Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

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Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

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At a Bar for blacks... and whites... and everybody else... Man: I can last for hours in bed! Woman: *gets closer and whispers in his ear: Really? Man: OH YeeeeeaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Woman: Lets go to your place... Man: Meh, I am done. Moral: Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Excuse me I need to go change clothes...

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- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

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hey bitch

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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girl:go away! boy:okay girl:i need space boy:okay just one meter girl: no i"m not kidding boy:i know girl:my mother hate's you boy:i hate her too.! girl:we are now break boy:okay i"m hungry lets eat! girl:you don't understand me boy:no i"m understand you girl:you are philosopher i hate you boy:what? girl:nothing at the end of the story they loved each other

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Guy: Hey baby, did you come by car? Girl: No I walked. Guy: Well I can make you come in mine.

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Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

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I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

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Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!