-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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hey bitch

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

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Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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you look like my mother

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

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Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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guy: ermm...i like blondes ;) ima blonde too...we r a perfect dumb blonde match!!!! girl: yeah but im the dumb one in this situation. and have u taken a look in the mirror lately?!?! guy: yeah...well...uhh...maybe.........no not really... girl: well first of all you got pimples the size of mars, you have cross-eyes, you nose is bigger than squidwards nose, and let me see ur d!ck...now!!!! guy: oooh getting right to the point!!! i like it *unzips his pants and pulls out his nub* girl: uhh well u aint got no point, it looks like ur point just broke... guy: well midgets cant help it!!!!!!!!! dont judge my falses!!!!!! girl: okayy...besides theres wayyy too much to judge...no point...ur a complete waste of my timee!!!!!!!! now go watch porn and see if it grows a little bigger than his little nub u got.

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!