He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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are you on fire?

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I AM LOVE! I AM LOVE! Moral: Seriously, I have never been QUUUUUITE this happy, shouting I am love is probably not the best move, thanks for your thumbs ups, thumbs downs, and while my work is done here, that does not mean Ill leave, I need to keep my reputation as the fourth, smoothest, aka pointless invention in the world, and unless you want to count that girl Justina Bitcherina, that means that I am the smoothest man alive, THANK YOU THANK YOU! And feel free to vote this down if you cant handle being thanked by the smoothest most awesome man alive. Hey, I get it, we cant all be me ;)

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Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

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-I love you.

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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Girl: Do you know any good movies? Boy: Snakes on a plane Girl: Whats it about? Boy: It's about Horses.. on a boat.

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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On line post: Woman: HELLO! I love you, I am from Russia and find you particularly handsome and rich I am certain you could take care of me and I will do anything for you ;) here are some nice pictures I have never met someone as fantastic as you please contact me! (revealing pictures.gif) additional information: This message has been sent to 100.000 other recipients. FAIL! Moral: And I had not even moved out from my parents home yet... rich enough my ass...

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Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!