girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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are you on fire?

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Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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hey, your cute. hey, your not.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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Yet another one from real life: At law school: Kid to woman: Why don't I ever get any of you?! *Woman laughs* Me: You could start by not whining so much... Kid: That wont ever work! You know that is bullshit! Its not like I am whining I just whine whenever blahblahblah... Me: Sigh... Girl: He is kinda cute... Me: Wha? Moral: Not a real anti joke, since I had not heard from any of them until today, I just got invited to their wedding...

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Glass Basketball

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!