-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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greetings clarisse...

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!