I've got candy.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

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Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

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Man: Lets have some fun ;) Woman: Sure! Man: Starts telling jokes. Woman: Funny but I thought... Man: What? Woman: Well its a bit uh... silly of me but I thought that we where getting at your place, having a drink and... Man: What? I said fun, not date rape! Woman: Wow... this is really getting nowhere is it? Author: Hell no! Moral: This "anti-pickup" was not even finished and you want a moral too? Pssssssssssssssssshhhhh....

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Male: I'm all you've got good lookin' Female: then I must not have alot

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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Nice legs what time do they open

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SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

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Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

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You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

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Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

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Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

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on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

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I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!