Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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Penis. I got it

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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Lesbihonest

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!