I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

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HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

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Lesbihonest

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

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If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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How you doin? go away- I have a gun

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

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Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!