If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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Penis. I got it

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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Lesbihonest

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!