What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

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Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

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Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!