If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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Welcome to DIE!

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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Penis. I got it

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Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!