Drink this!

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

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Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

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He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

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I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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you look like my mother

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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Lol, again I am on a adrenaline... well let me be subtle... GANGBANGING WITH ANAL, PUSSY, TWO GIRLS FIGHTING OVER ONE COCK (Ladies there is enough down there to share)... ...Anyway, it reminds me of when I was 21, and I was like "You know what? Threesomes and that kinda stuff is nice and all, but I am a grown up now and... ...TSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSs Today I am 32, Married, (Hey my wife is into stuff, so its not cheating if she is the one enjoying while I videotape sometimes okay? (Never on cam, you crazy? You cant sell that shit! Okay I am kidding, the collection is personal) Ps: Seriously girls, one thing is that you smear yourself with my cumshots okay? But Hugging me afterwards? DATS SICK! (Name is Nero, I am not black, I am Hispanic, Latino Sexy... Well, actually when I take a look in the mirror I go, "meh well some guys got the looks"... ...I wont lie though, either my looks dont matter shite, or girls really like it...

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Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

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Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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Come lay your head upon my chest. (After a moment) Perhaps you'd be more comfortable onmy stomache (pushes head down)

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If your happy and you know it clap your hands!! What if I lost my hands in Nam while I was singing this song and a plane killed my friend causing me to ct off both of my hands?

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!