- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

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Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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Gaywatch starts

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Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

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Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

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who wants to play EPAR

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Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

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nice kid... want another?

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Man: I can control all women in the world! Guys: WOOOOT YEAH! Me: I can control all men! Guys: Huh?? Man: What the fuck is that good for you like guys or something? Wait hey let go of me! Moral: And off the endless cliff you all go MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!... Ladies, it seems it is up to us to repopulate this world, not sure if we can make it, but I shall do my best, but since I am just one, you better do all the moving, so I can conserve my energy.

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Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

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" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

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-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

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I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

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Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

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Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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Hey babe, are your parents arseholes? Because your the shit.

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!