My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

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Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

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-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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I am terribly sorry for talking to you, but I was wondering if...

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Give me some sugar... honey.

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

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-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

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Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

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Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

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Man: *Pokes Woman* Ouch! You burned me! Woman: How did I burn you? Man: Because you're just THAT hot. ;) Woman: *Pokes Man* Well it's too bad you're not.

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Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

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Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!