Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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Boy: Wanna go see a movie. Girl: Which movie. Boy: Texas Chainsaw Massicure. Girl: What is it about. Boy: Unicorns and Rainbows. Girl: Let's go!

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

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You look exactly like my sister.

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A couple wanted to try something different in the bedroom, The wife suggests they do it in a 69 position so they get into position but the wife lets one off in the husbands face she apologises and they try again when the wife farts again the husband gets up to leave and says no I don't think I can do this another 67 times!

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

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J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

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Hey girl, I May not be Fred Flinstone but I can make your bed rock! ;)

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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Lesbihonest

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!