- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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who wants to play EPAR

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Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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Man enters bar and does a lot of magic tricks, all the prettiest women are extremely impressed: Girls: WOW! We would do anything to see more of that! Guy: Uh... damn I forgot what to do after this... Moral: Screw the game man, its a stupid book, just be your moronic self and someone will like you for the lovely disgusting moron that you are... by the way you lost the game :D

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

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You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

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- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

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I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

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roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

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Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: *sigh* Did what hurt? (Expecting him to say "When you fell from heaven") Boy: When you broke through the earths crust, ascending from hell.

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Man: Hello there young lady, I am Elton John and I would very much like to have sex with you! Girl: OMG ITS... Wait! Wow you look a lot like him! But you cannot be real lol *leaves* Man: Man... I look and dress just like him! What could have gone wrong? Man getting the operation cost me a fortune too! Next time I am gonna try Freddie Mercury! Moral: "Dats gay Fifthy cen... I mean Gangstalicious!"

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!