What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

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Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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Pick up lines from the stone age: Fail. Man: Hello, you look beautiful, I speak very well, and if you allow me to make love with you, I promise I will protect you and raise the child with you :)! Woman: WHAT? A guy without wild chesthair that speaks instead of grunting and yelling? You to sex me and you do not even got a club? I am SOOO gonna go to Grogg instead! He has like the biggest club and knows how to really HIT a woman! Moral: I would say somethings do change, but Id rather be Grogg than the loser above, of course I prefer hitting ON women first, if that does not work I... Oh right, I am married :P

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

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Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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Welcome to DIE!

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"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

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Man: I will make the rape on you now woman! Woman: Wow great Borat imitation bravo! Man: Borat who? *draws gun* Moral: Pretty immoral

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!