so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Business Y U No Advertise?

thumb_up thumb_down +67

Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

thumb_up thumb_down -140

Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

thumb_up thumb_down -128

i am with stupid l l l \/

thumb_up thumb_down +210

Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

thumb_up thumb_down +153

Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

thumb_up thumb_down +224

In a classy bar: KEEP IT CLASSY! Man: Hello there dear... your eyes sparkle like the sun itself... Woman: Oh... thank you random stranger, that is the most beautiful thing someone have ever said to me :D Man: Really? But you are gorgeous (the two proceed to have a long CLASSY conversation and laughing in a classy reserved matter and drinking classy champagne and whatever... and then: Man: Ahahaha yes that is indeed true... By the way... would you mind becoming the single lonely mother of my children? Moral: skipped most of school classes... class ... overrated...

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Man: Hey lady, wanna come home with me? Woman: A man like you :D would ask a woman like me? I... I cannot believe it... sniff... excuse me this is so beautiful... ;D I want to of course of course I want to... Man: Want to? Woman: Tell you to go screw yourself moron! Man: But you said beautiful as you looked into my eyes and seemed so happy... Woman: Yes I was looking at my reflection in your eyes to avoid having to look at your disgustingly ugly face! REJECTED like a SONIC BOOM! (now that one was for the non lesb... I mean non drunk women, see? I am quite equal, even to the weaker, yet hot gender)

thumb_up thumb_down -175

You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

thumb_up thumb_down +99

-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

thumb_up thumb_down +113

I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

thumb_up thumb_down +31

If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

thumb_up thumb_down +146

Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

thumb_up thumb_down +225

Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Okay, now one where I actually succeeded okay? I know this is not like "goodpickuplines.com nor anything but hey... She: I used to have the nicest goldfish. Me: I got one myself. She: Really? Is it at your place? Me: Duh! She: Lol can we go see it? Me: Sure!... Oh wait... Oh, it died last week :( She: Can we like you know... still go see it? ;) *That sound you get when you score a billion billions on an arcade machine*

thumb_up thumb_down +85

- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!