Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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As a man I am afforded greater opportunity then my equally qualified female counterparts. I have made it a life goal use this opportunities for greater good.

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You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

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Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

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Golf.

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roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

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Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

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Hey girl! Faggot.

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'I' and 'U' together. Really? Cos' I like it just the way it is... With 'N' and 'O' together.

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Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

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Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

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You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

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Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

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I have a gun.

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hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!