fancy going halves on a bastard?

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wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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Heard at a bra: Hi I am Moral man, the third most infamous guy at a list where Beiber is first. Girl: OMG I MUST HAVE YOU! Moral: ooooh... ANTI Joke duh... I thought this was great pickup lines!

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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Im gonna rape you..

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Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

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my dick is 2 inches

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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sex me.

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-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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Hey, do you want to dance? No.

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Nielsen: Nice beaver! Woman: Thanks! Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice p*ssy Woman: Ah! Thank you! (cat meows) Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice wet vagina. Woman: Is this in the script? Director: CUT! Nielsen: What? Cant a man improvise? I mean OJ does it, and he is quite the nice fella... Moral: "Quite the nice fella" Yeah reminds me of good old dad, nice to everyone, and could take a lot of shit, but as much as I asked him how he was doing, I got an uppercut to the face and a nice trip in a ambulance... Started when I was 4, I crushed his upper Jaw in self defense when I was 16... ah... hmm... Why am I sharing this? Then again why not... When have I not spoken my mind.

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!