- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

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Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

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-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

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guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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HEY BITCH! GET YOUR ASS HOME AND GIVE ME A THUMBS UPS AT HORSEHEAD NETWORK! Moral: And be rewarded ;) (unless you are fucking ugly, then you still get the gift of voting me whatever way you want)

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

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I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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Hey babe, if you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you. Oh really? Because if you were a pokemon, I'd fight you, win and not even bother to capture you.

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Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

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You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!