Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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Are your prices by the hour

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!