- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

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Honestly bitch, I hate you, but my balls are bursting so its either you or the next disgusting ugly bitch in line, my mom!

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if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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You smell just like my mom...

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I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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Q: Why are Italian girls so hairy? A: Because it turns out its a genetic predisposition in which almost all males and females have when of the Italian ethnicity, these genetics are also parts of other race types.

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Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

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so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

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(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

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I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!