- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

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the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

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Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'I' and 'U' together. Really? Cos' I like it just the way it is... With 'N' and 'O' together.

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I've got a black belt in lovin'.

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Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

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-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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EVERYONE ELSE

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You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

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You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

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Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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girl:go away! boy:okay girl:i need space boy:okay just one meter girl: no i"m not kidding boy:i know girl:my mother hate's you boy:i hate her too.! girl:we are now break boy:okay i"m hungry lets eat! girl:you don't understand me boy:no i"m understand you girl:you are philosopher i hate you boy:what? girl:nothing at the end of the story they loved each other

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

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Get in the van.

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!