- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh

I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

-Is there anything I can do for you? -Fill my care cup. Oh, actually, I don't think you can manage to do that.

Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

Sex?

MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... gets up and leaves Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book