fancy going halves on a bastard?

thumb_up thumb_down -10

wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

thumb_up thumb_down +159

Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

thumb_up thumb_down -61

girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Heard at a bra: Hi I am Moral man, the third most infamous guy at a list where Beiber is first. Girl: OMG I MUST HAVE YOU! Moral: ooooh... ANTI Joke duh... I thought this was great pickup lines!

thumb_up thumb_down +187

my dick is 2 inches

thumb_up thumb_down -51

do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

thumb_up thumb_down -79

"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

thumb_up thumb_down +115

Im gonna rape you..

thumb_up thumb_down +7

sex me.

thumb_up thumb_down +112

I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Hey, do you want to dance? No.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

thumb_up thumb_down +218

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down +34

My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

yo im will smith yo, thats my name and I was juzz wonderin if you ever you know like the beach or bbq because stuff happen yanno and while I do some rap id just belieeve that things are a bit crazy these times so I was thinking maybe ill ask you out right? But then I was like WHAAAAAAZAAAAAAAAA and... Hey gurl where you goin im just getting warmed up. Moral: I met the guy, day one I had a great day, day two I didnt get any sleep and now I hate him, the end.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Nielsen: Nice beaver! Woman: Thanks! Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice p*ssy Woman: Ah! Thank you! (cat meows) Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice wet vagina. Woman: Is this in the script? Director: CUT! Nielsen: What? Cant a man improvise? I mean OJ does it, and he is quite the nice fella... Moral: "Quite the nice fella" Yeah reminds me of good old dad, nice to everyone, and could take a lot of shit, but as much as I asked him how he was doing, I got an uppercut to the face and a nice trip in a ambulance... Started when I was 4, I crushed his upper Jaw in self defense when I was 16... ah... hmm... Why am I sharing this? Then again why not... When have I not spoken my mind.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!