-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

thumb_up thumb_down +129

Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

thumb_up thumb_down -168

I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

thumb_up thumb_down -27

-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

thumb_up thumb_down +20

-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

thumb_up thumb_down +77

The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

thumb_up thumb_down -42

H3LL0 Girls, You need some THERAPEY? Call Nero The Moralman For A qualified TheRapist. The number? You wont get it, so then you will go mad with lust and need therapey Moral: Ooooh... I says ANTI Pickup line... Whats that? More Moral: Nothing is immoral! Everything is Moral MORAL MAN!

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Guy:I invented troll face oh yea! Girl:you gave my daughter nightmares for weeks you b****!(throws drink in face)

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

thumb_up thumb_down +23

At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Guy: Do you like me? Girl: No Guy: ..... Girl: You didn't ask me if I loved you! Guy: Do you love me? :D Girl: No

thumb_up thumb_down -126

Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

thumb_up thumb_down +176

- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

thumb_up thumb_down -29

I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

thumb_up thumb_down +8

rohypnol. rape drug

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!