MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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Guy: want to hear a joke about my penis. don't worry, it's too long Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina. don't worry, you won't get it

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Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

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Soon

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-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

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Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

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Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

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"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

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I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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-I love you.

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Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

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I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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your almost as hot as my wife

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!