Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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At a bar (for originality`s sake :P) Man: Hello would you want to come home with me and uckucukucekcuah cough... AAAAAARRrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh (dies of heart attack) Woman: Wow that was an original line, ok ill come home with you... err... hello... uh... is everything okay? Moral: Despite this "joke" death is rarely a good pickup line.

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

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Me: Have you ever dreamed, of owning a thousand sparkly gems? Woman: No why? You got some? Me: No, but now but now we can dream together t under the sparkling stars under the sky... Moral: Hey, she said aww... And touched my hand before chatting with her friend... and as I turned my hand... was a piece of paper, with a written number...

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Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

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whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

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Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

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free candy....

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!