-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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Welcome to DIE!

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

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Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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greetings clarisse...

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MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!