How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

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whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

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Male: I'm all you've got good lookin' Female: then I must not have alot

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

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violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

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I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

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Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd probably leave it as is, seems to be working OK just fine without my internvention. And imagine the work it'd create in terms of all the re-filing alone. Librarians would have apoplexy, and if I came out I was responsible..well, there'd be hell to pay. No, thank you, but no thank you, the alphabet can stay as it is, no matter how hot your body.

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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Man: Yeah I have done it with thousands of women all around the world... THOUSANDS! Woman: Okay... then ill come home with you, I want an experienced man to be my first... At his house: Woman: I AM SCARED! Will it hurt? Its my first time and... Man: I dunno! I am scared as Its my first time too! :( Moral: A man whose is scared of sex... pfffffff!

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Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

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Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

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Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!