I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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Man... MAN! Sorry if I just skimmed that last message dude, but if you getting me that shit, you are my fucking God, you got a new custom engine or something? Whatever man, im getting over there right now, Son, I might actually try the towing trick, because that might make me arrive at your place (no worries wont tell anyone where your playboy mansion is at) but you still got it there right? MORAL MORAL MORAL MORAL... Oh and no, id never ever use that piece of shit I used to call a car in the forest, if you are serious man, ill take the damn cab! I mean man, I just cant wait to tell the beardy little faggot at the carshop to stick that yeah "car" up his gay ass! Seriously dude, my phone aint working but that can wait, you really mean I can have the car? Seriously, how much? I got some money.

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Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

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Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

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-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back becausemfalling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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hey you look like a good practice girl.

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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Guy: want to hear a joke about my penis. don't worry, it's too long Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina. don't worry, you won't get it

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

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damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

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whats up ho

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!