Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Man:Yeah, hey yo I'm feelin' like Ray Charles I got my shades on, I don't know where they are You couldn't find me even if you had a radar And I spit rapidly AKAR! Woman: OK ok so you claim to be Ray Charles and all, not that you look like him nor have the same voice... but tell me, how the hell did Ray Charles himself manage to get himself stuck in the ladies sauna room eh? Man: To catch the sight of them boobies! I mean... uh... I do not know young lady, I must feel my way out of here, I hmm... no, this is too soft and round to be a doorknob, and this one is too big and round... hmm... maybe if I try lower I will... oh excuse the pole its my walking stick which I keep in my pants...

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I have a gun.

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

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Hey, do you want to dance? No.

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Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

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adam burdass

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Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

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Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

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Real life again. I was about twenty and things where going on really well with a shy Swedish girl... Me: Hey, my name is Axel, you know, like Axel Rose? ;) She: I hate that guy! Me: Me too! She: Are you being fake? I dont want to talk to you anymore. Me: No wait I really hate him! She: So desperate... (pats me on the head and leaves me feeling pretty stupid) Moral: Last time I used that one, I hate Axel Rose and I hate my parents naming me after that bastard

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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You like my boobies ;) Girl: I said no you disgusting fat bastard! Moral: What fucking kind of MOTHERFUCKING MORAL are you expecting to find here?!?

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Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

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Hey girl, I May not be Fred Flinstone but I can make your bed rock! ;)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!