-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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It's not Rape* If you yell surprise.

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I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

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Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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Lesbihonest

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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What happens when you run over a mexican? The country gets one less illegal immigrant.

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B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

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Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

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4 out of 5 people enjoy being gangraped

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!