You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

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-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

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If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

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Walking to your car alone later?

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You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

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I just told Rebecca that the average man gets laid with about seven women during his life... ...She stares me in the eyes and goes "Noo! Really?" I mean should I feel cool? Is it because she has seen me with more women than... I dunno many, or because... Pssst: Harris... I mean you know I uh... Cherry pie this one right? Does this mean she goes around a lot doing a lot of other guys DAD!? (He calls me SON for like every third word, so yeah DAD... She is giving me a cold st... And she failed to take the laptop away from me, its kinda neat you know, typing while two girls cant share a... Well medium plus size dick... I mean... Wow they are making out... Imma gone forever. My fuckcount: Hell I know, when they say a guy bangs seven chicks during their lifetime, do they mean like a week? At once? Jk, I just pity the guys, for each extra gal for me, means one less for you right? Think positive folks, someone has to please them properly... Rebecca is like all "please sir?" "Thank you kind sir" (I hate being called kind) But in bed, she is all like FUCK ME HARDER YOU FUCKING MORON! Did I mention she has a sweet ass, and that my laptop is burning on her now... Multitasking: The key to threesomes, foursomes, fivesomes... I mean I wont say how many women I have done (rather been done by honestly) at once, why? Because you would never believe me. TWELVE... Eleven one wussed out actually because she just said it so she would look "cool among her friends... Poor little bitch..." Anyway, still twelve.

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the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

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-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

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Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

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-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!