- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

Male: are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. Female: no, I'm from Idaho. Because I da ho.

He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Hey baby, I hear you are lesbian, that sounds really sexy! ;) Woman: Take the damn hint asshole! I am a lesbian! Man: Hey! Woah! Relax! I already know where you come from, say, are all girls in Lesbia this hostile? Moral: They are friendlier in south Lesbia...

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book