Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

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girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

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Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

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Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

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Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

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hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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Were your parents chemists? cuz you look like TEST TUBE BABY :D

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Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!