Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

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Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

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Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

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I'm a black belt at pretty much everything, Karate, Larate, Jiu-Jitsu, Kickpunching, Beltmaking, Taekwondo.........bedroom...|:D ~Rick, the Adventure Sphere

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: USA discovers they do not have nuclear weapons and then gives them nuclear reactors?

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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Man: So you will come home with me later? Girl: Sure! Man: Great then ill just go find more women I can bang later in the meantime... Moral: Depending of the kind of woman, this is of no consequence...

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Lesbihonest

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There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!