Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Are you a unicorn cause u sure look horny girl:are u a turtle cause ur really slow ur the 10th guy to hit on me.....in 5 minutes

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

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Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

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Hello, it's nice to meet you.

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Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

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Man: How much does a polar bear weight? Girl: No idea... Man: Me either... By the way! Did you hear of the great blahblahblahblah that did blahalblahblah! Moral: Breaking the ice... easier than it seems...

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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This doesn't have to be a rape.

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At a Bar for blacks... and whites... and everybody else... Man: I can last for hours in bed! Woman: *gets closer and whispers in his ear: Really? Man: OH YeeeeeaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Woman: Lets go to your place... Man: Meh, I am done. Moral: Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Excuse me I need to go change clothes...

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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Want to go out? No

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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Hey chicks! I am a very experienced suicide bomber, I was even in the plane that blew up the world trade center A ;) ¨ Moral: This must be the worst pickupline ever for oh so many reasons on so many levels...

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M. Do you want to go out with me? F. Okay but first take me to your place where we can be alone to make furious love to one another M. Wow this never happens I must be.. (Wakes up) dreaming

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!