Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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I think I shit myself

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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Man: Wow you are my cousin? Damn girl you are hot! I mean nothing wrong you know, I was just wondering if you wanna get a innocent cup of coffee Woman: Uh, thanks, but I have never met you... Man: Not my cousin? Bah, what a turnoff im outta here... Moral: Yeah moral... Pffft! You will have an easier time finding Waldo here.

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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How you doin? go away- I have a gun

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Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

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Me: Have you ever dreamed, of owning a thousand sparkly gems? Woman: No why? You got some? Me: No, but now but now we can dream together t under the sparkling stars under the sky... Moral: Hey, she said aww... And touched my hand before chatting with her friend... and as I turned my hand... was a piece of paper, with a written number...

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wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

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You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

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Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

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Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

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Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

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why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!