Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

thumb_up thumb_down +58

If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +307

GET IN THE VAN!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -101

Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

thumb_up thumb_down -118

Penis. I got it

thumb_up thumb_down +5

If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

thumb_up thumb_down +104

Male: I'd give her one Female: I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last person on earth Male: I was rating you out of 10 you ugly bitch

thumb_up thumb_down -86

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

thumb_up thumb_down +70

Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Guy: You look like a suitable mate and I'd thoroughly enjoy engaging in rough, sweaty sex with you and your lady parts.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

thumb_up thumb_down -150

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

thumb_up thumb_down +94

The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

thumb_up thumb_down +328

- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

thumb_up thumb_down +279

are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!