Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

I'm desperate, you'll do.

Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

This doesn't have to be a rape.

NO WAIT SON ITS 999 FUCK COME ON! DONT GO "NERO SAYS WITH ME SON!" I mean that shit you pull on everyone, come on man, I posted wrong... Yeah your word is law and all that So can we like make a deal? You pay my repair wreck of a car and you can slash the damn tires yourself if you wanna later?

you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

whats it like being the only beautiful girl in the world? Whats it like having the smallest dick in the world?

Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

HE: You must have some hot buns. SHE: Yeah? HE: Cause you got a real butterface to go with them.

Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!