- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

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Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

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Girl: I AM SICK of being with you! All you do is invite me to watch sports, and all you have ever treated me to is a six pack of beer and snacks! YOU NEVER TAKE ME SOMEWHERE NICE! Man: Hey hold one man! Get a grip! What do you mean? Girl: We have been dating for over 3 weeks and you have not made a single move on me! Man: Uh... this is awkward buddy, you see I am straight and... Girl: I AM A WOMAN! Man: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? Really?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!! I mean you have short hair and the biggest mantits I have seen but... Girl: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Man; But hey, if you have a pussy that is the important par... Hey where did he... I mean she or... whatever go?

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At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

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-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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fancy going halves on a bastard?

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!