I take the the out of psychotherapist

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

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Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

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Mario: Ey princess, wanna make the sexy time eh? Princess: With a fat Italian plumber? HELL NO! Bowser: MWAHAHAHA I AM SO GONNA RAPE YOU WITH MY SPINY DICK! Princess: HELP HELP MARIO I WILL DO ANYTHING JUST SAVE ME! NO BOWSER PLEASE DO NOT PUT IT IN THERE! ITS TOO TIGH... Shigeru Miyamoto: So this is how I wanted to make the Super Mario series... sexy eh? Girl: DISGUSTING! Shigeru Miyamoto: Well what do you think about the idea with Monkey Dong and the other girl tha...HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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Hi I am THE MORAL MAN! Moral: I am not famous enough yet it seems... except around my block where woman screams have been so loud people have called the cops... RAWRS... yeah I am bragging, but at least its the truth... (I cant wait for the day I am so famous that I walk into a bar and tell women that I am Moral man and run before they beat me to death)

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Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

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Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

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You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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Girl: Hey classy older man, wanna get to know me better? Man: Sigh... sorry lady I am the man that played Gandalf in that... shitty lords of something movie... Girl: so what? Man: Sigh... you know.. Gandalf the white and Gandalf the gay...? Girl: Huh? Man: Ever seen the X-men? Girl: Yeah... Man: ONE WORD: FAGNETO! Girl: uh.. okay.. "leaves". Ian McKellen: Sigh... should have come out of the closet sooner...

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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Your the penisbutter to my vagmite;)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!