-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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Welcome to DIE!

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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greetings clarisse...

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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Lesbihonest

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MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

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Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!