Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!