Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

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Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

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nice kid... want another?

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

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Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

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Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

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Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

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sex me.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

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Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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Man: Hey you look good enough to do Woman: Oh really because so does my 8 foot boyfriend. Man: ... Woman: Do you want me to pick him up from the gym?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!