-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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sex me.

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

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Give me some sugar... honey.

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I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

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man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

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-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

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Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!