You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

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"Hmm...you'll do."

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!