Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

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-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together -The order of the alphabet is arbitrary. It's not my fault that you kept U and I apart.

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Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

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What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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A man comes home from his doctor and tells his wife that he only has 12 hours to live so he asks his wife later that night if they can do it one last time she agrees but after an hour the man wakes his wife and says honey in a few hours I will be dead can we do it again please. So they do it again a few hours later the man wakes his wife again and says dearest since I'm going to die soon can we please? to this the wife says look honey tomorrow I have to get up you don't!

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

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Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!