Hey babe, are your parents arseholes? Because your the shit.

wanna go halves on a b*stard?

- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

your almost as hot as my wife

Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

Gaywatch starts

Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

And then one day God invented man, the worlds third most useless invention. Moral: I cant stop laughing, thank you everybody I actually got top grades in sociology studies for this moral man crap XD

Man: I can control all women in the world! Guys: WOOOOT YEAH! Me: I can control all men! Guys: Huh?? Man: What the fuck is that good for you like guys or something? Wait hey let go of me! Moral: And off the endless cliff you all go MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!... Ladies, it seems it is up to us to repopulate this world, not sure if we can make it, but I shall do my best, but since I am just one, you better do all the moving, so I can conserve my energy.

If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

Are you from Tennessee? Because I have a lot of family that lives there, maybe we're related.

I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

Drunk guy with high standards part 3: Man: Dunno woman... you are so big and... and... FAT and really huge and stuff but... well... uh.. you are still really damn hot so lets do it! Man: YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Astronauts: Did that guy really eject himself towards the sun? Moral: At least he was right about the really hot part... and that ladies and gentlemen, is the terrible end of the amazing drunk man with high standards, you can read the whole series just by clicking onwards trough my comments and give em a thumbs ups just as you go along.. otherwise they will show up... mean they wo..

who wants to play EPAR

The Non Moral method: "Hi I am the jack off all trades and master of none!" Moral: "Yo, I am the jack of no trades, and master of all!" So uh, Anti Pickuplines are pickup lines that do not work... Hmm, I think I get it... Hmm, no I don't...

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!