I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

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Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

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Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

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Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

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the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

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I have a gun.

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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You look exactly like my sister.

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hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

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B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

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You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!