Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

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Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

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Girl, wanna fuck rite now? Sure! Man! You are such a hoe! *walks away disgusted* Moral: Be careful for what you ask for.

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!