Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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fancy going halves on a bastard?

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Hello children! :D

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Male: Get in the van.

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- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

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J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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sex me.

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!