Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

I have a gun.

Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

For you thinking what is that shit below this comment? Go fuck yourself, for those that wonder why I typed that excellence, well read whatever... So why am I here once a year and type a lot of insanity here? Because I am quitting smoking... AGAIN. So after banging two chicks (one my wife STEAKSAUCE!) I just want a smoke right? RIGHT? To chill the adrenaline... My wife does not smoke (well if you can smoke cock then she is still the best smoker in town) Seriously, Tina has Prince... That explains her breath ugh... I am gonna get one anyways for great justice.

Hey ladies ;) I like to post lots of anti-pickuplines! ;) Girls: WOW! I WANNA JOIN YOU HOME! ME TOO ME TOO! The anti-part: This will never happen in real life.

-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: Seriously just give up, this must be the worst "pickupline" ever

- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

Super man and Lois lane doing it... Supes: WOMAN I AM SO uh.. tHORNY that I want to thrust as hard as I can and... Lois: YAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Supes: Oh noes! R.I.P Lois Lane... Ripped In Pieces Indeed... Moral: Hey at least moral man can get laid... (a moral man fake... well actually original)

Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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