Put the lotion on the skin!

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Man: May I please sit next to you for a brief moment? Woman: Sure :), you`re such a gentleman :). Man: Would you care for a bit of violent rapage in you`re anus?

thumb_up thumb_down +34

boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +100

Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

thumb_up thumb_down +98

-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

thumb_up thumb_down -151

Man trying to be smart: Man: HELP THERE IS A GIANT BOMB DOWN MY PANTS! ITS BULGING AND ITS GONNA EXPLODE KILLING US ALL! Nurse: ILL REMOVE IT! GRABS "EXPLOSIVE EQUIPMENT" AND RIPS IT OFF" Nurse: Weird this organic bomb looks like a peni.. Man: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG Moral: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRHhhhhhhhhhhhhhgEsgRSGRSRfRSfSFSr

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

thumb_up thumb_down -82

You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

thumb_up thumb_down +101

Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

thumb_up thumb_down -106

Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

thumb_up thumb_down +95

Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down -144

do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

thumb_up thumb_down -72

How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

thumb_up thumb_down -137

male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

thumb_up thumb_down +104

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!