did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

thumb_up thumb_down +168

Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

thumb_up thumb_down +96

I have a really big..... Bank Account

thumb_up thumb_down +111

Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

thumb_up thumb_down +94

At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Want to go out? No

thumb_up thumb_down +58

sound of zipper

thumb_up thumb_down +26

your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

thumb_up thumb_down +61

Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

thumb_up thumb_down +128

I've got candy.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

thumb_up thumb_down +83

hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

thumb_up thumb_down +114

I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Golf.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!