-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

thumb_up thumb_down +99

Man: Oh.. girl you smell so nice... Girl: TRY ANOTHER LINE AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TlTS LOSER! Man: Uh... I am blind... Girl: Um...

thumb_up thumb_down +39

-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

thumb_up thumb_down +163

Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

thumb_up thumb_down +272

This is what Nero calls for his "destroyer" not sure if I should consider that flattering, he thinks so anyways, he just wants to say, that why the fuck are people suddenly scared of looooooooooooooooooooooong messages on the interbewbs. "No leave it be, interbewsbs sounds prefect" Nero The Hero "FINAL FRESH" What Nero And Vagina shouts? :)) Something is off here but he has passed out again :)) "God woman, you suck at pop cultural quotes" Nero, the fucklord (omg, he is crazy, gotta love this guy) "thanks" Nero the grateful. "I Ask you if you know who I am by saying "ITS ME MARIO and you still do not know what name is? THe red plumber Nintendo HIS NAME IS MARIO!?" Nero The (fucking annoyed at me) :)) Sorry guys just having fun. "THOU SHALL NEVER APOLOGIzE FOR THE WORD OF NERO" -Nero insists, I mean the LORD OF DARKNESS INSISTS "Can we fucking stop making quotes of me now? All the girls are laughing at me, WHY AM I SO DEFEATED!" Last quote added without his consent

thumb_up thumb_down -14

- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

thumb_up thumb_down -153

i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

thumb_up thumb_down -42

He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

thumb_up thumb_down -229

"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

thumb_up thumb_down +5

- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

thumb_up thumb_down +385

-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

thumb_up thumb_down -257

- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

thumb_up thumb_down +334

-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

thumb_up thumb_down +147

-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Man: Wow girl, you are so hot you remind me of my wife when she was young.. wanna come to my place for a quick one before she comes back? Girl: Sigh... this AGAIN? I told you! If you are gonna get that drunk, get out of our home and go to a bar daddy!

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

thumb_up thumb_down -142

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!