Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

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"Don't scream"

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Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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4 out of 5 people enjoy being gangraped

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Man: Hey sweetie, can I take you home tonight? Girl: No thanks, my dad's gonna be here any minute.

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Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

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Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

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Man: Hey there cutie... what is your name? Woman: Eve... Man: Wanna hang out or something? Woman: Hell no you ugly bastard! I mean at least put on a leaf or something! God: "Facepalm". Moral: The ultimate pickup failure, in this alternative reality, it was also the last and only one. (plays twilight zone theme in your ears)

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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Man: Hey baby, I hear you are lesbian, that sounds really sexy! ;) Woman: Take the damn hint asshole! I am a lesbian! Man: Hey! Woah! Relax! I already know where you come from, say, are all girls in Lesbia this hostile? Moral: They are friendlier in south Lesbia...

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

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Man: Hey... wanna join me at my big mansion and have a friendly discussion? Girl: A mansion eh? Well.. sure! At the mansion: Man: MUAHAHAHAHA! I am gonna r@pe you! Girl: NO PLEASE! I am not drun.. uh not ready yet! 5 minutes later: Woman: OUCH! ouchie! That hurts! Stop it! ITS TOO HARD! Man: HAHA AND TAKE THIS GRAPE! AND THIS GRAPE! Oh... never mind this is one has turned a raisin... AND THIS GRAPE!... so uh... anyway wanna move on to the "lovers room" later? Want some more Champagne by the way? AND THIS GRAPE, AND THIS ONE IS REALLY BIG AND HARD! GET READY! Woman: Yeah sure... sigh... just get done with this weirdness already... damn these eccentric millionaires... OUCH! OOF!

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-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!