-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

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What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

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Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

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I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

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Man: "Let's play Titanic. You'll be the Titanic, and I'll be the iceberg making you go down." Woman: "That would be a massive disaster."

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- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

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Man: Your red thumbs cannot hurt me! Im the MoralmanBitch! *Throws couch at woman* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH!* Woman: *dead* Man:Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up or ill have my way with you!... Moral got jugs! Moral: Works every time

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M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

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Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

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hey bitch

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Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!