I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

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Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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Soon

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

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Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

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man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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your almost as hot as my wife

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*a guy and a girl meet at a bar and has a great conversation* girl - can I borrow your phone? I told my ex I'd call him when I found someone better. boy - sure, here you go *gives phone* girl - *silence* *after awkward phone call* boy - give me my phone back girl - you dont seem to get it do you... boy - give me my phone back girl - *silence* boy - GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK YOU BITCH *boy takes out a shotgun with him and repeatedly shoots girl* *girl dodges and takes a bazooka and aims for boy* *boy manages to get out of the bar* *boy installs bomb in center of bar* *boy leaves bar* *everyone attempts to get out of bar* *boy locks the door* boy - Yippie kai yay, moth- *explosion* *everyone dies* MORAL OF THE STORY - DO NOT GO INTO A BAR

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!