He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

I'd hit that.... with a truck.

- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

Male: are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. Female: no, I'm from Idaho. Because I da ho.

- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

"Rate your looks out of 10" "awkward... maybe 8 or 9 i guess?" "I said 10, not 100"

if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!