"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

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Have you met Ted?

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- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

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can i take a dump in your mouth?

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What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

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Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

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Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

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Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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At a drinking place :P: Man: You dare mock the great Sh... Woman: I am sorry I did not mean to humiliate that much... ehehehehe you are just a stupid jlttle nerd and all... :) Man: You will die moral... Woman: What?! Uh... did I mention how awesome you are? What was your name again? Man: You weak pathetic fool! 8 hours later: Woman: Please! Let me stay! Just for a little longer! Barman: Sigh... fine have a drink on the house. Woman: *sips drink and dies* Barman: Mission complete sir, she died instantly! Man: Instantly without pain? THAT WAS PATHETIC! Now... SUICIDE! Barman: No I refuse! Man: Drink it... or face the true WRATH OF SHAO KAHN! Barman: The true wrath? ANYTHING BUT THAT!*Punches himself in the balls hoping he dies from the pain, passes out and tries again* Man Is That your best? That was pathetic! Its official, you suck! Bhahahahahahaha! Moral: Fear the Wrath of Shao Kahn!

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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

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Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!