Hello children! :D

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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Man: Wow you are my cousin? Damn girl you are hot! I mean nothing wrong you know, I was just wondering if you wanna get a innocent cup of coffee Woman: Uh, thanks, but I have never met you... Man: Not my cousin? Bah, what a turnoff im outta here... Moral: Yeah moral... Pffft! You will have an easier time finding Waldo here.

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

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Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

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J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

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-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

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fancy going halves on a bastard?

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Male: Get in the van.

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!