A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

HI, DO YOU KNOW WHY THEY CALL ME DOCTOR RABBIT THE HYMEN DESTROYER? Nero the clit collector: Actually this works pretty good, just wear a random rabbit costume, cut a hole where your CAWCK is, and make sure they are girls under twelve or below (because it kinda loses its meaning with little boys but fuck it anyways, yeah fuck it! FUCK IT TO THE LIMIT!) I work at a daycare center: Because I care.

Sex?

wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

-wow I could just drown in the ocean of your eyes -well why don't you -well I'll steal your sisters number, get lost at sea, and shipreck in her bed Then you can come and save us when she is shouting S.O.S out of the other room

-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Superman: I bet I can bang you faster than the speed of light! Woman: OOOOH! OK DO IT! Superman... uh... I already did it 30 times already... "pant" "pant" Woman: uh... really? Uh... was I suppose to feel anythi... Moral: Since when has fast sex been good sex?

Waiter- For you, sir? Male: I'll have a Strawberry Daquiri, non-alcoholic, please. Waiter- And, for your company? Male: For her, a long-island-iced-tea, with a twist of Rohypnol.

I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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