At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

I have no gag reflex.

-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

On line post: Woman: HELLO! I love you, I am from Russia and find you particularly handsome and rich I am certain you could take care of me and I will do anything for you ;) here are some nice pictures I have never met someone as fantastic as you please contact me! (revealing pictures.gif) additional information: This message has been sent to 100.000 other recipients. FAIL! Moral: And I had not even moved out from my parents home yet... rich enough my ass...

Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

Women love it when you kiss their neck. Just not while they are driving and while you're in the back seat and when they don't know you...

*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!