- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

I love you more than my jar of fingers.

Hey wanna smash pissers?

Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

-I bet you put extra sugar in your cereal every morning. -Aww, because I'm so sweet? -No. Because you're fat as hell.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book