed, happy, sad, and all that stuff you always wanted! Except beaten up... Moral man do other things to women... BTW I used to write comics (not draw them) for STUPIDO once... well I cant say more... Girl: "Reads": OMG I SO WANT YOU! Moral: If you are gonna like me less (or more) because of the "infomercial" nature of this anti-joke, then you must be the kind that yells to the TV a lot, and throw bricks at the television when it says "this show is presented by" So just do it, prove you are a nutcase, give me that luxury.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Man: hey... you seem pretty paralytic and unable to move in that wheelchair ;) Woman: uh oh...well actually I can move a bit... Man: Good because I do not wanna do ALL the thrusting back and forth... Woman: Bu.. but... I... I do not want to... Man: Well if you do not want sex, then just run away... ;) FATALITY... FLAWLESS VICTORY... RAPEALITY!

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Man: I will make the rape on you now woman! Woman: Wow great Borat imitation bravo! Man: Borat who? *draws gun* Moral: Pretty immoral

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

thumb_up thumb_down -116

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

thumb_up thumb_down -15

the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!