Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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Hey wanna smash pissers?

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Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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Order Online Nightwear and short shop online in India

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- You look really nice - I know

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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"Hey, I have the feeling i've seen you before somewhere..." "Well, could be, I used to be a porn actress.

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Moral man enters a bar and spots a sad girl. MMan: Why so sad? Lady: My father died... MMan: And you want him to see you sad, from wherever he may be? Lady: No but how am I supposed to be happy about it? MMan: Remember the happy days you spent, because they are many more than the days you will see his gravestone, and if nothing else, we can always keep those alive within our heart happily, as long as we are happy in OUR heart... Moral: I would have called this meaningless bull before, but this is a true story, and those words are the reason I just celebrated my two year anniversary with my girlfriend, the most amazing girl ever... which just sang out of joy btw... I may be different... but if a man can keep those he loves happy, he is indeed a true man... Ok now she wants to know what I am typing, so I say nothing and put this self brag away, because I share with you, but heck, what am I? Somekind of romantic? Answer: Meh, I am the ever lovable jerk you may not like, but cant stop loving once you know me either... The anti-part? Dunno, dont care :D

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Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

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Want to go out? No

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

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Babe your dad is an terorist because your a real bomb !!!

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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That King that said: Kill all male babies... Lets say he was a teenager? Moral: Excellent job son, but you see, sharing is caring, have a victory drink!... Thing is... I don't care... rest well...For eternity... Hughman Heffer... The seed has been sown... you got nothing on me...

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!