You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

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hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

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i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

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Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

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I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!