Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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Sex?

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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Is it true you black men are as hung as a horse? Uh lady, no idea I like ignore their stuff. Yeah but you know, I seen a lot of them and they are huge and look salty an... Woman! Im so outta here! Moral: Now the man is goin! C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

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Young man: Hey I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so I wondered if you wanna come home and have hardcore sex and... Mature woman: HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING! IM YOUR MOTHER! Young man: As I said mom... I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so... Moral: Hentai keeping families together since forever...

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

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Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

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WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

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Guy: Can I have your number ? Girl: We are six.

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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- What's a shabby girl like you doing in a lovely place like this?

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!