-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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free candy....

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Nero: My name is Nero... Woman: Why I mean you aint black? Nero: Sure about that? Moral: In the Darkness... We are all the same...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!