Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

I'm desperate, you'll do.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

thumb_up thumb_down +1

"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

thumb_up thumb_down -102

GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Male: are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. Female: no, I'm from Idaho. Because I da ho.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

thumb_up thumb_down -40

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

thumb_up thumb_down +103

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

thumb_up thumb_down -45

man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

thumb_up thumb_down -28

So I caught my sister masturbating the other day, it was like lol hahaha you filthy bitch! Then she was like DONT TELL ANYBODY PLEASE I WILL BUY YOU THOSE BOXING GLOVES YOU WANTED SO MUCH! PLEASE! And I was like, NUHUUUH! The bed is full of piss and I totally got this on my cellphone, so you gonna pull up your panti... Oh you still looking for them LOL! Yeah, that was the subject I brought up at a bar... Sober, unless Redbull counts as drunk... Anti Pickupline as FUCK! Players Dont Use RedBull -Richard Nixon or whatever.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

i am with stupid l l l \/

thumb_up thumb_down +208

(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -49

- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

thumb_up thumb_down -94

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!