Give me some sugar... honey.

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I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

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Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

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hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

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Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

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Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

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"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!