In a classy bar: KEEP IT CLASSY! Man: Hello there dear... your eyes sparkle like the sun itself... Woman: Oh... thank you random stranger, that is the most beautiful thing someone have ever said to me :D Man: Really? But you are gorgeous (the two proceed to have a long CLASSY conversation and laughing in a classy reserved matter and drinking classy champagne and whatever... and then: Man: Ahahaha yes that is indeed true... By the way... would you mind becoming the single lonely mother of my children? Moral: skipped most of school classes... class ... overrated...

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Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

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If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Have you met Ted?

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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M:HEY BABY! Where you from? W: Im a lesbian.. M: COOL! So which part of Lesbia are you from?

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GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

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Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

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Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

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Sorry Nero, this is still Golgo 12, I am trying to reach you here as the other place is down, I can see why some people consider you insane, sorry to admit I left the order by the time you left as well, Eliza was the only one that could keep up with your stuff, the rest well you know... So point zero is some kind of elysum now huh? For real? And you rule there? I mean I never doubted your wisdom, but six million people living some kinda new world order at point zero? Thats hard to believe.

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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HELLO I AM BORAT! MISHIMUSH! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THE MOVIE OF MAKING THE RAPE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN! WILL YOU HELP US? Woman: NO!!!!!! Oh... ok Mishimush! We make the other Movie then, BORAT THE CRUSHINGS OF AMERICA.

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!