He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

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-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

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your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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Male-where have you been all my life ? Female-not in it thats for sure Male-i was singing a song i wouldn't want YOU in my life Female-i was singing a song 2 *lies*

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good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

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Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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Guy: How much does a polar bear way? Girl; About 500 kilograms

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. Female: no, I'm from Idaho. Because I da ho.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

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- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

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I AM LOVE! I AM LOVE! Moral: Seriously, I have never been QUUUUUITE this happy, shouting I am love is probably not the best move, thanks for your thumbs ups, thumbs downs, and while my work is done here, that does not mean Ill leave, I need to keep my reputation as the fourth, smoothest, aka pointless invention in the world, and unless you want to count that girl Justina Bitcherina, that means that I am the smoothest man alive, THANK YOU THANK YOU! And feel free to vote this down if you cant handle being thanked by the smoothest most awesome man alive. Hey, I get it, we cant all be me ;)

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!