-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

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-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

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How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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Man: Lady... Seriously, I got a PhD! Woman: Seriously, you look more like an athlete, in what? Man: Lady... I got a pretty huge Richard. Moral: RICHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!

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Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

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If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

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Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!