Get in the van.

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So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

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Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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Nice hair, can I pull it?

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You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

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*a guy and a girl meet at a bar and has a great conversation* girl - can I borrow your phone? I told my ex I'd call him when I found someone better. boy - sure, here you go *gives phone* girl - *silence* *after awkward phone call* boy - give me my phone back girl - you dont seem to get it do you... boy - give me my phone back girl - *silence* boy - GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK YOU BITCH *boy takes out a shotgun with him and repeatedly shoots girl* *girl dodges and takes a bazooka and aims for boy* *boy manages to get out of the bar* *boy installs bomb in center of bar* *boy leaves bar* *everyone attempts to get out of bar* *boy locks the door* boy - Yippie kai yay, moth- *explosion* *everyone dies* MORAL OF THE STORY - DO NOT GO INTO A BAR

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Man: hey... you seem pretty paralytic and unable to move in that wheelchair ;) Woman: uh oh...well actually I can move a bit... Man: Good because I do not wanna do ALL the thrusting back and forth... Woman: Bu.. but... I... I do not want to... Man: Well if you do not want sex, then just run away... ;) FATALITY... FLAWLESS VICTORY... RAPEALITY!

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You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

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-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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cockface

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

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How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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I think I shit myself

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!