Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

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I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

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boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

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"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

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I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

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Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

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So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

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If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

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Are you from Tennessee? Because I have a lot of family that lives there, maybe we're related.

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Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!