Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

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You're so hot I'd do you sober.

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!