he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

thumb_up thumb_down -4

-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

thumb_up thumb_down +107

If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

thumb_up thumb_down +104

rohypnol. rape drug

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

thumb_up thumb_down -18

nice kid... want another?

thumb_up thumb_down +97

From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

thumb_up thumb_down +17

-Do you like me? -No

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Dont let this rape turn into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down +14

And then one day God invented man, the worlds third most useless invention. Moral: I cant stop laughing, thank you everybody I actually got top grades in sociology studies for this moral man crap XD

thumb_up thumb_down +223

*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Young Man: Mom.. oh mom I want you so bad! Mom: I want you so bad too son! (starts ripping of clothes) Young Man: Uh... I want you to make me a sandwich... what is going on? Mom: Uh... never mind... Next day: Mom: Hey I bought you some cartoons... Young Man: Huh? I am too old for carto... HEY! :D what is this? What is this Hentai stuff? OOH! Moral: Hentai, the reason asians are smart and families stick together in Japan... sometimes they literally stick together...

thumb_up thumb_down -19

I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

thumb_up thumb_down +217

A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

thumb_up thumb_down +122

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!