- Anti-Pickup Line

wanna go halves on a b*stard?

- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

HE ; " MY NAME'S BOND, JAMES BOND" SHE;" MY NAME'S , OFF!"

Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

A man comes home from his doctor and tells his wife that he only has 12 hours to live so he asks his wife later that night if they can do it one last time she agrees but after an hour the man wakes his wife and says honey in a few hours I will be dead can we do it again please. So they do it again a few hours later the man wakes his wife again and says dearest since I'm going to die soon can we please? to this the wife says look honey tomorrow I have to get up you don't!

Man: Hey there cutie... what is your name? Woman: Eve... Man: Wanna hang out or something? Woman: Hell no you ugly bastard! I mean at least put on a leaf or something! God: "Facepalm". Moral: The ultimate pickup failure, in this alternative reality, it was also the last and only one. (plays twilight zone theme in your ears)

I take the the out of psychotherapist

Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

hey, your cute. hey, your not.

Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people cape flowing in the air moon in background Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

- Did it hurt? - Yes.

Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

sex me.

Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!