Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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all in all it was a good orgy

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

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guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!