-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!