-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

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Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

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guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

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Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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Male: I'm all you've got good lookin' Female: then I must not have alot

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He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

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Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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Man: Wanna see the best pick up line ever? Its an ancient secret kept for millions of years! Girl: SURE! Man: It only reveals to the fully drunk though so lets get drinking.. Girl: uh... okay... I guess.. Man: Drunk enough? Girl: Ulp... you betcha weird man! Man: Ok its hidden at my place so lets go! Girl: WOHOO!

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!