Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

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Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

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Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

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You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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Her: Guess what? Him: What? Her Yo Mama! Him: Is she that slut i did last night?

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Do you believe in angels? Cool, what about goblins?

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

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Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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guy: ermm...i like blondes ;) ima blonde too...we r a perfect dumb blonde match!!!! girl: yeah but im the dumb one in this situation. and have u taken a look in the mirror lately?!?! guy: yeah...well...uhh...maybe.........no not really... girl: well first of all you got pimples the size of mars, you have cross-eyes, you nose is bigger than squidwards nose, and let me see ur d!ck...now!!!! guy: oooh getting right to the point!!! i like it *unzips his pants and pulls out his nub* girl: uhh well u aint got no point, it looks like ur point just broke... guy: well midgets cant help it!!!!!!!!! dont judge my falses!!!!!! girl: okayy...besides theres wayyy too much to judge...no point...ur a complete waste of my timee!!!!!!!! now go watch porn and see if it grows a little bigger than his little nub u got.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!