you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

So, you're a girl, huh?

- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

Man: HEY BITCH! LETS HAVE SEX! Damn ugly woman: OKAY! Next day... Man: Damn that was some nice sex, too bad the bitch was damn ugly though, even trough the beer googles... I wonder where she is... "damn ugly woman": woof woof! Bark bark! Moral: Do you see any moral in this immoral piece of shit? (Ps if you are stupid, the bitch was actually a dog... get it?)

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!