Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

thumb_up thumb_down +110

Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

thumb_up thumb_down +141

You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

thumb_up thumb_down +134

Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

thumb_up thumb_down +138

At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

thumb_up thumb_down +78

Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

thumb_up thumb_down +220

Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

thumb_up thumb_down -72

did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Want to go out? No

thumb_up thumb_down +69

If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

thumb_up thumb_down +45

sound of zipper

thumb_up thumb_down +36

-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

thumb_up thumb_down +123

Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

thumb_up thumb_down +146

I have a really big..... Bank Account

thumb_up thumb_down +126

good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

thumb_up thumb_down +92

I've got candy.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

thumb_up thumb_down +19

roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Stop Footing Around

thumb_up thumb_down +105

Happy BirthdaySean!

thumb_up thumb_down +203

You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

thumb_up thumb_down +90

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!