- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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I have no gag reflex.

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-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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"Don't scream"

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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Walking to your car alone later?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!