Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

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I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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Pick up lines from the stone age: Fail. Man: Hello, you look beautiful, I speak very well, and if you allow me to make love with you, I promise I will protect you and raise the child with you :)! Woman: WHAT? A guy without wild chesthair that speaks instead of grunting and yelling? You to sex me and you do not even got a club? I am SOOO gonna go to Grogg instead! He has like the biggest club and knows how to really HIT a woman! Moral: I would say somethings do change, but Id rather be Grogg than the loser above, of course I prefer hitting ON women first, if that does not work I... Oh right, I am married :P

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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Man: HEY BITCH! LETS HAVE SEX! Damn ugly woman: OKAY! Next day... Man: Damn that was some nice sex, too bad the bitch was damn ugly though, even trough the beer googles... I wonder where she is... "damn ugly woman": woof woof! Bark bark! Moral: Do you see any moral in this immoral piece of shit? (Ps if you are stupid, the bitch was actually a dog... get it?)

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Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

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HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

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If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

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Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

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-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

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He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

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I AM LOVE! I AM LOVE! Moral: Seriously, I have never been QUUUUUITE this happy, shouting I am love is probably not the best move, thanks for your thumbs ups, thumbs downs, and while my work is done here, that does not mean Ill leave, I need to keep my reputation as the fourth, smoothest, aka pointless invention in the world, and unless you want to count that girl Justina Bitcherina, that means that I am the smoothest man alive, THANK YOU THANK YOU! And feel free to vote this down if you cant handle being thanked by the smoothest most awesome man alive. Hey, I get it, we cant all be me ;)

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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HELLO I AM BORAT! MISHIMUSH! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THE MOVIE OF MAKING THE RAPE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN! WILL YOU HELP US? Woman: NO!!!!!! Oh... ok Mishimush! We make the other Movie then, BORAT THE CRUSHINGS OF AMERICA.

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Man: How much does a polar bear weight? Girl: No idea... Man: Me either... By the way! Did you hear of the great blahblahblahblah that did blahalblahblah! Moral: Breaking the ice... easier than it seems...

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!