HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

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Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

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Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

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I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

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Hey, do you want to dance? No.

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Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

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So when' the baby due?

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

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Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

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EVERYONE ELSE

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Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

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SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

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- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!