Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

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Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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I've got candy.

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

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Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

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Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

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Man: Hey there cutie... what is your name? Woman: Eve... Man: Wanna hang out or something? Woman: Hell no you ugly bastard! I mean at least put on a leaf or something! God: "Facepalm". Moral: The ultimate pickup failure, in this alternative reality, it was also the last and only one. (plays twilight zone theme in your ears)

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Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

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-I bet you put extra sugar in your cereal every morning. -Aww, because I'm so sweet? -No. Because you're fat as hell.

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Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... *gets up and leaves* Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

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"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

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Your skin would make a nice coat.

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

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Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

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showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!