Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

Give me some sugar... honey.

- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

Still a better love story than Twilight

Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

-Hi miss are you a ketchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hot dog to you

Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

Man: I can control all women in the world! Guys: WOOOOT YEAH! Me: I can control all men! Guys: Huh?? Man: What the fuck is that good for you like guys or something? Wait hey let go of me! Moral: And off the endless cliff you all go MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!... Ladies, it seems it is up to us to repopulate this world, not sure if we can make it, but I shall do my best, but since I am just one, you better do all the moving, so I can conserve my energy.

Male: I'm all you've got good lookin' Female: then I must not have alot

hey Herpes Go Away!

Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

Eat me, I'm organic!

I have no gag reflex.

Put the lotion on the skin!

Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

-Do you like me? -No

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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