Me during the noob days at a bar: Me: So this is fun, want to go to my place and watch The Matrix trilogy all night or something? She: Naaah, I already watched them, but I am sure we can watch something else all night right? Me: Nah, you see I just moved in, and I don't have any other movies, so yeah nice meeting you though! *facepalm*

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Is it true you black men are as hung as a horse? Uh lady, no idea I like ignore their stuff. Yeah but you know, I seen a lot of them and they are huge and look salty an... Woman! Im so outta here! Moral: Now the man is goin! C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

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You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

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hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

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Man at bar: Hey girls... want my banana in your pajamas? ;) ;) ;) Girls: YEAH! Man: "thinks for himself..."... man I never get this reaction from girls.. you are a bunch of skanks and sluts... (leaves the bar) In the end, we are never happy with what we get are we? yeah... this is kinda the moral of this story... (Ps: My banana in your pajamas... I got a girlfriend, but someday Im gonna try that pick up line... hahahaha

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!