- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

thumb_up thumb_down -81

So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

thumb_up thumb_down +28

do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

thumb_up thumb_down -82

- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

thumb_up thumb_down +41

girl:go away! boy:okay girl:i need space boy:okay just one meter girl: no i"m not kidding boy:i know girl:my mother hate's you boy:i hate her too.! girl:we are now break boy:okay i"m hungry lets eat! girl:you don't understand me boy:no i"m understand you girl:you are philosopher i hate you boy:what? girl:nothing at the end of the story they loved each other

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Male: Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

I've got a black belt in lovin'.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +74

Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

thumb_up thumb_down

Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

thumb_up thumb_down -86

So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

thumb_up thumb_down +50

-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

thumb_up thumb_down +69

- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

thumb_up thumb_down -21

My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Hey girl! Faggot.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Man: Your red thumbs cannot hurt me! Im the MoralmanBitch! *Throws couch at woman* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH!* Woman: *dead* Man:Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up or ill have my way with you!... Moral got jugs! Moral: Works every time

thumb_up thumb_down -47

-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

The return of everyone`s pimps pimp! Pimp: Amma so cool I can piss on this electric fence no problemo! Pzzzzzzzzz.. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... Moral: Its better to end a sucky character early, am I right or am I right? Thumb me down if I am right...;) Ps: His name was Tyrese Whiner XD you can read his fantastic anti-joke some pages down or whatever...

thumb_up thumb_down -6

sex me.

thumb_up thumb_down +116

How much does a polar bear weight? Enough to break the ice... and throw you into the freezing water and drown you, because you're really ugly.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

I'm your Edward and your my Bella

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!