"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

Guy: Hey baby, did you come by car? Girl: No I walked. Guy: Well I can make you come in mine.

Hey girl, I May not be Fred Flinstone but I can make your bed rock! ;)

Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

You look like a dog... Wana bone?

You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

-Do you like me? -No

B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

Were your parents chemists? cuz you look like TEST TUBE BABY :D

- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!