Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!