Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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Penis. I got it

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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Are your prices by the hour

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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all in all it was a good orgy

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!