Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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I love Mark Wahlberg!

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

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Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

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Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

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"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

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"Next!"

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

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Want to go out? No

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Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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"Rate your looks out of 10" "awkward... maybe 8 or 9 i guess?" "I said 10, not 100"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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