Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

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-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

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A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

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Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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Sex?

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Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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Want to go out? No

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!