M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

thumb_up thumb_down +905

-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

thumb_up thumb_down +195

Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down +129

I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

thumb_up thumb_down +10

http://scriptsbay.com http://scriptsbay.net

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I've got a black belt in lovin'.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

thumb_up thumb_down -166

He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

thumb_up thumb_down -1,042

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

thumb_up thumb_down +131

- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down -221

BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

thumb_up thumb_down -60

- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

thumb_up thumb_down -814

- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

thumb_up thumb_down -87

- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

thumb_up thumb_down +446

- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

thumb_up thumb_down +89

- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

thumb_up thumb_down +16

- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

thumb_up thumb_down +338

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

thumb_up thumb_down +217

Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

thumb_up thumb_down +102

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!