He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

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Hey Clarkson, you know about this pointless invention Named Nero The Moral man? Clarkson: No. Nero: No. Is this because horsehead network sucks? Clarkson: Yes. Nero: WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE! Oh yeah I am fucking it away... Fuck me, every girl around me just ends up completely fucked.... ;)

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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Soon

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

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He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

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"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

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boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

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Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

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Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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-I love you.

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

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Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

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Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!