I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

Drunk guy with high standards part 3: Man: Dunno woman... you are so big and... and... FAT and really huge and stuff but... well... uh.. you are still really damn hot so lets do it! Man: YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Astronauts: Did that guy really eject himself towards the sun? Moral: At least he was right about the really hot part... and that ladies and gentlemen, is the terrible end of the amazing drunk man with high standards, you can read the whole series just by clicking onwards trough my comments and give em a thumbs ups just as you go along.. otherwise they will show up... mean they wo..

I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

Gaywatch starts

Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

why are you you touching me ????

he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

Yeah... you'll have to do.

If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

Okay, now one where I actually succeeded okay? I know this is not like "goodpickuplines.com nor anything but hey... She: I used to have the nicest goldfish. Me: I got one myself. She: Really? Is it at your place? Me: Duh! She: Lol can we go see it? Me: Sure!... Oh wait... Oh, it died last week :( She: Can we like you know... still go see it? ;) *That sound you get when you score a billion billions on an arcade machine*

rohypnol. rape drug

Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

GUY: are you trash? cuz i'd like to take you out friday night GIRL: are you trash? cuz you smell like it

Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!