Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

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Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

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Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

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If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

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Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

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Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!