A man is pulled over by a police officer and a conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem officer? Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh Steven. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! Wife: Oh Steven, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh Steven, you never wear your seat belt. Man: Shut your mouth, woman! Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way? Wife: No, only when he's drunk.

Is it true you black men are as hung as a horse? Uh lady, no idea I like ignore their stuff. Yeah but you know, I seen a lot of them and they are huge and look salty an... Woman! Im so outta here! Moral: Now the man is goin! C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

For the males that do not know what I mean with "woman screams" comment below... well HAHAHAHAHAH LOSERS LOOOOOOOOOOOSEEEEEEEEERS! Moral: Read a book about females more interesting parts one day you lazy bastard... as for the girls... I am not talking about anything bad nor dirty... just 12 hour orgasms and such nice things... WHAT? YOU GONNA TELL ME THAT IS HORRIBLE? Well in that case you dont know what you are missing... and you wont ever know.... Ps: Can you believe I am actually trying to get thumbs downs but keep getting upped? Thanks for accepting my ever growing controversial nature, lets keep it that way and soon moral man will uh... receive a medal for uh... well a small keychain for... uh... you know what? Never mind.

Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

Man:Are you in college? Woman:Yeah. Berry College. Lots of cows... Man:Well my name is Murad. You know, like, Moo to the radical. Moo, like, cows...

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

Drink this!

Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

Do you believe in angels? Cool, what about goblins?

-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

GET IN THE VAN!!!

Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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