-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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-wow I could just drown in the ocean of your eyes -well why don't you -well I'll steal your sisters number, get lost at sea, and shipreck in her bed Then you can come and save us when she is shouting S.O.S out of the other room

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Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

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Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

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"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

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I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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Hitler: Hey Mädchen, du bist Jude? Girl: What? Hitler: Ärmel hochkrempeln, ich brauche deine Nummer.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

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Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

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Five dollar women... WOO!

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

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Man: Your red thumbs cannot hurt me! Im the MoralmanBitch! *Throws couch at woman* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH!* Woman: *dead* Man:Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up or ill have my way with you!... Moral got jugs! Moral: Works every time

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!