wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

thumb_up thumb_down +141

So when' the baby due?

thumb_up thumb_down -14

fancy going halves on a bastard?

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

thumb_up thumb_down +113

Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

thumb_up thumb_down +25

I've got a black belt in lovin'.

thumb_up thumb_down -79

I'm your Edward and your my Bella

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Man, no im still waiting,need to get my kids, hope its fine son, okay punches, captain falcon, but you break my jaw, I wont even ask for you to pay the bill, ill expect it. Man, good times, honestly, i was not even drunk, I was high as shit, never again tho, they did not tell me it was "magic tobacco" until I started seeing numbers NUMBAS! Hey, mind if I come stay sometime? I mean we really miss you son, you always at the fuckhouse now. Just me and... Well the gang... Just like the twelve of us, tell me who you dont want to invite and ill bounce him out for you. Man dog, that chick I punched down was pretty as fuck, she would have been my wife... Anyway just fucking happy finally a real car dude! If she fucks you to death, you gonna go out young and a Legend among gods, let her keep on sucka! (just don forget bout my sis huh? She asks about you too fucking much already) Man, you got me typing almost as much as you dog, anyway is you know, in four hours allright? If not screw my kid, I need a car ill get him a cab.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down -42

"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

thumb_up thumb_down +45

So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

thumb_up thumb_down +23

"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

why are you you touching me ????

thumb_up thumb_down +7

rohypnol. rape drug

thumb_up thumb_down -93

-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!