Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

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Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

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-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back becausemfalling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!