M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

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"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

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Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

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my dick is 2 inches

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

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You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

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Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

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My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

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Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

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Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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Heard at a bra: Hi I am Moral man, the third most infamous guy at a list where Beiber is first. Girl: OMG I MUST HAVE YOU! Moral: ooooh... ANTI Joke duh... I thought this was great pickup lines!

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!