B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

thumb_up thumb_down -54

"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

thumb_up thumb_down +105

Woman: Hey is it true you black men have big penises? Black Man: Hell yeah woman! Mine is so big, its at least three times longer than my fist and at least 4 times as wide! Lets go get some hoe! Woman: Uh... well uh... its just that... uh... Moral: Be careful for what you wish for, when fantasy becomes reality... it may hurt....

thumb_up thumb_down -18

guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

thumb_up thumb_down +77

Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

thumb_up thumb_down +13

*a guy and a girl meet at a bar and has a great conversation* girl - can I borrow your phone? I told my ex I'd call him when I found someone better. boy - sure, here you go *gives phone* girl - *silence* *after awkward phone call* boy - give me my phone back girl - you dont seem to get it do you... boy - give me my phone back girl - *silence* boy - GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK YOU BITCH *boy takes out a shotgun with him and repeatedly shoots girl* *girl dodges and takes a bazooka and aims for boy* *boy manages to get out of the bar* *boy installs bomb in center of bar* *boy leaves bar* *everyone attempts to get out of bar* *boy locks the door* boy - Yippie kai yay, moth- *explosion* *everyone dies* MORAL OF THE STORY - DO NOT GO INTO A BAR

thumb_up thumb_down -60

-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

thumb_up thumb_down -56

- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Man: Hey you look good enough to do Woman: Oh really because so does my 8 foot boyfriend. Man: ... Woman: Do you want me to pick him up from the gym?

thumb_up thumb_down -71

The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

thumb_up thumb_down -16

-Hi Honey I'm home! -I'm not talking to you! -Oh, Okay. -Don't you want to know why? -No, I trust and respect your decision dear

thumb_up thumb_down +77

-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

thumb_up thumb_down +929

GET IN THE VAN!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -15

-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

thumb_up thumb_down +384

- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

thumb_up thumb_down +366

Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

thumb_up thumb_down -130

This doesn't have to be a rape.

thumb_up thumb_down +148

Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +137

hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

thumb_up thumb_down +39

- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Sung to the melody of Ozzy`s: "Moral Man" HEES THE MORAL MAN, IIIS HEE MORAL OR IS HE DEAD? HEES THE MORAL MAN AAARE THERE MORALS INSIDE HIS HEEAD. Moral: NOOO THERE ISNT! ONLY IMMORAL INSIDE! AND ILL KEEP POSTING, ONLY TO CRUSH YOUR INSIDES! *guitar solo begins*

thumb_up thumb_down -125

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!