guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

thumb_up thumb_down +186

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +90

Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

I have a gun.

thumb_up thumb_down +240

Golf.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

thumb_up thumb_down +105

If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

thumb_up thumb_down +80

Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

thumb_up thumb_down -104

Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

thumb_up thumb_down +179

The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

I'm a black belt at pretty much everything, Karate, Larate, Jiu-Jitsu, Kickpunching, Beltmaking, Taekwondo.........bedroom...|:D ~Rick, the Adventure Sphere

thumb_up thumb_down +88

So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

thumb_up thumb_down +31

- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

thumb_up thumb_down -33

"My mom won't be home for hours..."

thumb_up thumb_down +38

- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

thumb_up thumb_down +28

fancy going halves on a bastard?

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Hey girl! Faggot.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

thumb_up thumb_down +146

Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!