Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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If your happy and you know it clap your hands!! What if I lost my hands in Nam while I was singing this song and a plane killed my friend causing me to ct off both of my hands?

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-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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Huge blue man: I AM THE APOCALYPSE! YOU ARE NOT FIT TO SURVIVE! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Huge blue man: "facepalm" THIS GAME, IS OVER! Moral: Dont start out too strong...

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sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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At a Bar for blacks... and whites... and everybody else... Man: I can last for hours in bed! Woman: *gets closer and whispers in his ear: Really? Man: OH YeeeeeaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Woman: Lets go to your place... Man: Meh, I am done. Moral: Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Excuse me I need to go change clothes...

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Is it true you black men are as hung as a horse? Uh lady, no idea I like ignore their stuff. Yeah but you know, I seen a lot of them and they are huge and look salty an... Woman! Im so outta here! Moral: Now the man is goin! C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

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You allergic to semen?

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

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I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!