—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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Lesbihonest

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!