Stable relationships are for horses.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +102

Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

thumb_up thumb_down +159

Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

thumb_up thumb_down +1

wanna go halves on a b*stard?

thumb_up thumb_down +29

-I bet you put extra sugar in your cereal every morning. -Aww, because I'm so sweet? -No. Because you're fat as hell.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

thumb_up thumb_down -6

guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Dont let this rape turn into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

thumb_up thumb_down -184

He: I know all 21 letters of the Alphabet She: Isn't there 26?? He: Oh yeah...i keep forgetting URAQT

thumb_up thumb_down -68

You like peanuts? Cause I like penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -131

Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

thumb_up thumb_down +123

Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

thumb_up thumb_down -178

Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!