Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

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Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

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Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

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Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

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Walking to your car alone later?

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male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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Guy : Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Girl : No, why? Guy : Because I can totally see myself in your pants!

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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Man: How much does a polar bear weight? Girl: No idea... Man: Me either... By the way! Did you hear of the great blahblahblahblah that did blahalblahblah! Moral: Breaking the ice... easier than it seems...

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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are you from subway cause you givin me a footlong

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

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Man: Yeah I have done it with thousands of women all around the world... THOUSANDS! Woman: Okay... then ill come home with you, I want an experienced man to be my first... At his house: Woman: I AM SCARED! Will it hurt? Its my first time and... Man: I dunno! I am scared as Its my first time too! :( Moral: A man whose is scared of sex... pfffffff!

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Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

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Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

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Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

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did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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So, you're a girl, huh?

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!