I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

thumb_up thumb_down -246

Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

thumb_up thumb_down -27

I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

thumb_up thumb_down +113

No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

He: did it hurt? She: when i fell from heaven? He: no. when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. go put some clothes on.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down +116

Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +61

My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Jdkfk

thumb_up thumb_down +153

Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

thumb_up thumb_down +156

- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

thumb_up thumb_down -500

Eyh! its me Black Metal, I seriously cant pay you right now son! Sorry if this comes late this page do not work for shit, (I bet thats why you pick this page you egomaniac son, If you was not full of em charisma id never do this alright?) Okay Overlord, I got your message, hell you know my sister loves you crazy crazy man, why the hell would I try to "hold her away" I mean fuck its banging, so yeah thumbs ups man High five for my sister, its you know, she was super shy before you showed up, now she cant do gym anymore (haha man you so hardcore) but she has lots of friends and you know... So am I absolved now Overlord Black Metal? Moral: Because this guy made me put this, man, you making me feel like a total bitch, good play son!

thumb_up thumb_down -78

Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +21

If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

I have a gun.

thumb_up thumb_down +246

Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

thumb_up thumb_down +99

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

thumb_up thumb_down +117

If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

thumb_up thumb_down -144

Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!